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Parenting

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Original poster

All join on for the Asperger's thread...

39 replies

midnightservant · 02/05/2011 01:34

...or that's what we'd have said in the playground when I was in infants school in the fifties.

Had a thorough read of the traits list I posted on the other thread, and it was quite mind-blowing.

Shall we start by gathering some data?

I am 58 and I'm an owl by nature (surprise!)
I am married with two young adult children, DS (22) and DD (19), who live at home.

OP posts:

MaryBS · 03/05/2011 07:43

I'm 44, married with a DD (11) and a DS (9) who also has Asperger Syndrome - which is how I found out about me!

Lambskin · 03/05/2011 13:35

I'm 40 and have 2 sons, ds1 is 17 and ds2 is 6 and undergoing assessment for AS, which like Mary is what made me start to think....

Original poster

midnightservant · 03/05/2011 22:22

As I said on a previous thread, my father was a dilemma to live with. I suppose I first heard about Aspergers in the late 70's - early 80's? pretty early on anyway, and thought he fitted pretty well. In fact it has helped me to get on with him better.

I thought I had some of the traits, but wondered if it was learnt behaviour - neither parent had many social skills. It was only quite recently that I found out it was different for girls.

As I also said on that thread, I have asked my psychiatrist about the possibility that I had Aspergers. I think he believes in my diagnosis of bi-polar and it is true that I have been psychotically hypermanic 4 times. But all were associated with substance/alcohol misuse, which I found helped by making me 'braver'.

As it happens, I have an appointment with him coming up, and I'm thinking of pressing for an assessment. At the very least, I would say I have co-morbid conditions. I'm in the North East, and my mental health trust is Tees, Esk and Wear Valley. If he doesn't want to persue it, I think I'd like to have a private assessment.

So I'd be very interested in accounts of being assessed.

OP posts:

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Original poster

midnightservant · 03/05/2011 22:23

hypomanic

tut tut

OP posts:

Lambskin · 04/05/2011 13:05

It's so interesting that you should mention being psychotically hypomanic, and substance and alcohol abuse for courage. When I first left home and went to Art School I had a few major episodes and was prescribed anti-psychotics. I now think that I was feeling overloaded and overwhelmed. Living in a shared house and always having to be 'on', I couldn't cope and didn't know why.

I then went to live in a major city and found ecstasy, speed and cocaine to be the perfect antidote to being unsociable. Couldn't last though. I don't go out anymore but I'm certainly healthier. Being part of society is so hard, I think I'll just go and live under this rock over here.

MaryBS · 04/05/2011 13:35

There are creepy-crawlies under rocks! I use meditation for relaxation, of the Christian type, although it can be easily adapted to be non-religious, if religion isn't "your thing".

Interesting about substance abuse, I've never ever taken a drug (other than alcohol) as "it is wrong" (said in a non-judgemental sort of way, I don't wish to apply my opinions on the way I live, onto the way you live). I used to be very judgemental and seeing things in "black and white, right and wrong", but life has taught me that things don't always turn out the way you plan them, so I only apply my own pattern for life to myself, and try not to judge other people.

Lambskin · 04/05/2011 17:19

It's certainly not something I would recommend Mary and I'm not proud. I was not in a good place. I have to say I felt exactly the same way about drugs throughout teens and even at Art School (of all places), but then later part of me didn't really care if I lived or died and I just wanted to be happy. That probably doesn't make any sense, but life was complicated.

I exercise and paint now which makes me happy, oh yes and reading, I do love to escape inside someone else's head!

I genuinely haven't got a clue what the hell is going on with me but reading about aspergers and looking at midnight's link was like reading about me.

How did you keep happy when you were at school and higher Ed Mary? Or have you always had your faith to help you? I was always on the outer fringes and even teachers didn't like me (may have something to do with the attractive combination of mutism and meltdowns )

MaryBS · 04/05/2011 17:46

No, and I hope I didn't come across as judgy, its just that I guess it had been so drummed into me that drugs were wrong, that I couldn't even consider it as an option.

It certainly wasn't my faith that helped me through school and uni, or rather not the main reason. School was horrible. It was an all girls school and I was bullied. Books helped me, as they still do. Reading takes my mind away from the problems, and helps me relax. I went to Brunel Uni, which is mainly scientific, so lots of geeks - many of whom would also have been on the spectrum, so that probably made it easier. I felt I fitted in more at Uni, than at school. Male to female ration was 7:1. I get on better with males generally, anyway. (My degree was in Maths). I did join the chaplaincy at Uni, and that was good in that it broadened my outlook on my faith, and helped it 'grow up' a bit.

Lambskin · 04/05/2011 20:01

You didn't come across as judgy.

I have also found refuge in books but I was pushed to be sociable by my mum and my subject preferences (art and English) are very female orientated and girls tend not to leave you alone. I also went to a girls' school and was bullied, and have also much preferred the company of males; there's no fuss and they're just so straightforward.

Lots of 'also's there!

MaryBS · 05/05/2011 07:26

Original poster

midnightservant · 05/05/2011 10:02

I so wanted to be sociable, but didn't have a clue how. My parents had two close friends, rarely went out except to see family. At school everyone had tellies except me and my one close friend, so that left me out of a possible introductory topic of conversation. I was and am dyspraxic, terrible at games which I hated, though good at running! Being somewhat faceblind was and is a terrible handicap.

Hyperlexic as managed to grasp the complex patterns of written English. Books were also my refuge. Hated where I lived - longed for the countryside - but lived in South London. Narnia was my refuge through many a long year.

Uni was my escape, unfortunately while good at studying (though a terrible right-up-to-the-wire deadline person) not so good at functioning without a learning structure, so never completed first PhD - or second either!

But did manage to have a social life, despite recurrent depression.

OP posts:

Original poster

midnightservant · 05/05/2011 10:04

Junior school, that is. We got a telly when I was twelve, the week before Dr Who started.

OP posts:

MaryBS · 05/05/2011 18:24

I used to play football, and because I could use my feet, I ended up in the school hockey team as goalkeeper! Being left handed, I struggled with the stick. However I was pretty good at table tennis and badminton. I was about 12 when we got a TV too. The secondary school was full of wealthy families' kids, and I came from a council house, so always assumed that was why no-one wanted to be friends with me.

Original poster

midnightservant · 05/05/2011 18:47

How weird about the telly, considering you are so much younger than me too. My mum, brother and me lobbied for a telly, but my udx AS dad refused to buy one until BBC2 and 625 lines came out. Being very frugal, I think he thought it wasn't worth it for 2 channels, but was for 3.

Table tennis and badminton could be played informally by sixth formers at our school, and I quite enjoyed them without the pressure. Also played short tennis with little supervision in a games lesson and quite enjoyed that. Faulty serve technique, which could so easily have been corrected by a teacher (I was standing facing wrong), ruled out proper tennis as enjoyable.

Lower middle class, won one of 2 LA scholarships to a private school. Luckily there were a little group of 4 or 5 swots, of which I was one, to make it just about bearable.

OP posts:

MaryBS · 06/05/2011 08:44

We couldn't afford one. Our first TV was a second hand one. I did table tennis and badminton in the 6th form.

Original poster

midnightservant · 08/05/2011 15:10

Cry for help! Feeling a bit stressed and overwhelmed, and quite upset about bath disaster yesterday (see Chat thread). Taking the day off again, as it were, and trying to just chill.

OP posts:

MaryBS · 08/05/2011 16:05

Can you get some quiet "me" time, so you can relax a bit? Would reading help? I use meditation for relaxation... or perhaps online retail therapy?

DillyDaydreaming · 11/05/2011 14:08

Hello can I join you all? I am a Mum with an 8 year old who has ASD. My son was diagnosed a year ago and then I understood myself as he is not dissimilar to me as a child ( according to my Mum). I know I am dyspraxic ( self diagnosed as I met all the criteria) but in July I am having an assessment for ASD privately. My GP won't refer me as she says Asperger people are organised and I am not.I don't agree as I don' think she is considering the effects of co-morbid diagnoses. I would not have said my son was ASD but he most definitely is AND dyspraxic + ADHD.

Will let you know how I get on. It's costing me £350 and if I do have Aspergers and want a report it'll be a further £95 but even if I don't turn out to have Aspergers then I'll still learn more about myself and my neuro diversity.

MaryBS · 11/05/2011 17:13

Welcome :). Not all Aspies are organised, your GP doesn't know what she's talking about! My DH once said "trust me to marry the only Aspie who isn't a neat freak" :o

I was fortunate to get a NHS diagnosis.

Lambskin · 13/05/2011 08:26

Hello Dilly! GPs are a little hit and miss in their understanding of AS, it's a lottery and very expensive if you aren't lucky enough to have an understanding or well informed one. The journey should be an interesting one though and that's a good way to look at it. I'm much more content within my own skin now, even without a dx.

Mary How was the talk on Saturday? Sorry I didn't wish you luck for it, I've been busy in rl. Were there many people? How long was it? You are a brave brave woman

How's the bathroom midnight? I have to be focused to remember stuff, if too much is going on I get overwhelmed and something will give. I'm forever apologising and clearing up after my lapses in organisational skills. I don't do multi tasking!

MaryBS · 13/05/2011 08:36

I had a bit of luck with my GP. I contacted the adult diagnosis centre and asked if there was anyone at my surgery I'd be better off going to. They said they didn't keep records of Drs, but as luck would have it, they'd had an adult referred by a particular Dr that day, so was able to give me her name. When I went to see her, she said "I'm not an expert, I will refer you"

Talk went REALLY well, better than I could have hoped for. It was to a dozen people, and they were REALLY interested in what I had to say! :)

Lambskin · 13/05/2011 11:32

Well done! That must have felt really good that they were so interested, who were they?

MaryBS · 13/05/2011 13:12

A group of clergy in training. As well as explaining all about the condition, I was able to share some personal stories, which brought home how difficult it can be sometimes to go to church. We also did a workshop, where they looked at some scenarios, and I was really please with what they came up with :)

DillyDaydreaming · 13/05/2011 20:26

Thank you for the welcome - to be honest I want diagnosis for peace of mind now. I need to understand why I have the difficulties I've had all my life. Even if they cannot diagnose me it will be an answer of sorts. Just pissed off that I am having to pay for it. Not too bad but enough £350 for the assessment and a further £95 if I want a report. Depending on what the assessment says I might well want a report.

I think I am like DS tbh ASD (albeit high functioning). ADHD and Dyspraxia. At 45 I now just need to know. My ex-husband is coming with me bless him - he'd like to know too as it caused some problems in our marriage hence the separation.

HuckingFell · 13/05/2011 21:58

dilly can I be really nosy and ask where you are getting the assessment? PM if you like.

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