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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

I need help please

54 replies

TheOriginalFAB · 23/11/2011 09:00

I have also posted in mental health as I have MH issues.

Two of my children are out of control and I need help. Where do I go to ask for it please as I am that close to walking away tbh.

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wifey6 · 24/11/2011 12:29

Well done Fab..! It sounds like you did really well last night! Don't beat yourself up..my DH will shout if our DS starts screaming in the car too! I'm pro-Supernanny & find her books etc helpful... Others dont but I have found great techniques etc through reading her books. have you thought about trying some of her techniques?
It's great that you have drawn a line on this mornings behaviour & ready to start again later! You can do it...you are their mum.

mistlethrush · 24/11/2011 12:30

Can you get an appointment to talk to GP about the behaviour issues in particular Fab? Would at least get the ball rolling if you need a referral to another service for advice etc (and they can take a long time).

In terms of shouting we all (OK, well most of us at least) do it, so don't be hard on yourself about what happened this morning. That's over and done with, can't be changed, so there's no point in beating yourself up about it - a calm approach to this evening is, however, a really good idea - and you must be pleased that a potentially difficult evening went well.

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 24/11/2011 13:53

I don't actually think there is anything wrong with the children. I am learning that love isn't enough and they need consistency and firmness.

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mistlethrush · 24/11/2011 14:17

But then you might need some help with working out how to set appropriate boundaries and sticking to them Fab. Much better to see if you can get some help and advice on it rather than feel that you're having to do it all on your own.

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 24/11/2011 14:20

When I think about it it is all down to confidence and me not sure if my boundaries are fair.

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mistlethrush · 24/11/2011 14:25

So - you need some help on working out what fair boundaries are, and how you can set them in a reasonable way... and what the repercussions for breaking those boundaries should be.

I really don't see why you can't ask for help with that, particularly as its clearly getting you both down and stressed. Go and see the GP as a first step (particularly if you have a sympathetic one), find out from them what services are available and how you can access them and whether the GP can put you forward for any of them.

I've only got one ds - and I know I need some help so that I can help him in future if necessary - its not something to be ashamed of or anything and much better to ask for advice and access what's available than suffering in silence and hoping that you'll get by.

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 24/11/2011 14:27

I have a lovely GP who I have an appointment booked to see soon so I will ask him about all this then. Thanks .

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mistlethrush · 24/11/2011 15:36

I hope that he can suggest where you should go Fab

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 24/11/2011 17:05

Thank you.

DS1 was reacting to DD (who has been awful today) so I asked him (privately) if he felt out of control when he felt angry. He does. I think it could be hormonal. Any ideas for how I can help him with that please? (I take Agnus castus for PMT so know how medicinal/herbal things can help.)

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Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 24/11/2011 17:16

DD being vile. Help me.

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Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 24/11/2011 17:18

DS1 threw food at her

DD is talking about how she wishes she was dead.

Can I gag her?

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wifey6 · 24/11/2011 17:18

Allow him a 'chill out' area where he can escape when he needs to. It will give him the chance to cool down before it goes too far. I would explain what you except...it to be used when he gets angry...his own space & in return you would like him to express to you how he feels (if he can) so you can deal with things without I resulting in him getting into trouble.

wifey6 · 24/11/2011 17:20

Your DS to use 'chill out' room.
DD could always have a time out

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 24/11/2011 17:22

DS1 has gone to his room to calm down.

DD is in the naughty corner.

DS2 is being DS2.

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wifey6 · 24/11/2011 17:23

That's great...they are all separated to get themselves together. Look at you Fab...in control!!

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 24/11/2011 17:27

I don't feel it as I smacked her and shouted .

DH will be home at 6 and ds1 and dd both have to go to bed 50 minutes early.

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wifey6 · 24/11/2011 17:29

Ok...so you have been pushed to your limit today...when her time-out is over...apologise for the smack & say that you are finding her behaviour very unacceptable & this is not how you want to handle things in future. You are not 'back-tracking'...but if you feel bad for the smack then apologise.

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 24/11/2011 17:30

Apparently ds1 is in the worst family in the world as I won't let him go to a new school friends house at the weekend. And dd is too she shouted.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 24/11/2011 17:31

I would normally apologise but I can't this time as they will see it as no control.

DS1 sounds to be wrecking his room again. I think they both need to be left away from DS2 and I for a bit.

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wifey6 · 24/11/2011 17:33

I would explain that if they behaved & followed your house-rules then they would get to do nice things ie going to a friends house. I would also explain that if they behaved better then the house would be a happier one.

wifey6 · 24/11/2011 17:40

If DS1 is trashing his room...that's his choice. His possessions he is breaking. Harsh I know...

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 24/11/2011 17:43

I have said if they behaved/listened then I wouldn't have to shout/tell off/remove priviledges but they always answer back with something.

Oh trying hard not to lose heart.

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Thirstysomething · 24/11/2011 18:18

Poor poor you - what a horrible day. I was just coming on here for a whinge, then read your post and it put it all into perspective -- it happens to all of us at some times.
I was going to come on and say I am not surprised that some marriages break up when kids come along - I sometimes feel like a totally different person from the person dh married. Always tired, cross, boring.
Anyway. Feeling for you, hope a chink of sunshine (sorry how corny) comes soon to make you feel better. Organise something to look forward to?
Happier mother sometimes means happier kids...
Right, back into the fray - just gave my kids the most unhealthy tea because just COULDN'T BE BOTHERED.

imho, that is much worse parenting than yours! Giving up much worse than caring too much.... It sounds as though you are a really good mother.
xxx

Original poster

TheOriginalFAB · 24/11/2011 18:24

I am in and a little proud.

DS1 came down and asked if he can do his piano practice (a treat it appears as he loves to do it). I said he had something to say to me for shouting at me and I explained, firmly and calmly, why he couldn't go to X's house and then immediately said he could do his piano (before he had chance to answer back). It worked.

An unhealthy tea never hurt anyone!

OP posts:

wifey6 · 24/11/2011 18:26

Fab 1....Children 0

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