Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Parents with three young children

27 replies

Mog · 16/12/2005 13:02

Do your children have many playdates or outside activities. I've got dd 4.5, ds 3 and ds 1.5. Dd started school half-days in September and I just can't muster the enthusiasm to make play-dates. The thought of another child to look after just makes me exhausted. Also because dh works crazy hours it is very difficult for me to take any of them to things like ballet or gymnastics. Ds1 goes to nursery three mornings a week so he has a bit of an outing then. But I'm starting to feel a bit guilty that they need something more. How do the rest of you manage?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Auntybrandybutter · 16/12/2005 13:04

Dont feel guilty. Mine never wanted to do extra and the health visitor said that was nice cos it meant they were happy with me!!

They get their social activities at school and nursery. Do what you want to do and dont wear yourself out worrying or trying to be super mum. children need chill out time too!

doormat · 16/12/2005 13:07

agree with aunty
also when the weather is nice I used to take mine to the park or beach
in colder weather i used to play games or bake cakes

PeachyPlumFairy · 16/12/2005 13:38

They go to parties and one to art class, but not a lot beside (they're 6, 4 and 2.5). They are happy to play with each other TBH, and tend to stick together elsewhere anyhow.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 16/12/2005 14:03

I've only got two, 5 and 3, but I also don't do many outside activities. I have never signed them up for more than one extra activity weekly (other than their school or nursery times) as I think they need rest, family-time and playing with each other far more than organised stuff. Bringing up children isn't a race or a competitive sport! Ds just started reception this term, and he goes to one after-school activity on Mondays and has a playdate (here or there, so-to-speak) roughly every other week. I really don't feel that there's any rush.

EasyOnTheSherryPlease · 16/12/2005 14:10

Even tho' I only have 1 ds, I vowed that I am not going to get into that whole round of charging off to drama, music, scouts etc.etc, I am waiting for ds to show an interest in an activity, and might allow one, but feel it is important for children to learn to occupy themselves.

My friend has 3, and the eldest one is now starring in ballet shows. My friend is already worrying about how to spend equal time/money/effort on activities for 3 of them.

Oh, we hardly ever do playdates either, except perhaps an inset day.

Original poster

Mog · 16/12/2005 14:10

I didn't say anything about a race or competitive sport! I'm just concerned that they are not getting enough experience outside of the everyday and I wondered how others coped with this.

OP posts:

Enideepmidwinter · 16/12/2005 14:11

if they aren't bothered then you shouldn't be. Nice for the dd to do ballet or swimming if she wanted to. But they will ask you when they are older i am sure.

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 16/12/2005 14:13

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you did. It's just that so many parents schedule so much into their children's lives that people like us begin to doubt ourselves and think we're not doing enough for our own children.

QueensSpeechEagle · 16/12/2005 14:17

I have 5 ranging from 14 to 1. tbh when one of their friends comes round we hardly notice. Last week we had 2 friends round, 1 each for my older boys and they went off to the respective bedrooms to play and I hardly heard a peep from any of them.

I have to say though, that these are well established, well known friends who I trust to behave and to respect my ds's toys, and I would have no qualms about giving them a telling off if needed. If it were new friends then I would keep much more of a close eye on them and I would, in all honesty, find it a bit tedious.

If your kids are happy, then I shouldn't worry too much. They may change as they get older so there is plenty of time yet.

snowydelight · 16/12/2005 14:17

Stop feeling guilty - you have enough on your plate! If you do playdates the kids aren't old enough to sort themselves out so you just end up looking after more children. My kids are older (12,7 and 2) and I only have other children around if it makes my life easier - not harder. Kids who whine, attention seek, cause arguments or are nasty to the other children in the house don't get invited back. Those who play nicely, include the others if appropriate, and eat what they are given do

Kelly1978 · 16/12/2005 14:24

i have four, aged 5, 3, and 2 x 8mnths. THere is no way I could do a playdate, I have a full on routine when I get home, which lasts until bedtime. We all have to muck in and there is no way I could have another child too. I don't think they would enjoy it much neither, helpign with tidyign up and babies.

Kelly1978 · 16/12/2005 14:25

btw I don't feel guilty, the kids go to parties at weekends or whatever, but there enough kids in here for the evenings!

Passionflowerinapeartree · 16/12/2005 15:31

I only do return invitation playdates, as I've had enough by 3pm and can't be bothered to add another child to the chaos. DD1 does ballet and modern though. It's is a pain but I really think it is worth the agro as it is the only time she gets to mix with girls who arn't exclusively from her class at school.

Original poster

Mog · 16/12/2005 18:28

Bump for the evening crowd

OP posts:

KateF · 16/12/2005 18:33

My elder 2 (6 and 4.5) each do tap and ballet class and swimming. I only occasionally do playdates without the other mum present as I'm to tired/stressed to handle other kids as well as the baby. I'm sure yours will let you know when they want to do other things but it's quite ok to say only one activity -you're only human

geogteach · 16/12/2005 19:09

Mine are similar ages to yours (4.5, 2.5 and 14 months). DS1 does am school (full time after christmas), DD goes to nursery twice a week. They each do one other activity I take DS2 swimming when DD is at nursery, DH takes DD on Saturday and DS1 does spanish school with mother in law. If I have other children round it is when one of the others is at school or nursery. I do sometimes look after friends kids to return a favour though as I often need people to look after the younger 2 if DS1 has a hospital appointment. Luckily at the moment DS2 has no friends (but his brother and sister are his heroes

Original poster

Mog · 16/12/2005 19:42

We've got no family nearby which would have helped with trying to get out with one or two at a time. Dh is off on Saturdays so I think I will try to look for a ballet class for dd on Saturdays. I do think it is important to do something other than school.
What about playdates? How important do you think they are? I know some children in dd's class have started them.

OP posts:

ImdreadinganAUTIExmas · 16/12/2005 19:48

We can't go out when I have ds1 + any other so I tend to split the family a lot. DS2 goes to nursery every morning, and when ds1 is off school ds3 (11 months) goes to a chilminder for a few hours each morning whilst I take ds1 out somewhere while ds2 is in nursery. Sometimes ds3 goes to respite so I can take the other 2 out. In the summer I was able to get someone to come in for a few hours each afternoon- she picked up ds2 from nursery and the took him and ds3 out somewhere whilst I took ds1 out. I would just stay in, but ds1 gets bored, stimmy and destructive so I do need to try and get him out each day. If I have no help then I bundle the kids in the car and go for a drive.

ImdreadinganAUTIExmas · 16/12/2005 19:49

sorry ds1 goes to respite, not ds3.

geekgrrl · 16/12/2005 19:58

yes, don't feel guilty. Also, it's probably just a matter of another year or so until things get easier.
Mine are now 6, 4 and 2. The 6 year old often has a friend over and it's actually much easier for me because they just stay in her room. I hated playdates when she was in reception and actively avoided them. Really, there's no need to rush playdates. Dd is now in year 2 and she's only just started having frequent playdates. They spend enough time with their friends at school.

Dh takes the youngest and the eldest swimming on Saturdays - he goes in with the little one whilst dd1 has a lesson in another pool. That's dd1's only venture into the outside world, seems to be enough for her.

flashingnose · 16/12/2005 20:00

I have three aged 6, 5 and 2. I was more enthusiastic for the oldest to have playdates and out of school activities as we were new to the area. Now number 2 has started full time school, I've severely cut back on activities but I have one child back about every couple of weeks (the oldest two alternate with asking someone). It's no extra hassle tbh. It also means that I've now got to know some other mums who are interested in sharing pick-ups/drop-offs for out of school activities and who I can also ask to mind some/all of my kids as they know I will do the same for them.

Tortington · 16/12/2005 20:35

ni, i never did playdates - what a fkin nightmare getting three kids ready so you can palm one off ( like one makes a difference - it never made that much difference to me) only to go back 2 hours later knowing you " owe" a playdate with the little b*stard down the street.

Glitterygook · 16/12/2005 20:41

I have 3 and they are exactly the same ages as yours! 3 boys here though!

Ds1 is in school full time, ds2 goes to nursery 3 mornings and ds3 is at home with me. On the two mornings ds2 is off nursery we do soft play and gymnastics.

Ds1 has swimming lesson on Sat am (ds2 to start in new year).

Playdates we do about 1-2 a week for ds1 after school - I actually find it easier if there is a friend here because they all just play together then.

Tbh, whatever I do it's hard work and exhausting but I prefer to have the boys friends about and going out and about as it's more interesting and it keeps them occupied.

Original poster

Mog · 16/12/2005 20:53

Ta custardo - spot on as usual

OP posts:

flashingnose · 16/12/2005 20:58

But it's much easier to do certain things with less children in tow IYKWIM and if having little Johnny to play means my life will be made easier in return, I'll do it.

I don't do it for the children's benefit - I had three kids so they always had someone to play with

Flip

1 2