what spacing is there between your children and how did you decide?

[miranda2]

Thinking about when to have second child (ds 2.3 - has to be at least a couple of months before I get pregnant due to work commitments, would prefer not to have to pay two lots of nursery fees at the same time so currently thinking about having second one wwhen first is 4 and just starting school) - just wondered what spacing other people had and any thinking behind it?

When number 2 arrives there will be a 21 month gap between him and his big sis.

Why did I do it close together:

• because I'm ancient (35) and who knows, might even want to squeeze a third child in.
• because in theory the closeness in age should promote them playing better together
• because if I had let it go too long and dd had emerged from the difficult dependent young toddler stage, she might have been much easier to look after which would have put me off going back to square one with a needy baby
• as they are close in age, hopefully I won't have to do what my friend does with a bigger age gap and drop them off at different schools in the a.m. Most of the time they will be at infants together, juniors together, and seniors together etc.

In all honesty the major factor is my age. If I had started younger I might have been tempted to space it out differently..

DS will be 3y 3m when no2 arrives in May. Financially it works out quite well because he will be eligible for nursery grant from Easter which will cut his costs quite a bit because I work 3 days and he can fit his five sessions into those days.

There wasn't really any planning behind it. I had been wanting to try for months assuming it might take a few months but DH refused, then he came round, then two days later I conceived. So I feel really lucky and DH feels somewhat shell-shocked.

Message withdrawn

hoped for a 2 yr gap but thats not going to happen. My advice ? Go on the ttc threads and see all the people who are having trouble even if #1 was easy! I'd try sooner rather than later as there are no guarantees it will happen straight away....

I always love to hear from mums with bigger age gaps. It makes me sad to think that if I eventually meet someone and have another ds will be well into primary school. All the other mothers at Nursery seem to have as small age gaps as possible because of age.

13 months, it was either supposed to be 15 months or three years, but DH's birthday on the top floor of a hotel in Paris and my cap was in the car!

I found it very easy to have them close together for the first 12 years, not so easy when it is GCSE's followed by AS's and then A's, finally UCAS forms, and two lots of driving lessons and cars all in 2 years!

Hi

There will be a 7 yr and 8mnth gap between DD and number 2. Idealy would have prefereed them to have been closer but I was on my own from DD being 18mnths and wanted to make sure next time I was in a relationship that felt right. Met DH 2.5 yrs ago and we got married in august and started trying straight away and lucky for us I was pregnant with in three weeks. We want number 3 quite soon after 2 may be 18-24 months we will just have to see how things go.

23 months - planned to be 2.5yrs but got caught out. Know aht you mean about childcare but in my experience it is not an exact science and I was just grateful to have another healthy baby - dont mean to preach but I had two miscarriages before ds1 and so I am really glad to be a mum! - oops it is not boasting is it... you've got to be sooooo careful on mumsnet these days!

Thought exactly the saem as you Miranda, ds1 was born in the May as dd started school in the Septmenber. It was great, maent I had all summer off work with her before she started school. Ds2 was a bit of a surprise! 3 1/2 years between my boys , at the moment I wouldn't recommened it as they are killing each other upstairs as I am sat here ignoring it all with a nice cold lager after my curry fa la la lala I cant hear you (picture me typing with fingers in my ears) (??)

I wish I had a gap.....still only 1 dd who is 26 months. Was expecting in Dec and was thrilled about that gap (2 years and a bit) and then lost it, then was expecting for a June baby (just over 2 and a half) and I thought, well, that's not so bad I suppose, and have just lost that baby too. REally really really wanted a 2 year age gap, but looks like it will at least be closer to 3 now. I'm envious of those with a narrower age gap than what I'll likely end up with.
hana

I didn't exactly plan the gap I've got (23 months) and the gap I'm expecting now(2yrs+8m). The plus side of 23 months?: a lot more rest; child1 was still napping daily until child2 was 6 months old; the kids are close to each other; older child didn't have lots of toys made of small choking risk bits; even though their opposite sexes, they can easily share bedrooms, baths and clothes for many years. The minus side: 2 children in nappies! Pushing a double buggy.

22 months. It took three years to get pg with ds so I wanted to start trying pretty sharpish (I'm 36). I'm self employed and find it sooooo hard to work from home with a little one running around so I also wanted a smaller gap to minimise the pre-nursery period (neither of them go to any kind of day care ). Basically it made sense economically to have them closely spaced so that in three years time one will be in nursery and the other at school - rather than having a big gap and me still not being able to work in four or five years time! I also have to agree with the others who have said that you can't time these things too precisely or you'll drive yourself demented if it all goes pearshaped..

I've got 2 yrs 4 mo between dd1 and ds and 18 months between ds and dd2. Not a lot of thought went into age gaps. I just decided I wanted another one and had to wait a little while to talk dp round before I had no. 2. Dd2 was a surprise baby, the result of one rare night when we finally managed to get round to it.

Thanks for all your replies! Especially reassuring to hear from others who've done what I'm 'planning'. Really can't afford two lots of fees, and can't contemplate giving up work for my own sanity - going back to work saved me when I had PND (I was doing a degree at teh time and was meant to take a term off and go back after xmas, but actually went to lectures with 2/3 month old in sling from September as I was going crazy alone in the house!!). I know it might not be as easy as it was the first time (one try... dh still feels a bit cheated...), but at the moment having one feels a better second best than having 2 too close together (sorry...). Hmm, bit of an incoherent stream of consciousness there! Its good to hear that lots of different people seem very happy with widely varying gaps, anyway.
On another tack - will my son (theoretically 4 if we're thinking ahead) hate me for producig another child?? I feel v. guilty at the moment for thinking about having another!!