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Parenting

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Original poster

AIBU If I am absolutely fed up with DH returning home at 715AM after a night out with no call/text?

41 replies

emeraldex · 18/12/2011 08:31

I am usually a chilled out kind of person but my husband's behaviour is turning me into a ball of stress/wreck.
I am really p*ssed off, My husband returned home from a night out with work colleagues/friends at 7am this morning with no call or text all night to let me know he was OK. We have a 4 year old and 9 month old and my son was naturally asking where his daddy was when he woke up. He has done this on a number of occasions - the last time being about 5 weeks ago. I was so cross last time that I was sure he would never do something like this again. I trust him (well I think I do?!) but I just feel so disrespected and forgotten about. He works very long hours and has finished for the holidays - so of course he is 'entitled' to some time to 'let his hair down' (he doesn't have long hair but u know what I mean!) but 7AM??? - We also have his Dad and brothers coming for early Christmas Lunch today and house is mess and it looks like I am going to be doing it on my own. He's now in bed.
I am so angry with him, but don't want to argue in front of the kids.
How would you feel and AIBU?

OP posts:

LoveInAColdClimate · 18/12/2011 08:37

YANBU. He is acting like a single bloke, not a husband and father. It's especially unfair when you will now be tidying and cooking for his family alone while he sleeps it off. He sounds very selfish.

Jacksterbear · 18/12/2011 08:41

Yanbu that is not on, what selfish behaviour.

TheSecondComing · 18/12/2011 08:41

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Sirzy · 18/12/2011 08:43

Go and drag him out of bed. Him going out is fine unless it stops him doing things during the day especially when you have plans in place!

BlingLoving · 18/12/2011 08:44

YANBU. Get him out of bed, hand him a large coffee and tell him to either look after dc or get house sorted. Then make it clear this can't happen again. I would be very concerned this is happening regularly. It's not normal or healthy.

Original poster

emeraldex · 18/12/2011 08:46

The second coming - I don't know where he was - I ignored him when he came in. He was muttering about walking the streets of London- there are things called night buses?! Thank you for your support - it's difficult to see whether IABU sometimes, your right though- he has responsibilities and is acting like a fooking kid. Argh. How do I make him see this is unacceptable behaviour?! If I went out that long he would be LIVID!

OP posts:

ruddynorah · 18/12/2011 08:48

If he's clubbing then 7am is fairly standard, once a month i'd be fine with. If he isn't then he's shagging someone else.

itsstartingtofeelalotlikexmas · 18/12/2011 08:50

I'd ring his dad and brothers, tell them lunch is cancelled and tell them exactly why

LoveInAColdClimate · 18/12/2011 08:51

Perhaps you should turn the tables and vanish for the night some time (although maybe stay with a friend rather than "wandering the streets" ). Except I bet you wouldn't because of the impact it would have on your DCs. Funny how he doesn't think of that.

I would be quite suspicious about where he'd been, too, I'm afraid.

namechangerbat · 18/12/2011 08:51

I'd go out to your friends/ mums leave him to sort house and lunch.
When his dad turns up and there's no food an he's asleep in bed still he may realise what a selfish twat he is

YANBU

TheSecondComing · 18/12/2011 08:51

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itsstartingtofeelalotlikexmas · 18/12/2011 08:52

7am is standard for clubbing?! Not where I live. They close at around 1am/ 2am don't they?

mrsbingle · 18/12/2011 08:53

I would be angry, too. I would have felt irritated then worried then relieved (when home safe) then utterly pissed off. He is being very selfish and inconsiderate, and has pretty much ruined a family occasion.

Of course now you have two small children to tend to as well as strong emotions to cope with, and you have to clean and cook for his family. That is v crappy.

Trouble is he won't be much help to you in the state he's in.

I don't suppose you can put off the lunch... I would be tempted, then make him do the tidying/cooking for the next date.

LoveInAColdClimate · 18/12/2011 08:53

I am probably biased though, as when my ex stayed out all night it transpired he'd been having a threesome with his married best friend and some girl they'd met, which was charming.

SoAngryICouldFuckingScream · 18/12/2011 08:55

I think He is playing away - sorry .

Original poster

emeraldex · 18/12/2011 08:55

Ok, thanks everyone- plan is: shower - dressed - coffee for him - ill try not to throw it over him- when baby wakes up from morning nap (she's still in our room.) and I'll try to be mature with no snidy comments all day... Watch this space. Discussion can happen later when kids in bed....And breath ... (through gritted teeth)

OP posts:

CrotchFlakes · 18/12/2011 08:56

For today, I would not be playing the martyr or making it easy for him by clearing up and cooking. He needs to see there are consequences to his shitty actions. If you are feeling generous, arrange to meet his family at a restaurant. He can join you if he's up. Failing that, go out, now, with the kids and come back at 3pm. Leave a note where his dad can see it

namechangerbat · 18/12/2011 08:56

It cut ally really doesn't matter what is STANDARD for clubbing. What should matter is standard for a father of two small kids - an rolling in at 7am is NOT acceptable.

Like the OP said, terrible disrespectful a frankly it's massively immature and selfish. What a twat.

I'd fuck off out for the day and leave him in his pit. I'd also tell him if he did it once more, to not bother coming back.

Op - hope this doesn't offend or upset, but no chance he was with some one else??

cluelessnchaos · 18/12/2011 08:56

I'd think he was shagging someone else, regardless there is no way I'd be playing happy families for his family today, lunch would be cancelled and I'd take the kids out and screw the housework.

CrotchFlakes · 18/12/2011 08:57

X post- why the jelly would you do that? What is mature about ignoring the fact he was out all night and expects no consequences?

Original poster

emeraldex · 18/12/2011 09:01

Loveinacoldclimate- oh charming indeed! oh god, I really hope he is not having an affair (obviously!)

OP posts:

learningtofly · 18/12/2011 09:04

Yadnbu I would be furious (alongside worried sick).

MrsJRT · 18/12/2011 09:05

In my experience when a partner stayed out all night he was off his tits on coke.

Chandon · 18/12/2011 09:13

not on, unless he can somehow stay awake and do his bit...

Don't let him sleep, don't bring him coffee.

And do fight in front of the children. Why allow yourself to be treated as a doormat in front of your children? Do "fight", just don't use nasty language.

long term issue may be that drugs or OW involved, but leave that one for later....

sorry OP, yanbu....

TheSecondComing · 18/12/2011 09:14

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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