Any tips/advice on having a third?

[Nickiw]

Not conceived, but in the planning stage! Am I mad? All advice gratefully received.

Suedonim, I can see where you're coming from. The older my children get, the more I enjoy them. It's so nice to build up years of shared memories and look back on things with them.

Of course I haven't yet reached the teenager stage with my son. He is very firmly a child, still, but I have met some great teenage boys who seem to adore their mothers and don't appear to be going off the rails, so I know there's hope.

Thank goodness for that, Tigermoth - I was beginning to think I was kinda weird for actually liking teenagers!

As you can imagine, I've known lots of teenagers through my DS's and everyone of them has turned out fine. That's not to say they haven't rolled home worse the wear for drink, (or not rolled home at all!) upon occasion but none of them has been in trouble with the police, unintentionally become pg, acquired a drug habit or any of 101 other pitfalls.

Oh, and my DS's tell us they love us whenever they call.

suedonnim and tigermoth thanks for this, it's quite reassuring. It is a view I don't hear expressed too often.
I sometimes genuinely worry I might "go off" my kids a bit as they get older.
It is interesting on mumsnet that teenagers are rarely mentioned. I have wondered if this is because they don't cause their parents much worry compared to little 'uns or if mums are just sick of the whole parenting bit by the time their kids are older! Unlike us mums of young kids where it all still feels a bit like a facscinating new hobby

ROFL at the 'hobby' aspect, Jasper!!! I think the reason you don't hear much about teenagers on Mumsnet is that their parents are too busy being a taxi service to have time for the internet!

Fast forward ten years and I bet there will be tons of threads on teenagers as our darling babies grow up.

I'm also waiting for the first 'New grandchild' and 'My daughter-in-law is a nightmare' threads to appear!

A friend told me that having the 2nd was as much of a shock as having the 1st but after that chaos, she didn't really notice the arrival of no. 3. Apart from all that pushing of course!

Is this generally true?

I actually found the change from 2 to 3 to be more traumatic than from 1 to 2. This could have been because DS1 was so easy going but DS2 turned into a little monster as soon as DD came on the scene. Though DS1 (aka Kevin) is by far the most difficult one to deal with at the moment. Once everything settled down I don't think that 3 is any more difficult than 2 but it is always going to be difficult when you are trying to do more than one thing at once, be in 3 places, have 3 conversations etc

I would say go for it even though, since having my third, my husband has now decided to leave me. Mine are 9, 5 and 8 months and I have to say I found going from 1 to 2 harder than going from 2 to 3 but I think this was because my daughter was 4 when my son was born and I was used to some freedom, i.e. showering when I wanted to, etc. and I found it hard to adjust to having a new baby being totally dependent on me. My daughter was 8 and my son 4 when my new daughter was born and I found my 8 year old to be such a help - if I wanted to cook dinner, she would feed the baby, etc. and if I wanted to jump in the bath she would keep an eye on her for me. I find the new one is so laid back - too laid back in fact - just failed her 8 month development check - see other message board - and she is so content just to lie on the floor watching her elder brother and sister playing.

Thanks everyone.

Sorry to hear your news Bumblelion. Has he gone yet? Are you ok?
monkey

Does everyone else really think that three is a "large" family? My dad is one of 10, my mom one of 5. I'm one of 3. DH is one of 2... but his mom was one of 4, and his dad one of 3. So I think 3 or 4 is "average", and 1 or 2 is small. 5+ would be "large" to me.

I just think it so strange and kind of funny when people say "Oh, I never wanted a large family!" and they only mean 3 kids.

I guess 3 kids can seem a very large family indeed at times! I only have 2 and that seems pretty large some days

I thought 4 was a totally manageable number until I had my fourth...

I have three ,8,5 and 8 months and would recommend it especially as mine are all the same sex,I think that hopefully having the third will reduce the one on one competition between the two in the future.As an aside I would definately say that 3 is the new 2 and is becomming much more common.In my son's reception class there are more children from families of 3 than there are of 2,interestingly there are also a lot more singletons,a sign of the times perhaps.

I have two sons, my youngest has just turned 1 and the eldest has just turned 3. Now that the baby is one, I am having a dilema over whether I want a third baby, To be honest, I would like a daughter, although I realise that it shouldn't be the main reason for wanting a third child. What do other Mums, of two children of the same sex, think about this?

I have also found the last 12 months very hard work and find myself telling others that I would never want to go thought toilet training and looking after a baby at the same time, yet here I am contemplating the same again - am I mad? Part of me is saying enjoy this full year without getting pregnant again, yet the other part of me is saying get on with it before you get too much older. If I do have another close age gap, the baby could arrive just as the eldest starts school and I feel that could be a bad move. Can anyone help me get all these conflicting thoughts into perspective?

I'd realy love another, I have twin DS's aged 4, they will be in full time school in September, by which time I'll be 35. So realy the timeing could not be better, but DH realy does not want another.
I also feel that the last 4 years have been pretty busy and look foward to time to myself.I have this nagging feeling, that it will always be something I regret if we don't have another, but I love DH, and would not want to "trick" him into having another child, if it was not a joint decision. My SIL said, just get preg. and tell him it was a mistake, (which from talking to people seems quite a common occurence), but I just don't think that's fair.

Taurus: what happens if 3rd baby is a boy, again? Will that tarnish your feelings towards that child? Shouldn't have kids unless you know you'll love them with all your heart.

My 2 are 2 yrs apart. I thought a 3yr gap to No. 3 would be ideal; eldest would be in school, 2nd at playgroup... and it's still a pretty small gap for the kids themselves. However I'm feeling ill this week and DH & I have a horrible suspician...!

I only wanted girls. My first was a girl, but the other 3 are all boys. (& I was very disappointed).
My eldest 2, 19 mths apart, never fought. She was in charge & he let her get on with it. DS1 & DS2 (exactly 2 years gap) fought, but DS2 is a stronger personality & always won. DS2 &3 (2 yrs 1wk) fight like cat & dog!!
I never expected my DD to "look after" the others, like a lot of people do, because I don't think it's fair. She gets on really well with DS1, but treats him like a much younger child, & adores DS3 (5.5 year gap). She loathes & despises DS2 (3.5 yr gap) & goes out of her way to be nasty to him.
With us it's always been her & "the children" which is odd. My DH works nights so she's ended up being my companion. (This is also not good. She's now 17 & abandons me for going off with friends).
With her gone, the others scrap. It's usually DS2 against one of the others, but can also be DS1 vs DS3. The youngest 2 have to share a room, which they hate. I didn't expect to have 3 boys & from my experience it isn't a good combination. There is always someone arguing. I suppose it would have been the same- or worse- with 3 girls. The most laid-back families I've met have managed 2 of each.
When they were tiny (5 1/2 years total between eldest & youngest) I could never take them all out on my own. We got into the habit of 1 of us staying with the kids while the other went out, or splitting them. I never took more than 2 out at a time because I just couldn't cope with them! When I look back I'm amazed I survived it because it was really really hard. I wouldn't recommend it. Didn't help that madam was v strong willed & difficult, DS1 is dyspraxic & DS2 has ADHD.

tallulah, your family sounds very like mine, i.e. me and my 3 brothers. I'm the oldest and there are 6.5 years between the four of us. We all fought constantly when I was younger and although I got on well with my oldest younger (iykwim)brother,I fought with the second one and absolutely loathed the third. I don't know how my mother coped. We do all get on well now that we're adults if it's any consolation.
taurus, as zebra says what happens if you have another boy? Would you want to try for no. 4 in the hope that it was a girl? My oldest two are girls and the third is a boy, so I was 'lucky'. I know I would have loved the baby just as much if it had been a girl but I do wonder whether I would have wanted to try again and if so, just have far would I have gone to have a boy?

I'm agree with you Taurus, after having 2 boys (4yrs in April and 19 months) I would love a girl and had been 'broody' for months but DH is much more practical than me and saw any difficulties 3 children under 5 could bring. However over Xmas I was 'arguing' my point again and he changed his mind and I am now pregnant (only 6 weeks). He now says that he's really glad we're going to have another one and he too would like a girl, (we both realise of course that they don't come with receipts so we can't take them back if another boy appears) just because she'll different to what we've already got. But on the other hand I love saying me and my boys so I would be happy with whatever we got. My DH has surprised me by being so happy about it so your DH may change his mind too although I also agree that it's not a good idea to 'trick' him in to it.
I hope I haven't waffled too much here. I tend to get abit enthusiastic(sp) about it all!

EmmaTMG,
Congrats. on the pregnancy, and well done on changing DH's mind, I'm sure you both will always be so glad you did.
If DH did ever change his mind, I'm not even sure I would wish it to be a girl, I think I'd be very happy with three boys, but it might make a change.
I think another thing putting DH off, is that, after having the boys I was told, I have a 1 in 5 chance of having another set of twins, so perhaps he is the sane one afterall !!!