Controlled Crying Help!!! HV advise for us...

[Scruffyhound]

Our little boy is 6 months old. He has had refulx and this is sorted now as far as we know he eats better and is more content and is not sick. We let him sleep with us it happend one night and he got used to it. We felt sorry for him thinking maybe the refulx was a problem. I was worried about cot death and all sorts so have not slept properly for a long time now neither has my partner. We have moved house about 2 1/2 months ago and its getting us down now. I spoke to the HV in the new area and they are so supportive. She told me to try the CC. Put him in his cot after a bath massage and milk (well 10 mins for milk to go down) then in the cot kiss say goodnight. After that point go in every 10 mins and dont talk and massage above his eyebrows and earlobes to relax him. We have been at it for an hour now he has screamed and cried. He sounds like he is settling down now? (hope so!) its the first night doing this. Also in the night he wants his dummy putting in if he wakes how do you stop that? I had no problems with my first son who is now 6 yrs old and im new to this. Does anyone have any advise if they have done it? I dont want any negative feedback really and dont wish to be told Im crap as I feel low and just want some advise off people whom have done it.

The fact that you are asking for advice suggests you are not entirely comfortable with the advice your HV gave you. HVs are not always right - I take most of what mine tells me with a pinch of salt and luckily as a second time mum know when she's talking bollocks. I would have been very reluctant to keep going with CC for an hour on such a small baby. That is a very long time for him to be distressed.

DD2 and I co-slept (DH was in the spare room!) until she was 8 weeks old or so then she went into her cot which was pushed right up against our bed so she was literally inches away. Would this be an option for you?

OP can I suggest a book called The sensational baby sleep plan. Its amazing, it does have a small amount of controlled crying , but it uses a scale of crying from 1 to 10 and you get to recognise your babies crys, if the baby is getting hysterical then you go to it immediately, but some babies (mind did) whinges and not properly crys, this type is easy to control.

We used this plan with my dd when she was about 12 weeks, she now sleeps amazingly and so many people comment on what a happy baby she is, we both get regular sleep and are able to enjoy each other. In fact now she hardly cries at all, she goes down for naps and sleep so so easily. Obviously it doesn't work for all babies, but I would say definately worth a try.

For us it was a must. This week we are trying to adjust following the clock change and I have been up at 5.45 a few times this week, I am completely wrecked and really can't cope when I get tired. I don't regret one bit of it.

Depending on the individual circumstances obviously, I am a definite supporter of CC. Worked wonderfully for my DS 14 months who started early waking. One night, one night! And now sleeping beautifully 7 - 7.15.

Anyway, reason I post is because of TheSecondComing's response. It made me sad to think that there is a mother out there who thinks so narrowly about motherhood. That motherhood is simply EBF and co-sleeping. You are still EBF at 16 months? congratulations 'dude'. You have nailed motherhood.

My mother did neither, (she has pased away now), I had the most wonderful, loving and uncomplicated relationship with my mother. I breastfed my son but never co-slept and I adore my boy and my boy adores me. I am so exited about our future together as mother and son.

I worry about you SecondComing, but I worry mostly about your children. So when they are no longer EBF (but you are still persisting to shove your nipple in their mouths no doubt) and they want to spread out in their own beds.... what? are you going to turn your back on them and basically say 'fend for yourself?'. Obviously I am being facetious here, but my point is that women like you risk difficult relationships with their children if they think motherhood is mainly about how you feed them in the early months of their life. 16 months? That is a barely a chapter in the life of a human being. You child is going to need an awful lot more from you TheSecondComing that your nipple and your bed!

The second coming- well when your child is 16 and asking for bitty then you can give yourself an even bigger pat on the back. Well done you dons surgical gown and heads to get sterilised

if you don't want to cosleep and EBF you shouldn't have kids dude.

ROFL - what a tw@t!!!

I think the fact that she said dude says it all.

Erm...wasn't TSC being sarcastic?

Not much I can say, other than

I should have read the thread in full, not scan read with half an eye on X factor!

shit- i've just read all of the second comings comments. was on my phone earlier and I do actually think that she was being sarcastic so apologies to TSC. I was out of line. These threads do tend to turn into a bunfight as everyone is of the opinion is the right one.

sorry again! ashamed!

OK i'll eat my words too, sorry TSC.

What I don't understand is why there has to be cc or nothing. CC is not the only way, just as co-sleeping isn't. Plus it might work for some babies, but not for others, after all they are so so different.

CC goes against all our insticts for a reason. There are other ways, less traumatic for a baby. Ok, there may not be any long term effects, no one can be sure as again I think it depends on the baby, but it's surely distressing.

Hear hear TSC.

I cannot function without sleep my kids need a fuctioning parent and iff CC was what got us to that point then.......

I wouldn't listen to that HV and would lose respect for any who advised cc for a 6 month old to be honest. Dd is 15 months and I still wouldn't do it now.

Ps, my HV recommended co-sleeping, their advice is personal opinion, nothing more scientific.

Argh, my phone keeps posting before I'm ready. Anyway, meant to add some babies will happily grizzle for a few mins before sleep, others, like my dd would work themselves up into a vomitting, hysterical mess and wits absolutely not drift off. I can't see how anyone could convince me that subjecting her to that is anything other than cruel and selfish.

Fwiw, she was a rubbish sleeper but then just recently has taught herself to self settle when she wakes 90% of the time, sleeps in her own room etc...so they can get there on their own too!

I need to state were going in every 5 mins and at first we found it better to go in every 2 mins firday night was 45 to 50mins second night was about 30 mins tonight was 40 mins due to a but if disruption we coudl not avoid. I think that before people comment on anything on here they need to read the post fully and understand it. My DS is in our room in his cot. He wakes if he sllep with us in the night if a move or my partner moves he gets broken sleep. He has seemed better thses past few days and more smiley if that is possible! I feel tired getting up in the night abut its only a few times compared to being woken about 10 times. He even feeds better on his solids which is nice as having problems with refulx this helps. I worked out his age hes nearly 7 months old now. I had my other son in his own room and cot by 4 months he was fine no problems at all. I have a friend who uses this method my cousin used it and also we know a nursey worker who said they watch the babys close but if they are tired and wont settle they put them down in the cot and stoke thier faces accross the eyebrows and down the nose. The stroking accorss the eyebrows is to relive stress and the earlobes are to relvie stress as well. I was also tols to massage the joints of the toes to help with teething. Im going to a massage class in a few days and will see what is said there. I love my both my DS and want the best for them just like every other parent. I wanted advise from people on here who had used CC and it worked just to hear their stories. But as usual its all negative........ I asked for advise on early weaning due to refulx and got flooded with negative feedback. I was advised to in the end due ot him being so sick. My DS 1 I had not problems with and he was fine and things were great. DS2 things are very different thats why I would not take advise off this forum but could use it as a tool to query the advise from health visitors/ midwives/ doctors........

Hi Scruffyhound,

I'm amazed at all the nastiness on this thread! My partner and I are currently teaching our 7-month old to sleep in her cot rather than in our bed. We're taking it in stages:

1. Sleeping in her cot all night (rather than our bed) but feeding on demand

1. Cutting down on night feeds

Stage one was pretty easy - it just meant getting up and feeding her in the lounge room. We're now on stage two, which involves occasionally letting her cry.

We're not leaving her to cry for hours BUT are giving her a chance to self-soothe before picking her up. If the crying is escalating and she's getting in a frenzy, we soothe her. We're listening to the crying and thinking 'is it getting worse? Or will she go back to sleep?'

Anyway, we've noticed that (a couple of weeks into it) she is sleeping much better, for longer periods. I'm feeding at 7pm, midnight and 5am and she's sleeping well between those. As she gets a little older, we'll stop giving the midnight feed.

I PERSONALLY think it is fine for babies to cry for a little while, provided they are not hungry or in discomfort. I love my baby like crazy and I think it is great that we're all getting more sleep.

Also, this method makes daytime naps MUCH easier - I can just pop her down in her cot when she's tired and she'll fall asleep.

Above all, follow your OWN instincts and don't let the intense opinions of mums netters get you down.

Well think a load of posts must of been put on here and I have missed them when i put my last message. Can I say thanks for the opinions and I have read most. I dont think being nasty or negative is a good thing for any thread. People can get emotional and have strong opinions. I dont think anyone is stupid, horrible, crap or anything like that. I try not to give negative opinions if I can help it as there are people at the end of thses messages its easy to forget on a computer. So thanks to them who e mailed my box oowww errr!! and on the other hand a bit sad that we cant air our feelings without someone being a bit over the top in thier replies. I will look in interest at this thread maybe in a few days. but I dont want to get involved in any slanging matches life is too short. So thanks everyone. And thanks for the supportive messages.

I did cc when my ds was 7 months. I am absolutely convinced it did him no harm whatsoever. He is extremely secure in his attatchment to both me and his Dad. He couldn't be happier or more laid back. I did the opposite with my dd - bedshared til she was 3, and she is now a neurotic 13yr old. I made myself ill with depression from not sleeping and relaxing properly when she was a baby, and it also contributed to the breakdown of my relationship with her Father. I was reluctant to do cc, but I just stuck to 4/5 min intervals. Didn't really increase them. Just stroked his head for a few secs when I went in. It took 3 nights. No regrets whatsoever & I'll be doing the same with his baby sister when she reaches 7 months. With regards the dummy issue, I had this when he was a few wks old, and I just stopped giving him a dummy. He was disgruntled for a night, but he slept better and so did I. Good Luck. Ignore the guilt trippers and do what you feel is right for your family, whatever that might be.

very sensible Pip. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

We did the pick up / put down thing from Baby Whisperer at around 10 months, and it did work. I found it an easier method than CC as you (mainly apart from the odd times where you might go insane) stay in with the baby, it did help having my DP on hand to help as well, not sure I could have done it by myself.

My DS then started sleeping through from about 4-5 nights after starting, well worth it. He 's now 20 months and mainly sleeps through and is much easier to settle in the night if he does wake and it helped with day time naps as well .

Not wishing to slag off all HV as I'm sure most are great at their jobs, but mine wasn't any use at all with the sleeping problem, (or with weaning him off the breast - all i got was "6 months, well done " in a really patronising manner like I deserved a medal for BF...which i didn't, it was beginning to drive me potty and would have loved him to take a bottle at least once a day!) so I would take her advice with a pinch of salt....there's plenty other things to try.