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Parenting

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Original poster

How many siblings do you have?Has it impacted on the amount of children you would like/have?

73 replies

threecurrantbuns · 29/03/2011 21:35

I have a sister 2yrs younger than me and a half sister from my dads second marriage she is fifteen i havent really grown up with her as they live a fair way away so only saw in school hols etc.

So may sound awful but i consider myself growing up as one of two children.

Ive always thought i would like a large family. I have three now and considering a fourth so interested to know how many siblings you had and if it played a part in having your own??

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notyummy · 30/03/2011 15:10

Frozen - I think your point illustrates the conumdrum nicely! Yes, as an only you have the burden of caring for your parents.....but even if you have siblings, there is no guarantee that the burden will not fall unfairly on one person.

DH has a large family, but it is looking like we will be the primary/only carer for his DM when it comes down to it, as other siblings seem unwilling or unable. As an only I will have to look after my folks as well. And yes, as an only my DD will feel that pressure as well - but there are benefits too.

BsshBossh · 30/03/2011 15:14

notyummy - same here. I'm an only so will be responsible for my parents when they become infirm. I will not be alone as DH will be with me (hopefully!!!). DH is one of three but he may as well be an only and most certainly will be responsible for his parents too as he's the only responsible sibling. As for my own DD - well, we're ensuring we have enough savings to look after ourselves in old age. Having an only certainly means more spare cash to do this.

randomimposter · 30/03/2011 15:15

Really interesting thread.

Am one of 4, but youngest by 10 years. Other 3 fairly close in age. Mum had breakdown and walked out, and lived away from the family for a few years. Got back with dad and I was the result. Felt like an only growing up.

Became an aunt at 14, DB and oldest DSis both have 3, and always thought I'd have kids early. Didn't, got into career, assumed I'd left it too late.

Happy accident at 39, DS nearly 3. TTC#2 for nearly 2 years, have had 3MMCs. Suspect DS will be an only now. Makes me very sad. Ideally would like 3.

Mum died 24 years ago, Dad 3 years ago. Having my siblings means a lot. Would be :(:( if DS doesn't get that opportunity. Even though I know there's no guarantee of a good relationship, at least there's a chance.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

slug · 30/03/2011 15:42

My siblings are in double figures. I'm in the upper quadrant.

None of my siblings have large families. 3 of them have 3 children. Of those, at least one child in two of the families was unplanned. The brother that does have 3 planned children only agreed to the last one after lots of pressure from his wife and, while she's adored and a complete Daddy's girl, he still admits he would have been happier with 2.

I have one child. I may have considered having a second, but her birth was so traumatic and badly managed that I couldn't face ever going through that again.

Guildenstern · 30/03/2011 15:45

Both me and DH are from large families.

We have two children and that's quite enough. We don't want a big family ourselves.

Resources (money, opportunities, attention from parents) were very scarce in my family and I wouldn't want that for my own children.

InmaculadaConcepcion · 30/03/2011 19:58

I started out with one full biological sister, then acquired three step-siblings and then a half sibling (who wasn't brought up in the same household).
Even though we are no longer strictly step-siblings (our parents divorced), we still treat each other as family and we've all become closer to our half brother as he's reached adulthood. We have a blast when we're all together.

That said, I will be content with a maximum of two! But my sister has 4 DCs and my oldest step-sister has 5 (although the last two - DTs - were unplanned and one of her children is a DSD) my other step-sister has one child. Neither my step or half brother has children (yet).

Growing up in a large family was often a lot of fun (we were lucky in that our stepdad was reasonably well off, so could afford a house with lots of bedrooms and a large car) and my two sisters' tribes are great. But I've started procreating later than them, so I'll be happy to keep my family reasonably bijou!

Morloth · 31/03/2011 07:15

I am one of 6, but very spread out so really only grew up as one of 3/4. We all get on really well now and I enjoy having a large extended family, as kids though we used to drive each other crazy.

I have two DSs, I kind of like the idea of a third but am not sure I have the resources (i.e financial/emotional/patience etc) for another.

I need to make a decision though, as the clock is ticking...

Crawling · 31/03/2011 08:43

I was a only till age 13 I hated it, I used to cry when I saw my friend playing with her two sisters and I am very comfortable in my skin amd was always quite happy to play alone. Now I hate large crowds and prefer my own company, I find large gatherings stressful. I was so over the moon that my mum was pg she had to tell me stop fussing. I love having a sister but as there is such a large gap I still feel any care my mum may need will fall to me.

I want a medium family I am pg on my third and final.

TrillianAstra · 31/03/2011 08:47

Oh I Love these threads because I get to tell my story.

It doesn't have an ending yet, so you have to imagine.

The beginning of the story is that I have a friend who is 1 of 4, and thinks that being 1 of 4 is so wonderful that she must have 4 children. (don't know what she thinks it is like being mum of 4...)

Her partner is 1 of 3, and thinks that being 1 of 3 is so wonderful that they must have 3.

They have actually had arguments about this.

Arguing about 3 vs 4 seems fair enough, but maybe the time for it is when you have 3 and are thinking about 4, not when you currently have 0! :o

TotorosOcarina · 31/03/2011 08:54

I grew up with 3 siblings, so did DH (he has 5 now but 2 are recent additions)

We will have 4 soon.

Not sure if its a coincidence that we all had 4?! If I won a good amount of money I'd have moe, but in current situation it wouldn't be fair.

OrganisedMayhem · 31/03/2011 09:57

I am an only and hated it..... so I am now pregnant with number 3. I lost my parents really young so I hate getting old without siblings, not having anyone to remember the 'good times'.

I always said that I wanted to have 3 children close in age so they had that feeling of closeness. Whether it works out that way is another thing.... At the moment my girls love each other

Besides having lost both of my parents quite young and having to deal with the burden that was my Mum I am relieved that technically I will have 3 offspring to look after me and DH when we are old and cranky!

It is hard having been an only child who has had to deal with difficult situations when parents have been ill and died but I would never want my children to go through it 'alone'. A lot comes down to how they are nurtured and grow up, but as they get older I might let them know how I feel about the whole thing. Time will tell ....

berylmuspratt · 31/03/2011 13:30

I'm the youngest of 3 sisters, OH has one older sister, we have one DS, he's fab and we're happy little family of 3 :)

BarbieLovesKen · 31/03/2011 13:36

I am an only child and hated it/ hate it so much that despite really struggling with pregnancy, am pregnant with number 3. We're finished after this one though

Meerkatinthemachine · 31/03/2011 19:24

I am an only child & hated it
I have 5 of my own so I guess I kind of took the 'only child id a lonely child' rather literally!

BikeRunSki · 31/03/2011 19:35

I am the 3rd of 4.

First pg was horrid. Really did n't want another pg, and was not particulalrly broody. but could not imagine DS not having a sibling, and being alone after we've died. All cousins live a v long way away or abroad. So now I am 10 weeks into my 2nd horrible, sicky pg.

If I had no siblings of my own, I would not be having another baby.

yummytummy · 31/03/2011 20:27

i am one of two. however my brother is 6 years younger and i always felt this was too much of an age gap although we are closer now we are older but not mega close.

i always felt that two kids was a bit less and always wanted 3. however now i have two and have had one very hard pregnancy and birth and one more straightforward one and know that i just couldnt be pregnant and do it all again so looks like its two for me!

quickchat · 31/03/2011 21:20

I think it will have an impact on how many you have. Infact I think siblings have a huge impact on your life one way or another.

I had 1 brother 5.5 years older than me.

His jealousy of me made my life a total nightmare. He hated my existance and I have no memory of ever playing together or doing anything together. He left home and joined the Royal Marines when I was 11.5.

As a result, not only did I live the life of an only child but I was bullied by the one sibling I did have.

My dad was a bully so I now have no contact with either my dad or my brother.

My DH is the youngest of 4. He has 3 older sisters. The 2 older ones kind of mothered him but the younger sister was a definite 'middle child' and drove my DH mad.

They are all close now.

I look at myself with only my mum around (who can be hard work) and then I look at my DH with 3 sisters, a mum & dad, 3 neices and a nephew and think how lucky he is.
He is a more grounded happy person than me too.

I have one DS and one DD with 2.7 years between them.

I had a horrendous PG and birth with serious risks with DS.

Even though the thought of going through it again, especially so soon made me physically ill, I forced myself to have another.

Im glad I did although I get really really OTT and upset when DS is jealous and hits DD and trips her up. It pushes my buttons and it's this very reaction that is going to drive a wedge between them if I don't get a grip . Trying hard though.

I still feel my family is too small. Im TERRIFIED something happens to one of them.

I read a poster on another page of this thread (sorry I didn't remember your name) who had grown up close to her brother and he died 4 years ago . I felt so bad for her and it's a huge fear that one of them suddenly becomes an only child (totally irrational I know).

I keep thinking maybe I should have a third but I now have mild health issues after my PG and the high risk factor and also my 2 were early. I make myself so stressed thinking about going through it all again but this irrational fear of having a small family and my DC's feeling lonely eats away.

Wow, im more messed up than I previously realised .

Llanarth · 31/03/2011 21:39

I have an older brother (see him only two or three times a year, not close, although we were as children). DH is one of four and hated it, although he does (superficially) get on with his siblings now. We have one DS, unable to have another, but very happy with our family.

lockets · 31/03/2011 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SocietyClowns · 31/03/2011 23:09

I am one of four, dh one of two. We have two dds. I do feel like there is someone missing and hope for a happy compromise of three, but would also be okay with sticking to four (grudgingly).

OnlyMe1971 · 02/04/2011 11:42

Am 1 of 7, one died so it was 8 at one point. It was mayhem growing up and we were definitely neglected, especially the "middle kids", my brother and I. But now I love it, we're all very close and get along great, so I wouldn't change it for the world.

I have 3. Would love another but am 39 and the my kids are all very young so think it would be a bit unfair on them as am already finding it a struggle to meet their needs.

I always knew I wanted a big family, but 4 max.

Littlepurpleprincess · 02/04/2011 14:16

I am the oldest of 7. I have one brother, then 2 step brothers, then a half brother (we have little contact), then a half sister and a half brother.

I am 22, the youngest is 9. I actually like having a big family. I have loads of cousins and aunts and uncles and we are really involved and get together a lot. On the other hand, I am not at all close to my younger siblings. We were raised very differently (different mum) and only saw each other every other weekend, which then dwindled to once a month (I have a typical weekend dad). I am really close to my oldest brother and step brothers, they are some of my best friends (just don't tell them )

I would love to have a lot of children but I would do things very different to my parents. I wouldn't have a lot of children with different people. I also wouldn't prioritise one child over the over as my parents did/still do.

That all sounds a bit negative but I think the positives of having a big family way outnumber the downsides. My parents haven't been great but I have got plenty of people around me who do care, and do help, and are always there for me. And now they are bringing new lovely people into our lives as well. My brother has a girlfriend now who I get on really well with. I think the more people you have around you the better.

LittleMumSmall · 02/04/2011 19:45

Both DH and I have one sibling each, both sisters who are close in age to us. We share the same pattern of having been very close to our sisters as children but now we are all adults the relationships have sadly become very fragmented.

We have taken the decision to have 2 children ourselves and with a similar close age gap, but that's partly due to my age, tbh - I think I would have wanted a bigger gap (and possibly 3 children) had I been five years younger. I do sometimes worry that history may repeat itself and they may not end up the best of friends as adults but I am hopeful they will get on and in any case I cannot determine what the future will bring.

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