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Parenting

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Original poster

why is our 10 yr old DS so angry all the time?

40 replies

mckenzie · 14/08/2011 21:46

I appreciate that his younger sister winding him up doesn't help but he seems to be so angry about everything at the moment, and even angry about nothing sometimes. I had a flick through Raising Boys yesterday to see if I could see anything about a testosterone surge round about this age but I couldn't see any mention of one.
Anyone got any ideas please?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Jesusgirl · 15/08/2011 00:15

I'll be watching this thread! My ds gets really stroppy at the slightest thing. He doesn't explode or anything but gets quite upset over little things and I don't know if it's a personality thing.

Have you or preferably his dad spoken to him about why he gets angry. There might be something in his world that's bothering him.

Original poster

mckenzie · 15/08/2011 22:04

oh dear Jesusgirl - it's just you and me then. How's your ds been today? Today my ds was a dream - we were out in London with friends and he really really was delightful. Only thing different - he had an early night last night.

OP posts:

stealthsquiggle · 15/08/2011 22:09

signing in to the club, so lots of empathy but no solutions - permanently grumpy/angry/(verbally) agressive, and he doesn't appear to know why [sigh]

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Original poster

mckenzie · 15/08/2011 22:28

how old is your DS stealthsquiggle?

OP posts:

stealthsquiggle · 15/08/2011 22:36

DS is almost 9, but the size of an 11-12yo... and he had a spot (teenage variety) at the weekend, so I am not at all ruling out hormones.

Original poster

mckenzie · 15/08/2011 22:40

how are his armpits SS? We started to notice last year that DS was occasionally needing more attention in the armpit area and the last few months that has been the case every day. Personal hygiene is of course not a priority for this age of male (in general) and I have to keep nagging him to be more careful when shoring/bathing and to not forget the deodorant. That would be hormone related wouldn't it?

OP posts:

Doodlez · 15/08/2011 22:40

Signing in - DS is 10 and 4 months. Verbally mouthy. Hurts his 8 year old sister for no apparent reason. Nothing ever good enough for him. 'Stealing' food to the point where I now have to hide treats - but he's messing about being food faddy to the point of driving me insane.

Sympathy to all in same or similar boat!

Chocamochalatte · 15/08/2011 22:50

Me too! I have one of these! Constantly angry and exploding at the least thing... Of course a total angel at school... He is almost 11...

stealthsquiggle · 16/08/2011 08:08

I haven't sniffed DS's armpits, I have to admit - but I do (of course, given that he is a medium-sized boy) have to remind him that washing traditionally involves both getting wet and soap. I don't think he is teenage-stinky yet, though - still small-boy-grubby

Jemma1111 · 16/08/2011 08:18

I'm in the same boat too with my 10 yr old Ds !, I've noticed in the last few months he too has started to get angry easily etc and seems to enjoy winding his 7 yr old sis up more than ever !

I think its the hormones starting to kick in !

FriskyMare · 16/08/2011 08:25

My DS(11) has been having very OTT emotional outbursts for the last school year (y6). Getting upset over the slightest thing that goes wrong (mainly at school, is extremely bright and can't handle what he sees as failure) or play ground banter. Still very skinny and not seemingly starting puberty but maybe that is the problem??

Jesusgirl · 16/08/2011 20:15

I suspect it's a 'personality' thing. Some kids are happy go lucky, some are sensitive, some generally moody, some emotional. Unfortunately we got the temperamental ones!!!

We've had a good week this week. Fingers crossed, it'll remain so.

stealthsquiggle · 16/08/2011 22:49

noooo - don't say that, jesusgirl - I need to believe it will get better

timetosmile · 16/08/2011 22:56

Another one signing in!

10y7mnth..and the last 3 mnths have had some awful moments.

The consensus from my rigorous field research (reading the last 14 posts) is that we should all feel less worried, as lots of 10yr old boys seem to be like this (I can't be the only one reading these and thinking 'do you share my son?')

DS is on the shortest fuse, very shouty and rude, yet ten minutes later, making a train track for DS2 and humming happily.

I think its a really hard time for them...wanting to be big and mature, and pretty scared by the prospect too.

Trying to learn to count to 10 and take a deep breath.........

2gorgeousboys · 16/08/2011 22:59

Same thing here, DS1 is 11 but immature and small for his age. He flies off the handle easily, we have emotional outbursts and FriskyMare I could have written your post about the last term at school.

I've given him a book about puberty and emotions to read and spoken to him but apparently he does not know why he feels the way he does.

Original poster

mckenzie · 17/08/2011 13:31

Selfishly, I feel better now that I have read these other posts - sorry.

OP posts:

CroissantNeuf · 17/08/2011 13:35

Its no easier when they are a DD rather than a DS if that helps. They are just as overly emotional and hormonal .

At other times they can be a dream to have around at that age.

Original poster

mckenzie · 17/08/2011 13:43

thanks for the warning CN. I have one of each so it means what i learn with DS will be completely wasted and i'll have to learn all over again with DD

OP posts:

overmydeadbody · 17/08/2011 13:51

Signing in.

Like stealth, I have an 8yr old who is tall for his age, mature, uses deodorant daily so definately an early maturer, he also has AS.

He has been very angry, grumpy, rude, shouty, lots of attutide etc and I found something that changed all that, reducing it to acceptable levels.

First I started praising every little tihng he did that was behaviour I wanted to see (talking nicely to us, interacting positively,. not shouting when asked something that could trigger a shout etc etc), we introduced reward tokens (with a lot of help from fellow MNers in the special needs section) and then last week I found a book in the library called Parenting yourt Defiant Child and oh my god it has completely changed how I interact with DS, and as a result he is never angry, even when he attempts to shout and get cross it is half hearted and he soon stops.

I know it is early days, but the changes have saved my relationship with him and started to really change his behaviour.

I'll go find the book and who wrote it if anyone is interested.

overmydeadbody · 17/08/2011 13:52

and I don't really agree that it is a personality thing. Some things are down to personality, but I don't think this anger grump thing is. I think that is down to hormones and learned behaviour, and it will pass.

TheOriginalFAB · 17/08/2011 15:27

Just the thread I need.

DS is 10 and 5 months and is very stroppy and rude at the moment. Is making me very upset tbh and yesterday I felt sick at the thought of having to go and get the kids from MIL. I was chatting to a lovely lady in the breast clinic who could see I was upset and she said maybe it is time I did smack them.

Original poster

mckenzie · 17/08/2011 16:04

trouble is FAb, if you resort to physical now, what will you do when he is bigger and stronger than you?
OMDB - yes please re that book - DCs are out with MIL at cinema, I'll go to the library now

OP posts:

TheOriginalFAB · 17/08/2011 16:37

I know. I need to control him without violence as he will be bigger than me one day as he nearly is now and is already strongger than me, plus I don't want to smack. I did smack him last weekend. No excuse but the reason was I was away on my own with them and he was being vile. Doesn't work and just makes him worse.

overmydeadbody · 18/08/2011 19:59

Ok, the book is called 'Parenting your Defiant Child' by Alan Kazdin

ISBN: 978-0-7499-2869-8

It is really really helping me, and I would hazard a guess most of your DSs are not nearly as defiant as mine, so if it works on him it should work wonders on your DSs!

Hope that helps.

overmydeadbody · 18/08/2011 20:04

And FAB, I have been there too, and it just made things worse

DS tried being defiant again today, saying no when I asked him to take the rubbish out. He lasted about 15 minutes and then broke and said "fine then, I'll take the rubbish out" and in that 15 minutes between him saying "no" to me and him taking it out I didn't react to his no at all. In the past I would have rasoned, repeated myself, asked, got cross, told him he was being rude etc. etc. and he would have steadfastly refused to do as I had asked all day!

He just couldn't keep that up when he was getting no attention for saying "no".

I prasied and thanked him for taking rubbish out, and didn't mention his initial refusal, and for the rest of the day he was polite and helpful and very loving It is such a nice side of him to be bringing out and seeing.

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