How young is too young to not offer an alternative at mealtimes?

[bt1978]

DD is 14mo and getting quite fussy about food. She will only feed herself, either with hands or she has just learnt to use a fork...the only exception is yoghurt or weetabix which I am allowed to feed her.
At the moment if she doesn't eat what I make her I don't make anything else and assume she's not hungry...is she too young to do this? DH seems to think I should just give her something I know she'll eat.
Comments welcome, thanks.

I'd do the same as you. DD3 (my fourth DC so perhaps I'm beyond stress on the food front) has gone for 3 days without eating anything bar her (normal) pudding/cereal. IME if they're hungry they'll eat it.

She didn't eat lunch yesterday and whinged at 4 she was hungry (she's 2.3), but frankly it was another couple of hours until supper and I was pretty sure she wasn't going to drop from starvation. She waited bitching the whole while and ate a portion to rival my 14 year old DS.

Stress not. Unless she's ill (and you know when they're ill), I would give her what's on offer and tough if she doesn't want it. Otherwise in a few years you will potentially find yourself with a complete PITA to feed possibly multiplied with subsequent offspring.

you are definitely doing the right thing. hang in there.

Agree with above! I would however allow fruit an hour later but nothin else until next meal. Don't forget to make sure she drinks well too. My DS stops eating but will eat more after a drink

DD is our PFB and at 21mo we've never offered an alternative except when I was weaning her and that's just because I always had a few options for her to try. DD has had an almighty tantrum tonight after she only ate a waffle, no fish fingers, peas or banana for dessert. She wanted a fromage frais but we're out. I try not to worry about it too much as she'd eat it if she's hungry. But boy is it hard :)

PurpleCH I promise the hard crappy bits will pay dividends when she's older.

Is it because dc really doesn't like it or because they ""fancy " something else. Only ask because I would give them an alternative to what we were having if it was something they really couldn't stomach but not if they were just being fussy. If you Dd has eaten something before and enjoyed it then no alternative but if it is something new I might be a little more lenient if she had tried it.

I never offer an alternative. This evening she refused her fish pie (which she normally likes) so she got down from the table and ran around until I said it was going to be bedtime soon - she said 'Tory?' (story) and I said no because you didn't eat your supper. Prompt return to the table and shovelling commenced.

Thanks for responses.

nometime - yes, I would be more lenient too if it was a new food and she didn't seem to like it.

Hoping this 'no alternative' tactic will pay off in future though...especially as MIL tells me all the time how she used to make 3 separate dinners for herself and each of the kids...and ended up with two extremely fussy adult children. She laments about this a lot and warns me not to fall into that trap!

DS is 16 m.o. and I always offer an alternative if he doesn't want what I offer, although from the same nutritional groups. The alternative to a main meal is usually cream crackers / bread and cream cheese.

Refusing any type of food has always proved to be a short-lived phase so far, although there are things we like that I wouldn't necessarily expect him to like (chilli & curry for example).

He got really fussy from about 12 months and wouldn't eat potatoes, veg or fish (a nuisance since he can't eat eggs, nuts or tomatoes either, and I can't eat dairy) but I kept offering whatever we ate and now he's generally happy eating veg & potatoes.

I wouldn't cook a separate dinner for him though.

Ive never offered alternatives for meals right from the start, DD1 will eat almost anything now, she's 3, so if there's something i know she doesn't like I will alter her meal a little i.e. she's not a big fan of cuts of meat so I will give her lots of veg and only a small piece of meat or I'll do her a boiled egg instead of scrambled egg but thats as far as it goes. she always gets some of everything although she can leave whatever she likes and she knows there's nothing else.

I personally don't think it is ever too young babies have no preference as they are just learning and will eat whats there if they're hungry.

I have never offered alternatives, if they dont eat I assume they are not hungry. DS1 is 7 now and shows no signs of malnutrition.

The only choice is "eat it or don't eat it." I'm not running a restaurant. When we go to one, they can choose from the menu.

However, when they were little (i.e. under 2), I did sometimes give what I knew they would eat, rather than throw food in the bin again. I have vague memories of dd2 eating a lot of omelettes for a while. Strange choice for a toddler but that's what she liked and easy to make one quickly in the mornings. Otherwise we'd end up at toddler group and she would be so hungry she'd have a tantrum about not being allowed to eat all the biscuits.

I offer bread and butter or crackers and cream cheese if they don't like the meal. I always offer pudding no matter what they have eaten but normally fruit or yoghurt. My DS who is 2 will starve himself rather than eat something he doesn't like.

How do you lot cope when they don't eat and then they spend the whole afternoon shouting "biscuit mummy".

fidlededee I have the same issue with my DD aged 3. She would go all day without food rather than eat something she doesn't like, and she only eats a very small range of foods. I just don't understand it because I am about the most omnivorous person ever. DP on the other hand....yes, let's blame him!

DD is seven, we constantly get told "what a marvellous eater" and "doesn't she enjoy her food?" and "It's so nice to have her round, she eats everything".

Yes, but the PAIN of nearly 3 years not letting her dictate meals, and not offering alternatives, and saying "no pudding" and "eat your veg" oh it was hard, but we now reap the rewards, as does she, she gets to go to all sorts of restaurants and enjoys her food.

The only thing we allowed was, she hates potato, I mean really hates it, so we don't offer her potato or force her to eat it, she gets rice instead. I don't think children should be forced to eat something they really don't like, but we always insisted she tried everything (yes, bribery was involved in extra pocket money for the short term). As a result of "trying" things she loves swede and cabbage and shovels it down. I don't know many 7 year olds who do that!!!

So I agree with not letting them dictate their own meals and not restricting their diet.

And we don't have biscuits in the house, so she can't have one. Phrases such as "you should eat your meal then you wouldn't be hungry" got used a lot. You just have to have teh will power to resist the constant whining. They stop whining once they realise it gets them nowhere, but you ahve to get through the incredible level of whining they produce.

If they asked for a biscuit, I would tell them "no, the next meal will be lunch/dinner/whatever" then I would being that meal forward slightly if they were really starving. They tried it only a few times, because I didn't give in. Now they know not to even bother asking.

We also get comments about how good they are at eating and sitting nicely in restaurants, and I honestly believe it's a result of all going through the hassle of not giving into their demands just to make life easier in the short term.

bring not being

Oh, we have tried all that, with absolute consistency, and our DD is just stubborn beyond belief. I always said there is no way I would tolerate a fussy eater but it appears DD has other ideas! She's been this way since babyhood and weaning - I think it's largely down to personality and innate traits - she is generally quite intense and very particular about a wide range of things. DS is still a baby and only just starting with food but is far more willing to try all manner of things. Again, I think it's down to personality as I'm doing nothing different with him.

A friend had two great eaters and one child who only ate chicken nuggets and bread from the age of about 7 until she was well into her late teens.

I'm with you OP - they are never too young to accept the 'eat what you're given or go without' approach. If you think otherwise, I reckon you're storing up all sorts of problems for the future.

My ds2 is a fussy bugger by the way. Always has been...he's 3 now.
Tough luck kiddo.

Further to my post upthread, DD1 (who's almost 18) was a fussy eater, but with two more DC is quick succession I was NOT going to cook more than one meal. End of. She would go three or four days eating only breakfast and her packed lunch (ham sandwich for 100 years). I would let have ONE piece of fruit after supper if the others were, but if it was a treat such as ice cream/cake etc she wasn't allowed. On the third or fourth day she would eat . This lasted a good couple of years (was between the ages of about 6 and 8), but I didn't waver once and I made sure that when they were at their father's house he followed the same deal.

She is now a fantastic eater (should bloody hope so at her age anyway) and all four DC can be taken anywhere and eat pretty much anything.

Oddly, the only things DD3 (2.3) will not let pass her lips are bananas and junk - yet she'll happily eat offal, clams, escargots and sprouts . Odd child indeed!

At 14 mo I did offer an alternative but later on, after the 'meal' had finished and we'd all got down from the table, eg a bit of toast and cream cheese etc. At 2.5 yrs now ds is a good eater, and does not get an alternative. He will however almost always eat his meal and it seems to be obstinence rather than not liking things if he says no to what is offered. So, so far, despite giving an alternative meal later on at 14mo does not appear to have made him a fussy eater and ge will happily eat broccoli, all meats, veg etc.

One thing I don't do though is insist he finishes everything; I want him to go with his instinct when he's had enough, and he seems to do this well. Nor do I insist he eats things I know he doesn't like eg baked beans or lentils. I still put a bit of everything on his plate but don't make a fuss about them not being eaten. And sometimes be amazes me just picking it up and trying it!

I think you can influence things a lot but some children just seem to be fussy eaters or poor sleepers or more prone to tantrums etc etc than others. I'm not above patting myself of the back sometimes and thinking it must have something to do with me and dh too (!) and our parenting, but do think that there is a bit of nature in there too, hence parents who have all good sleeper/eaters etc and then one who doesn't fit the mold despite the same parenting.

I would always offer something else up to the age of 3. I would never send a toddler to bed hungry. After 3 they then get the eat or go hungry line - when they can understand that choice and that it means a rumbly tummy later on.

Never too young.

Ds has never been given a choice. If he won't eat, then he can't be hungry.

Ironically, he is fussier now (age 10) than he was when I was weaning him, when he would eat anything. Still no choice though - at time I think he lives on air, but he is healthy and full of energy, so must be OK.

He gets "his" choice once a week (pasta and pesto) and there are times I will cook something that I know he likes (like meatballs) but he always has to try at least a bit of everything on his plate - and if he doesn't make a good enough effort, he doesn't get the option of pudding. If it's something I know he's not particularly keen on, I won't put much out (he can always ask for seconds if he decides he likes it after all) and I don't force him to eat salads (he's not keen on raw tomatoes but does like cucumber and raw carrot) but that is as far as I will pander to him.

Have never offered DD an alternative. I don't think it's a good road to go down as I imagine that's how you end up with a child who will only eat toast.

She's almost 4 and a bit fussy at the moment but I would never expect her to eat anything she really doesn't like.