What are your parenting stress points?

[Whirliwig72]

What do your kids do that gets your blood pressure and stress levels soaring. How do you keep it together? Please share your experiences / advice here....

My stress triggers ( I have two boys, a three year old and a five month-er)

1. baby crying when I'm stuck in traffic and can't park up anywhere. I've been known to cry myself when this happens since I feel so utterly helpless and crap :(

2. screamy diva tantrums from my three year old because his toast, squash'um, pasta shape etc has fallen on the floor or touched another piece of food on his plate.

3. Struggling to get unco-operative toddler to stop dawdling and get dressed to go out while trying not to wake up baby that is strapped to my chest in sling.

4. doing the whole bedtime routine solo every week night -I actually fear it it's so bad. Properly timed it's just about bearable but if i mess up and baby gets hungry or desperately tired half way through it's pure hell :(

Getting out in time for school with 3 DCs 10,7,4 and me to work on time huge stress, have been known to arrive in tears after leaving them at the gates screeching like a banchee, feel so bad that I had to go back to office and stand there booing asking the school receptionist if they are all ok (they are fine of course). Just the guilt of leaving them all day after a bad start...no one tells you about the guilt.

Mealtimes - DD/DS2 and the constant 'can you sit next to me mummy?' No F off the lot of you I have had enough just eat your god damn dinner that I have spent my evening preparing while you all sat around playing and now I want peace and F'ing quiet!!! Of course I don't actually say that, I sigh a lot. Look lovingly back at the baby days now :-)

dd1 17 not much problem except messy
dd2(8) has attitude coming out of her ears and tantrums like diva,throwing stuff
ds(6)winds upin the bedtime hour and wants cuddle wrestle everyone
dd3(4) high pitch scream if isnt getting what she wants in a game
add to that the constant bickering and fighting AND all wanting to hold my hand on the way home from school(I AM NOT AN OCTOPUS!!!!!)

oooh and the running around screaming when theyre meant be asleep and I WANT GO TO SLEEp

and waking me up at silly oclock fighting....

i do like them really but maybe i lack the refereeing skills for the age and stage we are currently at(although comfortingly all the mums i know with similar aged kids are in throws same issues)

forgot to mention how i manage
ignore what i can

turn up the tv if they bickering upstairs for the umpteenth time unless there is blood or major injuries

look at them sleeping(and demanding nothing of me) and remember i love them very much and it will get better

I have two, three on the weekends. Ages 14 months, 3 and almost 4.

1. When they scream/throw a tantrum/scream whinge so you can't understand them. Fuck that.

1. Not sharing which relates to 1.

1. Getting under my feet when I'm trying to make coffee/clean.

Ooo I just thought of a new one that really gets my stress levels going up....

The phone rings, instantly DS2 who is the baby of the family still at 4, wants my attention. Trying to talk on phone with whiney whingey clingy monkey screeching and hanging on my leg. Daily occurance, more sighs.

OOh, lovely, lovely am rubbing my hands in anticipation at anonymously slagging off my kids. OK:

DS2 (3) yelling "Mummmmy!" urgently and repeatedly from the other end of the house. I arrive to find him reclining on the floor, hands behind his head, nonchalantly inspecting one of his slippers. When I get there and ask what he wants, he pauses significantly and then mutters, "me not dunno" and ambles off. This happens about 10 times a day. I know, I know, I need to sort that one.

DS1 (6) doing this weird, tourettes-like cross between a yell/scream suddenly for no apparent reason. Worse when he's with his school friends who all seem to do it too (so hopefully not actually Tourettes, otherwise a strange little enclave of sufferers locally).

Neither of them listening to a single, hot diggetty damn word I say. Having to ask over and over and over again to "get your shoes on", "get your coat on" 'please will you turn the telly down" etc etc. I remember adults saying "Am I invisible or something?" The thing is, I kind of sympathise with them at the same time. I want to not listen to anyone too!

What eeeelse....?

Oh yes, when they ask me to get them something and I'll tell them where it is and they say "You get it." So I say, (calmly and patiently, always) "No, if you want it, then you get it." and they reply "I don't want to."

As for all the early stuff with a baby and toddler, where it's raining and they won't get in the car and your back is breaking trying to strap them in and then the baby does a runny poo all down you and you're sweating profusely and already an hour late to go and meet some new competent NCT mums or something, the technique I developed to was to imagine that I was in a reality TV show or comedy sketch show and thousands, nay, millions of viewers were gasping in sympathetic horror at the just-how-bad-can-it-getness of it all. Made it feel just about bearable, even laughable. Though somehow, it never quite sounds like the funny story it's meant to when relayed through gritted teeth and slightly hysterical cackles to DH that evening. P'raps we both know the subtext is 'and that's why my day's been so much harder than yours."

OK, thanks - off now. Needed that.

Having 3 ds 8,7,3 youngest with no concept of the word no or bedtimes, eldest with attuide to match and beat a teenager and the middle one is an endless battle getting him to do something , hard work being a single parent in between trying to stop world war 3 breaking out

I would like a Mumometer, like a pedometer, counts how many times someone shouts Muuum, mainly from another room. They would be allowed so many Muuums per day and then I would cease to hear or respond.
I would also like a timing device so they know when I say I need five minutes I get 5 minutes of pure uninterrupted silence not a Muuum 30secs after have left room to do something as self indulgent as go for a pee.

You may have heard the shouting from here this morning as neither device exists and I was disturbed 20 times whilst painting a table...best not to ask.

Just homeowrk really.

I have a genius way of avoiding morning stress. Dh deals with the kids while I blow dry my hair, put make up on and make packed lunches.

Wow whirliwig, I have a 3 year old and 6 month old and my stress points are exactly yours: crying baby in car (makes me nearly crash with panic), dawdling boy, bedtime... Especially getting them dressed after the bath - baby cries and boy messes about... Hate it hate it hate it. So sad I can't relax and curl up with my boy and a book any more as am dealing with baby half the time. Feel like I am doing a rubbish job.

Very reassured by your post!

Bedtime.

DD1 faffing. I ask her to get x,y,z items of clothing and she goes back and forth to get one at a time. After ballet class yesterday, I asked where her shoes were. She went back in the class once to get her ballet shoes and had to send her back again to get her proper shoes. Things take 10 time longer with her than they should and it's so frustrating!!!

Ah now bedtime I like. That means home stretch. Final sprint. End in sight.

Anything from 6pm is fine. That's bath most nights, contained splishing while I MN on my phone, both in towels being hairdryed warm in hall. Mad wrestle of 19 month old into layers, 3 year old tries to do it all by herself then wails when she can't. Stairgate 19 month old into his room, read him a book, give him cuddly elephant thing, kiss, put onto bed and leave. Ignore protest whines and wails (usually for 2 minutes before he bores of it and wanders off to lay down).

Read book to 3 year old. Kiss. Tuck. Negotiate 10 mins looking at books time. Leave. Try to remember to go back in 10 minutes to turn light off and tuck. Check 19 month old has fallen asleep on bed. Move 19 month old as required.

FREE TIME FREE TIME FREE TIME .... oh wait, dishwasher, washing on, tidy, prepare for tomorrow, see DH, get early night ...... get caught writing on MN threads and realise it is now nearly 2230 .....

Meant to add....I am just rubbish at having the energy for them from 7am UNTIL 6pm. Once I know my shift is nearly over I get a burst of life that sees me through. I am so rubbish at this SAHM lark. Please can I find a PT job soon!??! (Applying and getting nowhere).

My 2yo's "I do it" phase is pretty god-damn tiresome, especially when I need him to get dressed/get his shoes on in a hurry.

My 5yo incessant noise making, he is constantly fighting some noisy battle, or flying a rocket somewhere.

My 8yo's inability to do anything I say in a reasonable time frame, also her chaos making abilities when forcibly unplugged from the internet.

Individually they are nice children, delightful even, I can have lovely conversations with them, they do what they are told sometimes and all is well with the world.

Put them all together and they are an embarrassing sanity wrecking nightmare, when out, my older two will engage in some imaginary game which means they both totally ignore me, whilst the youngest whines incessantly and wriggles out of his pushchair constantly, God give me strength.

I need help .

DSD: "PJG, I spilled something." (points to it, looks at me)

DSD: "High School Musical."
Me: "Excuse me?"
DSD: "High School Musical."
Me: "... How about, Please may I watch High School Musical?"
DSD: (eyeroll) "Please, may I please watch High School Musical, please."

Me: "DSD, how about you wear this nice sweater dress today?" (the one DH and I got you for Christmas, the one we thought you'd like, the one we hoped would end the battles to wear skimpy little sundresses in the middle of gd winter)
DSD: "Maybe I'll wear that one on a really, really cold day."
Me: "It's the middle of winter! It is a really, really cold day!"
DSD: "I want to wear this one." (skimpy, sundress)

DSD: "I caaaan't do it." (small smile)
Me: "DSD, you can do it, you've done it loads of times."
DSD: "No, I caaaan't."

DSD: "I'm thirsty."
Me: "Nice to meet you, Thirsty."
DSD: "... I have a sore head." (smiling right until we passed Pret a Manger, she does not actually have a sore head)

Dd1's (2.6) clingy phase. I literally cannot get more than two feet away from her without her wailing 'I want you!' over and over. Want me to what??!!

Especially annoying when DH is home and I escape into the kitchen to potter/cook and listen to radio 4. The minute DH starts talking to her she screams like she's been shot and runs in demanding to help. Bang goes my me time.

Wailing at the bottom of the stairs every time I put dd2 (6 months) down for a nap.

Dd2, by comparison, is currently a breeze. The only thing she does is wake to feed 4 times a night :(

Ugh, oldest 2 DSs are sick do I have 2 huge stress points right now:

1. both of them coughing, sneezing and trying to smooch yds (16wks today).

2. ds2 (4 yrs) fighting medicine, like physical battles. Just swallow it ffs! We have to pin him down and force him to take it like a cat, all the while he screams 'help momma!' as if hes being kidnapped or something. Negotiating, scare tactics and bribing stopped working yesterday.

ds (4.9): never wants to go anybloodywhere, especially not kindy. he will scream, yell, kick, fight, bite, refuse to get dressed/sunscreen/teeth/shoes for an hour. Then in afternoons he always reports he's had a marvellous time.

also lately he's taken to starting a fight with me 3/4 through the bedtime routine, usually by asking for some completely unreasonable thing eg, he will only have a song out of a book that he doesn't know. (you may have heard my head explode that night).

last night when we had a lovely hour of together time, then he still went ahead and tried to fight with me for no gd reason at all. He seems to have built "pick a fight with mum" into his routine.

dd's refusal/inability to have her nap without a nipple (mine) in her mouth.
worse than that, when she's had her milk, appeared to become dozy, then suddenly i notice she's playing with her fingers - and she cokes out if I try to get my boob back.

dd's 4am "mummy milk" alarm clock followed by massive tantie when I remind her of "not til dawn" rule.

both of them refusing to allow me to settle the other one first.

both of them, anything to do with bed, basically.

The total conviction of DD (17) that she is always right and that she must have whatever she needs NOW. No, she doesn't get it, she gets it when it is appropriate (medical attention is now, everything else has to wait). This means a row. Every time. X times a day. She will leave home later this year. Expect I will long for her to be at home, arguing with me! Whatever stage your LOs are at, just remember, 'All Things Must Pass' (for the young things amongst you, it's the title track of a George Harrison album from 1970)

The low-level whining over nothing.

Early mornings because 15yo dd is in poor health and has massive panic attacks. When things were at their worst when we still had ambitions to get her into school I woke up every morning at 3 just dreading the hours before me.

Having to ring her driver to tell him she's not coming in. Having to ring the school...

I long for those early bedtimes when my eldest (dd 14) was younger and would go to bed at 6.30!!! Oh the joy of an evening's peace and quiet. Now dd1 goes at 10, dd2 at 8.30 and ds 7.30. The evenings are no longer mine!!! Long-gone are those secret bowls of crisps and a glass of wine!!

my 22 year old daughter!