Please tell me it gets easier, or it's just a phase. I'm so tired and frustrated and angry all the time

[groak]

have dcs 2 and 5 and youngest dc seems to have hit the surly 'everything is mine', whining and squabbling with elder dc constantly. Elder dc is now at schood and from the moment i pick up from school, due to the falling out and squabbling I seem to be spending loads of time bollocking them or acting as referee.

I'm fairly god with discipline, but I'm sick of being like a bloody referee. I work pt and I just seem to be meeting an avalance of washing, ironing, tidying up, making tea etc etc. dh works late so he can'rt take over tea, I'm fine with bedtiime routine but I'm so wound up that by bedtime i'm snappy with dc as soon as they start actng up.

IU know to 'pick your battles' ignore what you deem ok to write off rather than constantly telling off, try and focus on positive rather than negatives, sp the prnciples are there but daily life seems so bloody hard, it feels like its wearing me down and I'm not that sort of person.

Weekends are the same, and I'm desperate to meet other people just so i'm not dealing with them by myself. GP's do a lot of childcare while I'm at work so I don't want to rely on them at weekend. Dh is at home but he seems to be just as frustrated by them, I feel like I'm strugglinmg to get tme away from 'everything' and just have silence with no 'tasks' to do.

Am I a failure? Am i a shit mum? I've only got two dcs yet other parents (either those I know or those I see out and about) don't seem to be stressed out and knackered looking? People when you talk to them might have an eye roll and say 'oh yes, dc can be so cheeky' or whatever but I just think why don't people seem to feel as fraught and desperate for a break as me, or am I just building things up out of proportion?

Had a chat with dh tonight who's promised to be tidier and try and help out more. He said I've been so horrendous he was half expecing to be looking for a flat..

I don't think I'm 'low' or depressed, I'm not needing to know if I should go to the GP, i feel happy sometimes, and when I meet freinds, it just feels a hard bloogy trog with dcs in tow.

Sorry for long rant. dc2 due to start nursery soon, do people know if this sounds familiar or if there's light at the end of the tunnel?

Sorry for self indu;gent rant when I know from othr posts you see on MN people have far more shit to deal with than this, and sem to do with better so better than me.

Dh has gone out to get emergency chocolate so apol if i don't post much after this, don't waant him noseying on my thread!

Hi again hope you're all doing ok. has a stressful school run pickup today and the smaller one won't go in the buggy and I took his little balance bike, then had to take the scooter for the older one. Ended up carrying all up the hill, then channelling them down, was very relieved to be home and straightaway put a dvd on for them. Batteling with getting him (ds2) to still have a nap just not, after lunch as then can kind of stuff him in the buggy while he's still asleep. So it becomes like 'wear him out/up early, so will nap, so school run ok' otherwise, it all gets tricky...(no nap, hyper on school run, dramas, stress, me frazzled as no break) hmm anyway sorry to whinge on a bit, Yes roll on the 3 yr old funding starting!

Sounds grim Pinkponcho. The nap thing is an issue with us. No nap=disaster. Ideal is when ds is taken from bed to pushchair as he'll then be dopey all the way to school, have a snack in way back and be ready for action when home (and the real fun starts!). Tired and no pushchair not going to happen! He doesn't listen then and I can hardly run after him with baby strapped to me in sling, nor can I carry him! Then dd always, always asks to have friend home. Very wearing. I just can't do it every day. DVD option a good one I think. Hope better tomorrow.

Bit knackered, so am going to post and run to bed, but the OP's post reminded me strongly of something someone else said on here. "Don't judge your inside by someone else's outside." They're just hiding their shit day better.

I had a school run a few weeks ago where dd2 woke up screaming (often does that) couldn't get her to calm down, couldn't put her in the pushchair so I carried her but had to take the pushchair just in case cue - toddler screaming blue murder, me kicking the pushchair along because arms were too busy restraining toddler. Occasionally had to get a better grip and she would flail to the ground, cue her kicking and screaming in the middle of the road and start again! Pick her up, kick pushchair all the way to school. Get too school looking like a hag!

I'm worried some other mums probably saw me and as it was the beginning of school so who knows what they think of me!!!

Yes I know what you mean..I've often felt awful trying to stuff them in the buggy or carry them like you said justone...felt like a right tyrant in front of a mum (of pfb only child) looking on aghast you just need to be safe though don't you. So glad to know there are others the same. (although don't wish it on anyone if you know what I mean!)

I get worried if for example we've been somewhere and it's nearing the afternoon time, once had a huge meltdown over some spilt lunch and ended up carting him in a bundle from the park, needing a wee, felt really traumatised at the school he finally fell asleep after pickup just kind of sat there recovering in order to go home.

Yes then when they start wanting friends to come and it makes you feel like a big meanie saying no- I just can't cope with another one (have a very busy road to cross too)... ha the pfb mum said 'take it easy' to me yes thank you. Ah, know it's not easy to understand how it is and that no, I couldn't walk down with her for a chat as she lets hers run on ahead (that's ok, he's a bit older but mine follow and it's dangerous )

Yes and Family I do that too (put them sleepy in the buggy) and hand then a snack..then hope they don't revive too much in the playground quickly sneak past the school swings etc to get home.

When I say to dp it sounds a bit trivial somehow when he tells me his work stuff but it's not is it- it's really stressful.

Oh sorry another post but had to smile Justone as yes you can feel like you've turned up st school like you've been in a fight! All the mums chatting calmly on..Not funny at the time though. There have been times I'd have dearly loved to park ds2 in a bush somewhere till I dropped off..

I feel like this and I only have one! I don't think I can face having another. I am crap :(

Yes, marzipan animal, I did too, but after it getting much worse in the early months with two, and despite my posts on this thread, I can honestly say I'm better with three! Like someone said earlier on its like training-if you're trained to run a marathon, it's hard but you'll do it and then a half marathon or 10k run will seem like a breeze! This I can say because my three are in bed and I've had a reasonable day with moments where I was proud to have my lot!

I know just what you mean. Ds is almost 5, dd is 14m and ds has chickenpox so this week we are quarantined. I am going out of my tiny mind.

I don't have family nearby and dh works shifts and yes I'm snappy and I hate it. Sometimes I crave silence so much I could honestly cry, just to have the headspace to think, to not be on autopilot would be bliss.

Just read posts of few days ago and a bit to say anything about how I'm coping. Ignore last post! I guess any day which doesn't have a major meltdown at the end of it feels like a victory! Mind you, did well to recover from ds digging his heels in and refusing to move because I wouldn't take his scooter this morning (he doesnt actually rude it and I had baby strapped on and felt disinclined to carry it all the way to school. Won with minutes to spare!

Oh goodness-I am reminded of our chickenpox fortnight when ds was tiny and am going into a cold sweat. It was the lowest time. Hope you find things to keep you sane.

No words of advice as we have the same here

OH came in and told me he could hear me shouting at the boys from 2 doors down I was so embarrassed. I am sad to say I am relieved they have nursery tomorrow, but am annoyed they have appointments on a Friday lunchtime for the next 6 weeks. They are really hard work at the moment.

The thing is, if you let them once do something like take the scooter, in moment of madness/weakness, they never forget it.. and then it becomes a big battle each time. I guess i'm just starting to realise that but it's too late .

had a lovely school pickup today as had to go docs and just had ds1...it was bliss...strange how sitting in the docs waiting room could be so lovely with just the older one and not having to worry about battling home. Am trying to do yoga after they go to bed at the moment as kind of feel full of adrenalin that or drink wine!

Oh god yes mine are 6 and 1.8 and sometimes I'm on the school run thinking "why isn't anyone else wrestling their toddler while trying to kick a buggy along the street while their older one walks backwards into a wing mirror and drops his stuff everywhere while trying to hear themselves think amidst the screaming and shouting?" Mine are both SO stubborn. And even with that age gap, they bicker and wind each other up a lot. For me it's often just headspace - I just want to cry because I cannot get my thoughts together.

And it's so true about the "correct" parenting - even if you can remember to encourage positively, pick your battles and all that, it can still be a non-stop, exhausting endless string of things you have to monitor, referee, distract from etc ec etc.

The end of the day especially can be a total bastard especially when your partner is home late. I am so jealous when I know he's sitting in a lovely peaceful office tip-tapping away on his computer, then having a nice pootle home on the bus reading the news, while I'm trying to throw pasta in a pan with a screaming toddler attached to my leg and older one yelling MUUUUM I NEED A POO! etc etc.

(Oh and I WOH too - am not a SAHM. This is usually after a day's work.)

BUT it can sometimes go smoothly - sometimes I can settle them with a snack and TV (wildlife programmes are something they both like) while I cook, and DS is good with computers so sometimes he will search for film clips or games to show DD, and they sit there doing that. Also if possible, going somewhere where they can run around safely - big open space, park, soft play etc. - can give you a break of sorts.

Plus book a day off work now and again when they are at nursery and have a proper day to yourself doing whatever YOU want - whether that's pottering at home, having a nice haircut/facial, shopping, just going to a cafe with a magazine. You deserve it and need it.

I am drinking far too many post drop off lattes for our budget to accommodate . Have to get rid of the feeling that I've earnt it but it persists! Much better day yesterday on reflection - hope its a trend

Ladyword your paragraph about the end of the day did make me laugh (although I know it isn't funny when your in it) - sounds like my evenings exactly.

I reckon there's a market for a cafe full of booths with blank walks for harassed post drop of parents to sit and stare at! I'd have a season ticket!

OMG! I thought I was the only one with post drop off trauma! I'm sosooo glad. I usually stumble in to a coffee shop straight after school, too tempting especially as there are two with play areas.

I really thought it was just me!!! I never seem to see any of the other school mums in there. Actually I wonder where they all disappear to (I know for a fact a lot of them are sahm)

However today for various reasons I did not have a pound to my name and just couldn't go to the coffee shop, and I must say, I got loads of housework done instead!

I usually wonder why I can't get my act together straight away and often don't bother with the few activities that start at 9.30 for the little one because I just can't face the long walk straight after.
Other days it's not so bad, but on the bad days it can take up to an hour to recover!
My toddler actually automatically goes in to the coffee shop if we ever walk past it.

Definitely would sign up for staring at the wall coffee shop!!!

I'm quite looking forward to going back to work just to be able to sit on the tube and read a book!
At least we're laughing!

Thank you all for making me feel better - I have 3 and another due next May and all I seem to do atm is shout at them. DD (3) spends so much of her time jumping on the settee, despite me taking the cushions off to make a pile to jump on on the floor. DS1 (just started school) comes home tired and whingy and then I feel guilty that he gets short shrift as I'm fed up having spent the day refereeing the little ones.
Nice to know I'm not unique

I still use my double buggy. If either child refuses to cooperate, they are strapped in. Luckily the clips are very tight (got to love the quality of the Mountain Buggy ) so they can't undo them. This was after a number of 'under the arm toddler removal' events. I learned.

Ha-business as usual! Suddenly exhausted and just had the joy of reading and spelling. Then dd1 and ds fighting over who got to play with dd2

It must get easier hopefully! We have another weekend just me as DP is away with work. Am keeping it very simple, staying in but with a drive to swimming class for ds1 this morn, tomorrow he's off to a party so just have the other for a bit (not going thankfully someone's taking him). Followed by more time at hone or the park if they're lucky (actually no, it gets dark now so early). Feels a bit like being under siege! Hope your weekends are going ok. At least no school run!

Hope your day went well pink. Ours okay given that dd2 up from one thirty til five thirty-the moment her eyes finally shut dd1 arrived in our room ready for the day! But we've made it through and now on the home straight! As you say-no school run!

Thanks Family it's ok not helped by the inlaws turning up as they do on the way home about 7pm yesterday with crisps and Maltesters, I wish I'd got them in the bath before they arrived, however they stayed for ages and then it was a battle putting them to bed as they were so would up. I was a bit cross actually, you'd think they might have a bit of thought for me being on my own and wanting to get them to bed. Should have just got on woth bath etc but whenever I mentioned it they said, "Oh we'll be on our way soon" as the dc run crazily round the lounge pulling the sofa apart to make dens and I attempt to make tea and clear up the dc's food things. Hmm.

Today has gone more smoothly as i wore the little one out at the park while ds1 was at the party, i managed to get him to nap before ds1 came back so he was asleep at 12.30 so that bodes well for the rest of the day. Find it very tricky getting him to nap when the older one's around as he doesn't want to miss out..

It's a lovely day and probably should venture out again with them for a walk but it's a big muddle here. Hope the sun is good..