In light of recent horrible events.......stranger danger, when to have a chat??

[SnowmAngeliz]

Hello everyone.
Well as i said, with the horrific things i'm hearing lately i am starting to think i should give my 4 year old daughter some stay safe advice. (Mind you, that wouldn't have helped the last two poor girls i've heard about as they were in their own homes, to make it perfectly clear i am NOT saying they did anything wrong, i am just thinking that i haven't told my dd anything really)
She'll be 5 in a few weeks and with her going out and about with her School, i feel maybe now is the time to say something. I would love her to not hear about bad people and to live in the kand of fairies as she does but......

So, i heard there is quite a goo book to start the ball rolling, can anyone tell me the name of it?

When did you have a chat?
Did you?
Is it too soon?

"land of fairies!"

"goo" book

I ám interested in this too as my ds is a similar age

am carp at typing!

Am off out but hope to get some replies as i'm going shopping tomorrow.

i remember having the policeman in school to talk about stranger danger with us. we had a song that went

say no to strangers, say no no no no no

can't remember the rest... but anyway, I think that you don't have to tell your dd about all the bad stuff that goes on... just say that she shouldn't talk to grown-ups that she doesn't know, unless you or her teacher etc are with her.
And that if anyone ever asks her to get in a car, or offers her sweets or anything she should say no

sigh! CRAP

pmsl at carp at typing!

I have started this too, have told DS who has taken to running off on his own at times, that he should always stay with the adults that are looking after him, and not talk to people he doesnt know. I have also said that are some bad people around and that he might get hurt if he runs off. I am approaching this in the same way as road safety. 'dont walk on the road as cars can crash and hurt you'

I've just started this with dd too (she's 4.8).

One problem is that the people who work in the corner shop have known her since she was a baby and are in the habit of offering her a sweet if she is with me. Also, an elderly neighbour often offers her some fruit and asks if she wants to come in his house (she never has). dd is now rather confused and has become very wary of them all.

I'm finding it harder to explain than I realised and will just have to risk offending the kindly 'strangers'.

Mercy, that's what i'm afraid of too. DD1 is quiet at the best of times with strangers and i don't want to give her mixed messages.

I actually think this goes somewhat deeper though. While I haven't quite had this conversation with my DS yet (He is 3 now), I know that it will obviously have to happen.

but reality is, that 99% of children who are abused/murdered etc, have that done to them by someone that they already know. So while we all have to have the conversation about strangers, where do we go with regards to talking about people they know potentially doing things to them that aren't right?

i think you can really overemphasise this stuff. it was overemphasised to me when i was little.

remeber your kid is far more likely to be helped by a stranger one day (eg if they get lost) than they are to be abducted.

I think the main thing to stress at this age is "always check with mummy or daddy that it's OK before you go anywhere with anybody" - in a casual way, but regularly.

...because it isn't just strangers, is it? But if you do use the word strangers check that the child understands what a stranger is - they can assume it means someone who looks peculiar!

I don't plan to have the chat. I think my children are quite sensible and would not go with people they don't know if offered sweets. I think children lured away by strangers are very rare. Most children are either snatched by force or they are hurt by someone they already know and trust. Remember the Soham-case

that's exactly what I've been telling ds (who is 4.9), Janh. The trouble with telling him about bad people is that he is at the age where he wants details and I obviously don't want to give them to him.

Exactly, FM - hence repeating to them (because they forget), always check before you go.

Think Janh's advice is good. I try to stop my imagination running away with me by considering logically where, why and how the horrible things happened and reminding myself they are very rare. I am coming up to secondary with my dd and that is more worrying. It is so hard to draw the line between making them fearful of everything which makes them less confident and making them careful as well. I think I've got to let go and keep my fears to myself while ensuring she is safe as far as I can. If they never learn independence they won't be any good at College when they have to fend for themselves.

I explained to my six year old recently that if we every got separated in a shop she should look for someone in a uniform. Or someone who looked like a mummy. She knows my mobile number so she could get them to call me.

She then asked 'what about a daddy?'

I didn't know what to say! Awful isn't it... felt really bad but said look for a lady first...

Janh, that sounds like good advice, thank you.

Years ago I saw an Oprah Winfrey show which was all about stranger danger. Parents and children were filmed in a park and a 'pretend' stranger approached various children asking them if they would like to come and see a puppy which he had in his car. I remember quite a lot of the children went off with the man, much to the parents horror (the parents knew about the set up btw).

The film maker was then interviewd and was talking about how easily children can be lured but how he had drummed into his own child the importance of stranger danger etc. He was then shown a clip of his own child going off with the 'stranger' to see the puppy..... Scary.

But yes agree we can all get too paranoid about these issues.

Anne Fine: Stranger Danger - this book is the one I always recommend.

It's by a great author, and is well-written, but is also thought-provoking, without scaring the living daylights out of children. It is based in a school-setting, so pre-schoolers probably wouldn't understand it, but I would have thought it would be OK for any child who is already in school.

In terms of advice the other thing I always told the boys at a very young age was they should never ever leave a building to look for me if they thought they were lost.

So if they looked round in a shop and couldn't see me, I reassured them that I would never ever leave a shop without them, so if they can't find me straight away they should ask someone in a uniform to help them.

Ooh I'm full of ideas tonight!
Children often find strings of numbers hard to remember, but if you turn your mobile phone number into a song, and learn to sing it when you're walking home from the shops or whatever, then even tiny children can learn to repeat the number, which could be crucial if they're lost.