How do you make the decision to have DC 3?

[lovemyangels]

I know this has been done many times but I am totally obsessing over it at the moment.

I have 4 yr old DD and 2 year old DS and always wanted 2 or 3 children, we are in a position finantialy where we could probably try for DC 3 at the end of the year but I work and cannot afford not to so would have to use childcare when I go back after maternity leave.

Whilst finantially we would be OK I am worried we would be biting off more than we can chew with 3 DC's and working and though we have the amazing support of both our sets of parents I dont think it would be fair to rely on that we have to know we can do this on our own, my 2 are getting easier and we would obviously be better of not having any more so could give them more, plus lots of things are geared up for families of 4!

All that said when I say out load DC3 wouldnt be a good idea I just feel a pang of disapointment and feel we will regret not goign for it as I know I wouldnt regret the precious gift of another child.

I sway from one side to the next and its doing my head it, I wish someone could tell me what to do!

Any advice would be so helpful!

Thanks

I am expecting number three, dd five and ds two. All I can say is I knew the feeling wouldn't go away. Dp was happy with two, and I wasn't going to do any heavy duty persuading as I knew i'd need him well and truly on board. But I think his turning point was seeing me quietly sobbing when friend announced pregnancy. And he's very excited now. Goodness knows how we'll do it! Found it rough after ds born, but I am so enjoying this pregnancy, feel positive and energetic. Most of the time, when I actually get five mins to think about it, it feels as exciting as the first time but without the huge uncertainty about everything. And I really love dd being excited about it. And the fact that no one else seems that interested! Ask me again after baby born- will no doubt be exgausted and chaotic but at the mo very pleased and settled in a way I remember wit neither of the others. And I know it's the last time so feels special for that reason too.

That's lovely to hear littlebylittle. After months of agonising over this whole thing, we are currently ttc number 3 (sort of, in a half-hearted sort of way!) - but have to admit I am far from resolving it in my own head. Yes I would love to have 3 children, and as so many others have said, there is that feeling that we are not yet complete. BUT I am so worried about what we'd be letting ourselves in for.

I'm basically worried that we'll end up spoiling everything. We had a really rough year or so after DS2 was born and now they are 4 and 2 everything is so much easier. We have a lot of fun together and I don't want to loose all that and end up an exhausted bad-tempered wreck for months on end (or much more!). Even after a few bad nights these days I see the difference in myself, I have no patience, I snap at them about little annoying things, and usually it all ends up with both of them screaming their heads off.

Also, taking another mat leave will probably mean the end of my job, which I will be gutted about as I love it. And in the last year or so I have come to realise that working is an essential part of keeping me sane.

So, in answer to the original question - when i think it though I can easily talk myself out of it for a few hours, but the wish comes back again so quickly that I have kind of given up expecting to make the decision clearly in my own mind. We'll just see if we get lucky and I am fully expecting mixed feelings and agonising all the way through

it just kind of happened for me. dh wanted the snip after dc2 but dc3 is now 5weeks old! for some insane reason i'm thinking about having a 4th!! my oldest isn't even 3 yet but i'm one of 3 kids so know what's in store and love having more than 1 sibling. dc1 was great when i had dc2 and so far they are great with baby.

Just had a light bulb moment. Apart from illness during pg with ds, the reason I found two to three just so hard was that I was trying to give ds the same baby experience as dd. And you just can't. It's better in some ways, worse in others, but different. And that's why, whatever chaos ensues, I will deal better with the switch from two to three than from one to two. I will be a better parent in some ways, worse in others and we will all come out the other side. Just seeing dd and ds howling with laughter in the bath together tonight ( and then actually howling because I'd left them just that but too long! ) confirmed that it's okay and will be again.

I am a different dilemma. Have found out we are expecting our third but we had made up our minds to stop at two. It was an accident but then we didn't use precautions so we have no one to blame but ourselves.

My husband wants me to have an abortion because I had difficult pregnancies and both babies were premature, we can't afford it, is worried about my depression etc.

Problem is, I really want this baby but looking on here I know it will be really hard with 3. We can't afford to get another car as we are living on the bread line as it is with me working weekends and huband working full time. Getting a bigger car or house simply isn't an option.