Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Do you always want another baby or do you know when you're done?

33 replies

timeticking · 24/01/2012 09:02

Hi there,

I am very very lucky - I know that (two boys and two girls). They are all 6 and under. I thought my little one would be my last but now he is 15 months I am starting to think a lot about just one more (need to hurry as just turned 41).

I was just wondering if others knew when it was their last and their broodiness just went away or does this feeling carry on regardless of how many you have.

I am not sure how to decide - I would love another one (dh is happy either way) and siblings are also keen, but I also worry about upsetting the lovely balance we have and am aware of my age/risks etc. So does anyone have any tips on how you make such an important, life-changing decision? How do you decide on something like that? Does anyone have any thoughts they asked themselves which helped them come to a decision.

I know I am very lucky and do count my blessings every day. But I also keep thinking about a fifth child. We are a very happy family and I do make sure I give good quality time to each person in our family. So now to decide whether to go ahead or to walk away from this thought which stays in my mind.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Oggy · 24/01/2012 09:51

Well personally I have always known I was done after 2. Me and my husband always said we would stick with 2 but I strongly suspect he would have agreed to a third if I was very keen.

My youngest is 4 now and I seriously have never had the urge for another (as much as I enjoy other people's babies for a cuddle). My family genuinely feels complete.

We are so sure that my husband had a vasectomy when my youngest was only about 6 months old and never looked back.

I really can't say that we "decided" we were done having babies. It is more a feeling of our family being complete and not being able to imagine another one if that makes sense.

Original poster
timeticking · 24/01/2012 10:25

Thank you so much and yes, it does make sense. Just wish I had that feeling of completeness - I do to a large extent, but not totally. Not enough to make me still wonder about having one last child to join our happy family.

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 24/01/2012 10:41

Something "clicked" in my head after DC4 that really hadn't after DC1,2 or 3. Really knew I was done.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 24/01/2012 10:53

I knew while PG with DD (an only) that it would be my only. That hasn't changed, and I am pretty sure it wont. I simply do not have a 'broodiness' about me anymore.

I did read some advice from someone on here that, if in doubt, you never regret having a child but you may well regret not having one

jennifersofia · 24/01/2012 10:58

Didn't feel done after 2, do feel done after 3 - acquaintance with 8 said she didn't feel done after 8!

Tonksforthememories · 24/01/2012 11:05

I feel done now after 3, DS is 2 now. We have a picture on our wall of Me, DH, and the DDs, with a gap between the two pairs. DS fits in there nicely so as much as DH would like another, barring a lottery win it's not going to happen! :o

I still go all gooey over babies though!

Original poster
timeticking · 24/01/2012 11:23

Thanks for all these thoughts. Tonsforthememories - interesting comment. I do know what you mean about slotting in. We have the four - two pairs - and there is part of me that thinks it would be a shame to upset the balance. And if one mum doesn't feel done after 8! then perhaps some people just need to accept they never will and learn to get over it : )

OP posts:
redridingwolf · 24/01/2012 11:25

Knew I wasn't done after 2. After 3, I still feel 'not quite done' but am able to stop now (DH is most definitely done and putting foot down) in a way I wasn't before...

losttheflickumdickumagain · 24/01/2012 11:31

I have three, and I still feel broody. My dc's are 5,3 and 11 months. I'd love one more (then I do feel I'd be done), but we're not having any more. I'm 38, dh is 47, and we're shattered Grin. If we'd got together earlier, we would definately have tried for one more.

I am a bit sad that we won't have another, but I know how lucky I am to have 3 beautiful dc's. I had to listen to my head, not my heart.

You'll know what's right for you Smile.

hanahsaunt · 24/01/2012 11:41

We have 4 and are done not least because pg4 was really, really tough in a myriad of ways and I just can't do that again - not for me and not for the rest of the family. However ... I do know that I would love to foster once my younger two are a bit older.

Original poster
timeticking · 24/01/2012 11:48

losttheflick - you are at the same place as me....I think : ) thanks for the posts, people. This is really helping me : )

OP posts:
StayForNoone · 24/01/2012 11:59

Good question. I have 4dc all 6 and under, two girls two boys. Doesn't stop me from getting broody as hell over new babies though! I had good pregnancies and labours and good sleepers. probably why I had four of them Grin I think the only reason I won't have any more is due to the fact that four is enough and as a lone parent I can't fully support my kids as it is.

Still love babies though! Grin

choceyes · 24/01/2012 12:03

I have 2 and that's it for us. Me and DH are very sure about that. No broodiness from me at all. I don't really the baby and toddler stage much and now my elsest is 3.2yrs it's much more interesting. I think I prefer preschool and older children. I can't go back to the baby and toddler stage again...no way! DH had vasectomy after DC2 was born 17 months ago.

CamperFan · 24/01/2012 12:08

I really don't know - it seems to happen that way for some people, others are always broody for another. I have 2, always thought I would have 2, and have times when I am 100% sure that I only want 2. Other times... Well, I am not so sure, especially as I have so many friends having 3. My youngest is 15 months and he is just SO cute, sleeping a bit better (big problem for us), and I just find it more fun as they get older. Im not really into the baby phase so much, don't enjoy pregnancy and had a mc between the 2 pregnancies and said "never again" - it hurt more than I thought it ever would (emotionally that is). Also had 2 hideous births and prolapse issues, and the thought of all that fills me with horror.

Nobody can advise you really, but you sound like you have a lovely big family, and I am sure 4 is a good balanced number - anymore could tip you over into utter chaos! Personally I would also worry about having a baby at 41+.

DarcieandSkysmum · 24/01/2012 12:11

I have 2 girls DD1 aged 7 DD2 aged 4weeks and we have already discussed planning No3. I thought I'd only want 2 but DH talked about No3 when I was preggers with No2 and now shes here I'd love another one :) I'll see how I feel then and see if we/I am done then - have a feeling I'd like No4 and that would be me done then.

mamasunshine · 24/01/2012 15:47

After dc1 I knew I wanted more, after dc2 the same, as soon as dc3 was born I just knew that was it I didn't want anymore, thankfully as quite exhausted too!

NoWayNoHow · 24/01/2012 15:55

Reading all the reason for why some people want more, and some people don't, I wonder if it's at all to do with whether you're a "baby" person or not?

I stuck with 1 DS, always thought I would want 2, but when he was born I just new that I never wanted another. Having said that, that feeling has gotten stronger and stronger as he's gotten older and more interesting (he's 4.3 now) and I wonder if it was because pregnancy, birth and babyhood were all pretty miserable for me?

I guess if you love babies you might always want to have a baby in the house and don't want to think about your kids growing up? And if you don't like the baby phase, you get more and more excited as they get older and more independent?

Don't know, just a guess really!

KatieScarlett2833 · 24/01/2012 15:58

Have 2

Knew after no 2 that was it

Never changed my mind, DH has been snipped.

If I were one of the ones that still got PG I would be gutted. My two are nearly cooked, freedom beckons...... Grin

Northernlurker · 24/01/2012 16:17

I thought I would always be a bit broody but about 10 minutes after dd3 arrived that was it - done! She is now nearly 5 and I've never wavered. I would be dismayed to find myself pregnant now. Dh has been brave and stepped up to the mark so it's very, very unlikely.

OP - you don't sound done to me. Why not try but set a time limit on it. If it hasn't happened by the time you're 42 say then that's it. The other thing I would suggest you think about now is antental tests and choices. What would you want to know and what would you do when you knew. Maybe a good idea to think that through now and that might help you decide.

Bramshott · 24/01/2012 16:17

I am definitely done, but that doesnt' stop me feeling sad that my 'baby' days are over, in the same way I am sad and nostalgic for my student days.

FiveHoursSleep · 24/01/2012 16:22

I have 4 too and I knew I'd be done after 4. My youngest is now 4, my oldest is now 10. I also knew my DH would want another, he loves the baby stage, so I sent him off for a vasectomy Grin
I have had moments of 'wouldn't it be nice' but I've never been hugely broody and am pleased about it as I'm a bit taken aback at how much work they are now they are older. I thought it would get easier but it's really not!

Northernlurker · 24/01/2012 16:29

See Bramshott I just look at people with babies and think 'oh the work, oh the sore bits, oh the leaking and the bodily fluids......' Grin Things is I really enjoyed all that stage with mine - especially dd3. Just now I'm passed it I have no inclination at all to go back. Good thing too as all our friends and siblings (just about) are up the duff or planning or recovering from up duffedness so if I wanted to be broody I'd have plenty of inspiration Grin

Original poster
timeticking · 24/01/2012 16:36

NoWayNoHow - I think you have TOTALLY hit the nail on the head. How right I think you are!! I just love this stage (ds now 15 months) and I don't think I would be so sad if I knew this wasn't all the final baby stage.

I think I do have a cut off point if we decided to see what happens - that would be by my mid-year at 41. After that, I think I will be too old and too scared to try anymore. So that gives me about five more months to decide. Glad about that as then I can move on from this indecision one way or another.

And FiveHoursSleep (still!!!) interesting what you say about it not getting easier. It sounds as though there are quite a few people with children out there who are a little broody but happy to live with that. I suspect that will be me : )

Dh would never 'step up to the mark' - loving that phrase : ) so that is going to be another problem!!

OP posts:
JennyfromtheBlock · 24/01/2012 16:44

I was adamant after no 4 that was it. Or so I thought the bloodiness came back with a vengeance last summer, now no 5 is on the way! Dh will be going for he snip as I think I will be eternally broody but hopefully with the option gone I'll be fine Hmm I have 4 boys(9,7,5 and 3) who are over the moon at having another sibling Smile

JennyfromtheBlock · 24/01/2012 16:45

Bloodiness obviously meant broodiness damn autocorrect Blush