mother & baby groups

[magnum]

I have never been to a mother & baby group before and would like to start going to one in my area (my dd is 4 mths). Does anyone know where I could find out where they are held and do you just go along or do you usually need to book?

So you are to blame for the demise! Hope you're not doing the same to Worcester!!

whistles innocently

When I had dd, I was pushing her in the pram one day when she was about 3 months old and a lady stopped me in the street and asked if I lived locally. As she looked okay, I said yes. Anyway it turned out she had just set up a mum and baby group and was doing a bit of advertising it by going out on the street! I liked it so much I attended weekly for 3 years til dd went to nursery. I made some really great friends, got involved with setting up a pre-school, all through one chance meeting and now most of my social life involving kids revolves around this group or things that have developed because of it. Now 6 years later I have a baby boy and have returned to the group and found it to be exactly as it was. I guess it was just the type of thing I was looking for. We live in an area where there is a huge selection of groups to choose from, but not all are my cup of tea.
They are all different,attracting different types of people so you may have to try a few before you find one where you feel like you're at home! Most I think are just drop in no need to book.
Also not sure if anyone mentioned Sure start. They may be able to help.

I found organised groups a good way to make friends. Something like baby swimming or baby music. You can go to the group, its the same people each week, but you don't have to be social iyswim during the class. The afterwards you can just say "oh does anyone fancy a coffee" and have a chat then. I found it easier to make friends this way than through mums and toddlers. Probably partly because the groups tend to be smaller and the same people go each week.

In contrast with JimJams, the problem I found with baby swimming classes / music classes etc were that there weren't formal chatty sections at the end. Maybe I was unlucky and just got an anti-social lot at those classes, but most of the mums were in too much of a hurry to be somewhere else at the end of the class

By all means join the classes for something to do, but I wouldn't go just to make friends but choose carefully the classes I actually wanted to do and if I made some friends at them then that's a bonus, but my expectations were really just to enjoy the class.

My experience (both when I had dd and ds) is that I always ended up as a bit on an outsider in my baby/toddler group. I did make an effort (I went for a whole year after ds), but never really fitted in. I still can't put my finger on why as I am normally a chatty, sociable person who easily make friends. I really liked the other mums in my group too, but I just didn't have anything to talk to them about. After a year I stopped going as I had gone back to work, and didn't have the time to meet up during the week anymore. To be honest, I don't think I was very missed, but I miss having other "mummy friends" as most of my friends are childless.

I go to a teagroup organised by the NCT and have been attending since my daughter was 4 months old. Fortunately the other mums are not all stereotypical NCT types (okay - so now I'm going to get lots of abuse from other NCT members!). NCT tea groups are, IMO, preferable to the groups that your HV might recommend which are usually held in village halls etc. NCT groups tend to take place in members own houses, on rotation - and I find that this informal setting breaks down the barriers and makes people more open and sociable. We have 8 regulars in our group and I like them all, but have become particularly friendly with 2 others and we go out socially together.

If you join a group like this the others will have known each other for a bit, so you may feel slightly fish out of water initially. But persevere - by the 2nd or 3rd time that you go the ice will have broken.

Good luck!

don't worry handlemecarfeully- i am in the nct too, but i joined purely to meet new people rather than any holistic birth experience (bit late for that at that time!). Magnum i remember feeling sick with nerves going to my first nct coffee group and i am a very outgoing person. so i would say that others feel/felt the same and should be nice to you. also, as chatty as they may all seem, some of them won't know each other that well and everyone is pleased to meet someone new. bear in mind that if they were cliquey, they wouldn't be there; everyone goes to meet new people. so be brave, talk to everyone, and assume that they are pretty new to it themselves. I know people who started going when their baby was more like 6/7 months so don't assume because babies are older that the mums know everyone. and this will sound really sad, but after, make a note of a few names of people you liked, because its very easy to forget when you are sleep adled! have fun!

I hated some M&T groups but did go to one I liked which has now closed due to lack of numbers. We had a hoot there, going out together at a weekend. The Christmas meal out was great fun although I fell over outside the pub and couldnt remember most of it!! The kids enjoyed the sessions too

Music groups and swimming classes, I found people didnt speak to one another. This is fine in some cases but if you want to make friends maybe not the best option.

I belong to an NCT working mothers group. It grew out of an NCT class whose members decided to stay in touch and it's still going about 9 years later, and still recruiting new members - I joined only last year. We meet in the evenings, without the children. It's great - very relaxed, supportive and with interesting people. If you live in an area with an NCT branch, you could start a group by putting an ad in the newsletter.

magnum - how's it going? Found somewhere nice yet?