I'm going to go back to work. I'm a terrible mum. Can anyone explain how I organize a child minder/nursery and do I get any help towards the cost?

[michelleseashell]

Says it all in the title really!

I'm going to go back to work when my baby is nine months old. I'm clueless about help or who I should talk to about it.

I'm just a big old shitty mum. I don't know what to do with a baby.

Is nursery better or a child minder. What are the costs like?

Can anyone help me please?

I don't need antidepressants. I need a couple of disco lights and some whistles. Liven this bullshit maternity leave up a bit :o

exactly!get some wine,a dvd, and take away number on speed dial

No on a serious note, I've been dreadfully depressed in the past and I don't feel like that. You know when it's a lovely sunny afternoon but you're stuck at work and you're a bit hungover and you don't really have much work to do but you still have to sit there and you sort of type a little bit and then stare wistfully out the window and every second feels like an hour? That's where I am.

:o Coincidence! I've actually just called the takeaway and sent my husband to the shop for a bit of 'fizzy pop'

it's just a bit of culture shock. mother and baby mag never advertises boredom, so it's bound to come as a bit of a surprise to anyone.

(i am teeheeing a little at you likening it to being bored at work on a summer day. be careful for what you wish, and all that....)

Bored at work AND hungover madwoman! :o Don't think I'll be getting many hangovers in the nearby future. Unless I become a gin mum. Which I have seriously considered! :o

I'm about to go back to work and I'm really looking forward to it. DD loves nursery and they don't watch Cbeebies there (I can also just about muster and hour of playing before getting bored senseless). I also dread days without any activity planned and deliberately don't get all of the shopping in one go so as to have somewhere we need to go.

You are probably in a good position to be looking for a CM/Nursery place as many children will be leaving their early years settings to go to school in September, so it is probably the best time of year to be trying to get a place.

I went down the nursery option for a number of reasons:
Everyone I know uses a nursery rather than CM, so more familiar with it.
I like the idea of a purpose built environment where there are quite a few staff with varying qualifications and skills. DD seems to interact with all of her room staff very well and I think she likes the variety. The nursery that DD goes to seems like a very professional environment with staff working towards qualifications and all adhering to the nursery policies with a clear management structure (it is also very warm and welcoming). I am sure that someone will be able to tell you that this is also the case with CM, but I haven't got any experience of that.
If the nursery staff are ill they just cover it - I don't know what a CM does if they are ill.

If I had known DD better when I booked her into nursery (she was only about 5mo when I filled in the forms) I would also have chosen a nursery as she is a very sociable baby and enjoys interacting with lots of adults and children. I think that there are some babies that are more suited to the smaller environment of a CM setting.

I would start the HR thing and the CM/nursery investigations at the same time. I found that just ringing around nurseries gave me an indication of availability and booking information (I assume the same is true of CM) so if you do that on Monday you will have some realistic timescale information for discussions with work. Even having a date for returning to work can help to make you feel a bit better about the time you spend at home.

I think CM are cheaper than nurseries in general. We just went to look at the one nursery as we live in a village and it was the only one in the area. It seemed lovely (well actually I was a bit shellshocked on my visit, but my mum said it looked great) so we went ahead and booked it.

You aren't the worst mum. I think that you are very normal. It is a problem that when mothers get together they are unwilling to say these things and they all put on their best mummy behaviour (well at least some of them). So everyone else looks like a wonderful mummy and you are left wondering whether you are as crap as you feel. It's a bit like people's houses, it has taken me until 32 to work out that lots of people tidy up before you go over and don't actually live an incredibly tidy life.

I could have written your posts word for word. I too, have had depression in the past and I was never depressed on maternity leave. I was bored out of my skull though and woke up most days wondering what the hell I was going to do. By 4pm I was a gibbering wreck, and that was on days I got out of the house for a good proportion of it.

I started back at work and it was like a weight had been lifted. I started at 3 days and still hated my 2 days off. I went up to 4 days (at work's request, not mine) and it was even better. I enjoy my one day off and the weekends with my DH.

Get yourself back to work and find a nursery or childminder, whichever you prefer. My DS goes to nursery and I went and looked at loads and chose the one I liked best. You need to get going as the good ones have waiting lists. Having said that, I visited the 'best' nursery in our area with an 18mo waiting list (yes, people got children booked in before they were conceived ) and decided DS was never crossing the threshold because it was filthy.

i looked nurseries ttc.had it all planned to go back
i skipped back after mat leave
happy to be stimulated,talk to adults about something other than baby olympics
and escape the precious moments mamas and general gushing

God yes. I can't stand precious moments mamas. Which is why I want to be at work and not at bloody toddler group. Quite frankly, I can't think of anything worse.

I wouldn't dream of telling a mother she should go back to work if she doesn't want to, so why on earth should she have the right to tell me I shouldn't.

My friend has also seen how happy I am doing 4 days and is about to put in a request to up her hours herself. We both know she's bored at home but there's some kind of taboo, isn't there of actually saying it outright.

I stayed full time throughout.Although I do have flexible working and am pretty fortunate in that.

Stop being hard on yourself, it is a miracle the precious moments brigade haven't found this thread yet, and they will happily do a far more effective job of making you feel shit if you let them.

I worked full time from when DS was 10 months old and God was I ready to get back to work. Ideally I would have preferred to work 4 days but I was searching for a training contract (and got one when he was 18 months) so I needed to work full time to qualify asap. I am now on maternity leave again and actually enjoying it far more this time, but there is no question that I will be returning to work (probably 4 days a week if work will agree). I use a childminder found through county council's website. Checked her OFSTED report online and liked what I read so rang her up and went round for a chat. She is a dream and like most CMs in a network so there is someone to cover if she were ill (she never has been yet in nearly 3 years). Much cheaper than nursery and many childminders are registered to provide the 15 hours free preschool when children reach 3 (mine isn't but soon will be) and most will take salary sacrifice vouchers from Busy Bees or similar.

be glad the biddulph tambourine and why have em if you leave with strangers crew have not piled in. a sensible discussion about working and childcare

I really need to have a look round. Can you just call up and say you want a nosey round their place? I live in a big city and work in town so I'm sure there will be lots of places around. I better get on it quickly though.

Yes I think it is a best mum competition with a lot of the people I know. I think no one wants to admit that they hate being a mum. It sounds like you're trying to infer that you hate your child. Of course I love my baby. The fact that I haven't thrown him out of the window and gone to bed for a week is testament to that :o

ofsted reports 1st for review
yes view as many times as wish 2-3 at least
ask for recommendation
consider drop off and collection
cost

Ha ha tambourine club! Oh bring it on. They love looking after kids so much they can come look after mine. We can't all be supermum

Oh god, OP, you are me.

This has reminded me I need to start a thread to reassure me about subsequent maternity leaves. I know we should have another DC, but I'm dreading the whole bloody process.

:o missmarjori! Thank god I'm not the only one! It IS bloody boring thankless work isn't it? It's rewarding definitely and all worth it to see your baby's face light up when they see you but oh god the monotony!! The endless bloody drudgery of it!!

Nurseries were very keen to have us round for a look. I imagine that CM with space will be equally keen.

One of the reasons that I had a baby was that I have always looked enviously at the delight on a child's face when reunited with its parents and wanted that for myself. I now realise that unless you spend time apart you don't get to experience this and it is every bit as good as I hoped.

Definitely visit a few. I went with a nursery that had been recommended to me by a friend, because I was worried that dd would get more attached to a cm than she was to me , but that was just mother-guilt, I now realise!

According to my lawyer friend, you are entitled to a salary sacrifice scheme, so even if your work doesn't offer one, enquire. I worked for a small business and my boss was happy (on advice from his accountant) to pay the nursery direct before paying my wages- saves them on NI too, so win-win all round.

I was initially reluctant to go back when dd was 6mths, but subsequently slotted right back in to (then p/t) employment. And now I am really glad I did, as it has enabled me to keep my skills up to date, and left me in the position where I can now (after 3 dc) open my own business, around which I can still accommodate the dc's needs. But definitely get in early, because I found a lot of good nurseries/ cms have waiting lists- I had their names down while I was still pregnant!

salary sacrifice is straight forward and most employers familiar with

Oh really? I'll do some research into this salary sacrifice thing. I work for quite a big company but they're very stingy so I assumed they'd not be keen to help. If it benefits them though they might be into it. Brilliant, guys. Thanks! You've all been great about this

Definitely worth sounding them out, michelle. My ex-employer was reknowned for being tighter thana gnat's chuff, but he still agreed to do the salary sacrifice thing after speaking to his accountant. Doesn't need to cost them anything, and may work in their favour, especially if it means keeping good employees in the fold

I nearly went mad with boredom when my DS was about 10 months and was so happy to go back to work (part time). I felt human again, mat leave was like life had stopped and groundhog day had taken over.

Those who say it gets better - I'm a teacher on summer holidays now and even though he's a toddler now, it's still hard to fill each day and not get bored with the 'oh, it's 10:30, it's banana time' repetition. I don't regret going back to work at all, although it was hard at the start to juggle everything.

I use a childminder who was recommended by one of my work colleagues. I visited a nursery and it was so noisy and crowded and busy, my DS doesn't cope well in that sort of situation so I knew it wasn't for him. My childminder looks after two girls roughly the same age so he still gets interaction with other children. However, bear in mind that some childminders do school runs too. Mine doesn't, but I wasn't particularly happy with the thought of him being strapped into the car and shuttled around in the morning and afternoon.

wotcha op: me too. I am a good mum (and knickers to anyone who thinks otherwise) and the best thing I can do for my lovely DD is... retain my sanity and sense of humour by going to work. Started on 2.5 days when she was 3 months old and have been back on 4 days since she was 6 months. TBH 4 days is feeling like a bit much, but 2.5 days was just perfect for me. I went from feeling bored witless to looking forward to spending the day with her. I dread retirement: I will be bloody useless if I ever have to give up work. We are all different!