Like getting blood out of a stone (homework)

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

It's so hard to get my DD (5) to do her homework, mainly reading.

It's driving me crazy. We only do it once or twice a week so it's not that much. The books she gets are challenging but not in a too hard way. Just in a concentrate and you'll learn something sort of way. Some of the words she already knows and some she can figure out by sounding out and others are new. So I don't think they are too hard.

Last year in reception I introduced a sticker chart which helped a bit.

Toady doing the homework I have been trying to get her to point at each of the words herself rather then me pointing and I have had to tell her 30 fecking times to do it. When she isn't pointing she loses track of where she is so adds in random words as she starts guessing or misses some out or reads the same one's twice.

I tell her over and over to stop fidgeting, to actually LOOK AT THE BOOK she is supposed to ber reading and not at the ceiling. To stop making silly noises and singing . . .

JUST LOOK AT THE FECKING BOOK AND TRY TO READ THE FECKING WORDS!

I had told her off for fidgeting and swinging about in her chair one too many times and have put her on the naughty step and told her that she'll have to sit there for 5 mins and to come straight back and do the homework, so that she will learn she can't get out of it by playing up.

I have been typing this in the 5 mins naughty step time.

Am I being harsh? Does everyone have this problem. What the feck can I do about it? It's like getting blood out of a stone!

Read it to her. Then write in her reading record book. "We shared this book and little eyebrow was fascinated by the space theme." Done.

she doesnt need to read fluently to them,they wont understand!.she just needs to get into the habit and hopefully find a love of reading out loud.make it part of play,set up her cuddly toys,you could read a line,then let her have a try.

Jeepers, mine are reluctant but they are three and four (why exactly do three and four year olds get homework, they can't even bloody read the instructions yet? ) Sounds like I have a decade or so of fun ahead of me yet.

OP it sounds as though she isn't ready for school. Is she a summer birthday? I know it is really hard but maybe you need to step back a bit ( especially if you can get the teachers on board.) I had to stand my ground a bit. I couldn't see the point in sending spellings home with a 6 year old who was unable to read. I even helpfully brought the matter up at the parents OFSTED meeting. DS1 was in bottom groups for everything, on the reading recovery scheme in year2 or possibly 3. Roll forward a few years and straight A's at A level and a place at a good university. Part of the problem was the reading books were so boring and he had to keep plugging away at them for so long. I smiled at your comment about the space book as that was about the only one that he would engage with. I was much more chilled with my subsequent DC's as I hoped they would follow the same pattern.

seeker Really can I do that? I thought I was supposed to get her to read it rather then read it to her. Thought that was the point, to help her learn to read. I do read loads of books to her by the way, she loves it.

twotesttickles I assume they are in nursery? I don't think my oldest ever had any homework in nursery!

Kandinsky Not ready for school? She's in year 1! Been in full time school for over a year. And no not summer birthday, it's in the spring. She does find it incredibly tiring, probably due to a health issue. So after school isn't good for homework as she's knackered and weekends she just doen't want to think about it.

DS is 6 and in P2 which is same as year one. He has to read half a Biff and Chip book each evening - 16 pages. It is a struggle. He does all the things your DD does OP - fidgiting, looking round the room, chaning the subject, asking how many pages left when he has not yet finished the second page of 16. It is so hard not to get frustrated. I keep telling him that if he just concentrates on the words and reads them the reading with be over and done with instead of dragging out......

Funnily enough when it cames to me reading stories to him he cannot get enough and asks "just one more" every night. So I have started to say "ok I will read one more if you read one to me" I bought some extra Biff and Chip stories (yes I know) and some superphonics ones which are all easier than the ones he has to do for school so they really help him I think as he feels more confident and can read them more fluently.

Yesterday he had a friend from the class over to play who is apparently the clever one in the class. I left them to play while I made lunch - I came back to find the other boy reading out the problems in a maths book I had bought DS and both of them sitting discussing times tables. Then later on I came back to find them both curled up on a chair with the other boy reading out loud to DS. He was reading Zog very fluently indeed. So I said to DS how great it was that this other boy could read the maths questions and that story book out. I could see him thinking about it so am hoping with provide inspiration......

I agree that you should remove all pressure to read. Stop trying, do as seeker suggests and read school books together(with you doing most of reading) she will start to join in, then probably take over at some point, when she's ready.

My son is 6 and yr 2 and I love his new teacher - at a group parent meeting last week, she said she didn't agree with homework and would not be setting it at all during the year. The book that comes home is only to be read if child wants to. Parent and child change that book together in the morning as often as they like but don't have to read or change the book at all, if the child chooses not too. It's fantastic system as there is no pressure but reading as a fun activity is encouraged.

My DS gradually picked up sounds but struggled to extend that to sounding out words in yr 1 but over the summer it clicked for him and the thing that made a difference was he sneaked into DS2s room, "stole" his horrid Henry collection and we found him reading them independently in his bedroom. Weirdly he hardly struggled over it and read it himself without help. I'm sure it was because he was suddenly motivated and excited by reading, rather than switched off as he was by biff& chip.

i agree with seeker.

ds1 was very, very similar. so i didn't force it. i didn't want reading to become a chore, the thing he got punished for not doing, and i didn't want him to resent it.

so if he was willing he read. if he wanted to stop he stopped.

he has just gone into year 2 and all of a sudden he reads! he reads and reads and reads.

all kids do things at their own pace. this isn't worth the fighting- you'll just end up putting her off. she will learn to read you just let her need to do it in her own time.
encourage her, but don't force it

"seeker Really can I do that? I thought I was supposed to get her to read it rather then read it to her. Thought that was the point, to help her learn to read. I do read loads of books to her by the way, she loves it."

Of course you can. I hereby, by the powers invested in me as then oldest surviving mumsnetter, give you permission.

You are helping her learn to read by reading to her, by making reading something fun, by sharing books, by letting her see you read, by reading recipes, comics, menus- by getting grandma to her postcards.....and if you have to stretch the truth a bit in her reading record, so be it.

gilmoregirl fidgiting, looking round the room, chaning the subject, asking how many pages left when he has not yet finished the second page of 16 -

Mine does all of those [cry]. I am not the most patient person in the world so it drives me batty. I think the thing with the other boy will probably really help, I can completely imagine that helping mine.

mintychocchip That teacher sounds fab. I read the space book to my DD again this morning, partly because I felt bad about yesterday but partly just because she was interested in it. I've asked the teacher if we can keep it a bit longer. I've never done that before as I always assume I have to stick to the "rules". (What's wrong with me?!)

DS now 9 was an instant and avid reader. DD (6, just started Yr2) has found it really hard. And last year (yr1) was a real struggle... catch 22, she found it hard, didn't want to do it, I wanted to help.... got v. frustrated as even when she seemed to be trying it seemed to be so random. So, things that helped:

• try reading in the morning - not so tired then
• ask her to tell you if she wants to figure a word out or wants you to just say it (or sound it out) if she gets stuck. Otherwise they can get so frustrated
• tell her learning to read WILL happen ( sometimes I think they don't realise it takes while), but she needs to have a go (rather than guess randomly by staring at the ceiling and guessing by any random letter within the word....aaargh.. calm down)
• repeat pages, ie you read them first, and then she reads the same page
• take turns, you do the left pages, she does the right
• don't do more than 10 mins, unless she wants to

I also liked Reading Chest website. We used these as story books I read to her (usually) but at least the words were at the the right reading level so I could read and point. Otherwise so many story books that are good for bedtime reading have words that are way beyond their level so it's nice to have some that they can also read along with that aren't school books.

BTW - reading this year seems to be going a lot better for DD - she is actually picking books off her bookshelf to read which has NEVER happened before. It just takes time.

BTW - re the singing... my DH sings all the bedtime books, and reads them upside down and backwards and puts wrong words in and makes up nonsense sentences. Silly Daddy. Good for when mum's a bit stressy though

Well today after school we read a book together which is one of her favourites. I read one pages, she read the next. I didn't push her and helped her much quicker when she struggled although I still encouraged her to work it out herself. It's a book which she knows very well indeed and so she wasn't exactly reading it all as some was from memory.

She enjoyed it though, much more then usual. At bedtime we read her school book together. Or rather I read it to her and asked her what the odd word was and she read a couple of sentences.

She seemed much happier and much more relaxed.

Have put in her reading book how much she read so I am hoping they won't say it's not enough. Last Friday they sent home a letter saying they want the children to read to their parents every night.

Thanks everyone!

Our school says 10 minutes of reading every night, but when they are that young, there isn't much of the evening left before bedtime, and by the time you have fitted in a snack, family meal and they've had the chance to play for a bit there is no time left for reading. When DS started school he was going up to bed at 6.30! So we didn't read very often. We would read lots of our own books with the children and they both love reading now. I also took an executive decision on homework for DS in Yr 2 and told the teacher that I don't agree with homework for that age so he wasn't going to do it. I think she privately agreed with me and said it wasn't a problem. The head doesn't like it either (giving them homework at that age, rather than me refusing to get DS to do it).

DD has now started secondary though, so she has no option but to do it.

Herb Pretty sure our school wouldn't feel the same, (although I do), they are very pushy when it comes to literacy.

Right, people, gather round. I have been a parent for nearly 16 years and I have secrets to impart that I have learned the hard way. I have learned them so you don't have to.

You know that reading record book? The one you write in every night? Did you know that the teacher really, really won't know if you are.....economical with the truth? You don't have to lie- that would be wrong. But "we shared this book" "dd enjoyed this story" "we read this book together" "dd LOVED the bit where Biff and Chip buried dad in the sand" " looking forward to hunting for more magic glasses tonight"............I'm sure you can think of your own! So long as you spend some time reading together, it doesn't matter who reads to whom.

Thanks you for your hard earned wisdom!

I'm with Seeker here. (In fact Seeker I find myself always nodding in agreement with your posts).
There is a similar thread here.
I also made that executive decision on homework and guess what? It makes no difference in the long term whether you sweat blood trying to force your 5 year old to read or you wait until they are ready.

when my dc were at primary I refused to let them do any homework unless they actively wanted to do it. This didn't cause any problems with the head - we crossed out the bits in the home/school agreement which we didn't like and signed the rest of it. My children all had level 5 SATS in year 6 and have always been at or near the top of the class. It helped that I was an education advisor at the time but I would still have stuck out for children needing time to pick blackberries, climb trees or just gaze into space and be children. I feel really strongly about this. If learning is a constant argument at home we are putting our children off rather than encouraging them. We did such a lot with them at primary age that educated them but wasn't set by the school as homework. They weren't disadvantaged at all.

menopausemum [nodding along]

I've been there with one of mine.

I found me reading a story first then both of us taking it in turns with a page each of the school book helped.

Hear hear menopausemum

Ok another question. Do you think it is ok to put "my DD and I did sums today instead of reading". I know it's supposed to be a reading book but can I substitute the reading for other educational things sometimes? She quite likes sums at the mo.

Yes of course it's ok. What do you think they are going to do? But if you're worried about it, read her a story then use the " dd and I shared this book today"

You write out some simple word problems for her to do, they killing two birds with one stone! [genius lightbulb emoticon]