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Original poster

In light of recent horrible events.......stranger danger, when to have a chat??

34 replies

SnowmAngeliz · 05/01/2006 15:47

Hello everyone.
Well as i said, with the horrific things i'm hearing lately i am starting to think i should give my 4 year old daughter some stay safe advice. (Mind you, that wouldn't have helped the last two poor girls i've heard about as they were in their own homes, to make it perfectly clear i am NOT saying they did anything wrong, i am just thinking that i haven't told my dd anything really)
She'll be 5 in a few weeks and with her going out and about with her School, i feel maybe now is the time to say something. I would love her to not hear about bad people and to live in the kand of fairies as she does but......

So, i heard there is quite a goo book to start the ball rolling, can anyone tell me the name of it?

When did you have a chat?
Did you?
Is it too soon?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

WestCountryLass · 06/01/2006 22:28

My DS is 4 and abit and he is quite a shy little guy and hates strangers talking to him, touching his hair etc so I am not overly concerned about him being lured away BUT we have had talks about wandering off or getting lsot and what to do. I have told him if he gets lost to go in a shop and ask the person working there to help him (rather than asking random stranger in passing). I am not sure if this has sunk in mind you.

ghosty · 06/01/2006 22:41

Haven't read all the thread but this subject always turns my tummy to jelly.
I have always told DS not to talk to strangers (from as early as he could understand). I would rather he was scared than friendly if you know what I mean.
... I don't talk about this often but I was almost abducted at the age of 7. If my mother hadn't told me from a very early age "If you get into a car with a stranger you will never see mummy and daddy again" I probably would have got into that car and I would have been another tragic name on a list of missing/dead children. My mother scared the shit out of us about strangers and it probably saved my life.
I didn't think about it for years but ever since DS was toddler it comes back to haunt me. I try to be a bit less scary about it but I am honest with him.
Gosh I am shaking while typing this ... probably need some counselling ...
Anyway ... when I travelled to the UK on my own with DS and DD last year I told DS that if he got lost in an airport he wasn't to ask other travellers for help. He was to go and find a desk with a person with a uniform on to ask for help. It didn't have to be a lady necessarily but it had to be a uniformed person at a desk. As it was he stuck to me like glue.

I dread the day he asks to walk home from school on his own (in NZ children as young as 6 walk home alone) ...

The other day he and I went for a walk to the park. When he was on the climbing frame a really strange bloke came up, got out weights from a bag and started doing exercises. It was the way he did it. ... looking at DS with a creepy look while doing his exercises. I called DS over. Told him I didn't like that man and we were going home. So we went. Creepy man stared at us all the way up the road. I don't care if he was just a normal guy doing his exercise. He gave me a funny feeling and I won't take any chances ever.

Mercy · 06/01/2006 22:51

Ghosty you poor thing. It sounds as though it would be helpful to talk to someone re your experience - does your dp/dh know?

Obviously for your own sake first and foremost, but also so that your own fears aren't projected onto ds. Is 6/7 too young to be walking home alone?? (distance and traffic permitting of course)

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Bouj · 06/01/2006 23:03

I was close to being abducted, too. I was 9, at San Diego Zoo and dropped behind my mum and brother and sister. Was terrifying, and my mother is still sickened by what could have been. But I was always a paranoid child (made my parents call the police because I saw the child across the road get in the car with what turned out to be her uncle) and I am the same as a parent. I hope I can instil some healthy paranoia in ds.

ghosty · 06/01/2006 23:09

You are right Mercy. It was never an issue for me until DS was a baby and I was suffering from PND and I remember crying for days and days about young Sarah Paine. Even DS's safety and my own issues didn't come into it until this last year when he started school. DH does know about it but it wouldn't occur to him that I have a problem about it even if I spelled it out. DH (as lovely and gorgeous as he is ... #1 DAD and all that ) is the type of bloke that was brought up in the 'Stiff upper lip' style and things that happen in the past are just that, things that happen in the past. Not much that you can do about it ... ended happily after all ... he isn't good with emotional stuff really. Great at cooking, ironing and washing up though
Anyway, didn't want to hijack the thread into a poor me thing ... just wanted to say that I don't think children can be too young to understand stranger danger. Tell them gently, tell them as it is, scare them ... whatever ... but DO tell them to be safe!

I do think 6/7 is too young to walk home alone ... but that is because of my own experience when I was 7. Many mums from DS's class let their children come out of the school gate and walk up the road to meet them. I did that once and was a wreck so I am in the playground every day ....

ghosty · 06/01/2006 23:11

Bouj ... let's be paranoid wrecks together shall we?
Healthy paranoia ... I like that term. Thanks!

dinny · 06/01/2006 23:17

dd has just started nursery school in a small-ish village but I am so scared of her being away from me, in light of recent events. is school safe? what do I warn her about in terms of safety at school?

soapbox · 06/01/2006 23:19

I think as well as dealing with the stranger thing (which is hard work as DS is into goodies and baddies and the baddies always look like baddies IYSWIM and having to explain that some baddies look 'normal' etc is quite hard) it is importantto deal with the known abuser.

I do this by telling the children over and over again, that if anyone ever does something that makes them feel uncomfortable, uneasy or bad or sad, then they must tell Mummy or Daddy. No matter what the person tells them to do, even if they say they will hurt you or us, you must tell us!

It is incredibly hard to get the balance right isn't it? In London now as soon as we get off the train they grip my hand and really don't let go at all

Bouj · 06/01/2006 23:54

Exactly, Ghosty. Being aware (and paranoid!) children stopped you and me being statistics. It is rare, but it does happen. And I would much prefer my ds moaning in 30 years time that his old ma was paranoid than him not be around at all.

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