Did anyone fall accidentally PG with third, feel there life was over and have a happy ending!

[quickchat]

As the title already mentions, it's been an accident.

I have a 4 yr old DS and a just turned 2 yr old DD. Had the most stressful 2 years with various things and was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel - now this.

Honestly, I am GUTTED. I wake up everyday, remember then just sob. I can't do this again.

Had 2 high risk PG, 2 babies with severe reflux so I struggled with the first year of both then ended up with an under active thyriod which causes an exhaustion I can't describe even to woman who have had newborns with reflux, it's a whole new ball game!

I can't see how, with 3, you would ever get out the bit. How would there ever be time in the day they just played and it was quiet. Id imagine with 3 they wouldn't play well together and there would always be someone fighting, moaning or demanding something. I feel like I will never be able to enjoy them.

As for babysitters, ha. My mum is so much less willing since I had two. She keeps telling me two is hard and she prefers when she only has one of them . Don't we all!

Is my life going to be spent chasing them to get shoes on, shouting, never getting peae ever again? I just think It will be too much chaos forever more.

My DH feels exactly the same, gutted.

Will we ever love this baby, or just resent it?

peace

I haven't personally experienced this but my manager at work did. She had a 2 DC similar age to yours (although the youngest was actually only about 15 months when she got pg) and had decided that was it and then found herself pregnant again. She admitted that she seriously considered an abortion and actually went to see her doctor about it but then changed her mind.

Her Ds2 is now about 15 months old and it is fine - I think once she got over the shock, she accepted the situation and just went with. Not saying it is easy as she works 4 days a week in a very high-powered job and doesn't have that much support but am sure she does not resent her DS2 in any way whatsoever

You poor thing, why not post this again in Chat? More traffic there, I'm sure lots have been in your situation and will have uplifting stories to share

I did the same, although my elder dc's were 9 and 12
DC3 was a total accident, not really a shock as I was off contraception but still an accident. Me and DP argued about her for ages but I was adamant I wanted to continue the pregnancy so did. I knew as soon as DP saw her he would fall in love and he did and things have been great. She is his little 'mini me' and they are best friends.
When 15m later I accidentally fell pregnant with dc4, was on the pill this time, we were both a little unsure about how it would impact on the family but again things have turned out fine and she has fitted in great.

The shock of falling pregnant when you feel your fanily is complete is scary but if you feel you can cope with another baby then give it a go. For me I knew that an abortion would affect us far more then another baby would.
Things do generally work out and even though your other 2 had reflux doesn't mean this one would

I know three women for whom this happened -- the accidental child was the third one in all these cases. All of the women made a transition from shock, panic, and dread to a happy experience of parenting a third child. In the end they all commented that they couldn't believe that they might never have had this extra child and couldn't imagine life without them.

(I'm not being prescriptive at all: whatever you do and however you feel will be right for you. But I do want to reassure you that there are happy endings out there.)

yup!

i was only ever going to have one! dd was born when ds1 was 3 and ds2 when she was 2

dearie me! and the feckered thyroid too....they backtracked that to me being pg with dd, only got officially diagnosed when ds2 was six months, I honestly do not remember much of that couple of years.

You cope, you really do. As debs said i new i had to go on with the pregnancy, could not have entertained a termination.

remember the biggest one will be off to school and the middle on to nursery so your total dealing with three under five time is a little reduced.

Good luck my friend!

I KNEW, not new.... eeek!!

I sat with a good friend who sobbed through eight months of her third, accidental pregnancy. Once the little one arrived, they found that adapting was much easier than they expected - especially since she and her dh are fab at working together and really good at sorting out who does what. It's not been easy, but far from the nightmare she imagined.

My dh was an unexpected third - his mum sent him a card recently "to the best mistake I ever made"

Best of luck

Oh dear OP. Chin up! You'll manage . I'm not going to sugar coat...Three 5 and under is really tough for the first couple of years. It's something you'll just have to soldier through...you have to think of it as being in survival-mode, I think, and lower your expectations for everything else. BUT it does get much easier when the older two start to go to nursery, school etc. Take any and all available help...even if your Mum can take the older one once a week? Can you do online shopping? I don't know if you're planning to breastfeed or not but I think it's really important with your third to make sure they can take a bottle from your partner quite early on so that you can get some uninterrupted sleep sometimes (obviously, once bf is established). It's the sleep that's the real challenge.
X Good Luck!

I really didn't want anymore children was absolutley adament, then I found out I was pregnant. I was really upset, nothing anyone said or did made any difference, my husband even said I could have a termination but I couldn't do that as DS2 had died from cot death and I just couldn't do that. Anyway had a scan and there THEY were, our twins ! Baby no 5 was very much unplanned but very welcome....... definately no more !!

The people I nannied for had this happen to them. They had a DS and had tried for years to have another, and finally had DS2 when DS1 was five. And they were great and thought that everything was complete...and then she fell preg when DS2 was six months old.

She was SO upset...she cried and cried but eventually was like, well, it is what it is. :) And their DS3 is lovely. He has always been the sweetest boy and so well loved by everyone.

You can do it!

This was me, DS1 3, DS2 1.5 and became pregnant.

DH suggested we terminate, I was shocked but wouldn't consider this and I have to say ds3 is the most laid back, patient, funny child who DH dotes upon.

Just prepare to never sleep again.

To be fair, number 2 wasn't planned either

I am similar to you - have a DS (4) and DD (almost 2) and would love a third!! Presumably DS will be at school by the time No3 arrives - that should make a big difference to the pressure on you of having 3 at home and DD will be getting on for 3 and presumably you could put her into preschool or nursery with the funded sessions to give you some time with the baby?

With the reflux - this baby might not have it and if it does you could look at cranial osteopathy to see if that helps - my DS was a very unsettled baby and it made a huge difference to him and to other friends babies who have had it.

With the previous high risk pregnancies they will presumably keep a close eye on you (I had very high risk with DD).

It must be very overwhelming at the moment but I would say the key is getting systems in place to help you cope and get as much help as possible. Most people I know with 3 say that the step from 1 to 2 was much worse than that from 2 to 3.

Rach x

Thanks everyone. Im so glad I didn't get an ear bashing too as expect some people TTC will be annoyed to read this.

DH has mentioned a termination more than once and when Im feeling my worst I actually consider it .

I just don't think I could go through with the whole process. He was practically begging me to at least make the docs appointment but I couldn't. Just fear more than anything which shocks me. I thought I was almost anti abortion within reason but here I am letting this thought go through my head.

My DH is just so worried about me. I was pretty fragile after DD (major anxiety) and without saying it I think he thinks I won't cope either.

It helps hearing that people have came round to their third. just find it hard to imagine right now. x

Best of luck with whatever you decide, OP. Take care X

my 2nd baby was a nightmare, terrible reflux. You are going through reflux so i wont go on about how bloody shit it was. You will know. My son also is autistic and the first 7 years were really hard, he was a nightmare toddler. Ds3 came along when ds2 was 4 and ds1 was 10. Not planned. He was a perfect baby, he slotted in cause he had no choice but to, hes very relaxed. Everyone adores him as the baby of the family. Although now hes 4 we are starting to know it arsey little thing he can be :) the last 4 years have gone by so quickly. He was one of the best mistakes ive made.

Having said that, dont beat yourself up over thinking about abortion. You do what is right for you now.

i sobbed for practically weeks when i found out i was pregnant with dc3.

he is honestly the most special child. he really is. my best friend kept telling me when i was pregnant that he was for me. i didn't believe her. he is the most like me out of the three.

i understand your fears.

Me. I was ready to terminate, dh said we can cope.....I took the whole pregnancy and about 6 months afterwards to bond, but he's the light in my life now :) he's a little ray of sunshine, so sweet and loving and funny, even at 7!!

Just wanted to give you a positive outcome.

Poor you. It's tough. I had 3yr just started prep school 1/2hr drive away and 6mth old who had reflux and just managed to settle into full time day care - I had just got back into the swing of things at work and discovered (or rather DH figured it out) that was PG again. I was up for termination 1. Couldn't cope (I thought), 2. Couldn't afford it. DH wouldn't have it - said we would have to cope, he couldn't go through with it. So we had accident third, who is now 4 and absolutely GORGEOUS. He was the easiest baby ever. Just ate and slept the whole time (nothing like the other two). We muddled through somehow - my Mum also won't do more than 1 at a time, so I'd get her to take middle one out for a couple of hours occasionally. I have to say - I don't think we went out on our own for about 2 years, but that passes and you get over it! Our are now 9,6 and 4 and are brilliant fun. They all play together beautifully and absolutely adore each other. There is light at the end of the tunnel and having them so close in age is hard - but worth it!!

yes absolutely - had regular breakdowns through pregnancy, resented DH massively (he wanted a third) and felt really quite depressed. I won't lie, it was hard when DS2 was little but what you aren't factoring in now (as I wasn't) is how you'll fall in love with him/her just like you did with your first two. DC3 is now nearly 2 and life is great - no worse/harder than with 2DC and in fact has probably improved family dynamics as DC1 was always very jealous of DC2 but absolutely adores her baby brother.

My advice would be to accept you are worried/anxious, talk about it, don;t deny it but also know that you will feel so differently when your tiny baby emerges and looks up at you in that way that only a newborn can. You will be OK

I had just started a new job...and found I was pregnant with my 3rd. I still have no idea how it happened!!!!

11 and a half years on...He is still my 'baby', and I wouldn't be without him. But, Oh my God, I cried when I knew I was expecting, I definitely didn't want another Baby.

However, somehow we coped and I wouldn't change a thing.

I knew it would be ok, when the hospital midwife at booking-in insisted I should have a Downs test (I was about 36) , and I refused, much to her disgust. It was at that point I realised it didn't matter.

My 3rd was planned but just wanted to say I kind of agree with the laid-back theories regarding no.3's

All 3rd babies I know are mega-chilled and slot right into family life (mainly because you are too knackered busy to notice them, really

Good luck however it works out for you all