How do you make the decision to have DC 3?

[lovemyangels]

I know this has been done many times but I am totally obsessing over it at the moment.

I have 4 yr old DD and 2 year old DS and always wanted 2 or 3 children, we are in a position finantialy where we could probably try for DC 3 at the end of the year but I work and cannot afford not to so would have to use childcare when I go back after maternity leave.

Whilst finantially we would be OK I am worried we would be biting off more than we can chew with 3 DC's and working and though we have the amazing support of both our sets of parents I dont think it would be fair to rely on that we have to know we can do this on our own, my 2 are getting easier and we would obviously be better of not having any more so could give them more, plus lots of things are geared up for families of 4!

All that said when I say out load DC3 wouldnt be a good idea I just feel a pang of disapointment and feel we will regret not goign for it as I know I wouldnt regret the precious gift of another child.

I sway from one side to the next and its doing my head it, I wish someone could tell me what to do!

Any advice would be so helpful!

Thanks

Can't help I'm afraid. But I also have 2 and 4 year old and change my mind every hour about whether I'd like another or not. Can't imagine not having a baby again....can't quite figure out how I'd possibly cope with being pg plus caring for 2 little ones.

Good luck! If you figure out the answer please share it!

i was just about to post a similar thread!

Why do people seem to fret over the jump from 2-3 more than any other number?

I was going to do a pros vs cons thread

ie pros - more siblings, i'm one of 5 and loved having siblings

Cons - couldn't take dcs swimming

whats your thoughts?

Thanks for the replies. It does seem that most do fret over the jump from 2 - 3 more than any other number, would be intersted in the pros and cons.

One thing that sticks in my head is a comment I noticed on a board on here about it when someone said "you might regret not going for it but you will never regret having anouther child"

Mess I am used to, have lowered my tidiness standards since having DC's, I love the hustle and bustle of the noise and as I was an only child I have always said I wanted a big family, especially seeing my in laws as my DH is one of 5 and all are close which is something I never had being an and always wanted.

Pros for me would be I love being pregnant & generally being a Mum, the blossoming of each individual personality and the fun and joy children bring to my life.

Cons - More childcare costs when they had nearly finished! I worry about silly things like how I will juggle dropping them off and school / nursery and getting to work and being back for them as its me who does all the pick ups and drop offs! Juggling the work life balance! putting extra pressure on us finatialy when we would be just coming ut of it.
Affording a bigger car! Being able to give all 3 the attention they need.
I would imagine holidays for family of 5 are harder to find, though we wouldnt be able to afford many until the 3rd would be in school.

Cant think of any more but Im sure I will!!

would be interested in others thoughts too.

Sorry for the typos - I type way too fast!

I am like you although my DH doesn't want another :( so that decision is taken out of my hands. There are a million practical reasons to stick at two, but I know I'll look back and feel really sad about it.

Change my mind every minute as well. DD nearly 4 and DS just 2. Def wanted 3 and then almost def decided to stick at 2 but there's still a nagging doubt. DH and I both one of 3.
Main issue is that I'm 41 and DH is 46 and I just feel a bit old. Also worried might be twins as they are in the family..Add to that that DD and DS were both early,and the thought of having premature twins and a toddler and 4 year old make it all seem a bit too much...almost wish it would happen accidentally...

I'm in the same boat and like you Constance dh doesn't want more.
In my head I can see that two is a good number - finance, juggling dcs with work, car/house size, sleep. I'm rubbish at being pregnant.
In my heart though I just want another child.

I want three two, i have a 2.5 and an 11 month old.... but if i do then what about my "career" and we cannot afford a 3 bed flat near a good school (north london) and what about the financial pressure???

DP is ok for a third one though which makes it even harder for meto decide

We had b'g twins that were just 3 when I found out I was pg with Number 3. Everyone thought we were nuts - were coming to the end of childcare costs, had a boy and a girl, back into the work routine, really happy family life but there was always this cloud hanging over my head that I wanted another baby. In lots of ways it was a purely selfish decision, wanted to be pregnant again, wanted to experience the whole newborn thing properly (twins had been v premature and it was very hard at the start) and I wanted a bigger family. In every other way - financially, emotionally, logistically, practically - it made no sense at all. We now have Number 3 - she is 18 months old and it is considerably harder than having 2 - there is so much more to do, housework, laundry, organisation, just everything has multiplied but I wouldn't change it for the world. I do have moments thinking we could have had X or we could have had Y (usually yearning after holidays and a bigger house!) but then she snuggles me and says Mummmmeee and I know we made the right choice!!

lovemyangels I am an only child and am expecting number 3. I have DD1 4 1/2 and DD2 21 months. I hated being an only child so I always told my DH I wanted a big family as I wanted my children to grow up with siblings.

My house is chaos now and I wonder how I will cope when baby arrives in the summer - both DD's are excited but I am anxious about how they will cope with a new baby, sharing a room, my sanity plus lots of other things..... BUT I know this is the right decision and I am sure we will feel like a complete family when baby makes it appearance!

Fingers crossed x

Buggering up the contraception made our decision.

Only 3 weeks in, but it is noteworthy that the number of children exceeds the number of hands I have. This is going to cause me problems.

I didn't decide - my mirena coil became displaced and I got pg with No3. We had decided to stop at 2.

My gaps are 24 months and 22 months so I had 3 under 4 for 9-10 weeks! It was hard going mainly due to a physical problem brought on by pregnancy and my PND.

But the jump form 2-3 was nothing compared to the gap between 1-2.

Now they are 11, 9 and 7, in school (most of the time, dd1 has been off this week) and so much fun, they get on so well, our family is complete.

At the time we were devestated, but now, we wouldn't have it any other way!

Lovemy angels, I have thought about this constantly since my second child was born, he is now 2, my older child 5.

Only recently have I come through the turmoil. And the result is that we are going to stick with two.

I too read that thing where people say "you never regret the child you do have, only those you don't". I can completely see what people mean, and there will always be a part of me which is a bit sad that we did not have another.

But the larger part of me knows that if we had another child I would be more shouty and stressy with all my children and my husband. Simply because of all the extra work and splitting myself up more between everyone.
I have decided that it is better to stick with two and be relatively calm , than have that lovely third child but not be able to enjoy my whole family as much because I would be more stressed and overloaded with life in general.

"But the larger part of me knows that if we had another child I would be more shouty and stressy with all my children and my husband. Simply because of all the extra work and splitting myself up more between everyone"

Yes that's me! DC are 3, 5 and 7. It's a real hard slog and that still doesn't stop me going all dreamy about babies - however I have a great be reality slap when I think of another school age child - no thank you!

My dc do get on but there is quite a lot of bickering that goes on and gets worse with age not better (DC3 is now main ring leader of getting his own way shouting).

I've put threads on here asking for reassurance that things get easier - so far not had many positive replies.

We've just booked a holiday - massively more expensive for 5 than for 4, we didn't get the very few cheap offers for 5 in time.

Long whiny post - but in summary it is true (for me) to say that the good times are amazing and I do get a touch of that Waltons feeling (how ma walton coped goodness only knows) but the hard times are a daily grind.

DC3 is fab and beautiful (particularly when asleep) - I wouldn't give him back but he does bounce off the other 2 dc. Having 3dc was a complete breeze until he could talk properly!

I suppose I should also add that I work pt, DH works away and closest family is 2 hr drive away - I think is any of those variables was to change life may be easier?

this is the thread I added - re-reading it does make me feel slightly more positive - dc3 goes to school in sept and my most stressy times are the nursery/school pick up.

My advice would be spend some time with families with 2 dc and some with 3 dc and watch the differences.

The jump from 2-3 I've been told is the hardest. Once you're outnumbered the extra dc apparently don't make that much difference - although I'm not brave enough to try it!

Good luck with whatever you decide

I have 2 - DS 5 and DD nearly 2. I, like a lot of you, went between wanting a third and not wanting it. Then, a friend had a baby at the beginning of the year. He is absolutely adorable - BUT, I didn't feel broody. I've sat there giving him a cuddle and not wanted another myself. Have to say, I was a bit surprised as usually do get very broody when around newborns. That made up my mind.

I love having 3. We always said we would stop at 2 but for a couple of years I was very, very broody. Anyway we decided to go for a third and he's now 9 months and has fitted into our family wonderfully. His 2 big brothers dote on him (9 and 7).

I'm obviously in a different position to you as my 2 are older. I think the hardest decision was deciding whether to go for a third, but as soon as we'd made the decision and when I was actually pregnant I knew it was the right decision for us and never had any regrets.

Its lovely to hear that nappydaysagain.

I soooo want another

I was in the same boat as you little over a year ago. After dd2 I was adamant I did not want any more but then started feeling broody after her third birthday. Like you the thing that stuck in my mind was that if I did'nt have another I would regret it but would never regret having another.
We sort of decided to go for it and I got pregnant the first month of ttc! Ds is now 14 weeks and just gorgeous, he is the love of all our lives and tbh I am finding it quite easy so far even though dh is way a lot and works long hours. BTW DD1 is 6 and dd2 is now 4.

That's interesting partyhat, perhaps waiting a little while until dd1 and dd2 are older is the way forward (sorry I seem to have hi-jacked this thread a little)

It hasn't stopped me being broody though, infact it's made it worse as it's reminded me how lovely it is to have a baby in the house again .

Sadly we wont be having anymore for both practical and finanacial reasons .

I have 3 dd age 4, 3 and 9 months. I always wanted 3 children but it is total chaos and I went from an extremely organised mum to a scanty, headless chicken. I adore all 3 and my youngest is just lovely but I'm exhausted all the time. But I wouldn't change it and would consider a 4th. The way I see it is you won't regret having another once they r with you but you may regret it if you dont!

we um-ed and ah-ed about dc 3. Had dc3 then knew for sure there wouldn't be a dc4 - felt 'done' in a way that I hadn't before. I think if you're undecided, you're not finished yet! Can you wait?

But your age is also an important factor. I have a 4 yr gap between dc2 and 3, and was approaching 40 so had the extra risk of miscarriage (had 2 before dc 3 arrived).