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Any tips/advice on having a third?

47 replies

Nickiw · 23/10/2001 14:14

Not conceived, but in the planning stage! Am I mad? All advice gratefully received.

OP posts:

Knakered · 23/10/2001 15:28

go for it ....I am all for a bit of chaos....just had my 3rd (9 weeks) the oldest was just 3 and the middle one was just 12 months ....pregancy was hard ... felt exhausted as the youngest was not yet walking and the 2-3 yr old was demanding...would not recommend my age gap...not sure how it will go from here although we are all coping a bit better every day...would love to hear from others as to what I have in store for me...pls tell me it will get better!!...considering a 4th...any thoughts???...only thing I find hard is the logistics of taking all three of them out..a sling plus buggy plus giddy 3 yr old...if you see me out and about take pity!


Peaches · 23/10/2001 22:17

I'm in the process of having number 3.He is due 15th Jan and boy I'm knackered already LOL.My two girls are 3 and 18 months so I'm pretty much in the same boat as u Knakered.Not much of an age gap between them.God knows what it'll be like,all I know is that I prob gonna feel much worse than I do now come Jan and believe me when I say I feel bad now!!.

God I've gotta laugh or I will cry or even worse SCREAM LOL!


Tashab · 24/10/2001 05:05

I have 3 children.My youngest is almost 5.I spaced them 2 years between each.Doing it over again I would of held off on No 3 until my second was 4 maybe.Because being the last child,time has just flown by.And when they are a bit older whether it be 2,3,4,5 years gap,it doesnt matter


Nickiw · 25/10/2001 11:42

Thanks for the honesty, mine are 2.5 and 1 at the moment. I think I should get it out of the way before I start to enjoy unbroken nights!!

OP posts:

Sid · 25/10/2001 12:03

Well, mine are 4.5 and 2 and I am pregnant with the third, due in early March. It took a lot of debate between myself and dh to decide what we wanted to do. Logically, everything is stacked against having a third, but emotionally....With my second I kept thinking 'this could be the last time I'm doing this' and feeling sad about it. I felt a bit scared once I was pregnant, thinking 'what have we done?', but I feel better about it all the time now (might change my mind once I'm living the stress of three children!). But it sounds as if you've already decided to go for the third, NickiW, and it's just a question of when.


Nickiw · 25/10/2001 18:08

Funny you should say that, hubby bought me folic acid 1 month ago..., just started to take so here we go...I think once the decision has been made there is no turning back. I feel happy one minute, terrified the next, god knows what will happen when I am pregnant and the hormones kick in!!

OP posts:

Tess1 · 25/10/2001 19:33

I found out yesterday that I am pregnant with no. 3.My oldest will be 7 1/2, my youngest 5. I feel great about it - I have had 3 years of unbroken sleep, & I now have the energy to do it 1 more time! It means as these 2 have started to become more independent, & want their friends, there will still be someone who sees their parents as the greatest people in the world!


Janh · 25/10/2001 22:01

nickiw, you are a brave woman!

i had mine a minimum of 3 years apart because i knew i could only cope with one baby at a time...having them closer together should mean they'll play together better because their interests are closer, if you see what i mean.

if you get pregnant straight away you'll have a 3.2 and a 1.9 and a 0... that will be fairly hairy...but a year down the line you'll have one nearly at school, one at playgroup and one for you to dote on at home while the others are away!


Hedgehog · 26/10/2001 11:49


I have 4 children aged 9, 7, almost 5 and 3. There is a 21 month gap between 1 & 2, 32 months between 2 & 3 and 21 months between 3 & 4. The first years were absolutely exhausting but now all 4 play together very well and absolutely adore each other. It is great because I can fling them all out into the garden to play whilst I get on with the house work on the weekend!

Ever tried those buggy-boards? they are great when the youngest is too heavy for the sling and the next one up just doesn't want to walk!


Nickiw · 26/10/2001 18:12

In a perfect world I would have them 3/4yrs apart to get maximum enjoyment. My hubby and I still have plans to travel around the world one day in a campervan. We have done it before on bikes, but that is another story, I am suprised he is still fertile!!! We look forward to life when they have left home, does that ever happen?? This really makes me happy as we seem to have plans as a couple rather than just parents, so I am quite happy to have a tough couple of years and a happy marriage, ask me when I am 7 months gone and it may be another story...

OP posts:

Chanelno5 · 27/10/2001 13:33

I've got 3 aged just 5 yrs, 3.5 yrs and 17 mths, it's totally knackering and stressfull, but I love them all to bits and wouldn't have it any other way. I do sometimes think about a fourth in my maddest moments, but haven't dared say anything to dh as I think he'd perform a 'Bobbit' on himself, also my varicose veins might just burst!


threeangels · 05/04/2002 21:56

I have 3 kids ages 12, 9, and 17mos. We planned all our children. The third was decided late in life. I love having th oldest two spaced apart. The two older ones love taking care of their little brother and I love watching them. I personally would have my kids about 3 years apart. I dont think I could handle them too close.


monkey · 05/07/2002 12:28

Help! I'm (madly) considering a third. Mine are now 1.5 & 3.

Questions -
3 seems a bad number - what do others think. I always had 2 or 4 in mind - can 3 work?

My 2 are close in age and get on really well together. Would it be better to wait and keep them as a 'unit' and have the 3rd spaced quite seperately from them, or would it be better to crank 'em out and have them all together? (I know there are no guarantees, but other people's experiences would be great to hear).

Does the fact that the world is geared for 2-kid families cause difficulties - ie yoghurts in packs of 4, playgroups for mothers with one or 2 (max.) children, babysitters for max, 2 kids etc

Things like hotel rooms (not that we need them often!)

New car - people carrier thingy? Or could we (just about )manage with our current car?

Problem with me is once I get an idea in my head I have to go ahead & get whatever I've set my heart on NOW NOW NOW (obviously I'd have to wait min. 9 months), but the point is, I cease to be able to think logically.

I have 2 ds's. I'm secretly worried that if I had a girl it would upset the balance. I love my 2 sons so so much. I'd hate to think that ds2 ever thought we only had 3 cause we wanted a girl all along. (Jumping the gun a bit, but did anyone feel this way?) Plus, girls are scary! (only saying that cos I've never had one!)

Both mine & dh's families are small - max, 2 kids per couple, so dunno where these grand Ideas of 3 or 4 come from. have no experience of a larger family. How do you find time to give all the kids the attention they need, or do they do that for each other or what?

Is the leap from 2 to 3 bigger or not as difficult as the hoorendous leap from 1 to 2?

I have to say, I really didn't like the baby stage much (in either, and frankly found it pretty tedious, but luckily relatively fast with no. 2). so dunno if this would be a good idea to get it over & done with quickly, or forget it altogether!

Oh, I don't know - someone make up my mind for me! Or rather talk me out of this madness.

Tried to talk about it with dh but he just makes jokey comments suggesting a football team, but I can't seem to get a serious conversation out of him (on any topic not just this!)


monkey · 05/07/2002 12:34

By the way, Nickiw, any news?


PamT · 05/07/2002 13:02

Monkey, when I was pg with DS2 I knew that my family still wouldn't be complete whether he turned out to be a DS or DD. Although I had been disappointed initially when DS1 was not a girl I actually decided that it would be nice to have another boy but knew that I still wanted a third, not because I wanted any particular sex or because I set out to have 3 but I just didn't want to stop at 2. My third pregnancy was hard work with a 6 yr old and almost 3 yr old to cope with, I got really tired and didn't get much of a break with DS2 at home full time and DS1 needing taking to/fetching from school. No 3 was a girl and I was actually delighted, though I wouldn't have been upset if she had been a he.

I have decided to stop at 3 for a few reasons, mainly - no more room in the house, we would have to buy a people carrier for any more, holidays etc would be extremely difficult and most importantly I really couldn't handle any more - I get harrassed enough with 3. DS2 and DD (6 & 3) get on great together whilst DS1 is a moody pre-teenager (only 9 going on 15) and my neighbour with 3 boys also finds that 2 and 3 get on better with each other. We did go through quite a tough time with DS2 when DD was tiny because I think he suffered quite badly with middle-child syndrome - he was no longer the baby nor was he the helpful big brother - but I think we have come out of that one now. Although I am almost sure that I couldn't cope with another child I do get upset sometimes that I am never going to be pregnant again and never going to have a baby to care for again.


threeangels · 05/07/2002 22:56

I have three kids ages 12yrs, 9yrs and 20mo. I always wanted two but you know how it is when those baby feelings kick in. Now I have three. Th only problem I had was i had to go to a bigger car which is now a van. There was no room with a carseat, a 9 year old ans a big 12 yearold. One of the other problems is Im in a three bedroom house. I really want my kids to have their own rooms with privacy. It is harder to share a room with my situation. Oldest are opposite sex and then there is the 20 mo old who is so baby . Small things like chairs for the kitchen table can be a problem. Not a big one though. We will be getting a new one with five seats instead of four. I love having three. The age difference has been a wonderful experience for me. Its really nice having the older ones there to help with the baby. They love helping too. Most people who would like a third dont wait so long as I. I just did not decide until my middle one was 8 years old.


mears · 05/07/2002 23:06

monkey - I foung the jump from 2 to 3 much easier than 1 to 2. I think that is because life is more chaotic anyway and you are so much more experienced and not stressed out by minor things.

Now the leap from 3 to 4 is even easier


SueDonim · 06/07/2002 07:21

Monkey, to be honest, I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about the practicalities, such as yoghurts coming in four-packs. There's always a way round these things. Even on the car front, most new cars come with three lap-and-diagonals in the rear now, so you won't have to buy a bus.

We already had two boys of 8 and 12 when DD1 arrived and I must admit, I was worried about having a girl. But, now she is 15 and her little sister is 6, I can't imagine having boys again!!

If a third baby is what you want - go for it!


Tortington · 06/07/2002 13:01

it might be twins! i cant warn people of the " danger" of this enough !!! i think anyone who considers having more children is insane and i think thats because mine are older - and no the problems dont get worse they just get diferent and certainly doesnt get easier , but efinatley gets more expensive.... just last week all three came home from school with raffle tickets fundraising for school , which is a dilema cos you dont want your kids to be the only ones who say "no miss we were skint" so if we just buy a fivers worth each its 15 squid, then new clothes , oohh must have a skateboard, bike, rollerblades, papa roach hoodie.... aarrgh its expensive , and that baby cuteness isnt there, they do and say things occasionally which blows your mind but its not like when they were little and it was almost a weekly occurance, its hard! really really hard!


Lucy123 · 06/07/2002 13:35

monkey - don't know if I can help you much, but I am the eldest of 5, with the first 3 spaced roughly as your family will be if you get pregnant again soon. I absolutely love having two sisters close to me in age (and two brothers quite a bit younger) though we used to fight when we were younger. Mum has told me that she found the first 3 (not 2!) the easiest, although maybe this is due to her memory.

What I'm saying is, don't be put off by thoughts of your dss feeling left out / unwanted - I certainly never felt this when mum had the first boy. As for the world being geared to 2 kids - you can fit 3 in the back of a car (or in fact 5 if you try), kitkats come in packs of 6 and you can always have the 4th yoghurt yourself!


monkey · 06/07/2002 14:25

Actually custado - I'd really like twins - it'd solve the 3-being-an odd number problem! But it'd be pretty mental for the first (20?) years!

Like I said before, once I get an idea in my head/make up my mind I just can't hold myself back (one reason why my 2 are so close!).

Thanks all of you, Lucy - you sounded positive and upbeat - how many have you got / do you plan to have? It's really great hearing different experiences & points of view - keep 'em coming!


Lucy123 · 06/07/2002 15:07

oh monkey - I'd love to have 3 or 4, but I'm having a hard time persuading dp to have a second. Admittedly dd1 is only 7 weeks, but because we're such a close family I'd like mine to be fairly close together. good luck with yours!


gillymac · 06/07/2002 19:50

Hi monkey,

I have 3 kids, aged 15, 11 & 4 and would definitely recommend having a third child. Strange as it sounds I've found having 3 easier than 2 (apart from financially, that is) and found the leap from 2 to 3 much less horrendous than the leap from 1 to 2 which was a real shock to the system.
The only (slight) problems I've encountered are:

  1. Difficulties with the car - we've got an Astra and it's a bit of a squeeze in the back, especially for long journeys.
  2. Money, but then this was a problem with 2 as well!
  3. Other people's attitudes - even though we've only got three, lots of people seem to think this is quite amazing/odd, for some reason.
  4. Space in the house. A house which seemed roomy with 2 kids is pretty cramped with 3.
    I don't know whether I would recommend having a large gap between no 2 and 3 as I have. It's worked for me but problems do arise, for example on holiday, with all of them at different stages and none of them wanting to do the same thing. On one day trip to York, my husband took the older two to the Jorvik Centre while I had the dubious pleasure of chasing the pigeons on a scrubby bit of grass with the youngest for two hours.
    Anyway hope this helps but I think that if you want a third you'll go for it regardless and I'm sure it will work out well.
    Best of luck.

jasper · 06/07/2002 23:07

Monkey, my three are 3, 19m and 4m and I love it.
I was more keen to have number three than the other two and feel incredibly soppy about him.
It is hard going sometimes and puts a strain on your relationship but is so worth it.
The desire to have another baby is not a rational thing.
I might not feel this way when they are hulking teenagers but we'll have to wait and see.


SueDonim · 07/07/2002 09:20

Why do people have this downer about teenagers?? I really thing they are the most maligned members of society today and if you expect bad news that's what you get! I'm on my third teenager (two DS's now in their 20's) and it's great. Yes, there are bad days, but then as we see often enough on Mumsnet, there are bad days with any age of child!

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