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Original poster

Would you/could you go away on a short break and leave 3 month old with daddy?

33 replies

boredbuthappy · 02/03/2011 04:39

I haven't even had the baby yet, and due in a week's time, but this question is being tossed around between my husband and I. A very dear friend of mine is getting married in Italy in June (baba will be just over 3 months old)and the plan was that we would all go, kind of like a first family holiday/wedding. Southern Italy in June?.....Wonderful!! However, my husband has recently suggested that maybe I should go on my own, enjoy the wedding without worrying about looking after a baby, use the trip as a reward of sorts for being pregnant for 9 months, giving birth, and having already looked after a newborn for 3 months. Although the idea does appeal on some level, I have a sneaking suspicion that I might not be ready to leave him at 3 months. Has anyone done this? How did you feel? Did you feel guilty? Did worrying about the baby ruin your trip (and make the trip pointless). I am in a conundrum about this because we need to make bookings etc and not knowing how things will be will make it difficult to plan. What to do????? I'd be gone for 4-5 days...could make it less if I needed to....

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mnistooaddictive · 02/03/2011 04:50

I wouldn't have done it due to breastfeeding. I think that how ever you feed your baby you may struggle to leave them for more than a few hours at 3 months. How long will you be away for?

mnistooaddictive · 02/03/2011 04:51

Sorry just noticed you said you would be away 4 or 5 days. I think youight find it very difficult and be suite unhappy.

TanteRose · 02/03/2011 04:53

no sorry, I wouldn't risk booking it.

are you planning to breastfeed? if so, then obviously it would be completely out of the question to physically leave the baby for 4 or 5 days.

in any case, emotionally, you won't want to you would never be able to relax, thinking about your baby...

tiny babies are quite portable - you should all go!

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Guacamole · 02/03/2011 05:01

No I definitely wouldn't have. I was breastfeeding every 2 hours when my DS was this age, it wouldn't have been possible even if I had wanted to. At this age my DH couldn't comfort DS, DS only wanted me.
As a previous poster said, babies are portable, you should all go.

Original poster

boredbuthappy · 02/03/2011 05:09

I thought so...I felt stupid/guilty even just posting this question. I am planing on breastfeeding and that was one the grating issues. How would I ever express enough milk??? And I didn't even think about how baby might be, what if he is like Guacamole's baby and only wants me?

I will have a chat with hubby in the morning. It's lovely that he is willing to look after baby on his own, but I agree it might be a bad idea. I might take a raincheck to be redeemed a little bit later and take him up on his offer!

Thank you for the input!

OP posts:

TanteRose · 02/03/2011 05:17

deffo take a raincheck! you will be gagging for a break a few months/years down the line!!

also don't feel silly/guilty - you never know how you will feel about a baby until you have one

best of luck with the birth - very soon you will meet your little one! how exciting!

Guacamole · 02/03/2011 05:18

I've been breastfeeding for 11 months now and have never been able to express more than 1oz at any given time. I personally would not have been able to express 4 or 5 days worth. Also your supply may be ruined after this amount of time unless you express significantly whilst you are away.
I think the only reason DH was unable to comfort DS at this age was because he associated me with feeding and wanted feeding constantly. DH can comfort him now, but there are still times when only I will do.
Speak to your DH, if you can afford to all go to the wedding you should, it'll be fine.
Incidentally you have one brave DH to even suggest this, my DH still gets the jitters when I go out for the day!

nooka · 02/03/2011 05:28

Well I think that your dh is lovely for thinking about you this way, and should be told how lovely he is (I'm sure you've done this already). Not because he wants to look after his son, but because he obviously cares for you. Having said that I think that you would find this very difficult, and if you are breastfeeding then probably impossible.

When my dd was about this age my dh was totally indispensable as he was the only one who could get her to go to sleep (she needed hours of jiggling). At this point you really can't tell how things might turn out, and I think if you said yes you might find it terribly stressful. If it's just to Italy I'd book for bot of you.

GotArt · 02/03/2011 05:45

Why don't you all go but you take off to the wedding for a couple of hours to enjoy yourself a wee bit. That would likely be all the break you want/need.

YouTry · 02/03/2011 08:03

My DD is three months now and I wouldn't leave her for more than a few hours and she is FF. I'm fairly sure you won't want to leave the baby by that stage!

dribbleface · 02/03/2011 08:43

Bless your DH he sounds so lovely. I second what everyone else says, i would have loved the idea but in practice i would have been miserable. I agree all go and then have a bit of time at wedding to switch off but can be contacted if necessary.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 02/03/2011 08:46

Mine are 6.10 and 3.6 and I still couldn't and wouldn't want to leave them for 4 or 5 days. Have a sneeking suspicion that its just me who's like this though.

mushroomsandolives · 02/03/2011 09:31

Yep, impossible if you're breastfeeding!! Not only from an expressing point of view, but also from a massive, leaky boobs point of view! If you don't feed for more than a few hours (as 3 month old will feed every couple of hours), your boobs will be huge, hard and leaky - extremely uncomfortable! Whilst you could express this off while you're away at the wedding and on holiday, it will be a complete pain in the bum AND like another poster said, it will mess up your supply totally and (without meaning to sound dramatic!) it may cause real problems for BFing once you get back.

Can you all go? Nip away for the evening on yr own and express a enough for one feed (again, like another poster said, it usually takes 2 or 3 expressing sessions to get enough for one feed). Then you Xan enjoy yourself and have some time out, BFing will all be fine, your boobs will be fine, and you will be with your baby all the time too! I would have felt like my arm had been chopped off leaving my 3 month old for any length of time (sounds crazy and irrational but it's true, for me at least!).

Hope you can all go! Good luck with everything.

cory · 02/03/2011 09:56

I did with my 4 month old though she was breastfed; I went to a 4 day conference abroad. Wasn't impossible- but involved a lot of pumping. And obviously I had to make sure she would take a bottle first, and fill the freezer with ebm. And a dh who didn't freak out when baby was a little unsettled- though she settled very quickly. I would not commit myself to anything now though- you don't know how you will feel about leaving your baby.
But impossible is a big word in my book.

Roo83 · 02/03/2011 10:02

I'm going against the grain here but I wouldn't say its out of the question. I went away for 3 days when dd was 3 mnths and bf. I expressed enough milk and froze it for when I was away. I then went and expressed every 3hrs while away. It was fine and dd went straight back to the breast after. However, if I'd had the choice I think I'd have preferred the whole family to come as I missed dd and ds terribly

Cosmosis · 02/03/2011 11:05

Even if you're not bf, I would just have hated being away from ds for that amount of time. he is 6 months now and I am spending all day and evening away from him this Sat and I am still worrying about it. I know he'll be fine with his dad but I will miss him!!

I find that 4 hours is enough for me and I want to see him again after that.

Curlybrunette · 02/03/2011 11:43

I left ds1 overnight when he was 8 weeks old. It was a concert we had booked before we were pregnant and I asked my mum and dad if they could have him. Hw was happy, we had a great break and felt like 'normal' people again after 8 weeks of madness!

Not too sure about 4 nights, but 1 night was great for me x

schoolchauffeur · 02/03/2011 13:23

Yes I did one night away when DD was 3 months to go to a veyr close friends wedding- baby would have been welcome but we decided it was all a bit much. I was trying to reduce the breastfeeding as I had to go back to work at 5 months so was just on mornings and evenings and DD would take formula too. I bf DD in morning, took plane to London, went to wedding, expressed in evening ( was a bit sore by that stage!) and again in the morning and flew home by lunch and all was well.Managed to keeo the morning and evening feeding going for another month after that. DH loved having her all to himself for 2 days as it was something he had never done and without my trip a way would never have done. Gave him a lot of confidence in looking after her by himself. I did miss her a lot, but the friend who got married still mentions every year how much he appreciated me going down for the wedding- and DD is now 16!

mrsravelstein · 02/03/2011 13:27

i left ds1 for the first time when he was 9 months old, and then only for 2 nights, i missed him horribly but did enjoy the break and was only a couple of hours drive away.

ds2 is 3 and has only spent 1 night away from me when I went to a wedding last year.

dd is 13 months and i've never left her, but that's partly because she has only just stopped breastfeeding and i've never been able to express.

everyone is different but there's no way i could have gone away for that long, or that far away. i would think you'd have a lovely time if you ALL go together, it won't be a hassle with a 3 month old.

EleanorJosie · 02/03/2011 13:37

I would say no now as you may end up cancelling, losing money and disappointing your friends. Especially as it's your first baby, you just don't know how the birth will be or how you will find being a mum or anything. Also it would be really full on for your other half. Plus it would be pretty impossible if you do bf.

My first DD I first left at 8/9 months but only for two nights...and I was gagging to go home at the end of the second day!

Second DD I left for two nights at 4 months but I had stopped BF by then, and I knew DH would be ok it being second time round.

The longest I've been away is 3 nights/4 days when DD1 was about 20 months. DH and me have been away from kids for two long weekends and a couple of overnight stays - he went to Japan with work for a week once though too. I think maybe 3 nights is the longest I could do at the moment, would miss them too much to do a week away.

Original poster

boredbuthappy · 02/03/2011 14:11

I will have to think about this. I'm not even going to bother with the thinking about it though until after I've given birth. I could whittle the trip down to 3 nights if I decided I could attempt a lone trip. However, it would be ideal I think if we all went...we might not get a chance to go away for a while after this oppurtunity. Right, let's have baby first, hopefully next week, if all goes to plan, then decide. Besides, I need to sort out birth certificate, passport etc before we could go anywhere anyway.

OP posts:

AngelDog · 02/03/2011 14:16

I left DS for an evening for the first time when he was 9 months old. Before then, no-one except me could get him to sleep. I still couldn't handle leaving him for a night, and he's 14 months. DH would be happy to look after him, but there are still nights when he wakes and only bf will get him back to sleep. A lot depends on your baby.

newlark · 02/03/2011 14:25

just for info you can get passports sorted very quickly. My brother and his wife took their dd to visit her parents in Spain at 4 weeks. I think when we got our dcs passports they arrived within a couple of weeks.

ledkr · 02/03/2011 14:50

my dd is 4wks and i am planning to leave her with her lovely dad whilst i take dd1 to paris in June,she will be fine with him and i have made a concious effort to allow her to bond well with him too.DD1 needs some special time with me due to un forseen circumstances.I will only be gone 3 nights max.I should wait and see how you feel op.

notcitrus · 02/03/2011 15:33

I'd have done one night but no more at that point.
Could you all go and DH be responsible for the baby for the day of the wedding and the next day to give you a chance to have fun separately?

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