If you're a SAHM do you wonder what image of womankind you're giving your daughters?

[cupcakesbakingonanopenfire]

I've never felt any ill feeling towards being a SAHM (I'm the first to defend it as a wonderful career ) but I had my first hesitation this morning. Dd (who's 3 in Feb) told me to leave the sitting room (she wanted to watch cbeebies) as it was her programme and I should go in the kitchen and 'do cooking.' The tv (she said) was hers but 'this yours, mummy' she said pointing to the hoover.
Great!

hmm. That's probably true. But couldn't they counter the dull associations with an interesting laptop/stethescope?

lol!

Could it be that rather than seeing you as owning the hoover and her the TV, that you perhaps do the household chores while she watches cbeebies? and therefore she associates her watching telly with the hoovering from you, hence the "tv belongs to DD, and the hoover to you?".

I personally think that staying at home is the only option for having children. I know that others do not share this view so I will refrane from expressing my view to strongly as I do feel very strongly about this

Ds thinks that all dh and I do at work is play Thomas games on the computer (this is what we do if he comes into work with us). What a shock he is going to have when he starts work himself - should I let him down gently now?

How often does she see you with the interesting laptop/stethoscope though? If she sees you with the hoover, then that would be yours, just like the xbox is daddy's round here... books are generally mummy's.

I think a mixture of basic stereotype (tv, books etc), plus what she sees you doing is the cause of things like that. Give her a couple of years to be a bit older, and she can learn that you are a SAHM because you are an independent woman who chose to become one - you haven't been forced, and you're not the downtrodden wife. This is what you are doing with your life - and when she grows up, she will have all the same lovely rights to be able to choose to work or be at home with her babies.

KM - someone out there does spend their day at work playing games on the computer, and making new thomas delights ... you never know - your DS might end up earning a fortune doing it

Yes, I worry a lot about this.

I get around it to some extent by making dh do lots and lots of housework. . Male role models and all that.

One way I get round it in my own head, feminism IMO goes wrong where it just tells women to do what men do, eg have careers, etc, without also valuing what women have traditionally done. Looking after children is just as valuable a contribution to society as any other job (maybe more). Just because thats often not recognised doesn't make it any less valuable. There is a long history of seeing women's work as unimportant-think nurses compared to doctors, etc
Not to mention unpaid carers-usually (though not always) women.

I also like to present being a SAHM to my kids as a choice that I have made, with lots of positives, and not something I have to do because I am a woman. Yes it tends to involve cleaning . My last job involved hours of boring meetings. All jobs have their dull bits.

Currently (well until tomorrow which is my last day) I am a part time WOHM....however my dd's overriding perception of me is someone who does the cooking and cleaning - Shepherd says she doesn't see the 'career' bits.

meant to write - "as Shepherd says..."

Mergirl - you've made me resolve to get dh doing more 'domestic' things around the house in order to give the children a balanced perception....

there are many feminists who have valued care work and domestic work, though admittedly not all.

It is quite possible to "politicise" your daughters as a WOHM or a SAHM. My girls are treated to a rather relentless ongoing discourse on gender relations, among other things. I just talk to them about these things.

lucky them.

Thank. You've helped me through my glitch! I agree that she is probably used to me turning on cbeebies whilst I do the housework so she was probably only pre-empting that. Phew.

thank god i've got boys! though with them i find that the way dh is with me has a huge impact on them. is it the same for girls?

even more important if you've got boys, IMO. don't want to produce sexist gits....

that's what I worry about, that they'll turn out like DH!! One rule for men another for women

I've no problem with my girls or my sons seeing the kind of woman I am.

They know that they are loved and they know that I have a life outside of them.

It's a difficult one. I would hate my dds to think that work is only worth doing if someone is paying you for it. Somebody has to clean the loo and no, it shouldn't be me just because I'm female, but if it ends up being my job as a SAHM, I'm going to do it as well as I can.

Ok, confession time.

I got my ironing board out yesterday to iron my maternity jeans.

Ds said "What's that table mummy? Why are you wiping it?"

he is 2.8 and has never seen me iron before.

we laugh at DS (2) who continually fusses over his sister's baby dollies in their crib, kneeling and feeding them and cooing over them, or grabs her Barbie and dreamily says "she's wonderful." What with an older sister's toys to play with and a SAHD who clears up and cooks and shops and irons with him in tow, you could argue he's going to grow up with a skewed image of manhood. But I'd prefer to think that his parents just share jobs/roles differently from others and that he'll get the necessary male nurturing from me and female nurturing from his mother whatever we happen to be doing at the time. I do think it's not a bad feminist grounding for DD to see DW going out to work every day and me doing the housework. DW is shit hot at her job (which means we are able to do it this way) but like KeepingMum's DS, DD still thinks that DW and her secretary both spend all day printing off and colouring in Tweenies from the Cbeeebies website....

"even more important if you've got boys, IMO. don't want to produce sexist gits.... "

I agree with Fennel - essential to promote the right messages about women to sons! (so again, I resolve to get dh to do conspicuously more about the house in front of ds)

good post Marsy - I agree

Fennel, agree that many feminists do value unpaid work. (want to define femimism? ) . Eg Naomi Wolf. Not trying to run down feminism, at all, in any of its waves. But I do see some people arguing that women should be able to work outside the home and sweeping to one side the work within the home. Lindsey German and other socialist feminists spring to mind.

I do think they are a minority and most feminists see the wider picture. Eg the wages for housework debate.

Actually, my sweeping use of "feminist" there would have p**d me off too. Thanks for pulling me up.

I met Lindsay German once and she said to me that she believed women who had children at all were betraying the socialist movement by making themselves unavailable for political activity. She supported women's rights in the workplace and the home, but thought women with kids were actually a bit dim to have tied themselves down to a patriarchal structure, and than goodness she was around to do their work for them.

Was a revolutionary socialist myself right up until that conversation.

Oh and don't get me started on men who can't/won't iron/sweep up/ lower the f'ing toilet seat because "they don't know how" (ie mummy used to do it).

Ds (2.3) has chores he has to do. As he gets older he will have more. If he cannot cook. clean, and generally look after himself at 18, I will not be impressed.