Please tell me it gets easier, or it's just a phase. I'm so tired and frustrated and angry all the time

[groak]

have dcs 2 and 5 and youngest dc seems to have hit the surly 'everything is mine', whining and squabbling with elder dc constantly. Elder dc is now at schood and from the moment i pick up from school, due to the falling out and squabbling I seem to be spending loads of time bollocking them or acting as referee.

I'm fairly god with discipline, but I'm sick of being like a bloody referee. I work pt and I just seem to be meeting an avalance of washing, ironing, tidying up, making tea etc etc. dh works late so he can'rt take over tea, I'm fine with bedtiime routine but I'm so wound up that by bedtime i'm snappy with dc as soon as they start actng up.

IU know to 'pick your battles' ignore what you deem ok to write off rather than constantly telling off, try and focus on positive rather than negatives, sp the prnciples are there but daily life seems so bloody hard, it feels like its wearing me down and I'm not that sort of person.

Weekends are the same, and I'm desperate to meet other people just so i'm not dealing with them by myself. GP's do a lot of childcare while I'm at work so I don't want to rely on them at weekend. Dh is at home but he seems to be just as frustrated by them, I feel like I'm strugglinmg to get tme away from 'everything' and just have silence with no 'tasks' to do.

Am I a failure? Am i a shit mum? I've only got two dcs yet other parents (either those I know or those I see out and about) don't seem to be stressed out and knackered looking? People when you talk to them might have an eye roll and say 'oh yes, dc can be so cheeky' or whatever but I just think why don't people seem to feel as fraught and desperate for a break as me, or am I just building things up out of proportion?

Had a chat with dh tonight who's promised to be tidier and try and help out more. He said I've been so horrendous he was half expecing to be looking for a flat..

I don't think I'm 'low' or depressed, I'm not needing to know if I should go to the GP, i feel happy sometimes, and when I meet freinds, it just feels a hard bloogy trog with dcs in tow.

Sorry for long rant. dc2 due to start nursery soon, do people know if this sounds familiar or if there's light at the end of the tunnel?

Sorry for self indu;gent rant when I know from othr posts you see on MN people have far more shit to deal with than this, and sem to do with better so better than me.

Dh has gone out to get emergency chocolate so apol if i don't post much after this, don't waant him noseying on my thread!

You are not a shit mum, i promise.

Mine are 3 and 4 (just started school) and I feel your pain. Thankfully mine for now have very very recently emerged from the constant bickering and 2yr old stropping. Hang in there, it is mainly lovely now

Our weekend strategy was to divide and conquer. DH and i would go and do things separately and take 1DC each.

Bedtime, get them bathed, in PJ's and teeth clean for 6pm. Last hour in front of TV, then stories and straight to bed. We have fewer arguments re getting ready for bed when there is a TV incentive.

Stickers as rewards.

Chocolate for you

Oh dear We went through a horrific phase with DS about a year ago and I swear I thought I was the worst mother in the world. He's not 5 and a bit and behaving much better. DD is 16 months and she's just getting started. She promises to be worse than DS ever was .

I truly believe that some parents do have it harder than others. It just depends on the personality of the children and some are more stubborn than others. [. So it is your fault in a way - it's the genes (but you can always blame that bit on your DH).

He's now 5

Thanks for messgaes, they have made me cry! dh has returned with a big TIM of roses for me. Am chomping through as i type...

TIN, not tim, ffs...

Damn those purple caramels getting in the way of your typing fingers

Bless you DH! Do you hire him out?!

I even took DS to the GP as I was worried there might be something wrong and he "wasn't eating properly". "So what does he eat Mrs Sheep?" Cue me reeling off a long list of things that actually sounded quite healthy, feeling very stupid and being told, basically, he's 5.

Oh I am with you. I am fed up with motherhood at the moment - mine are 5 and 2 also and like you the hours between school pick up and my dh getting home are loooooong and exhausting. I just want to enjoy my family (which is lovely) but I feel tired and drained and bogged down with all the tasks

Today I was supposed to go with dh and the kids for a birthday lunch for my FIL. I just felt so down this morning that dh ended up going without me. I feel guilty as hell but I just couldn't face it. So I have done some housework to ease my load during the week and indulged in a long,hot bath and a nap. But poor dh, I feel I am burdening him with my negativity and lack of energy at the moment.

I do get breaks, my dh pulls his weight. I just feel like a failure sometimes

Can I join in? I have three but was just the same with two! And dd2 bit young to bicker at 4 months . I feel a lightening Of load as I complete the school/preschool run and an opposite feeling as I collect them! Then two hours of madness after school. Dd1 is in a very difficult phase, she's six and awful when friends come round and mean to her brother when he's the only one available! Dd2 is a poppet, but unwittingly making things worse as she's waking a lot at night again! Aargh! I'm sure it gets better-our friends with older children have different issues but it seems so much calmer. Or maybe they're better parents? Feel like a very bad mother indeed-am snappy and stressed most of the time and long to sit in a darkened room and stare at the wall!

Just the same here. Mine are 6 and nearly 3. It is getting a little bit better, I think! (although get a bit nervous when holidays or weekends in fact any time with them both together and just me for long spells!)

I'm wondering (hoping) if it might get better when the 2's stage passes. My dc1 (6yrs) is lovely and placid and the younger one's like a whirling dervish a lot of the time.

Sometimes I feel so wound up if I've not had a break from them is that normal too? Yes we go out seperately at weekends a lot too, sometimes time all together can be ok other times very stressful.

Agree with Sazz about tv incentive and stickers. Also can you run them around enough so they are too tired to argue as much? Soft play maybe (I know lots of MNers don't like it but it works well for my DS)? Plus it gets you out of the house when the place is like a bomb site - mine is so I feel your pain on that. It will get better, and it's not you.

Pinkponcho-I feel really stressed if I have much time looming with just me and them. If I'm normal then you are too! I've never really looked forward to school holidays, and feel really guilty when other mums say they are. But when I'm not with them I feel a warm glow thinking about them so maybe I'm not too dreadful

i feel exactly the same as you groak. all my 2 dd's do is argue and fight. fed up of it all really. also im 31 weeks pregnant so havent got much patience any way.

sorry no advice, i just share your pain.

Yup, mine are 4 and almost 2. Actually finding the youngest one very challenging at the moment. I DREAD weekends. (Now 4 yrd old stomped off to her room because I've just got the laptop out for 5 mins... grr!)
Can't wait until they're a bit older. I definitely agree, divide and conquer is best at this stage, mainly because when you also throw dh in the mix they become even more whiney and attention seeking and jealous. (actually will be posting a 'is this normal?' thread about it shortly!).
All other mums at school look at me with wide eyed wonder, wondering why I look so flustered and unkempt, probably! Felt awful about it for a while now realise that they are not coming from a toddler + 4yr old school run!

When DS was a month old, someone said to me "Everything they do is a phase - never get too despondent.... or too smug". I thought she was very wise because her DS is 3 months older than mine, but I have remembered those words and think of them often.

it is totally normal to get fed up the groundhog day effect.

i have 3 dc, 9, 4 and 2.

love them all dearly, but spending 12 hours a day plus in anybody's company, is too much.

you say that the grandparents help when you work, which is great, but it means you're not getting any time just for yourself, if you can i would arrange a slot of time without them. there's nothing selfish about it, in fact the reverse, if you are happier everyone else is.

you sound like a lovely mum.
and it does get easier. at least dd wipes her own bottom.

I have been thinking (have 3 DC: 5, 2 and 0.4) that this parenting thing is like sports training.

You know, you always have to push your limits to get / stay fit, so no matter how competent you are, you are always working to your limits and everything always feels hard.

So it follows that the solution is to have more children (ie push your child rearing limits further), then regularly farm one or more of them out to someone else.

The remaining number of children will then seem like an absolute doddle.

job done

Was reflecting on this as I was actually enjoying taking DCs 1 & 2 swimming on Sunday.

Because I feel like the OP most of the time...

So true night lark, so true! That's why I love the school run so much-at least the way back anyway! On a preschool day when I get back home with just dd2 I feel a lightness of step not experienced at any time other than bedtime . But I do love them! Especially asleep...

May I be blunt and say it doesn't sound as though your DH is doing his fair share? All very well him providing chocolate, but it's practical assistance you need.

Do you feel that he does? or do you feel that he can get away with not helping as much as he could do?

How would he feel about you both having a couple of hours to yourselves at weekends to do your own thing, go out, whatever by yourself whilst the other one cares for the children?

Where can you pare back what you're doing? Perhaps involve the children (start them young, helps with independence)Would your 5yo vacuum? (mine adores using the vacuum- it's such a treat mad thing she is, great for after my 2yo has scattered most of his dinner on the floor), you could stop ironing for a start.

After school is an awful time- children are tired/whingey, or downright tantrummy. Could you bring a drink/snack for pick-up time? (some people on here have said it's transformed their pick-ups, presumably by raising the blood sugar)

What are they having for their evening meal? Could you prepare it in advance of pick-up? I have a huge store of frozen meals for my 2 (casseroles, stews, pasta sauces of all descriptions, chili con carne, etc) that I've made in batches and frozen in bm containers or ice cube trays (works well for cheese sauce, casserole etc) so I can get dinner on the table within 10-12 minutes usually, preparing rice, cous cous, pasta etc to accompany it fresh each day. This means I don't have to leave them unaccompanied for very long, and can diffuse snatching, non-sharing teary situations before they advance too far (my 5yo shares very nicely, but 2yo not so much!)

My two know that when they come in they have to do certain things- take off coats, shoes etc and put away. Even 2yos understand this, and it's just part of the routine. Does your younger one like to be like/do the same as your 5yo? This has helped a lot with making persuading the 2yo to do things... he is desparate to be like his sister.

HTH a little- keep going, it does get better as they get more independent, I promise. My two are 5.9 and 2.9, and things have moved on so far from where we were around May time...

Just wanted to say this is a great support thread, glad to know is is normal, some good tips too. My dp has just gone to get the older one and am in trepidation of waking the younger...few minutes peace aha...Nancy yours are similar in age to mine and yes agree with snack and little rules eg shoes off when home, trying to get tea in advance (sometimes at lunchtime)

Anyway back to it!

it helps just to know I'm not in it alone. I put on a jolly front most days-doesn't help not to, but I guess that means plenty if people don't know how tough I'm finding things at the moment and vice versa. Better day today-numbers down to two. Pre school all day tomorrow...

Aargh-screams from downstairs. Spoke too soon

And the school run aargh! I hardly know anyone at school as just have to chase ds2 round the packed playground as he leaps from the buggy in excitement..it's so stressful I keep thinking I might lose him (did once and had the staff chasing him different directions!) It's a nightmare. I actually have to get them to sit and have a treat on a school picnic table in a corner till the crowds have gone, then sneak them out, kind of. (so there's no potential of walking down the road with others which is stressful- older ones chatting toddler scuttling along, mums possibly trying to chat)

I've booked ds2 in for a couple of afternoon sessions finishing at 4.30pm when he starts after Christmas with the preschool funding, and it will be relief to not have him on the school run those days.

Ds has done two days of walking not pushchair! Kind of had to bite the bullet as otherwise severe danger that he'd still be in pushchair with knees touching chin!

Wow, lots of posts and nice to see it's not just me! Glad people are finding support in the thread.

Captain Nancy, I had a huuuuge yelling meltdown talk with dh about it all. I explained how the dcs are driving me batty trying at times, and I'm starting to feel like a maid and not geting to enjoy proper fun time wit them. Dh does work crap hours and he can be knackered after work, but in the past few weeks he has started to try and deal with dcs without me stepping in (and admittedly, them seeing him be the disciplinarian rather than just me so there is more of a united fromt rather than the good cop / bad cop scenario growing seems to help)

Dh is doing more round the house (no major tasks, that Im fine with) rather things like washing up, hanging washing out etc.

Am trying the 'divide and conquer' tactic this weekend, plus we have a family party with extended family so that will be a nice distraction for the dcs, but dh has said he is going to try and plan me getting some space... But it definately is the no free time thing, you're either at work or with dcs, and the childcare is when you're at work so it's limited quiet time! dc2 is starting nursery after christmas so I'll geta couple of mornings free whoohoo! which will be nice