mother & baby groups

[magnum]

I have never been to a mother & baby group before and would like to start going to one in my area (my dd is 4 mths). Does anyone know where I could find out where they are held and do you just go along or do you usually need to book?

Try local library, church noticeboards or even your HV/baby clinic.

You could also try contacting your local Children's Information Service (should be in the phone book).

A word of warning, I found M&B groups (especially the bigger ones where there can be up to 30 people attending) quite intimidating at first. It does take a few sessions of perservering and really making an effort to speak to anyone before you start to get to know people. It is worth it though! Just be prepared to come home after the first one thinking that it was all a complete disaster!

For smaller groups that meet in each other's homes you could try contacting the NCT as well - they will put you in touch with your local group.

thats what I'm a bit worried about. I'm not great with new people and find it difficult to make the first move. I feel I'll end up sitting on my own looking like a complete lemon!

To be honest, magnum, the first time if you're like me (unless the organisers are super fantastic about spotting newcomers) - you will feel a bit of a lemon! Actually, you're in an advantage though that you're with a baby rather than a toddler in that you'll probably find a seat close to some other mums with young babies and it'll be easier to strike up a conversation. I always end up chasing around the room with a toddler and as a result found it a slower process to stop and talk! Then again, I was more occupied and "entertained" being involved with what ds was doing, so I had less lemony moments It's all swings and roundabouts...

I promise though, that it does become easier and if you end up going to a few of them in the area it's amazing how quickly you get to recognise local faces and start making friends!

I think its going to be one of those things that I will find difficult but feel I really must do. I miss my colleagues at work and do not know any other SAHMs in the area. For the first 4 months, just staring at my dd in fascination has been enough but now I am finding I need some company during the days. Hopefully I will find a nice group and will feel really pleased with myself if I do pluck up the courage to go. I think the hardest thing will be to go back for a second session if the first one proves to be lonely!

I certainly found it hard going back the second time but I'm so glad I did now. I know several people by face to chat to while I'm there now, recognise many of my neighbours and can chat to them casually while walking by (they attend the group too) and one person (who I'd also seen outside the nursery ds goes to) I've now spent some time with at her house (and she's due to visit me next week).

My HV was good in that she put me in contact with someone else who was new in my area who was finding it hard to make friends (i.e. not a group, just someone to chat to and have coffee with) and I've seen her a couple of times.

Also, look out (or even initiate) for mumsnet meetups in your area. They're great. Although we haven't managed to arrange a "proper" meet up with others, I have met up with WSM (I hope she doesn't mind me saying this, lol) which went a long way to making me feel less friendless in a strange area.

I moved here in July (although in practise with it being summer holidays, didn't really start meeting people "properly" until September), and I'm just now starting to feel that I know people here and maybe have potential friends I can call up and suggest a coffee with. So, it doesn't happen overnight, but it is possible, and quicker than you initially expect it to take.

The other thing you could look into - does your Health Visitor run any post-natal groups? I found that invaluable for meeting people in the same boat and making friends. Try hanging around the health clinic lots and make small chit chat with the other mums waiting - you'd be surprised how many are in the same position as you and would be happy to meet up!

Thanks for all the advice GeorginaA. Having a chat with my HV sounds like a good idea. When you have a baby you really do need to meet other mums. I will have to make the effort! Out of interest, does anyone else have any positive or negative experiences of mother & baby groups?

I have loads of positive experiences. We moved house 2 weeks before ds1 was born, and I made all my friends through mother/baby or mother/toddler groups. Two of my closest friends I met at the first mother/baby group I ever went to, when the children were only c.10 weeks old. It was a 'postnatal' group organised by health visitors for a few weeks, but then afterwards we arranged to continue meeting up in each other's homes. Those children were my son's first playmates, and those mums my soulmates ... we've since moved again (ds1 is now 6.5) and I miss them all LOADS!

IMO this is a fantastic time to get to know people really well.

Glad to hear these positive experiences. Didn't you also find it a bit daunting at first kmg1 or were the mothers at your group friendly straight away?

I should also say that my best mummy friend was someone I met at a postnatal group run by the health visitors. That group was far less awkward than a M&B group because there was a focus to it. Generally the HV would have a talk (such as a dentist invited to talk about dental hygiene for children, a talk about safety in the home, a baby massage class, etc) and then a chance to chat over a drink at the end.

Ours lasted around 6 weeks and we made an effort to meet up again at each others houses after that. I really miss them all, such a shame we had to move! So, yes, if you can get to a postnatal group, they really are fantastic.

Post natal groups do sound better for starters. Its the whole thing of having a focus and not just having to strike up conversations. Do you all start new at the beginning of the course?

Magnum, I too am a new mum in a new area and find it very strange having to make social contacts when I am a normally fairly shy person. Babies are great ice-breakers though and mums and das are often at these groups for exactly the same reasons as you are!! Having said that, we're not going too a group at the moment, haven't really found one I like. We are doing baby swimming though and have met a nice mum and dtr there. After a few chats, it turns out she has also just moved to this area too. Perhaps you could try some of those activity groups, swimming, music, baby massage, that way you get to meet new mums, but you are also there for a 'purpose', it kind of takes the pressure of sitting down and watching each others chn play. Good luck!

Thanks, mingles. It will be good for me but also for dd as there are no other babies that I know who live near us. As she gets older she won't have any playmates So I really do need to do something for her benefit as much as my own.

If by new, do you mean first-time mums?

Ours was all first-time mums - quite an age range (because our area was a bit "slow" in starting up the groups) - ds was the youngest at 5 wks and the oldest was 5 or 6 months. I'm sure your HV would happy for you to attend though, even if "most" of the mums had younger babies. And the other mums will be happy having an older baby attending because there's someone who's gone through the same things very recently! You'll get bombarded with questions which means you'll get lots of chatting in!!!

Its weird, I actually have a ds of 15 (I was rather young when he was born!) but have waited until now to have another child. Because of the massive age gap I do feel like a first time mum. Everything is really different this time round. I must say the disposible nappies are a million times better than when my ds was a baby! I feel I might have left it a bit long to go to a postnatal group but I didn't know they existed until today! Lets hope they'll let me in

which area are you in magnum..?

I'm in Blackpool. I moved up from Croydon about five years ago to be near family.

Why do I feel the need to explain why I live in Blackpool. I really like it here (but it does have quite a bad reputation)

lol magnum... I used to explain why I lived in Croydon while I was there... (I liked Croydon, but most people seem to think it's a dive...)

It started to get that way, that's another reason why we moved. Which part of Croydon did you live in? We lived near East Croydon station.

Park Hill. We really liked it there - we ended up moving for dh's job, but then I really liked the convenience of being in a London borough with all the amenities that brings with it. I've found it quite an adjustment moving here (Worcester), finding I need to take the car everywhere and no broadband available in our area argh!

I used to live in Granville Close as a child which is off Park Hill Road. Do you know it?

Rings a bell, but I'd have to look it up. We were off Selbourne Road near the C of E school.

Yes, that was just up the road from us. I used to go to Park Hill Junior school as a child. It used to be quite a nice area.

Yes, then we moved there