What do you tell your child to do if he is pushed over in the playground???

[Starxx]

Just out of interest, Im wondering what you would tell your 6 year old child (in 1st year) how they should handle the situation.

Do you tell them to tell the teacher or do you tell them to push back???

ahead - ago.

I too have a DS in year 1 who I can see is on the cusp of being bullied (3rd time DS has reported a playground incident involving same boy) so unless something is done by the school, all previous advice about walking away/telling the teacher/saying "no" loudly etc will be exchanged for a bloody great shove & a forceful "I told you not to do that again". I never thought I'd hear myself being a parent who will tell her child to fight back but I refuse to stand back & let it continue

hear hear

it's the only thing that works.

IME adults in schools generally do nothing to help children who are being pushed/shoved/bullied.

You only have to look at all the threads on here about kids who are being assaulted/picked on/bullied at school.

In an ideal world, staff would be trained, anti-bullying poicies would be in place and used, but the reality is usually quite different.

In my school, the pusher would be in a heap of trouble - and so would the child who pushed back.

As in most schools I'm sure Feenie but it's probably worth a one-off (well for one at least) chastisement if it puts a stop to bullying.

I would prefer to use other methods, i.e. coming down on bullying like a ton of bricks. But I accept that this does not always happen in other schools.

I am always surprised by how many MN parents tell their dcs to hit/push back though.

Tricky one, but DH and I have just discussed it and we'll be telling DC to push back. As a teacher, the problem is actually sorting out the truth and being certain this it's the case before you issue really strong punishments. And even then you get trapped in a room for two hours with the bully's parents telling you how wrong you've got their angel child....

I've often watched children get away with pushing, shoving and other low level stuff and wished that someone would put them in their place. It doesn't mean I dislike the children doing the shoving but it seems to be all they understand.

Wow yr comments have all been fascinating thank you, this has turned into a very interesting discussion.

When I was small I was told to push back but being past the 40 mark now I think back then it wasn't discouraged as much as it is now and there is a lot to be said for the 'PC' brigade...they don't always get it right in my opinion.

Thanks again, very interesting to read other points of view

Star xx

very interesting this. I always tell my 4.5 year old son not to push/ hit back. And have told him off before for reacting like this. Seems almost instinctive for him to shove back. He's small for his age but big personality.
I'm sure his school would reprimand both boys tho. First one to shove as well as second reactionary pusher. And I'm happy with that. Over riding message still has to be. It's not nice to push!

Somewhat surprised and quite sad so many feel the need to teach their DC to push back. Understand the need if no support at school but where will this lead as the kids get older/bigger?

VirtuallyHere - yes it is sad. But those of us who say this now have all probably learned the hard way that children who behave nicely and are polite, end up being bullied.

Ds2 is now 20. He is the most kind and gentle lad you could wish to meet. But he had to stick up for himself at school, because nobody else was going to do it for him, least of all his teachers or lunchtime supervisors.

VirtuallyHere I do think if you read the thread properly you'll see that most of us who have/will advise against pushing back are looking at it from a one-off 'nip it in the bud' way & certainly not teaching our children that this should always be the first reaction. It doesn't sit right with me either but as previously commented, if it's a choice of push once or be bullied, I know where I'll be voting.

Yes - most of us are saying that it usually only takes one incident of retaliating to establish the ground rules. There are some children who, once they have got away with a bit of low level aggression, will escalate it, and continue to intimidate the gentle, polite children, sometimes for years.

I remember when i was younger telling a teacher that a girl my friend and i knew in the year below (a friend's little sister) was being bullied. No word of a lie, the teacher looked me straight in the eye and told me she wouldn't jump to conclusions as the bully might have problems in her life and needed support. She had made this little girl's life a living hell for almost a year. So the bully kept on bullying until my friend and i cornered her one day and said we'd knock her into the middle of next week if we caught her doing it again. Funnily enough, that did the trick. I'm all for trying to sort things out in the most amicable way, but when that fails something has to give.