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Original poster

4 years old and still has a dummy!

32 replies

sazzler197 · 17/01/2012 10:12

Hi everyone just after a bit advice really, my little girl still has a dummy she has just turned 4!! She absolutely loves it and is so attached to it! She sometimes has it in the day which i am going to stop doing this and give her it at bedtimes only, she only has it if we are in the house, so it is just basically a habit for her now! I have spoken about dummy fairy and things but she get so upset when we discuss it! Anyone had similar experience? I know i should have taken it away from her ages ago but i didn't!! They only problem i have if i do take it away from her her little brother still has one so she is still going to be around them and he is only 15 months so cannt take his away too! I think i am going to start as from tomorrow taking it away in the morning anf giving her it at bedtime and then eventually weaning it off her alltogther! Any advice would be really greatfull!

Thanks

OP posts:

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ChaosTrulyReigns · 17/01/2012 10:14

Would it be possible to do both of them at the same time? Save the double bother iyswim?

OlympicEater · 17/01/2012 10:15

I feel your pain, DD loved hers. If I had my time again I would have got rid of them when she was much younger.

We had a visit from the dummy fairy who brought her a much sought after gift, but not sure how that would work with your DS having them, unless the dummy fairy does a double hit

NickNacks · 17/01/2012 10:16

Go cold turkey with both of them. It's not as bad as you think ime and actually throw them out so you're not tempted to give in as it will only make it harder the next time.

Good luck!

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BreeVanDerTramp · 17/01/2012 10:20

My DS has just turned 4 and still has a dummy only at night he hasn't had it in the day since he was 2, he has spent quite a bit of time in hospital and it seemed to be his form of comfort, I have stopped worrying about it, it's not like he will be taking it to school in his pocket I also have a 16 month and have considered taking both at once but DH working away for 4 months and I am pregnant so bedtime difficult enough at the moment. Sorry no advice but it's not just your DD.

Seeline · 17/01/2012 10:26

I'd work on the basis that her BABY brother has one because he is a BABY not a big grown up girl like her. It will be hard for a couple of days but they soon get over it!!

W0rmy · 17/01/2012 10:26

I agree with the double whammy idea.

Perhaps you could persuade her that she would be really helping you and her little brother to show him that she doesn't need it anymore and neither does he. Have an incentive in mind for both of them, so she knows she will be getting and reward and if she can help her brother he will get a reward too.

crapistan · 17/01/2012 10:43

You just have to do it. She's old enough to understand. DD only had hers for sleeping from age 1 or so (whenever their sleeping becomes predictable) and from then on the dummy stayed in the cot. I lifted her out only once she had taken it out of her mouth. She had it until she was about 2.5, then we put her in a bed and told her dummies are only for cots, and she accepted that and didn't cry at all.

Could you start off by insisting it stays in the bed? You will have to be really firm about daytime, then once she's used to that tell her she's done so well without it, then tell her she doesn't need it at night anymore. You can tell her you are so proud and when she has gone a week without it let her choose a treat.

Throw all of her dummies in the bin so you are not tempted to give one back to her if she cries!

CamperFan · 17/01/2012 11:16

DS1 had one at night until he was 4.3 - a holiday was the catalyst for us. I didn't mention the dummy and was actually going to say I'd left it at home (I did have one just in case). He didn't mention his dummy once. The night we got home he said straight away "where's my dummy?), I explained that he hadn't had one for 2 weeks and he accepted that (along with a gift from the dummy fairy). A holiday worked well for us transitioning from potty to toilet too. Any short breaks, etc coming up?

yashie · 17/01/2012 11:21

I would say the baby doesn't need his any more and so Is giving into the dummy fairy, and doesn't she want to be a big girl and give hers away too. You say ds is only 15 months so you can't take it away... What age do you plan on taking it off him? I would go with both at once, a dummy once a baby has teeth worries me horribly. My big sis fell with a dummy in when she was about 3 and broke her front teeth!

happyhorse · 17/01/2012 11:43

Just so you don't feel alone - my DS is 4 and loves his bloody dummies. Only in the house and I try to limit it to bedtime as much as I can. Tbh I'm fairly laid back about it - he's not going to want them forever.

pregnantpause · 17/01/2012 11:52

I'm with happy horse. My dd is nearly 4 and doesn't have it in nursery or outside, but she gets comfort from it. She gets nightmares and without her dummy would be inconsolable. Everyone gives it up in the end! My dd will when she's ready

notcitrus · 17/01/2012 12:03

Watching to see how it goes - ds is 3.4 and getting ever more attached to dummies since he was 2.6 and managed to climb up and find some hidden ones! He never had one at all until 10mo and then rarely apart from bedtime even by 2...

I try to take them and 'keep them safe' as much as I can, and he knows that 4yos don't have dummies (backed up by 4yo cousin over christmas) and the dummy fairy can come in the summer, but he's going through a clingy phase atm and new sibling arrives next month, so I think it's not the right time to push it apart from speculating on what toy the dummy fairy might bring.

Original poster

sazzler197 · 17/01/2012 13:39

Thanks so much for your replies, and everyone is so different too! i was the same with my little girl, when i should have got rid of the dummy i had another baby and did not want to upset her in any way/big change when baby was here! Definately going to do for bedtime only as from tomorrow and see how it goes from there, i don't want to get rid of my 15 month old boys dummy yet as i feel he still needs it and is teething etc and is also getting comfort from it! I will defo not be letting my boy have it for as long i have learnt my lesson on that one!! Think i just need to toughen up and see how she copes without it!! A couple of weeks with just bedtime and then try and get rid of it all together and leave a present from the dummy faory! allthough i can imagine catching her with her brother's dummy in her mouth Lol!

OP posts:

Musso · 17/01/2012 14:02

My parents never took my dummy of me and I gave it up on my own I remember ppl trying to say I was a big girl and babies have them then they'd try to take it away I resented them I actually remember feeling the hate. My boy is 3 he has his dummy and ted he himself has decided to just go for them at bed times I don't c anything wrong with that they will give it up eventually

NoWayNoHow · 17/01/2012 14:06

sazzler there's no reason why your DS still needs his dummy. No child NEEDS a dummy. Yes, he may get comfort from it, but so does your DD - that doesn't mean they should both have one indefinitely.

Sorry to sound harsh, but I agree with everyone else who said cold turkey double whammy. Your DD is old enough to understand the logic behind it and your DS is young enough to get over it very quickly.

Don't procrastinate, it won't help.

JosieRosie · 17/01/2012 14:12

Agree with cold turkey double whammy. Dummies are fine up until age 1 year (only for sleep/settling) but can cause problems with teeth, hearing and speech sound development after that. Just do it OP - most parents say that the upset only lasts for a couple of nights, if that. Good luck

naturalbaby · 17/01/2012 14:13

my boy was the same and he had 2 younger brothers with dummys! i did a lot of talking about it, told him every time i gave it to him it was nearly time to get rid of it. he also bit a hole in it so i told him it was the last one and if i bit it that meant it was broken so had to go in the bin. in the end, when i thought he was ready i took him to a toy shop to buy something as a reward. at first he got upset when i talked about it but when he stopped getting upset at the idea then i took it away. he was fine at first but woke up crying for it a couple of time. he's also fine with his baby brother having one because i'd spent so long talking about how dummys are for little boys, not big boys.

crapistan · 18/01/2012 10:02

I've heard of people snipping the end off the teat so the child can't get any good suction, then "oh it's broken, let's throw it away."

CogitoErgoSometimes · 18/01/2012 10:18

We limited it to bedtime only from about that age. And the final death-knell came when we (genuinely) forgot to take it on holiday. I was going to spin him some elaborate yarn about hotels not allowing dummies but ended up saying something like 'will you be OK?', DS said 'I think I'll manage', and that was it really.

spenditwisely · 18/01/2012 10:29

I have several problems with dummies (extended use) - one is that they cause speech problems and the second is that they make children feel full so that they become less hungry. It's a bit like chewing gum. In addition to that they will frequently pick up germs.

But if dcs have excellent speech and excellent appetite, no germ induced problems the only potential issue is comfort.

Your dd gets upset even talking about removing it you should really talk about it. Just explain what's going to happen and do it. If you deal with this well, it will set up a pattern for healthy conflict resolution in the future.

I would be firm and fair, show her who's in charge by reassuring her that when Mummy says no, she means it but also when Mummy says no it is for her benefit and there's nothing to be afraid of.

princessj29 · 19/01/2012 11:52

I think they both need to go. Not all children have dummies and not all children are 'inconsolable' should they have a nightmare for example, as you state.

PippiLongBottom · 19/01/2012 11:53

Mine is 5 . I can't deal with the repercussions of removing it.

hardboiledpossum · 19/01/2012 13:04

I would take her dummy away (and have the dummy fairy bring her a present) and keep your sons dummy for bedtime use only and never take it out of the cot. That way she never has the chance to take his. I think past a year dummies are best kept for bedtime use only anyway as otherwise they can interfere with speech.

pictish · 19/01/2012 13:08

Another cold turkey double whammy here!

They are both old enough to go without.

When my ds2 was 2 and a half, he was still fixated on his - dd was about 14 months and used one too.

I ditched all of them in a oner. The first night ds2 cried for about half an hours for his. Dd didn't care. The second night he cried for 10 minutes or so, dd still didn't care.
The third night. Nothing.

And that was that.

Get rid of them.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 19/01/2012 13:15

Let her have it. She'll give it up of her own free will when she wants to. You wouldn't take a bear from her, would you? I have no time for people who seem to delight in inflicting upset on small children because they want to tick some imaginary good mummy box.

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