Table manners at toddlers play date tea times

[handlemecarefully]

Scenario: There are about 6 or 7 toddlers (aged from 19 months to 3 yrs) who have been playing together all afternoon and then have tea together...

Would you expect
(a) all toddlers to sit at the table and none of them to get down until every child has finished eating, or
(b) would you think it okay for individual children to be asked to be excused from the table and to get down prior to their playmates (especially if they are not particularly hungry and not very interested in food)

I think (B) to be honest, DS is 20mths and makes it VERY obvious when he wants to get down from the table, he would just spoil everyone else's mealtime!
To be honest when there are other children there though, he does tend to be more inclined to stay at the table with his peers

B. Toddlers that young can not be expected to wait till others have finished. Not the toddlers I kow anyway!

Ok thanks for that Lizzylou, I'm not declaring my hand on this yet though until there have been more responses as don't want to skew the results!

B) i dont think you can expect a 19 month old to sit still until evryone has finished, you would end up with a room full of screaming kids.

(b)

Ummm - keep them coming. Itching to say what 'camp' I am in!

I would encourage them to stay at the table for as long as possible but eventually admit defeat. I do find that once one or two start getting down the others loose interest in their food which is not good if they are actually hungry. My 18mo is made to stay at the table until we (inc. snailpace DS) have all finished. Though if he is on a really go-slow I do entertain her.

B, absolutely. Expecting table manners from a group of under 3's?? I don't think so!

Okay, I'm in camp B - but I seem to be seriously out of kilter with some of my friends.

I'm actually getting quite worked up and worried about it....We have a regular once a week play date with a couple of other mums and their lo's...sometimes mine will be very happy to sit there with their peers and eat, and other times (particularly if they are not keen on the food - which happens - want to get down). I don't think it is that unreasonable for them to ask to get down, rather than watch their little friends sit there and pick over their food for the next 20 minutes....whilst they do what...twiddle the fingers and thumbs. Although I do accept to some extent that there may be an argument that it could discourage the other children to discontinue eating (however I haven't personally seen this happen)

I'm actually thinking of continuing attending these play dates but to withdraw and go home just prior to tea time in future to avoid the note of 'censure'. One of my friends made a loaded comment to another friend in my presence about how nice it was to share tea time with mutual acquaintance A the day before, because her children had similar table manners and would sit at the table until all were finished.

Definitely b. I think it would be unreasonable to expect such young ones to sit at the table until the last one finishes.

Some are 3 -3.5 years old for clarification, others are under 2

Sorry re double negative in my post - should have been 'discourage them from continuing eating'

Hmm I think its possible at 3.5 but less so at nearly 2. I really would end up in the middle somewhere ie encouraging them to stay at the table but eventually letting them down. Do you have pudding/fruit? Do they come back to the table for that?

Camp B Definitely.

And it was extremely ill-mannered of your friend to say this in front of you ~ especially if you think it was supposedly meant for your benefit.

I'm a stickler for manners, especially at the table but even I wouldn't contemplate forcing such young ones to sit for so long. It's an achievement to keep them at the table for 10 minutes at this age. I think your friend should chill out.

Yes they come back for fromage frais - but still get the 'harumph' effect from other mums

Also do you take them to eat out hmc? And what do you expect of them in those circumstances? Its just that you end up sat at the table for much longer if you are in a pub or restaurant although OTOH there is maybe more going on to keep their interest.

I would say that was OK. If it was my house and my own kids were sitting at the table eating their fromage frais but other kids expected to be able to wonder around the house eating it I would not be impressed but that, of course, is totally different. I definitely relax the rules when we have visitors though.

God no Bozza ! - don't go out to lunch as 19 month old will not sit still and makes huge fuss. 3 year old quite good when out to lunch - because she can choose something from the menu that she likes etc, and she finds a restaurant environment and people watching quite stimulating.

She used to be the same as her brother when she was his age, but improved at circa 2.5 so am hoping that we can start eating out as a family again when he is a little older

DS is the youngest of the ages you mention (19mo). He would sit at the table the whole time, because he loves his grub. If others got down and were zooming round, he would sometimes be distracted and sometimes not be fussed, but just keep eating.

DS doesn't get down till we've finished meals when we eat together - but in this situation, if he wasn't hungry and there were loads of distractions going on, I'd let him get down.

That's probably it in a nutshell though hunker - my two don't love their grub!

DS has been coming out for lunch since he was 5 weeks old and he loves being part of mealtimes - he looks round the table to check who's there and grins at everyone, then tucks in.

I hope my friend doesn't read this because she is a very occasional mumsnetter...

if she does and recognises the situation - PLEASE REMEMBER I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH; IT'S JUST THIS ONE THING!!!

My first response was for them all to sit there and be polite but then i changed my mind.
They are so young and i imagine excited, i'd chill for that occasion.

If it was at my house they would all be sat on a rug on the floor having a 'picnic' in front of the tv.