So when do you leave them alone in a hotel room?

[meditrina]

with the holiday season coming up, I was wondering what is the MN consensus on when children can be left alone to sleep in a hotel room, say in these scenarios:

a) you are staying in a hotel with a "secure" perimeter (everyone has to pass reception to go in or out, fire doors cannot be opened from outside and are alarmed), you aren't leaving the hotel and there is continuous monitoring eg baby alarm?

b) same, but it's occasional phone monitoring, or the child has to ring down to reception for attention?

c) same, but perimeter not secure

d) you want to leave the immediate premises, even if it your destination is nearby?

Someone mentioned school trips earlier, teenagers are certainly left in hotel rooms on their own there, as teenagers. DS went to Russia and it was a normal hotel with other guests. How could it operate otherwise?

We went away to a hotel last weekend and got a babysitter one night so we could go out to dinner. Our son is nine and a half. He wouldn't be happy to be left on his own for hours. When we got back to the hotel we let the babysitter go, but had a nightcap in the bar, as he was fast asleep (and never wakes up). That seemed fine to me, he walks to school on his own, and plays out with his mates for hours at a time without me seeing him, and is a sensible child.

If she doesn't do it now, then I will have failed in my job as a parent to prepare her for the real world.

Agreed Pixie. Any parent who is wrapping their DC in cotton wool to the extent of not letting a secondary aged DC stay in a hotel room for a couple of hours on their own is stopping their DC from aquiring real life skills that are essential.
Giving it all at 18 yrs is too much, too late and very dangerous IMO.
Any 16yr old should be able to get themselves to London. My DS had to fly back from USA at 18, and it wasn't a direct flight-how would he cope if he hadn't done simple train journeys at 16yrs? I find the cottonwool thinking frightening.

It was me who mentioned the school trips etc. And some people said it was different as there were responsible adults watching over them. Well, I wonder whether they have never been on a school trip themselves because I can recall my school trips and there were no adults around after bedtime unless we made too much noise (so we had to be careful when sneaking to other kids' rooms etc). There wasn't an adult standing guard over each door whole night

glastocat: I think there's a difference between leaving one child and leaving a group of siblings. And the once DH and I went out of the hotel, we got a baby sitter (and would continue to do so).

School trips leave unrelated children alone in gross of varying sizes in hotel rooms. Even with teachers doing regular prowls, the children are essentially alone in those rooms overnight.

From 15-18 I went on holiday in B&Bs with my parents and we took one articular friend of mine. Every night, friend and I went out on the town and dad picked us up - ranging from 11 pm to 12 over the years. We certainly didn't want to be left in the B&B - we wanted out on our own. I take it, this is not the norm?

cottonwool indeed. All indicative of the fear culture we live in

Sorry but I don't have a problem leaving children in a room with a monitor. I know ours is so sensitive, we would hear them getting up or the youngest cry.

And teenagers

I am a SAHM who spends 12 hours a day with my kids and I am very protective of them. I bake, paint and go on day trips. I give them lots of attention and I believe am a good enough mum. I don't feel guilty about the few times since they were born my dh and I had a meal in a hotel restaurant with a baby monitor. Yes we go away to be together and we do exactly that - we are talking an hour in the evening not kids clubs all day. But mine are too young to stay up late without getting grouchy and I don't get a meal with my dh often.

Yes I am aware of fire risks and kidnapping but every day there is some risk or another. This just seems like another standard to judge how caring a mother you are

Agree with exoticfruits re giving them some responsibility and freedom as teenagers.

Expat: interesting post. At what age do you think a child (or group of children) coukd be left - in any or all of the scenarios a-d of OP?

Sorry - that was meant to say "left to fend for themselves - in any of this scenarios" to echo your post (as you that suggests to me that you think there is an age, and I was wondering what you thought it was).

Those of you who say you would not leeave your teenagers alone in a hotel. -do you let them go out alone In the uk? Eg to a shopping centre or cinema with friends or to activities like sports?

Hey I am not lazy or stupid and don't be so patronising

You don't know anything about my life to make those statements

'Well, surely you didn't do that by having your parents do it for you all the time? '

Yes, you do. You learn when your mates at school are the subject of kidnpaping attempts. When your father leaves for an assignment abroad to keep up the roof over your head on his own because the kidnapping risk is too high. When the papers are scattered with reports of murders. When your neighbour surprises burglars in his own home. When a serial killer struck your own neighbourhood full of £500,000K and more homes and raped and murdered your doctor neighbour in her own bed.

It depends on the child, med. At 14 I was very sensible, but others not so much so.

At 15 a Latin American girl is considered a woman, a male is considered a man at a similar age, depending on their upbringing and socioeconomic background some are quite skilled as adults, others not so.

You don't know anything about mine so don't make statements about cotton wool, either.

Expat -it seems to be that you are much more protective of your children than most people where you live, which is a pretty safe area

I can understand it's different if you live in an inner city gangland area

My children are dual nationals, Kristina. They are free to leave this place at 16 and go in live in some areas which are considerably more dangerous. My job is to prepare them for that. They might even be able to claim Mexican nationality through my father and set up there, too, should they take a wild hair.

I said it depends on the child, pixie, over and over again, far farther down in the thread, but not at the age the OP was specifiying, which I think is an echo of the probably-now-deleted McCann thread, seeing as this entire thread appears to have been spawnedd by the McCann thread.

oh come on I expressed a general opinion not aimed at anyone personally, I didn't call someone lazy and stupid. Out of order