appropriate terms for private parts

[Jokat]

Hi all,
My dd1 is three years old and bilingual. Whenever the subject of private parts has come up in the past, I have used German (which is my first language) age appropriate terms for them. The other day, she started asking my husband a few questions in English (his first language)and he wasn't sure what terms to use for a girl's parts and the "two friends" of a boy's willy! I'm very opposed to terms like "mini haha" (my husband said some people use this for girls' parts) and "front bum" (our friends' little girl is growing up with that). Can anyone tell me which terms you have chosen to teach your children? Thanks for your help.

You mean a vulva and testicles I suspect.

The actual words.

Same as their arms are their arms and their legs are their legs

They have arms, legs and a penis

not wibblies, moo-moos and a winky

They need to be taught the anatomical names, but unless you're the sort of family which insists on defecation and urination rather than poo and pee, they also need the day to day terms. For boys, willy is nigh on universal. There is no such universal term for girls. I tend to say bits, fanny (confusing if you mix with north Americans though) or privates.

My ds used the word gina (short version of vagina) and then willy and balls

We say
Willy and balls for boy.

All gets a bit complicated for girls no idea why bit silly really! DH says bits in a hushed voice I say fanny DSD calls hers tuppence.

My friends in the NE call there sons a tail!!

Vulva here as anything else just sounded too twee.
Having said that, it does sound quite precious hearing a three-year-old saying 'I'm just wiping my vulva Mummy.' Or maybe that's just me?

I don't see what is wrong with bottom, as in wipe your bottom - but I know the mumsnet consensus is that is very wierd. Somehow I think labia majora (the bit you can see after all) is a bit technical and I am afraid I just have an irrational thing against the word vulva. Vagina is not relevant unless you are talking about where babies come from when it is fine.

I don't have a DD but when my DS1 asked at 3 or so what i had I said girl's bits - and he knows there is a special hole that a baby comes out of - that was around 4
Willy here as well -would probably say testicles rather than balls - but willy seems to cover most thing - havn't had that discussion get although his childminder in the north east also said tail!

Tuppence, willy and balls when I was a kid and they are the terms we'll use with DD.

Willy and testicles ( althought latter is rarely mentioned really ) . We struggle with our DD's terminology and call them at the moment ( 2.5 yr) - her wee-wee bits. I have no strong feeling about anatomical names .
Most people don't talk of a fracture of their clavicles or bumping their patellae or getting punched on the mandible so why the need to invoke medical terms for genitalia when they are little?

The whole 'patellae/mandible/urination' argument is irrelevant. The point is that we used shared terms, we share language. What irks me is that we all know the term willy, we know what it refers to, it's in general use but you come to women's genitals and there's all this hushed whispering, faux twee invention and an absolute refusal to say the word vulva without cringing. It's nothing to do with medical terminology and the argument that we don't talk about mandibles doesn't make sense. Because everybody knows what 'jaw' means, there's no shame, no blushes. I say vulva because everybody knows what that is and dd deserves to be able to name her parts according to what they are, not some trussed up, sanitised, frou frou name which seems to vary from house to house. Women's genitals are named in three ways. Medically (it's okay to name it if the man listening is a doctor), superficially (minnie, tuppence, lala) and in vulgarity/to offend (cunt, twat etc).

I have an adult friend who in all seriousness cannot refer to her genitals as anything other than her minnie. Which is of some amusement to her midwife and her bloody husband who says her dirty talk is like Adults Only Night at Disneyland.

I agree with you 100%, SOH.

penis and vulva are not 'medical' terms, in the way that 'mandible' is.

It really is all to do with some unconscious feeling that anything to do with the genitals is wrong, dirty, naughty, rude... and rather than see that's all it is, we seek to find justifications for saying winky or foofy, because it's wrong to say penis and vulva, it's naughty. It's dirty. They are words that children don't need to know!

I blame the Victorians

When you think about it - if you say foofy, you mean vulva or whathaveyou, you know you mean it, you know that's the body part you're on about, so the problem is simply the name.

I don't get it.

It's like that whole spider / loofah thing on here ages ago

Call a spider a loofah if it makes you feel better, but it's still a spider and when you say loofah you're still thinking/seeing/saying spider. So you're just avoiding a word. A collection of letters.

That is so illogical that it can only be an irrational fear or disgust.

wobbly good point about the true medical terms. For me it just sounds an unnatural way to speak but each household of course will be different.

It is definitely odd that boys parts are commonly known as a willy where girls vary regionally and maybe dare I say it according to class? Maybe, I said maybe!

Also I don't think any of us have it right or wrong, what's in a name? It is what it is.

I've always thought 'fanny' was a pretty much universally understood term. Everybody I know seems to call it that and it's never caused confusion with GPs, MWs etc. Maybe it's just the circles I mix with?

I think it's friendly without being overly twee or crude and makes a good counterpart to 'willy'

willies and fannies

See Hecate I just don't feel that way. This may be more about language than it is embarrassment about genitals, well it is for me anyway.

Generally no there's no right or wrong. It's merely naming of parts. But that has to work both ways and it would be infinitely preferable if we could share language and terminology without the shuddering and revulsion. And I'd prefer it if the terms weren't loaded. So you can call it bits if you want, just like we call the remote control The Pressy Machine. But vulva and penis are just words and fear of the word only increases fear of the thing itself. I am reclaiming the words for their correct use because no part of dd's body is one where we have to put active effort into pretending it's not referred to directly or sanitising the label to make it more palatable.

I blame the Victorians too. My entire MA dissertation blamed the Victorians and largely the way they treated children.

plenty I'm in the willies and fannies camp not a sentence I thought I would ever say!

These threads often highlight the fact that 'fanny' isn't acceptable to a large group of people.

I used to have a teddy called Fanny, it's a girls name after all. My extended family used to shudder and hush me in public if I said it out loud.

penis and vulva are medical terms, surely? If not, what are the medical terms for these?

That's not to say there's anything wrong with using those words if that's what you're comfortable with. As long as your DC can make themselves understood I don't think it matters really.

Just seems a bit formal to me.

But I understand the reclaiming of the words POV.

planet - I'm embarrassed to admit I don't understand what you mean by it being about language rather than embarrassment about genitals. Would you mind explaining it to me (in words of one syllable, clearly )

Penis and vulva here! I'm with SOH.

One I really loathe is that the midwives around here refer to 'your underneath' which I find makes me feel embarrassed, despite being perfectly comfortable with saying vulva to anyone!

Hecate as in our different dialects and what our social group refer to them as rubs off on each other. rather than being to say vulva or penis. If I was in the medical profession I would always refer to them as penis and vulva but as I'm not I use the words I heard as a child these could be different from my neighbour but not because I'm embarrassed to use the official words or that I don't like them I just find them to be their Sunday name.

Ah, I see. So it's calling them what you grew up calling them rather than making a conscious choice to choose a euphemism due to conscious personal embarrassment?

Good point well made . However, it raises questions, doesn't it? why the euphemisms in the first place? Got to be born from embarrassment somewhere along the line, surely? And why the feeling that use of the euphemisms must be perpetuated if the actual words are fine? Why do we feel or have we felt so uncomfortable using these perfectly normal words that twee words have sprung up for these body parts that have not sprung up for any other body parts to the point where the euphemisms have taken over and somehow - can't think of the right word - marginalised? the correct words. Just the genitals.

The cause of that must surely be embarrassment or avoidance or a feeling that they're our 'dirty parts', iyswim. Even if the origin of this is historical, it has still been passed down to us and left us with winkies and foofoos and no real reason why we have to use such words!

I'm not sure about that, Hecate. Who's to say what the 'correct' words are? Surely we've been calling it a cunt longer than we've been giving it a Latin name. Could it be the medical terms are themselves the euphemisms? I'm thinking it might be similar to how we don't call our meat 'pig' or 'cow' but 'pork' and 'beef' after the French words - the words the posh people used.

I dunno, I'm just thinking out loud really. It would be interesting to get a linguist's take on it.

For me, anyway, it's not any sort of embarrassment - I'm just as happy using vulva, fanny or cunt, depending on the context. I think it's a bit like plant names - they have very specific Latin names which are important for taxonomy but when I go in the garden, I see buttercups, daisies, love-lies-bleeding, cabbage, carrots ... I don't think I'm being coy, just using common names IYSWIM.

My mum, however, calls her fanny her 'downstairs area'. Now there's a euphemism