Do you/did you ^really^ 'know your baby best'?

[motherinfurrierfestivehat]

I didn't. My babies were a complete bloody mystery to me. And it's an equal mystery to me when so many MNers assume that of course mothers know their babies best, and can divine their moods and their health and whether they're ready for weaning and so on and so forth. How can you tell? Or is this just one of those Maternal Instincts I seem to have mssed out on?

Oh, no, I don't know mine best.

If one of mine is crying, I can't tell it's mine, even.

I do think I have a bit of maternal intuition - I can work out what DS2 wants, better than some people can. I'm not completely hopeless. But I'm not an expert by any means.

I had a vague idea about dd, but ds was completely unfathomable most of the time. I blame him though

It's actually a very interesting question. I could tell if he wasn't himself, so in that sense I knew sometimes that something was wrong before the doctor did, but that's about it really.

I found it all thoroughly baffling. I could occasionally tell if one of them was a bit poorly, I suppose.

Sometimes, but more often not.

i instinctively knew my babies which is a small wonder given that Im not maternal. However I did (and still do) completely overreact when they get a temp and convince myself its meningitis or worse

I remember writing down what time ds had feeds and naps because the nursery wanted to know his routine before I went back to work and just weeping over my little notebook because there was no discernable pattern to any of it. This was pre-Gina days, natch

with dd (3) yes, she has been non verbal until recently and everyone was amazed at my interpreting skills Sje toilet trained without talking too! I just..knew!
Ds (12) was a bit of a mystery though - law unto himself.

I know when they are tired etc. And when they are coming down with a cold etc (foul tempers!).

Dh was wondering why dd1 was being a pain the other day and I just popped her on the sofa in front of the tv and voila, 10 mins later she was fast asleep.

I always knew when mine was going to cut a tooth by the smell of his poo. A lot of people were amazed by this observation, but I am a care assistant, and I think I must have been automatically monitoring his poo without realising.

teething poo smells almost vomity, and it is important to get it off the skin immediately or it burns.

That's it though, I have no idea what a "popping buppum" is.

ACtually right now I know that DD will want feeding soon. But this is because my left breast feels like it is about to explode and DD has just woken up.

What got me was the notion that mothers could tell what was wrong with a baby (tired, hungry, teething etc.) just by the pitch of the cry.

I hadn't a clue, it was all a bloody racket and stopping it was matter of elimination for me.

So glad I'm not alone!

Feistybird, my mum is/was forever asking me what 'sort' of crying is it, if I phone for advice. I don't know - it's just very loud!

To me, they were literally little strangers who had come to my house, even though I had invited them. I'm still struggling slightly with ds and he's 21 months. He's far less expressive that his older sister.

my MIL actually got us a gadget when ds was born that claims to be able to tell if your baby is hungry, tired, stressed etc. Ds always seemed to be 'annoyed' according to that bloody thing.

I later read that despite what the Baby Whisperer says, crying is just crying - sometimes it's louder and more energetic but that's about it.

I also often can't tell ds's cries and even some of his burbling apart from other babies of a similar age.

I know him and his little ways better than other people with no previous baby experience (e.g. dp) because I'm with him so much more, but other people who've had kids (e.g. my mum) don't seem to have any trouble knowing what's wrong with him.

Oh good, not just me, then.

Tamum, DP and I once tried recording the whole of DD1's routines, in manner of someone observing a rare and rather fierce animal. I still have the post-it somewhere with his notes on '10.15 - HUGE nappy'

The only real decernable difference in DD's crying when she was a newborn was on times when she was overtired. For a few weeks we had no routine & one day a week she would howl like nothing I have ever heard before, we thought she had colic until my dad told me she was tired. (diagnosed via a phone call while she was howling!!)

Other than that it all sounded the same I only knew what was wrong with her by elimination!

When DD was about 2 weeks old I bought The Baby Whisperer hoping to cling to it like a drowning man and was terrified by the need to work out what sort of baby you had before you could make sense of it. Can you really tell whether you have an angel baby or whatever? I used to lie in bed thinking that if only I could decode it I could get DD sorted into a fantastic routine. Pah.

Good god, I didn't/don't at all. It was my first childminder who suggested when to decrease milk/provide water etc. Have never got that whole "mother knows best" line.

I have felt hopelessy inadequate at times under the mistaken belief that I should be able to decipher his cries, moans and groans. It was a relief when I started hearing other mums say things about their little ones such as 'he can't be hungry he only fed xhrs ago' or 'if he has been crying for 20 mins when trying to get him down for a nap I assume he must be hungry rather than tired'. It was clear that for them as well it was process of elimination, over time you just get better at eliminating things.
I have a separate thread on here at the mo regarding 45 min naps. One of the reasons I am keen to get back to longer naps is that it kept sleep and hunger separate meaning that there was less guess work.

The only cries I could differentiate between were teething and tired, and that wasn't until much much later. I'm obviously not a natural mother

(in the hospital I could never work out if it was mine crying or someone else's- with all 4! )

I knew my baby better than anyone else did.
Thats not to say I knew what she needed all the time but I had more chance of deciphering it than anyone else.
But I ignored books and routines and just went with what made her happy but like you I could never tell what she wanted just from the sound of her cries.

I think people worry far too much about this. I don't always know what Dd wants straight off - it often takes a process of elimination - but I know her better than anyone else.

When we were still in hospital she rooted all the time (I got 10mins sleep the night after she was born ) Every time I asked a midwife for advice I got a different answer. She needs to be wrapped up, put a cardie on her. She's not settling because she's too hot, take her cardie off. She's just a snacker, your Dh will just have too wait on you when you get home while you feed. That's just a few. It didn't take me long to work out what was best for her just by observing, and I was in a better position than anyone to do that.

what a fab thread MI. All this telling what newborns want by their cry completely passed me by too! I'm much better now at figuring what he's after, thankfully.

I didn't know when they were newborn, especially DS (first), but I did get better as time went along. And was better at it with DD - partly because I didn't rush in trying to solve her problem immediately. I think there is an element of experience and an element of getting to know the individual child.

But even now lots of us get our toddlers wrong. How many times do we get threads on here where people realise that they have inadvertently got into a habit with their toddler that they wish to break? And as often as not its a second or subsequent child causing the problem.

Dd started screaming unconsolably at about 2 weeks, for long periods especially at night. I was confused, bewildered and desperate, having eliminated everything at least twice and still no luck, we were flumoxed. Then, a week later, a hernia popped up in her groin and it was ambulances all the way to London for a little operation. Sorted that crying out good and proper!
Poor little lamb must have been in terrible pain, but she is fine now and a very chilled out 10 month old indeed!