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Parenting

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Original poster

Is the 'mother - child bond' greater with the first child?

50 replies

Ponka · 25/10/2005 21:13

I had a really interesting conversation at work the other day. One of my colleagues, who's 2 children have both grown up, was saying that there's a special bond between a Mum and their first child, which you just don't get with any subsequent ones. Something special. I was quite surprised, almost shocked by her saying this. She said she loves them both very much and would jump in front of a bus for either but that there is just something extra there with the first.

Now expecting my second child, I'm hoping that the bond will be just as strong. I know that it's not ever going to be as fresh and life changing as having the first but I don't want my feelings to be any different.

I'd be interested to know, for those of you who have more than one child, if you agree with her.

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HRHQoQ · 25/10/2005 21:20

For me it's been the other way round - I've always had a much stronger 'bond' with DS2 that with DS1 - so much so that I often have to check myself to make sure I'm giving DS1 enough attention

Dropinthe · 25/10/2005 21:21

If anything,the bond with my 2nd is stronger but I firmly believe that is because I breastfed him for a year longer than the first-love them both equally but second one just wants to be able to touch me all the time and is in ecstasy if any where close to me.

crazydazy · 25/10/2005 21:22

I'm afraid my bond is strongest with DS and he's the youngest. DD has always been "Daddy's girl" and DS "Mummy's boy" very stereotypical but I just feel closer to my DS as he is more like me, DD is very much like her Dad.

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HRHQoQ · 25/10/2005 21:24

that's interesting drop - as I Breastfed DS1 for 14 months, whereas DS2 was bottlefed!

Happylocketsthesmiler · 25/10/2005 21:24

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HerRoyalLovlinessMaloryTowers · 25/10/2005 21:24

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Miaou · 25/10/2005 21:24

I can honestly say that the bond I have with all 3 of mine is as strong for each (what bad grammar!).

Pagan · 25/10/2005 21:25

I too was worried if I could love my second child as much as my first when I was pregnant. Now I'm pleased to say I love them both equally. I'd say there was a special bond with both of them.

Tommy · 25/10/2005 21:26

I'm with the others here! When I think about DS1's birth and the first few weeks, I just get very weepy whereas DS2's birth and first weeks were a dream. I also breastfed DS2 much longer than DS1 and he has always been much more cuddly and affectionate. Not sure whether the "bond" is stronger with either of them but it's certainly a different relationship.

crazydazy · 25/10/2005 21:28

I believe I love them both the same its just that I seem to "get on" better with DS. His personality is much more laid back whereas DD can be very argumentative. Mind you she's 5 an awkward age!!! I sometimes feel so terrible as she will say to me "Mummy why are you always with DS???" and I feel so very sad for her but DS just wants to be sat close to me all the time and she doesn't feel that need.

WickedWestCountryLass · 25/10/2005 21:31

I have special bonds with both my kids but one isn't stronger than the other, they are just different. DS was prem so I am very protective of him, DD however had the most wonderful homebirth so I feel very close to her because of it. Both have very different personalities but both are jsut as gorgeous as each other, jsut different.

Original poster

Ponka · 25/10/2005 21:33

Interesting. That's not what I was expecting. Nobody has a stronger bond with their first then!

Which one came first, Crazydazy?

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crazydazy · 25/10/2005 21:35

DD and had such a special bond with her until DS came along, quite sad really he's always been very attached to me and she does get pushed out, bless her. She just doesn't seem to need me as much as he does but maybe she does in other ways, am not sure.

phatcat · 25/10/2005 21:48

I think I would second that there's 'something extra' with my first ds. Although ds2 is only 6 months so I don't know how my relationship with him will turn out. I do love them both with my life, but there's something about the first. He's the one I made all the mistakes with, felt like I'd crash-landed on an alien planet with. It's not extra love as such it's just the intensity of the emotional experience which isn't there to quite the same extent with ds2.

stripey · 25/10/2005 21:49

ds1 always prefered me to dh and ds2 prefered dh to me but while I love ds1 I adore ds2. Could be down to personalities. I bf ds1 and bottlefed ds2

crazydazy · 25/10/2005 21:54

DP has an equal bond with them both - thought he would never be as close to DS and he was to his darling baby girl but adores his "little man" too!!! Awwww

foxinsocks · 25/10/2005 21:55

It took me longer to bond with ds (second child) than with dd. Like phatcat, my bond with dd was immediate and pretty much all encompassing. But I think it's because your first child is such a shock to the system (emotionally).

With ds, I kind of knew what was happening with the labour and I was relieved when he was born as much as I was ecstatic (whereas with dd, it was pure ecstatic).

But now they are older, both of them are equally special and neither has a stronger bond than the other.

madmummyof2 · 25/10/2005 22:00

i love both mine absolutly and equally but i agree that there is just something different between me and DS (first)
maybe its because he has special needs, maybe its because we have had a rough time maybe its just cos he was my first.

i dunno but i think...well when i thought about it, that yes i agree with your freind ponka.

now i just pray that this thread is deleted before either of my children ever get to see it.

SeaShells · 25/10/2005 22:03

I definately feel that something extra with my 1st child, I was young when I had ds and it totally changed my life, all those emotions of becoming a mother. We had 5yrs together, alot of the time just the 2 of us, before dd came along. He is a mummys boy, while dd is very much daddys girl.

spanner180271 · 25/10/2005 22:21

hi there - i definitely feel different towards my second -perhaps its just because hes smaller or that ive got more time to enjoy him - its not that i love him more than dd. i always thought it was a girl/boy thing - mums always spoil their sons and i tend to push my daughter so she will be strong and independent?

wallopyCOD · 25/10/2005 22:21

think first grand child is different

soapbox · 25/10/2005 22:22

I love mine both differently but the same IYSWIM

My test is always the Sophies choice one - and there is no way I could choose - no way at all

wallopyCOD · 25/10/2005 22:23

you dont have to weirdy pants

soapbox · 25/10/2005 22:26

Ah but what if you did though - which one would you choose!!!!

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