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Parenting

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Original poster

Going on holiday without my 1 year old - bad parenting?

36 replies

Snowboarder · 05/11/2011 20:27

Every year prior to having my DC I've been skiing with my best friend for a week. We've had a brilliant girly time and I've really loved every minute of it. My DC has been on a fair few stag dos abroad so I see it as my opportunity to do similar and let my hair down whilst enjoying a sport I love.

This year I missed our trip to have DS which was obviously unavoidable - it was a very difficult pregnancy and birth as DS was 3 months prem and spent the first 2 months of his life in hospital so we've had a very stressful time. He's been home now for almost 7 months and doing really well. I'd thought I would probably not be able to go away any more as DS would need me and I probably wouldn't want to leave him either.

The thing is my best friend has just told me that she's going to have to relocate to the other end of the country for work which will likely mean that I will see a lot less of her in future. My DH and I are also planning to try for another baby next year so possibly, everything considered, this could be the last time I get chance to have this week away minus children.

So, given that DH is willing to take a week off work to look after DS whilst I am away, do you think it would be ok to leave him for a week to go on holiday with my best friend? DH is going on a stag do to Las Vegas in the next few months so is it fair to expect 'my turn' - or am I being a bad mum? I don't want to leave DS and would no doubt miss him like crazy whilst I was away, but I must admit that I relish the idea of having a girly week away with my best friend one last time.

What do you think? No abuse please.

OP posts:

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Original poster

Snowboarder · 05/11/2011 20:32

I meant my DH has been on stag dos abroad - my DS is not that advanced yet!

OP posts:

RealityIsADistantMemory · 05/11/2011 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

winnybella · 05/11/2011 20:40

Go, of course!

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Yama · 05/11/2011 20:42

Absolutely go. I would have no qualms about leaving our dc (including 14 month old ds) with my dh. He wouldn't even need to take a week off work.

It will cement the fact that your dh really is an equal parent so lots of reasons to go really.

LadyBeckenham · 05/11/2011 20:46

Go if you want to, no way I would leave a 1yo for a week - but it's you choice, not mine.

No ones views matter except yours and your DHs.

Wallace · 05/11/2011 20:46

Go!

You will miss him so much, but if you don't go you will really regret it!

Octaviapink · 05/11/2011 20:46

I wouldn't. At this age you can't compare the relationship you have with your baby to the one your husband has with him. But I can see your logic and the attraction of it so I don't think you need feel too bad.

Bonsoir · 05/11/2011 20:49

I left my DD when she was 16 months old for eleven days to go on a ski-ing holiday. It was absolutely fine.

mjlovesscareypants · 05/11/2011 20:53

This reply has been deleted

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EightiesChick · 05/11/2011 20:54

I wouldn't have done it myself but I think it's OK to do with a few provisos. Plus if people would be OK with leaving your with your DS by yourself for a week, then it should work the same the other way round. Do you currently SAHM or is your DS in childcare? If the latter it will make less diffference; if you're an SAHM, and your DH has not done long spells of the during-the-day care before, it might be worth building up some more time where you switch round before the holiday so it doesn't mark a massive change for your DS. But all this is just speculative so you may be fully prepared already.

MadameJ · 05/11/2011 20:54

I think this is a very personal decision but I don't think it would make you a bad parent at all. Could you maybe try a weekend away first just incase you/LO find it too difficult (you could tell DH he needs to pay for a spa weekend just to make sure )

Yama · 05/11/2011 21:14

OctaviePink - how can you possibly know what the relationship between a father and their child is? You may be right that op's son is far closer to her than to him (you may not be) but that is not the case in every single family. My dc's are equally close to my dh as they are to me. That attitude saddens me.

Octaviapink · 05/11/2011 21:19

Yama OP's baby is only a year old and OP is the primary caregiver as her DH works. It's not a stretch to say that the OP's relationship to her baby is therefore much more intense and important to the baby than DH's. That doesn't lessen the importance of DH's role, which will become more crucial as DS gets older and more independent, it simply recognises the reality of baby psychology which is that they focus on one primary caregiver. I'm sure your husband is just as important to your children as you are, but yours are older.

Yama · 05/11/2011 21:23

Yeah, maybe you are right but I just don't think it's a given.

I admit to giving advice in this case based on my own circumstances. I must stop doing that.

jjazz · 05/11/2011 21:27

If you go no-one will blame you - least of all your DS who will have a great week of male bonding with his daddy. BUT- you will not feel the same as before whilse you are away. I have 2 DCs with a 10 year age gap. I thought nothing of leaving DD with mY mum and dad 10 years ago while I had a weekend away- including going abroard. Now I am 10 years wiser older I know its not worth it. The feeling of freedom is completely overshaddowed by the fact that you are thinking of them all the time and feeling that you should be home with them. I would never leave a one year old for a week as this is a very long time for one so young- but its your choice.

DialMforMummy · 05/11/2011 21:33

I have a 1 y DS. I don't think I'd enjoy a whole week away from him.
Ultimately though I don't think it's bad parenting if you chose to go.

winnybella · 05/11/2011 21:49

Hmm. DP took DD away for 5 days see MIL when DD was 15 mo. I loved it. I didn't miss her very much, not til the last day or two. She had a great time as well. I have left them few times since then, it was totally fine.

I think posters insinuating that it will somehow traumatise OP's DS are OTT, imho.

And God forbid a woman should have some fun instead of staying at home with the child 24/7

hermionestranger · 05/11/2011 21:53

GO! For gods sake GO! You deserve time to yourself too.

Herecomesthesciencebint · 05/11/2011 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bail · 05/11/2011 22:06

Trust your instinct. Personally, no I couldn't leave my baby for a week at 9 months or 19 months. DH and I are going to Rome and in laws are depserate for us to leave our 14 month DS with them, however both DH and I agree that we love DS' company and genuinely do not want to be apart from him. However I am sure that for DH's 40th in a coupe of years, we will almost certainly go away alone for a few nights.

I am a firm believer in doing what genuinely feels right. If you have a nervous knot in your stomach and feel agitated when the time comes to go... cut your losses and cancel. You will not enjoy if you feel like this before you have even left.

Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you, but perhaps would not be the right decision for others. So read the comments on this thread out of interest rather than leaning on them to decide what you should do

wigglesrock · 05/11/2011 22:06

I left dd1 at 6 months for five days to see my sister who lived in a different country - she stayed with her dad, everyone had a great time. We are leaving 3dds with grandparents for a few nights next month (6,4 years and dd3 will be 10 months by then) - to be honest not even giving it a second thought.

EricNorthmansMistress · 05/11/2011 22:08

It is not bad parenting. Your son will be fine. Your husband will love it. You will have a great time. You will miss him but it will be fine.

MotherOfHobbit · 05/11/2011 22:18

I think your DS will be fine but you may miss him more than you think.

Original poster

Snowboarder · 05/11/2011 23:29

Thanks for all the various views, will have a proper read through tomorrow. I know DS would have a fabulous time with his Dad. Even though I am a SAHP at the moment (mat leave still), DS is very well bonded with his Dad and I know he would be fine. I would probably struggle with it more than anyone.

It's such a hard decision. On the one hand, I was separated from my DS for 2 months when we was in SCBU and I never want to feel that way again. On the other I think he will be fine (better than fine, he'll probably have a whale of a time) with his daddy and, well - part of me just thinks why not? DH is going on 2 week long stag dos abroad, I will be flying solo during this time. It wasn't even a question really of whether or not it was appropriate for DH to have a week away from DS while I take over. Surely things should be equal, no?

Gah! I think what's almost worse is when people say "well go away if you want to but personally I couldn't". I know as the primary carer DS is more bonded to me and this maybe is how it should be, but if there's an opportunity to share role more equally now and again, is it ok for the other partner to take over? It's not like DS will be thinking "hang on a minute, who is this strange bloke she's left me with?". Then again...

OP posts:

yousankmybattleship · 05/11/2011 23:33

It is not bad parenting - a Dad can look after a baby just as well as a Mum, but I'm really surprised you want to leave your baby for a week. No way I could have left any of mine at that age. Your choice though I suppose.

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