what spacing is there between your children and how did you decide?

[miranda2]

Thinking about when to have second child (ds 2.3 - has to be at least a couple of months before I get pregnant due to work commitments, would prefer not to have to pay two lots of nursery fees at the same time so currently thinking about having second one wwhen first is 4 and just starting school) - just wondered what spacing other people had and any thinking behind it?

Hi Miranda, I am currently 14 weeks pregnant. Ds is 4 and will be starting school the week the baby is due! We felt the same as you are thinking, wanted to avoid double childcare costs (nor did we feel we could survive on one salary, if one of us stayed at home). Not sure I'd recommend timing it so exactly though!

2yrs 8months gap for us. We thought that would give ds1 time to be the 'baby' but not so long that he was too used to it IYKWIM.

I have 2 years and 4 months between ds's and 4 1/2 years btween ds2 and dd.

4y8m, 23m,27m between my four. The big gap was because I stopped ovulating, the smaller gaps were due to all known contraceptive devices failing to prevent dh's little army from getting through.

I aimed for a 2 year gap but due to miscarriages, etc, the gap is actually 2 years 9 months.
I knew that if DS1 got too big and my life became easier, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to start from scratch all over again (sleepless nights, etc).

4.5yrs (m/c between), 8yrs and 9yrs. No real thinking behind the gaps, it's mostly what nature gave us, although I didn't want a 2 year gap between them. There are 2 yrs between me and my bro and we fought like the proverbial and even now don't have much to say to each other yet I got on with my other siblings with 5 and 8 yr gaps. But I now think character and personality has more to do with how siblings get on, than age gaps.

Ideally I wanted 2 years ... then we waited as we were planning a holiday from UK to NZ ... then we waited as we decided to move to NZ and thought we ought to settle first ... so then it would have been a 3 1/2 year gap but then I had a miscarriage .... so NOW it will be a 4 year 2 month gap.
So not the way we originally planned it but the way it has happened.

do it now. IME a too much of a gap mean they dont play as well

2 mins between mine! Great decison on my part- being close in age has worked well for them- always sonmeone to play and fight with. I recommend.

There is a 10yr gap betweeen ds and dd (she's my stepdaughter). There are some huge advantages - ds absolutely worships his big sister and going out all together means there is always another pair of hands to help carry, hold hands, feed, entertain the baby etc. They also play 'together' very amusingly - dd was doing 'charades' with ds on holiday (using household items to dress him up - taught him a phrase and we had to guess who he was!). The downsides are: can't all go to the cinema yet, they can't share activities (not that I ever did that with my brother and we have a just under 3year gap). We do all go to the same places though - eg Science museum, restaurants etc with no problems.

DD started school 4th Sept, DS turned up 12th Sept (2 weeks early). Always wanted school age gap as I didn't feel I'd cope well with less, but didn't plan it to be quite that close. Would recommend an extra couple of months gap I think!

There will be 19 months between mine when number 2 arrives.

It's the same age gap as DH and his brother and my sister and brother. They all got on really well as children.

I wanted it as I had a horrible labour with DS and felt it would be a bit like getting back in a car after a car crash, i.e. the sooner the better.
Like Droile, I thought the older DS got, the less I'd like to return to bf and nappies.

Also, DS was a very easy baby - good sleeper, good eater so that made it easier. Hopefully they'll get on well. Time will tell.

2yrs 4 mths between DS1 and 2, but that was an accident, actually wanted to wait another year so DS1 would be at Nursery but now its brilliant(they're 5 and 3) they get on really well and I'm happy with it. DD was due yesterday! That will be 3 yrs 4 mths gap and I'm enjoying the free mornings whilst DS2 is at Nursery, so definitely advantages either way.

dd was born in the may ds was 11 in the june so nearly 11 yrs bwtn mine - not planned that way but it has worked out fine now ds old enough to look after dd great we get to go out! sometimes

miranda2, our DD is 3years 6 months and DS is now 10 weeks. We did roughly plan this time scale and it has worked perfectly for us. DD is brilliant with DS and helps me so much. She is also aware of what is happening and shows an interest in everything to do with babies. Plus I only have to deal with one set of dirty nappies which is a blessing.

As short as possible - ds is 9 months, and we're desperately trying to get the order in as quickly as we can!

I have almost exactly 2 yrs between my two (less 9 days). Planned it that way. I wanted to have the children and then be able to return to work if I want/have to. Had two lots of nappies etc for a while but it's getting easier now dd is 3 and ds is 1.

17 months age gap between my ds's. Ds2 is only 8 weeks old at the moment, so I guess this is the hardest time, but I have never regretted it.
We wanted 2 boys (we got our wish!) close together in age so they would have more in common and play together when they were growing up.
Also, I am not really a 'baby' person and I wanted the young baby stages to be over and done with (in regards to getting up in the night, not being able to leave them to have a night out because they are too young, the total dependence on you because they are too young to amuse themselves for more than 6 minutes at a time).

I never wanted to be still having babies when I was in my thirties, I had ds's before I was 25. When I'm 30, they'll both be at school, and I don't feel like I'll be too old to enjoy a bit of 'freedom'.
Although I know many people want to 'live their life' and have babies afterwards, I think I would've got too used to it being just me and dh, and become selfish!

We have almost exactly 2 years between our first 2 (dd born 6/2/00, ds born 3/2/02) and it has worked out fab for now - just in the last 3 months (since ds has finally walked) they are playing really well together. There's a similar gap between me and my sis and we are still pretty close, though there was a time in our late teens/early 20's when we werent.
There will be just over 22 months between ds and d?2, due mid december. Not sure how I feel about that - it was hard going first time with a 2 year gap to start with, and ds doesn't have as good language as dd did at that age. But I didnt have a lot of say in this pregnancy (coil slipped) so just having to get used to the idea.

22 months

There will be a 21 month gap between mine (I'm due in December). But it was an accident. I wanted there to be a 27 month or greater gap, as I was enjoying having only 1 child and was just getting used to being a mum and enjoying it, when I got pregnant again . I keep reminding myself that it was only a 6 month difference from ideal to accident. I think that everyone has different motivating factors. If I was younger, I think I'd have wanted a much greater gap. Good luck in your decision and be careful .

Miranda - your thinking is almost exactly the same as mine. DS is 2.3 yrs. I wanted another a few months ago, but with work I need to wait until after Christmas. DS will be in Pre-School Nursery by then we will only be paying for a space and a half at Nursery.... I think??

Can't wait! Good luck.

2 years 1 month between my two and it's brilliant now they are 5 and 3. Life is getting much easier. I knew I had to have them fairly close as like Droile and Gem13 the longer I left it the more I felt I wouldn't have wanted to start over again.

I think there are definite advantages to bigger age gaps, if you are able to choose. I''ve been quite surprised how many people choose a 2 year age gap or less, which feels quite short to me - all but one of my NCT group is now expecting their second, with a maximum age gap of 26 months!
But if nursery fees are a big consideration, you may find you don't have to wait so long - you may well be able to get a full time state nursery place for ds as a rising 4 year old, plus you are eligible for some money back on private nursery fees from the term after ds is 3. For me, even with a 2 year age gap I won't be paying full double fees for more than about 6 months.