If you have a toddler, when do you do the housework?

[AngelDog]

Is it just when they're asleep? Do you do things at a set point in the day so it becomes routine, or just as and when?

I'm struggling to do the basics, by which I mean:

1. Loading / unloading washing machine
2. Hanging washing on line in garden
3. Preparing meals
4. Clearing up after meals
5. Unloading shopping from pushchair/clearing rubbish out of nappy bag
6. Washing up / emptying dishwasher

My 16 m.o. DS will stand on his set of steps at the worksurface and get in the way for about 3 minutes while I wash up or cook, but not for long enough to get anything done, and he can get pretty cross while I'm doing things like clearing up after meals as he wants me to be playing with him.

Recently I've been tired and napping when DS does, which makes it harder to fit things into the rest of the day, when I try to get out of the house as much as I can. There's a limit to what I can fit into an evening, and some things do need doing during the day.

We have fairly low standards, so I don't really bother with stuff like cleaning.

To rephrase, I'm struggling to do the basics without it turning into a constant liturgy of 'I'll read to you when I've done the washing, DS', or 'I'll come and get your football when I've pegged this shirt out'. It would be nice not to have to constantly tell him to wait.

when dd1 was your ds's age, i sometimes used to strap her into the high chair with some playdoh or something while i prepared food, or gave her pans/spoons to play with at the same time. getting them to "help" can be successful, for example loading the washing machine, although it does turn a 5min job into a half-hour one.

i don't think it's the end of the world if he waits for 5 minutes while you hang the washing out though. if he cries, you know all his needs are met, and he's just cross, so crack on, and then play a lovely game with him afterwards.

Mine is 18 months and the sort of child who has to be watched constantly (very quick, climbs a lot, switches all the appliances on etc etc) so I share your pain.
Re the washing I tend to let him "help" sort, load and unload. Constant stream of babble from me about items of clothing, clean and dirty, wet and dry etc, he really likes it asa game. And I set him challenges like find me a sock.
I prepare meals in stages. Eg I will peel potatoes while he is eating his lunch, do any other prep while he's having afternoon snack. Clearing up afterwards I plonked him on floor in kitchen with some toys and just keep moving him away from where he shouldn't be constantly.
Dishwasher is a nightmare generally. As soon as I open door he's trying to get stuff out of it or climb into it. If I shut door, he switches it on. Can't win.
Cleaning, erm not so much of that...

Yes, this is a tough one.
Toddlers really do believe that the world centres on them.

I'm sure others will have different ideas, but I do spend a lot of time telling my DCs to wait while I do some housework.
They need to learn that I am not purely at their beck and call and that sometimes I have to turn my attention to other things.

Personally, I do try to keep things in a routine as it's easier for me.
For example. I do the washing first thing in the morning. It goes into the machine before I get dressed and I hang it out before taking DD to preschool.
Cleaning is usually done in the morning. I try to clean one or two things each day so that it never gets to bad, but everything is rarely clean at the same time!
Shopping is unloaded as soon as I get home from the supermarket.
Preparing meals is usually quick and off the cuff. Supper is prepared while the DCs are watching their daily hour of television.

One thing I find helpful is getting the DCs to help me.
DS loves pulling the washing out of the machine and handing it to me to be hung up.
He also helps me to empty the shopping bags, though I have to watch carefully if he's pulling out the eggs etc.
He also loves to have a turn with the hoover, which I let him do for a minute or two until he gets bored and allows me to do the rest of the floors.
Both DCs love helping my cooking, doing things like transferring chopped vegetables into bowls/pans etc.

HTH

Get a cleaner to do it :o
Or... when the house gets filthy inbetween visits from the cleaner (every day) then I do it in the evenings - If I'm not at work.
When I'm at work and not home until late the house just has to stay dirty
I do about 6 loads of washing every weekend.

I'm a single parent and I struggle with this too. DS is 2.7 now so he plays alone a lot more but I have found it really hard (and still do) to keep on top of things.

1/2. Can he help you with the washing? Getting stuff in/out of the machine, passing things to you when outside. Or let him play with the pegs or something if he's too young for that.

I've tried to get DS to be involved with as many things as possible pretty much as soon as he could, because (a) I hate housework about as much as I hate playing with trains, and doing it with him makes it marginally more entertaining, (b) I'm doing an activity with him which means less time spent playing trains, and in fact more time for me, if say I would have spent 20 mins on a job and then then 40 mins playing, if we spend 40 mins doing the job together, then I have 20 minutes spare. (Doesn't always work exactly like that of course :)) and finally (c) I'm hoping it's instilling into him the idea that housework is just a thing that everyone pitches in with, appropriate to their age and availability, rather than something Mummy does and he ignores.

1. We just lived on really really quick meals, TBH, mainly things I could put on and leave for 15 mins. So fish fingers/"crispy chicken" things/etc and frozen veg (the microwave steam bags) for ages, but if your DS likes pasta, you have loads more options. Also if you are coping better than I was, you can make better meals than that quickly by using shortcuts, like making a huge batch of bolognese sauce and freezing it, or there have been various threads about really quick meals, which might be helpful. Now he's not whining at my ankles constantly making me panic as I take hot pans across to the sink to drain etc, I have started to cook properly again. It's not fantastic but at least he was fed.

1. Can you clear up before you take him out of his highchair?

1. Again get him to help. When you are packing the shopping be sure to put things like eggs, bananas, secret chocolate stash, into one bag, then whisk it away and put up out of his reach. Even if things need to go in the fridge they will be okay for an hour or so if you need to grab your moment to put them away when he's not looking.

1. Washing up I'm not even going to go there. I struggle massively with this. I would do anything for a dishwasher :(

CBeeBees

It can be hard, especially with an only child as you become their playmate.

I used to try to catch up in the evenings or put the TV on for half an hour.

My DS is nearly 4 and it's still a struggle.

Cbeebies, Cbeebies, Cbeebies.

I love Justin Fletcher, he has saved my sanity a million times over!

I do just tell them to wait and go and play while I do it, although I won't get to do a lot at once its like just put the washing in machine then probably do something with them then after 10 min go and tidy something etc.. tidying I do get my 2 yr old to help so he feels involved but 17 months is not a good tidyer yet so i let him just play with toys while we do it. Sometimes dishes and things are just waiting til they go to bed at night so I sort out the left over things then. Having a proper clean of the house I only get a good chance to do it really on weekend asking their dad to take them out the house for a bit, otherwise can only do a half hearted effort with kids under my feet. Cooking i either do quick things like pasta or i would do it when they are in bed if it needed more effort

Hi AngelDog

Oh slight hijack - AngelDog, someone replied to your thread in the slings and backpacks section with a question about the connecta strap, I didn't know if you'd seen it.

Hi angeldog hmm....tis tricky.

Please bare in mind i have no standards...

Loading unloading washing... I lob stuff in as and when inc chucking stuff down the stairs when we get up or when ds is in the bath, then retrieving it days later and shoving it in machine. Sometimes with ds's "help" if we have time.

Hanging out. I get it out of machine while ds is busy and straighten it up so it's easier to put it on the line. Then i peg it out while we are on our way out for something else so he's either in the sling or i barracade us in the back while i do it. Straightening it while inside means it's quicker to peg out while in our non child friendly garden.

Preparing meals. Do bit at a time...mostly during naps. Always have jacket spuds in in case we need a "no cry tea solution" ie, for days he's clingy and hard to entertain. He likes to stir and can chop mushrooms with a butter knife and likes to do that. So we eat mushrooms on toast a lot for breakfast. He knows to stand back from the oven as it's hot (though likes to play taking pans from cupboard to put under the grill and often does this sort of thing while i cook). If i need him out of the way for a mo, ie to drain a pan of pasta or something i give him something (eg spoon) to take to dh (or the dog if dh isn't around!).he likes to add things to bowls pans etc.

Clearing up after meals often waits. I just stick stuff on the kitchen side and wash up once a day when dh baths ds. Our kitchen is tiny but i have become less risk averse when stacking things. I try to wipe the high chair and call the -dog-- sweep up asap. Ds loves "sweeping" so we give him a spare brush.

Shopping away, ds often likes taking things out of the shopping bag and can often be distracted with a pear while i retrieve them and throw them at cupboards.

Washing up - I have been know to sit ds on the work surface and have him pass me things while i half arsedly wash them with one hand (the other holding on to ds) though this is a desperate measure. If there's no time to put away i just use stuff straigt off the draining rack.

As others have said i try to involve ds as much a possible though it takes ages and can have unexpected consiquences, eg forks in the washing machine.

I am a big advocate of resting when they nap. Esp now they're mobile.

Do you know I asked the same question a few years ago and I almost wet myself laughing when people said "get dd to help".

However, it can work. I bought dd a mini broom and hoover, I got a fluffy feather duster too which she loved. I also used to put dd in a high chair and give her paint, playdoh, something messy and not usually aloud.

Now I have dd 4 and ds 21mo. It's much harder when you have a loony boy who climbs on everything, has to open everything, eats whatever he finds etc...

So you just have to work round them, they have to wait sometimes, you can do stuff to make it easier but it does get easier with time.

You can -

Get dh to do more.
Let in go a bit and just do the bare minimum for a few months.
Hide toys in kitchen cupboards.
Put child in backpack (back carrier thing, not actual bag).
Give raisins or snacks in high chair only when you need 5 mins to do something quickly.

I couldn't agree more to sleep when they sleep, even just rest, watch tv, eat.

It gets so much easier when they learn to focus on something for more than 2 minutes.

yeah I feel your pain too. My 18 mo is a nutter and doesnt stop. I have a 4 yr old to watch when hes napping (which isnt for very long) and with that comes the dilemma - do the housework, or pay some much wanted attention to the elder child.
DS2 won't watch TV, so I basically do anything that needs doing when he's in bed or when he's eating. I can extend his food times by giving him raisins and stuff to much on.
I also rarely make them 'quality' meals. Frozen veg is in. Pasta is a lifesaver. Chicken dippers yeah. When I do make stuff, I make, for instance, a mahoosive batch of pasta sauce (minced beef, tinned tomatoes, shed load of vegetables all bunged in the blender to hid them) and freeze it, then feel virtuous when I give them my home cooked meal!

1. put in highchair with a snack/toys/crayons/music and sining while I clean kitchen sides, stack dishwasher, put on a wash etc.
2. Get a big red plastic tub for washing and let DS put washing in/take it out/put it in/take it out, while I sort out the real washing
3. Ceebeebies/films/electronic babysitter of some sort.
4. Let him help me unload the dishwasher - i quickly get all the breakable stuff out of the bottom shelf, and put plastic cups etc there. The kids have their own drawer with their plates etc to go in, and so he will take them and put them in the drawer, take them out, put them back in - gets a bit messy and a lot of accepting it will take a while, stuff goes on floor.
5. Sling/side sling, if he wants to be carried while I have washing to hang or hoovering to do, he also likes to help so I will let him 'hoover' for a min or two
6. noisy toys on the floor next to where I am clearing up.
7. Ignoring him when he hassles me, and he eventually finds something to do (bad mother emoticon).
8. get DH to do it!

He is 18 months. DD is 4. She is very independent and always has been able to entertain herself for a good period of time, and DS although less tolerant of his own company is ok to sort himself out if there is something set for him to do in the same room as me, for a short while at least.

oh and DD aged 4 will help lots. She will fold clothes for me, hand up washing on low level hangers, put toys away (with bribing). When she was about 2.5-3, she would stand on her chair and 'wash up' with some selected items.

Are you very bothered about mess? You could put a towel on the floor in kitchen when you want to wash up or something, put some water in a bowel and some things for him to clean? use the towel to wipe up the spilt water afterwards (and have him in just a nappy so you can dry him easily too!)

Thank you everyone for your replies and the detailed suggestions - lots of ideas for me to think about.

You're right, I do need to involve him more. He does often enjoy throwing wet/dry washing around and loves playing at the sink (he's always trying to drag his steps across to it). If I can introduce him to cooking / stirring that would be good. (MFM, I'm very at the mushroom chopping - I find it amazing how different LOs are in what they can do!)

I think the sling is the best option for hanging out the washing - he loves playing in the garden, but for some reason he wants me to hold onto his hand 95% of the time even though he's a competent walker.

I don't have a TV, and DH has been insanely busy for the last few months so I've been doing 100% of the household jobs. Things will calm down for him in a couple of weeks though and he'll have a few quieter months, so I'l have more help then. :)

I'm resigned to DS's rubbish toys everywhere, but I recently discovered that if my stuff, especially the kitchen, is tidy, then I have a lot more energy and am a happier person to live with.

Things have been worse than usual lately as DS has really been struggling with cutting his incisors, so we've not been sleeping and I've been napping through his naps, and he's been needing more attention than usual when awake.

I think I also need to learn to do things faster - and do less MNing in the evenings!

Bertie, thanks for the hijack - I'd not seen that reply on the slings board. Is it space or money which rules out a dishwasher? We got ours for nothing from Freecycle.

IC how are things? How's your DD?

less mn! Angeldog. How could you?

Great, thanks, AD! Teething interfering with sleep off and on, but DD even sleeps through every so often nowadays, thanksbetowhoever....! Naps on the move only, but we've got a pram rocker which is fab.

I see you've got teething/sleep issues too....you have my sympathy.

TTSP, TTSP....

I managed to get a dishwasher, from ebay, but the washing machine is stuck and no way to move it without ripping out the kitchen units, so I can't plumb it in unless I can get a sink attachment thing. I keep meaning to look into that though. Think I just shoot myself in the foot sometimes putting everything off.

Some good tips on this thread already!

I always try and put a load of washing on once DS is in bed. Just gets you one step ahead the next day as it is ready to be hung out.

DS is in awkward in-between stage at the moment - when he was smaller he was quite happy for me to carry him in a sling whilst I did stuff, now he is bigger not so much, but still not really big / coordinated enough to "help". He's getting there though...

It's not easy is it. I think all the tips about involving the child are good ones. My 15montg old DS "helped" change the beds this morning. Was no help at all but he was with me, safe, amused and I got the job done...if a little slower than I would have liked!

MFM ' less mn! Angeldog. How could you?'. Yes, therein lies most of my problem.

IC, sleep-throughs sound good to me. DS hasn't managed it yet, but when he's sleeping well, he does sleep through my night, so that suits me.

Teething is miserable, eh? (especially when combined with a developmental spurt). We've progres though - last night was the first for a fortnight when he wasn't up for 2 hours + (4 hours was the record ). Glad to hear your pram rocker worked - I'll make a note for future reference just in case.

Bertie, I know what you mean about putting things off...

I have a 16mo and feel your pain! Mostly I let her roam around while I do housework, though obviously she gets bored eventually and wants me to play. I've found that doing chores when she isn't tired (so after breakfast and after her nap) is best, as she is more able to entertain herself. Generally she's more demanding of my attention around an hour before her nap and for the fag-end of the day before bedtime, so I really don't bother with housework during those times.

We always make big batches of food, whatever we're cooking- bolognese, chill etc. That way me and DP have leftovers for lunch the next day, and we freeze portions for quick dinners. We always plan what we're going to have for dinner, and generally have things which can be prepared after she is in bed. We also make and freeze dinners for dd which can be heated up quickly.

My mil once said to me that she never did chores when her kids were napping. That was her time to relax, have a cup of tea etc. This does sound mad- and obviously doesn't work if you work full time- but her point is that it's good for children to see you doing housework and appreciate what it is and more importantly as they get older, that the fairies don't do it (and as others have pointed out it is a good opportunity for play/learning/'helping'), plus you need a bit of down time yourself. So I try to follow this too (hence am on mumsnet while dd naps now).

On a more general note, though, I do find that a 10 minute job takes an hour. Especially when your kid is terrified of the hoover as mine is! So don't put pressure on yourself.