Anyone doing a PhD?

[Klio]

I'm six months pregnant with first baby, work part time and trying to do a PhD (early church theology) part time (no funding as arts based grrr) as well so all feels a bit of an uphill struggle at moment!! Have major guilt feelings all the time as not done any research for ages now as always too exhausted to even contemplate opening my books. Just wondering if anyone has any good tips, especially for once baby arrives on scene, or just fancies a general rant about the whole thing!!

Hi Mathslover,

If you normally have wine with supper, don't (save it for later)!

What i do is:

• once kids are in bed i make a virgin cocktail of some sort (e.g. cranberry with ginger ale or virgin mary made with horseradish), so i feel like i've had a grown-up drink.
• I tidy where ever i'm going to work; so i can't do it later, as a displacement activity.
• I eat my supper in my work space, thinking about whatever i'm about to undertake (rather than in front of telly, or at table reading newspaper).
• I let ansaphone pick up messages.
• By the time i actually start work-proper I'm mentally set up for a long one.
• By then it'll be 9.30/10pm. from there on i work in 1.5hr chunks, punctuated by drink breaks.
• Each break lasts 15mins and is used to prepare a drink and walk around a bit to get the blood pumping, bones rattled etc.

The drinks go like this (say you start at 10pm):
11.30pm espresso + lots of sugar;
1.15am earl grey tea with a gingernut biscuit;
3am large white wine;
4.45am another large white wine;
6.30am cappuchino made with double espresso.

At this point i start listening out for waking children (normally all up by 7.30, five of them age 5-13) and i know my working night is nearly over. I don't feel like shit tho' 'cause I've achieved so much (7 1/2 hrs work, only interupted by me!) .

If i manage to grab post-kids-tea/pre-kids-bed nap, say infront of the simpsons at 6pm the next day, I can do this two days on the trot. Can't manage more tho'. And do feel stoned when bed time comes around finally.

Well you did ask!

Thanks Rosemadder! That is good advice... I think I will be doing that tonight! I have tha tkind of sick terror in the pit of my stomach every time I think about tomorrow!!

Thanks again!

Hi Mathslover!

How did the progress review go? Was your supervisor anymore understanding of your situation?

Hope you're a little less overwhelmed now that the dks are back at school and you've had your review.

Hi

It was the worst meeting EVER. My supervisor was totally not understanding of my situation. She doesn't have children and said things like "The maths has to come first if you want to be successful". I am fighting a custody battle against the father of my baby boy. The father is a convicted child abductor of his other son and yet I have to battle it out with him and I said " the court case is nearly over and that will free up a lot of time". She said " And then you get the appeals and he abducts him anyway. I can see it all happening". As if it would be my fault if it did happen. I t was awful. Then they say they want me to intermit, but that means no funding and so I could lose my house. It was awful. Some time soon I may even stop crying!!

thanks for your advice though, it helped working all night, but feels as though I may as well have just slept now!!

Thanks... off to cry some more!

Blooming heck mathslover, I supervise PhD students of my own and am the PG convenor for our department and that sounds to me like it verges on abuse You really, really shouldn't have to put up with that. Do you have a thesis committee, or a second supervisor you could go to?

Thanks tamum for responding

My second supervisor was in the room. The head of graduate studies was a little more understanding and tried to get them to think of other options, but it was just awful. It is a really small department and full of rampaging sexism. To be honest, I'm not really thinking straight at the moment.

I said to my friend afterwards, that I could have understood if they had just said "I'm sorry, but your progress isn't good enough, you will need to think about intermitting" and left it at that, it was all the comments about my life that really got to me. Ah well.... I wil lthink on and see if I can regain some fighting spirit over night!

Thanks again

God, I can't believe that people sat there and let that go on. I'm so sorry. Feel free to CAT me if I can help with moral support at all (will be away from email for a couple of days).
Chin up

I am horrified to hear about you supervisor . Shit behaviour, from a so called professional. Can't offer much advice, other than what Tamum has said, and she sounds well able to help. Good job she read your post.

And, much sympathy on the custody/ex horridness. You poor thing. I feel for you hugely.

Thanks tamum and rosemadder. I have written a letter to the head of graduate studies saying I wasn't happy with the way the interview had gone, but no response yet. I have had to start looking in to selling the house and things now, just so I am prepared for it all. I have just been lost the last couple of days, so it took a while to get back to you. I have a new boyfriend and we've been seeing each other for a while. We live 200 miles apart and work has been the only thing keeping me here, now that's gone, maybe it's a good thing.... That's what I try to keep telling myself anyway!

I just feel so let down by my supervisor. I can't believe she was so overly personal about it all

Thanks again!

Is there any possible way you can transfer somewhere else, or would that mean starting from scratch? I don't know enough about how non-lab-based PhDs work I'm afraid. Well done on writing the letter, anyway.

Hello everybody,

I can't believe how many mums/PhD students there are - I thought I was the only one!! I'm halfway through my PhD in psychology with a 10month old baby girl and I have to say I'm absolutely loving it at the moment. When it all gets a bit much, I can go home an roll around on the carpet and make silly noises (and then I play with my baby lol).
It's great to see there are so many of us.. look forward to hearing more from you all (and sorry to hear about your awful supervisor, mathslover)

I'm an MA with a 2 year old at the moment and hoping to start Phd in postcolonial literature plus have another baby next year, so glad to hear it can be done.
I find it hard to switch off from home jobs to study unless under pressure. might be better when we move house as hope to have separate study area. What I do love is the independence and flexibility to fit round dd. reckon nappy brain is rubbish, apparently mother's minds are actually better than before kids, its just they have so much more to cram in. my first essay when dd was 6 months won a faculty competition so that gave me the confidence to believe i can do it if i can get into the deskzone.

rosemadder you make staying up all night sound like fun, might try it but reckon i'd overload by 2am.
keep the advice coming - how many hours do you work? i'll have 3 childfree days for fulltime PhD plus evenings and counting on it taking more than 3 years.

mathslover - good luck with what you decide.

Hi Ronniec! The course I'm doing is a 2.5 yr f/t taught MA, plus diploma for professional practice. I have to be in the department 9-5 each day, bar Wed when we finish at 1pm. Working late evenings is essential for me because of children.. supper, bedtime etc. So, i guess i devote 60 hrs most weeks to the course. Towards the end of modules it can probably get upto 80 hrs?

I have a separate room to study in. It's fantastic - no evidence of kids, just work. I reckon that really helps/makes it possible.

No, I can't flick my 2 brains over easily either. I work best (and feel least stressed) if i separate mummy from student, and get the kids, happy and relaxed, to bed before getting on with work.

We moved house since i started the course too. Fab to get more space, but a nightmare as far as unpacking boxes, matching socks, lost books & PE kits etc went! Good luck with yours !!!

that's an incredible amount, do you manage to have any social life? what is your course? thanks for the inspiration.

I have a sort-of social life - pub or cinema with dh every other weekend when the kids are all with their other parents. I do wish i saw more of my pre-uni friends. Moving house to the other side of the city hasn't exactly helped. It just takes so much organizing to pinpoint an evening when we're all free. I occasionally manage to grab the odd very naughty, impromptu Student's Union pint at the end of a uni' day, if dh is able to collect the kids. I am on the odd committee too though. Which is a social life of another sort i suppose.

Landscape Architecture is what i am studying. I love it. Not the same as garden design, if that's your impression - many do think that! I started of with a degree in architecture then mainly earned money thro' making and teaching art; but got to the point where i need a "proper" job.

Do you ever get to go out?

Your course sounds interesting. I do go out once or twice a week at the moment and to yoga classes. So I do better than a lot of friends with kids. Most of my pre-baby friends live in london (i'm in manchester) so travel to see them too. much easier now dd is older and she stays overnight with grandparents. just got back from weekend in brighton and thinking that if/when i get pregnant again will have to slow down as we hardly seem to have a weekend at home and have mountain of books to contend with.

hi all, I've just finished my writing MA and expecting 3rd baby in january. I was hoping to apply for the PhD in feb for next september, but is it true you can't get AHRC funding for part time research? I got it for MA and that was full time, a friend was part time and got fees only, I was hoping this was the case for PhD. Definitely won't be able to do it if I can't get at least get the fees paid. Sigh. Also, someone asked earlier if working affected the award and I remember the rules were only to work at the university for 6 hours with a full award, not sure how they'd know though?

hi carrotcake, I think it's true you can't get full funding for part-time PhDs but not certain - worth checking on AHRC's website. Have you enjoyed your MA? well done for finishing, I still have my dissertation to do.

Have just come across this thread and am so encouraged!

I'm in 4th yr of PhD, 2 years p/t and then f/t, but have had so many probs I still feel like i'm at the start. Firstly had awful employment situation and had to leave work and move house in the same summer. Then found out mum had cancer and had to take big chunk of time off to care for her until she died. Then had a few months of thinking life was on the up and got REALLY bad morning sickness and haven't worked for 3 1/2 months.

Am 19+5wks now and panicing about ever getting on top of it again and coping with a new baby etc etc. Not to mention being self funded and having to cope with all the costs baby brings.

Was wondering how people were getting on and if you're still around on MN?

I am glad to see that there are so many PhD mums around :-) I am in my third year and writing up the thesis. The baby is 6 months old and I mostly work during the night when he's asleep. And in between I sometimes find time to post something on my blog about parenting and other baby topics... skinship.typepad.com/skinship/

Hi everyone! I am so glad to have found you, feel quite alone at the mo! I am just starting my PhD write-up...I have been working for a uni as a research associate for 5 years and doing a part-time PhD. I have a son (Sam) who's 20 months old- I was working full-time from when he was 6 months until last Nov but have now reduced my hours to try to get some time to work on my phD (my paid work doesn't allow this). I am also expecting baby no. 2 in July! So kinda have some time pressure to try to finish my thesis (in marine biology) but finding it so hard to concentrate.... Any tips on knuckling down to the writing/data analysis? It seems like such a huge task right now! (Not helped by xmas, and moving house to a house which needs lots of work which we're trying to do ourselves- so many distractions let alone a toddler!!).

Any advice much appreciated- and good luck to you all! :-) Thanks for reading.

Hi

6 months pregnant and doing a phd in media and communications.

I was ill for the first 4 months of pregnancy, after a busy year part time teaching etc. i'm currently located with partner at the other end of the country to my college in london and am feeling the strain...can't get anything done and really feel like quitting. have been asked to write a chapter for publication in academic book, a great honour but my mind has turned to cheese.

any advice - anyone still out there? thanks

I had my DS when entering my final year of my full time PhD. Plan was to finish collecting data before he arrived. Then had 4mths paid maternity and then write up when he was small. Ha Ha Ha! Cloud cuckoo land or what. Baby arrived 5 weeks early before I'd even started analysis. Managed to get quite a bit done in first few months but then he woke up! Ended up writing total B***ks. Was getting very depressed with it all. Then when he was 10mths old I got pg again. Aghhhhhhh! Serious motivation time. I knew I would never ever finish with 2 so had to submit before 2nd babe arrived. Ran up a lot of debt paying nursery fees 3 days a week but managed to submit 2 weeks before birth of DD1.

Had my viva when she was 3mths old. She was feeding every 2 hours and the uni was 1.5hrs away. DH took day off work. I fed her then went in. Viva lasted 2hrs. Could hear a baby crying all the way through. Couldn't answer half the questions. Came out and burst into tears. Had to feed baby. Head of Dept came round to see me and there I am sobbing my heart out, half naked with baby stuck to me. He didn't stop long. But they were very sympathetic. Wanted me to make big changes but understood I would find it hard. Gave me a choice of a year with major changes or 12weeks and they would fib about how much there was to do. I took the 12weeks and somehow did it in 8.

Would never have done it without all those nursery bills though. You need someone to take the baby while you focus. On my "work" days I always went into the uni as well as I found it easier to focus there. Still don't regret my choices though. If I'd worked before having the kids I don't think I would have been able to be with them so long. Getting my title helped me remember I had a brain over subsequent "mum years" am now about to go back to full time ed to train as midwife now all 3 of my kids are at school. Must be balmy!

Allmytime - what a story! Seems it has all worked out well in the end though.

Ruth - I was asked to write a book chapter when I dd was about 3 mo. I was advised to find a co-author - which I did. Even so, it was hard going and I turned over first authorship as I couldn't face reading the blasted thing again at the end. It took about 6 months - so you need a generous deadline. Academic books usually are not too demanding on deadlines.

Does the commissioning editor know your situation? In my case, it was the book aditor (who had a young son) who suggested I get a co-author pdq. In the end, we wrote enough for 2 chapters but having ny co-author made me keep on track which I don't think I would have done otherwise. It really is hard with a young baby (it was hard pg too - I pretty much downed tools at 8 mo).

Apart from the book chapter, I took 2 years out for maternity. Great if your partner can support you. It was financially tough - but the best option. I used my 2nd year of leave to catch up to where I should have been at the end of my 2nd year so now I'm in my final, official third year (but actually 5 years on).

Good luck!

hi allmytimeonmumsnet & Acinonyx
thanks very much for your inspiring stories. I am moving forward with it a step at a time (and then shuffling back a bit) - a bit like treacle. but i have made the decision to take some time properly off while the baby arrives (might be useful eh) after making a plan, then getting back to it after 3 months or so...

we will see. but i think determination and trying to remember what it took to get here will help.

equaly i'm going to do a year (or maybe a little longer) nearly full time after maternity leave to get the thing done.

the chapter is a re-write of my ma - so i already loathe looking at it! i will speak to them now and stop hiding...

thanks again both

and good luck with the final sprint Acinonyx