why is our 10 yr old DS so angry all the time?

[mckenzie]

I appreciate that his younger sister winding him up doesn't help but he seems to be so angry about everything at the moment, and even angry about nothing sometimes. I had a flick through Raising Boys yesterday to see if I could see anything about a testosterone surge round about this age but I couldn't see any mention of one.
Anyone got any ideas please?

I will get the book tomorrow, thanks.

really for you overmydeadbody. I'm going tog et it tomorrow too.

It's definitely not just girls, DD1 is 10.7 and she is just the same - teenager style 'it's not fair', 'no-one ever listens to me' drama queenery one minute, lovely, mature and sensible the next.

And I'm with overmydeadbody - the keeping calm strategy really does work best. It must be really hard for them to deal with all those changes, and when you stick to your guns and don't lose your rag, you do get a lot back at this age.

There's a lot of research suggseting that puberty in many ways makes your DC's brain revert back to the patterns of toddlerhood, so it stands to reason that modified versions of the strategies for toddlers will work with young teenagers.

DS is less "defiant" than he is just angry with the world - he gets up in a grump, grumps at everyone (especially DD), has the shortest imaginable fuse, and goes to bed in a grump. He is not really any more or less likely to refuse to do what he is asked than he used to be - it's just the attitude which is driving me to distraction.

DS is 7, 8 in October and has always been an angry boy, from the minute he emerged screaming his rage at the world.

I really like the sound of that book, will order a copy today. My DS is also super intense, and I found this book, lent to me by a friend really useful too.

I think I'm with you Stealthsquiggle. I searched in the book shop today for the book that omdb recommended and the more I was reciting the title in my mind, the more I thought that it was the wrong description for DS. I've now ordered a book , the title of which i cant remember unfortunately, but it's more about me as a parent and how I respond when DS, and for that matter DD, push my red buttons. I don't think I'm the cause of DS'a anger but I'm sure my reponses don't help. Hopefully this book will gvie me some tips for dealing with them.

I think, even if your child isn't actually 'defiant' (and they probably aren't, most children arn't ) the book I recommended, despite its title, will help, because it is actually just a book about changing children's default behaviour, so if they are just angry by default it can help you change that in them, so that their default setting isn't angry anymore.

BUt the book isn't necessarily the only book out there talking about this approach, anything that basically changes the behaviour by reinforcing desirable behaviour and not reinforcing undesirable behaviour will help.

I'll still say praise praise praise the behaviour you want to see, no matter how small. Praise every little smile and laugh and non-angry moment, to reinforce it, to make it more likely to happen again.

Thanks omdb. I needed that advice this morning as I seem to have lost my way with both DCs. I shall remember to praise whenever I can. Thank you.

I try and do the praise for any thing but once I do it all goes wrong .

I think sometimes FAB it can be too much. I think we have to be careful not to overdo praise for silly things. I can remember DS looking at me one day like I had three heads because I'd praised him to highly for something that was quite minor, but because I was trying to praise him more.

One thing that I do find also works well sometimes is to have a day where you don't say "no" to anything. It's quite hard but refreshing for everybody. In fact, I might try that today

I have tried the saying yes and the kids were in shock .

I know what you mean FAB. Sometimes the DCs are so programmed to expecting the answer to eb "no" that they don't even register the "yes" response and still go away grumpy. I've done it twice today, ie said yes to somehting I really wanted to say no to. And so far, today's anger level have been slightly lower although only in my direction. Towards DD they are as high as ever.

My daughter is the one currently in trouble. Ds1 said she called him a fat F###ing something and she is denying it.

10yr old ds can b luvly boy but gets angry and disrespectful when things don't go his way. Seems to have bother with authoritive figures by answering back, especially if he feels he has been accused in the wrong. Basic manners seem to go out the window. What do i do??

Signing in too. Nothing more to add, its all been said