Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

What do you tell your child to do if he is pushed over in the playground???

40 replies

Starxx · 03/11/2011 10:51

Just out of interest, Im wondering what you would tell your 6 year old child (in 1st year) how they should handle the situation.

Do you tell them to tell the teacher or do you tell them to push back???

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

Starxx · 03/11/2011 10:52

And if you had a daughter would your advice be different??

OP posts:

instantfamily · 03/11/2011 10:52

I tell them to talk first and if no result with the pushing kid to go to adult.

instantfamily · 03/11/2011 10:54

I don't want my DDs to be pushed or for them to push but I also want them to be independent, so they need to stand up for themselves verbally and then, if all talking fails they can ask a teacher or other adult for help.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

stickylittlefingers · 03/11/2011 10:55

this is interesting, because (for reasons I won't bore you with) I was on a parenting course in Germany at the beginning of the year. The leader's advice was definitely push back, don't let your child think s/he can be pushed around (definitely gender neutral). I was a bit . But equally, the teacher doesn't want to know about every little thing I guess. What do teachers think?

Fortunately it hasn't yet been an issue for us.

lynlynnicebutdim · 03/11/2011 10:59

i am not in this position yet as DD is only little but i would like to think i would tell her to push back. I think running to a teacher all the time disempowers children and lets face it, teachers arent always interested in every little playground squabble. Mine certainly werent when i was in primary school.

pregnantpause · 03/11/2011 11:00

It has already come up for me and dd only started nursery in sept. I told her to tell the teacher, the teacher told her to stop telling tales. I then advised her to push back.

instantfamily · 03/11/2011 11:04

pushing! aren't we all trying supposed to raise peaceful world citizens?

stickylittlefingers · 03/11/2011 11:12

yep, I must admit I'm confused about the whole issue now. Do you say - with children you have rough and tumble, but then as adults they have to learn to not hit? - boys should not hit girls? Everyone should sit down and talk it all through together (come on 5 year olds let's work through our feelings)???

DD1 has had to deal with some nastiness, and a bit of hair pulling, but not full scale pushing over or hitting (afaik of course). I will be watching with interest to see what others think!

stickylittlefingers · 03/11/2011 11:13

I suppose there's the biting and whatever at playgroup/nursery, but then they're under the watchful eye of adults and it's all dealt with immediately.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 03/11/2011 12:11

Pregnantpause, the same thing happened with my DD. She was really upset so I told her to push him back.
She did and he never touched her again.

anothermadamebutterfly · 03/11/2011 14:26

A year or so ago my DD was getting pushed by the same girl again and again. In the end I told her to push back and she did, that sorted it for good, and the other little girl is now a friend of hers. Don't know if it was the right thing, but she has not been pushed/hit/bullied by anybody since. And she is tiny, the smallest in her year group.

Zimbah · 03/11/2011 18:57

Oh this has made me nervous about DD starting school and she's only 3! It would really grate on me to tell her to push back, but then if the teachers are going to dismiss her then perhaps that's the only thing to do. Shout at the pusher not to do it?

Choufleur · 03/11/2011 19:00

I've got to the point with DS (5 - Yr1) that if the same delightful boy in his class pushes him again to shove him back. Fed up talking to teacher who says to tell ds to tell her after it has happened. He does and it doesn't change anything.

I know that's really not the right thing to do - so flame away if you like - but the other kids is a real bully who seems to leave other DCs alone who do stand up for themselves.

ElbowFan · 03/11/2011 19:07

Choufleur I agree wholeheartedly! All the nice and polite requests in the world will not deter a determined little horror - but a good shove back will!

sabrinathemiddleagedwitch · 03/11/2011 19:14

Ds's experience was similar to choufleur's ds. He kept getting pushed around by the same boy, he told the teacher every time, nothing happened. This boy also kept 'accidentally' hitting ds with a football. After months of doing the right thing I told him to push back. Problem solved. The boy even has better ball control now.

recall · 03/11/2011 19:15

Can you imagine if you were walking in the High Street and someone pushed you over, you would call the police. I'm not suggesting that you call the Police about a playground shove, but it should be dealt with seriously by an adult. It is no more acceptable to be assaulted by a child or an adult.

I think kids are vulnerable in this situation because no one is there to protect them, I think it is the teacher's job, i see them as the kid's advocate.

matana · 03/11/2011 20:15

Yeah, i'd tell my DS to push back, much harder. And if he didn't then i would. And that comes from a peace, love and harmony gal.

cory · 04/11/2011 07:29

Our infants school was very clear in its messages: you have to tell a teacher or dinner lady if you or anybody else is hurt or frightened. And staff were given good training on how to deal with these matters. It worked very well- because instructions were clear and frequently reinforced, children did look out for one another and there was a general attitude in the school that hurting someone was unacceptable. But it has to be a two-pronged approach: both staff and children have to be trained.

Chandon · 04/11/2011 07:32

not push back.

Just get up and get on.

If it happens again and is clearly intentional, go to the teacher.

Tortington · 04/11/2011 07:55

i have BG twins - which is always fun for these comparisons, becuase if you have one sex or the other you think ' ofcourse i wouldn't do it different;y'

i also think that there are mitigating factors here - rather than a broad statement that hitting back is wrong.

if you were bullied at school, this is going to impact your decision

if the school is more sink estate than parish hall - this is also going to affect your decision.

the disposition of your child - will influence your decision

so my bg twins went to primary in the worst sink estate school you could imagine, if they got pushed i told them to tell the teacher

teachers dont do anything when you are 6 you know.

so i told them to push hit back.

ds didn't really have the disposition for this, so dd stuck up for him

DownbytheRiverside · 04/11/2011 07:57

I tell them to use a big voice and yell 'No, stop doing that'
Then tell the teacher if the other child doesn't stop.
Being actually pushed over, tell straight away.

3littlefrogs · 04/11/2011 08:04

With DS1 I did all the "tell a teacher, don't hit back etc". Complete waste of time. Ds1 was bullied very badly as a result of me advising him to behave nicely.

With Ds2 I told him to retaliate and not take any nonsense. He only had to hit back a couple of times (in reception) and he never had any more trouble.

PrincessLeia456 · 04/11/2011 18:23

This is really interesting! I'm a midday Supervisor so of course the official line is to tell a grown up on the plapyground. When children at school have come to me about problems similar to this I have challenged the other child/told them to stop and told the 'victim' infront of the 'perpetrator' to tell me again if it carries on. If it carries on the appropriate escalation procedure is used via head MDS/teacher/head teacher. The school are usually very aware who are generally the trouble makers. Quite often two accounts of what happen on the playground are very different!!! and 'accidents' are very quickly misinterpreted to parents as being much more sinster than they actually are!

BUT I have told my DS to 'push back' a child that has numerously pushed or hit him and wasn't getting the message!! This stopped the problem! My DD is too nervous to do this so I wouldn't suggest it to her!

stickylittlefingers · 04/11/2011 20:40

this came up on desert island discs today - how weird is that! So Victor Adebowale said that his father's advice to him was to take a small step back. The black kid wouldn't be wise to push back, I'm thinking.

SaggyHairyArse · 04/11/2011 21:38

I did the whole PC bollocks thing with my eldest. from nursery onwards I told him not to hit back, to say "stop it" and if they didn't to go and tell a teacher/play supervisor. As a rule they do nothing as they have lots of children to look after and they can't mediate with every single thing that goes on. 6 years later my child has been picked on by one boy for 4 years. A year ahead I told my DS to hit back and he won't do it because of everything else I have said before. I have been in and out of the school so many tiems i've lsot count. they say all the right thigns but it doesn't change the fact that one child is a bully and my son is his victim. I have moved my DSs school before because he is ultra sensitive and I am not moving him again because it will only happen where ever I moved him to.

So, with my youngest 2 I have told them that they are not to start anything but that they have my permission to finish it if someone physically hurts them on purpose. Not PC, but hey ho.

Flip

1 2