AIBU If I am absolutely fed up with DH returning home at 715AM after a night out with no call/text?

[emeraldex]

I am usually a chilled out kind of person but my husband's behaviour is turning me into a ball of stress/wreck.
I am really p*ssed off, My husband returned home from a night out with work colleagues/friends at 7am this morning with no call or text all night to let me know he was OK. We have a 4 year old and 9 month old and my son was naturally asking where his daddy was when he woke up. He has done this on a number of occasions - the last time being about 5 weeks ago. I was so cross last time that I was sure he would never do something like this again. I trust him (well I think I do?!) but I just feel so disrespected and forgotten about. He works very long hours and has finished for the holidays - so of course he is 'entitled' to some time to 'let his hair down' (he doesn't have long hair but u know what I mean!) but 7AM??? - We also have his Dad and brothers coming for early Christmas Lunch today and house is mess and it looks like I am going to be doing it on my own. He's now in bed.
I am so angry with him, but don't want to argue in front of the kids.
How would you feel and AIBU?

....and like other say, being the martyr gets you NOWHERE.

At all.

You end up doing al the work, taking it all on the chin, and he's still be pissed off with you for being a martyr. being a martyr is lose-lose situation.

Oh yes, the threesome ex was also off his face on coke. Which apparently made the threesome more acceptable . Actually he did me a favour in that I'd been viewing him as a longterm prospect and he helpfully showed me that he wasn't (although something similar did have to happen several more times before I dumped the bastard ). I am now married to a lovely man and expecting a baby, though.

OP, I really hope nothing similar is going on with your DH. But if there is, you are so much better off without him.

When my husband has done this after works nights out its been because he's missed the last train or has fallen asleep on a train/bus/bench or been so drunk that he's got the wrong train/bus and ended up on the far side of London or in fecking Alton or Basingstoke. How pissed does he get? I know mine gets into states where getting on the right bus is never going to happen.

YA definitely NBU but I don't think you need to jump to the cheating conclusion unless you have some other reason to.

I certainly wouldn't be doing and cooking or cleaning for his family today.

You are right. No martyr here any more. I am being strong and not acting like a door mat. Lunch is cancelled and when I am dressed and the baby is up, the kids,dog and I are going out. THANKYOU mumsnetters you have given me strength.

Yes standard here. No they don't close at 1 or 2am. Pubs close about that time then onto a club.

I know he was with work friends as I texted one at 6 to ask if they were together ... He said he was making his way to Waterloo around 330. Not sure quite how drunk he is, he was a bit smelly (of drink!) when he came back. I dot think he's likely to have an affair - I'd like to say "he's not that kinda guy". He doesn't do hard drugs - never has, but he used to smoke weed but not since before 4 old was born. So I will just have to wait and see what he has to say for himself. Our relationship hasn't been it's strongest recently and I have been having doubts about it lasting much longer. I feel so sad but empowered to sort it out.

good for cancelling lunch, really pleased to read that.

best wishes

I would have been looking through his pockets and phone to see if I could find anything suspicious!

It also sounds to me like he's been playing away I'm afraid. Whatever the reasons for his 'regular' all nighters, he is showing that he has a total lack of respect and responsibilty to you and your Dc's.

If he wants to act like a single man then I would tell him to piss off and be one!

YANBU. Drag him out of bed and make him help you. His choice so it's him who should suffer, not you.

My DH has suggested that he was either in a strip club or a casino, either of which would be much better for me than an affair/drugs, but I don't know your views, OP. Good luck with it all.

How are you Op?

Well, he tried to go home from Waterloo on first train but there were over running engineering works so first train wasn't til later than usual. Then it was diverted via Strawberry Hill so took twice as long - I checked this with SWT and it's true. He was wasted and stayed in bed pretty much all day. Have had massive discussion about our relationship in general and have decided to try and get some professional help with our relationship, so will call Relate in the am. I am not happy with it all but have forgiven him, but made it v clear just how hurt I feel and that this CANNOT happen again.
Thank you for your ideas, opinions and support. It helped me more than I thought it would. I feel totally emotionally drained so early night for me. Night night. X

Goodnight, OP. Best of luck with it. Very un-MN hugs to you at the end of what must have been a horrible day.