have put favourite pen in the bin and i now feel rotten

[jinglinggoblin]

ds was told if he got pen on the floor the pen would go in the bin. he did and it has. he is very upset, and is now on the naughty step kicking the wall and screaming his head off. he is nearly 7 so understands this. do you put things in the bin? can someone make me feel better please or tell me if im wrong, whichever - would prefer the first option tho! i need to know im not the evil witch ds is telling me i am. also need somwething to stop me going back to the naughty step and shouting at him

Was it done on purpose?

Was it done on purpose? Or though not doing as he was told? Or was it a genuine accident?

If it was expensive, etc I'd be tempted to say it was in bin, but to put it to one side - maybe FC will replace the pen if he is good between then and now (and then bring it out again)?

Otherwise, it goes in the bin and stays there.

If you've told him that it will go in the bin, then it has to go in the bin - you need to be prepared to stand by what you've said, and he needs to know that you will stand by what you've said.

I'm with WWB here.

So am I.

he had the option of resting his paper on the table or the floor. i told him if he drew on the floor it would go in the bin cause we have varnished floorboards and pen doesnt come off. as we want to sell the house soon its quite important, but its also this total disregard for other peoples property that really annoys me. he didnt do it on purpose exactly, he just didnt take any care not to do it, despite several reminders within just a few minutes. he is now kicking the newly decorated wall which will leave smears of muck (not the 1st time he has done it) and i just feel that at nearly 7 he should know how to behave. he has also lost use of his thunderbird toy til wednesday for kicking stuff around in the hall. he is still screaming his head off and threatening to break the house!

I'm with the "was it done on purpose" thing?

I tend not to use the bin as a threat because I hate the thought of how I would feel if someone had the power to throw out my things - I tend to just "take them away" and give it back at some later date when it is all over and forgiven.

Can you shut the door on him and walk away? I know he is messing up the walls, but that's done now... completely cut yourself off from him (go hide in the loo if needs be) until he has calmed down, or I can see you working each other up

as far as the first issue goes though - yes, leave it in the bin. Its not like he dropped it by mistake, he lay on the floor and coloured when he knew that he should be using the table.

goblin - You shouldn't have given him the 'option' of the floor or the table, if the floor is easily marked by pens, IMO.

thats why i feel bad fr, i didnt actually expect him to do it because he is quite capable of not drawing on the floor but he just doesnt care. its horrid to throw out someone elses things, but at the same time he is quite happy to stamp on our things and break them, he just doesnt care about other peoples stuff and i think by this age he should be a bit ore considerate. am i expecting too much of him?

I would sneak it out of the bin, hide it and return it at some later date when he has been particularly helpful - even under the guise of being a new pen.

But as far as he is concerned it is gone for now.

And then I would have a good talk with him about being responsible and caring for the house.

Not having my own 7 year old, not entirely sure of their capabilities, but like you, I would expect him to understand. I like the idea of sneaking it out, and returning later.

pp - he got the option because his 5 yo brother usually draws on the floor and we he has never marked it, but then he seems genuinly sorry if he breaks something which belongs to someone else, ds1 doesnt care at all. he was resting on a huge book, its not like the paper was the size of a postage stamp so he could easily have managed. you are right tho, in future he wont get a choice

fr - i am ignoring him, thats why i am here!

i think you are right about sneaking it out throck, i often do that maybe santa will bring it back

Would you not consider returning the pen to him if he apologises and tries to clean up the mess? I would

I think that bringing it back is a mistake - if you are going to make the threat of throwing something out then you really do need to carry out the threat. Otherwise your words have no credibility with your son. Plus he is now likely to believe that his tantrum has had the desired effect, and he will do the same again another time to get his own way.

He's old enough to understand that (a) he has to respect other people and their property and (b) that his actions have consequences.

I would take it out of the bin as it is only your money that you are wasting. Leave him on the naughty step until he calms down then make him help you clean everything. He is just be a very naughty boy (kicking the wall). Dont let him know you have the pen. Would he act like that in someone elses house?

i cant give it back now, i will think about returning it at xmas after a long chat with santa about his behaviour from now til then

i think i will also find him a job to do this afternoon which will be helpful and then he realises how much work me and dp do to keep things nice! he does have to tidy up his toys but i honestly think he believes the fairies do the housework as i usually do it when the kids are elsewhere.

he is now off the naughty step and has apologised.

thank you all for keeping me occupied and making me feel like less of a dragon!

I have 2 levels of bin... if things go in the kitchen bin then they can be retrieved when chil dis suitabley apologetic.

However for really serious offences...it goes in the the big bin outside that the binmen take away and can't be retrieved!

Tough as old boots, me, TreeFuses

Maybe the thing to consider is whether threatening to put things in the bin is something you continue using as a disciplinary measure. Because if you're not happy to carry out your threats, then they're the wrong threats to be making.

Message withdrawn

he has just kicked one of ds2s toys by accident - he apologised immediately and picked it up! have obviously made an impression with my little speech aboutlooking after other peoples stuff

i dont normally use it as a threat but i honestly didnt think he would draw on the floor! will think a bit more carefully next time