not coping very well today

[Donbean]

Feel so anxious and short fused and wound up by every thing.
Shouted and screamed at ds, cant cope with him

been up most of the night with him last night, been next door and she was really short with me, he was a fairly good boy but is obsesional about things and wont take no for an answer.
Just want to be left alone
ive put him to sleep for an hour and come on here.
There is a HUGE black cloud over me today

Thanks ks, its not like me to be so down like i am today, think its lack of sleep.
No, i shouldnt need any one, ive only got him should be able to be reasonable with simple things

2
Just checked on him and he is asleep.
I handed him his dummy after i shouted at him and he shook, like he was frightened of me. my baby

I was out of control for a moment. Have never hit him, didnt shout in his face just shouted before i had the chance to even think. Just want him to do as i ask him. Sick of asking him over and over and over and arguing with him

i am usually very patient and laid back which is why its such a shock that i have felt out of control and anxious
have you really had moments like this or are you just saying that to make me feel better?

We all loose it from time to time.
I was a bit like this this morning!

sweets and chocolate, goes on and on and on about it. I dont give him it but we have been in the company of a 3 year old who has it and now...
If he sees some thing he wants it. at the mo its screw drivers..on and on and on.
Im a big believer in a childs curiosity and i will let him explore things, its how they learn. He handled dh's screw drivers the other day and now will not stop going on about them, throwing tantrums and screaming for them.
Rod for my own back...i know

Message withdrawn

he actually shook though like i was going to hit him.
I wont forget that

just feel like i dont deserve him and ive no right bieng here, not good enough for any thing

I think most people have this from time to time - I certainly have and it feels really horirble afterwards, but if you can step back and not blame yourself so much - you've had little sleep, and that does BAD things to the most reasonable people. He'll be fine.
I shouted at everyone in general last week, and my dd drew me a poster with a picture of me on which said "calm down mummy", and she said every time I feel angry I'm to look at it. I've not needed to since

Just cross posted. That one sounds more serious. Can you speak to someone? GP? Counsellor?

no, its the way he has always been. ive posted on numerous occasions about his behaviour and how to cope better with it.
mostly its not too bad to cope with, im just drained and negative today.
Need a laugh and some chocolate i think.

oh donbean please don't beat yoruself up.
My ds1 said to me the other day "mummy will you be normal again soon?" I said, why? He said "Because you are being all angry with us". I was too. Just lots of things getting on top of me and as you say, kids not doing what you ask (grrrrr)
So I apologised an dwe made it up. I am sorry you feel you don't deserve him but you do, if you were a bad mummy you wouldn't be so upset.
Is there anyone else you can talk to just to take the heat off yourself?

why though. I have no right bieng like this, i have a nice life and every thig going for me.
Ive tried evening primrose and star flower oil because i think that this may be a pmt type thing which makes me feel even more guilty because its entirely my fault and nothing to do with ds's behaviour

It was the comment on your 2:29:29 post I was worried about. That sounds more like it's about you than your ds - sorry if that sounds intrusive/judgemental.

We keep cross-posting! It doesn't matter how nice your life might seem on the outside if it feels bad to be in it, if you see what I mean. Have you ever spoken to a professional?

dont want happy pills, really dont.

Just tell me, how you all pick your selves up and push those dark clouds away. If i knew a different way of getting through these type of days, im sure i would be ok