Please help - DS 20 weeks, I'm really struggling

[FlingonTheValiant]

I've also posted in feeding.

I've had huge problems feeding DS (EBF) from the start and spoke over and over again to GPs and HVs about him screaming when feeding etc. Two weeks ago I took him to a paediatric drop in and they diagnosed him straight away with reflux. They gave me medicine for him, and he doesn't scream as much, which is good, but that's about it.

He feeds hourly overnight, with a long stretch of two hours when he first goes down. He sometimes wakes more frequently than hourly (e.g. 3 times between 1.15 and 2.30 last night). He also feeds about two hourly during the day, although this goes up and down. This was something the paed thought would change with medicine.

And despite all that feeding he's still just clinging to the 9th percentile.

They were also worried that he only poos every 7-8 days, sometimes 10, but I think that might be OK.

He's also gassy and smelly, and the paed said he thinks he's dairy intolerant, but just told me to cut dairy out of my diet - I have a really low bone profile, so I'm not keen on doing this, but I'm trying and I'll look for some calcium replacements. I'm just worried by this vague diagnosis, with no tests to be sure, and no solid advice.

He'll only nap if he's held, and won't stay asleep if I lie down with him. And he doesn't sleep for long.

Oh, and he seems to be teething, and has turned from being smiling and happy the rest of the time into a grizzling, crying baby.

I'm just completely exhausted, I feel totally inadequate when it comes to feeding him, and I don't even get the smiles and giggles anymore.

On top of that (I feel awful saying this) when he isn't feeding or sleeping I now just want to put him down and leave him to it, at least for a little bit, so I get a break, but I can't even do that as he cries after a couple of minutes. So now I feel guilty about the growing feeling of resentment I have towards my lovely DS, and I find it hard to play with him or just be with him.

I don't know what to do to make it all better.

hi op, I didn't want to ignore you!

my ds's are a lot lot older than yours so I'm speaking from hindsight.

you sound exhausted and that always makes everything worse.

I remember having problems feeding ds's, and the dr saying cut out dairy, which I thought was pretty stupid and didn't help anyway.

I know all the guidelines have changed now but I gave ds baby rice at 16 weeks and he was fine with it

don't know what EBF means! mine were breastfed and when I got too knackered, which I'm guessing is where you're at, I gave ds a bottle of formula at night and he seemed to sleep better, which made me get a sleep.

if I was you I'd intriduce a bottle of formula at night and I'd be giving your ds some babyrice at lunchtime. I know the guidelines say wait till 6 months, but it makes absolutely no difference and if he's hungry it sounds like he needs it, I've got 2 years between mine and in those 2 years the guidelines for after the birth and feeding and sleeping had changed!!! health visitors say what they are told to say but one size fits all doesn't suit babies who are all different.

Thanks for replying ssd.

The paediatrician said I should think about early solids, so I think I'll look into it.

EBF is exclusively breast fed. I'll have a think about giving an occasional bottle for respite too.

Thank you for the advice.

So sorry you're having such a tough time. The sleep deprevation makes everything so much harder and I know just how you feel when you say you sometimes want to just put your LO down and leave him too it. I've felt awful when my DH has got home sometimes and I've thrust a grumpy DS at him and said 'I'm bored of him, you take him'. The grumpyness can be just soo wearing.

I really struggled with breast feeding but it was bad latch and a really nasty stubbon case of thrush I couldn't shift. Fortunately we turned a corner at about 12 weeks so I don't think I had it as tough as you, though even then my DS continued to feed every 2.5 hours in the day and 3 hours, then down to 2 hours in the night, but at least it didn't hurt any more!

Personally I was keen to not give formula at all and to avoid solids before 6 months or as close as possible, but that's largely due to the many and various allergies and respiritory problems in my family so I felt it was worth it. I'm aiming not to give my DS any dairy until 1yo, so was adament I didn't want to give formula top ups, but it is something lots of people on here seem to find help and I know women who mix feed (not just formula at night) and get on with it well.

I survived the constant night feeding by co-sleeping and once I started doing that felt much less tired in the daytime. Something about not having to leave the comfort of a warm bed really made a difference for me. To ensure my DS didn't get under covers etc. we put him in a grow bag and then on top of our duvet so he couldn't get underneath.

I would really recommend speaking to a breastfeeding support group or councelor. I struggled for ages thinking speaking to someone on the phone couldn't help bgut when I finally did it made a world of difference. Your LO might be needing to feed a lot if he is not feeding efficiently which could be down to a poor latch, tongue tie, or it could just to do with the reflux, but a good breast feeding support worker could really help you with these. Even if you don't find feeding painful they might have ideas about how to get a bit longer between feeds and can tell you so much about how your body works in terms of feeding which can really help you understand what is going on and reassure you! The NCT have a help line as do the Breastfeeding Network and the La Leche League (I used them, mainly just because my Mum had when she struggled with feeding, and they were great). Your local childrens centre might have a visiting councelor too - mine did and she was lovely and that gave me a chance to have someone to speak to face to face, and to watch me give a whole feed.

Hope some of that helps.

Gosh, sorry that was so long and rambling - I didn't realise till I posted it just how much I'd gone on!

Oh god, just read that NZ website with the section about dairy and now feel awful. If I'd read that before I could have given up dairy months ago and DS might not have suffered so much.

Floweryboots, thanks for all your advice. We went to a breastfeeding session yesterday and the advisor didn't know what else to suggest :(

We're already cosleeping. I just feel like there's no relief available at this point.

My Ds was very like this, until we saw a cranial osteopath (if this isn't something you would consider, ignore this post!)
Ds went from being a screamy non sleeping baby to being calm and happy. He still wasn't the best of sleepers, but woke 3/4 times a night rather than 7/8 times.

flingon, please don't feel bad, you are doing the best you can. I can remember crying when my sister gave ds1 his first bottle of formula one night, I felt like I'd totally failed him. Also solids at 16 weeks, i swore he'd never eat anything not homemade from scratch.

fast forward 12 years and he's just ate a big old meat pie for tea and made himself a pancake!

I learned the hard way that beating yourself up and trying to do the impossible sometimes is not the best for all of you as it totally drags you all down, I'd say give your baby a little baby rice at lunchtime, just a little spoonful to start and try to introduce a bottle of formula at night, hopefully you have a dh that can feed baby at night so you can get to bed earlier and get a little sleep in until the next feed

and honestly, it gets easier as time goes on, please cling onto that

Thanks ssd, I'm going to try some baby rice for lunch tomorrow and see if that helps. I might try a bottle of formula tonight as well.

Flingon - i would try one thing today and something else tomorrow, that way if something diagrees with him you will know what it is.

Flingon,
Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time, I think we can all empathise...I hated that horrible trapped/guilty feeling when DS's were tiny and adjusting to the big bad world.

I would like to add a vote for Cranial Osteopathy

My DNiece was exactly as you describe - poor feeding, screaming, low weight gain, and after a visit to a good Cranial Osteopath, my sister brought home a new baby. I swear, LO went from red-faced screaming scrawny baby to a smiling, chubby alert little pudding.

My niece was FF, and my DSis changed her to Goats Milk formula, supplemented with vitamin drops (on her Pediatricians OK). She had been on that horrible soy formula, the name of which escapes me.

Remember always though - THINGS WILL GET BETTER!! This is a temporary phase, a lot of babies & mums struggle in the early weeks. Before you know it, he will be stomping round your house on chubby legs, flushing the remote control down the loo. Just hang on in there!!

FlingonTheValiant, how did the baby rice and the bottle of formula go? hope your baby starting to be a bit more settled for you and you don't feel so bad?

Well he wouldn't eat any rice, he just spat it out, but he seemed to have fun!

I gave him two formula supplements last night, 2oz each time, and he slept in 4-hour bursts last night. It was such a relief, yesterday was a hellish day, but today was so much better!

I don't plan to supplement him too often, but it's good to know that it's an option and it helps.

We saw the osteopath again today (5th visit). She's sure he's got a problem in his neck, but she just can't get it.

Thanks so much for all your support!

persevere with the baby rice, eventually they realise its actually food and start to enjoy it!

good luck with the osteopath

Quick question OP, you don't suffer from PCOS do you?

Omg this could have been me ten months ago, gp and hv no help, hospital confirmed reflux after trip to a&e when dd completely stopped feeding for two days and gp said not to worry !
Visited a cranial osteopath which was a big help but to be honest ranitidine from hosp and supplementing some bf with a comfort formula were the things that helped the most.
I know it doesnt feel like it but it will get better, dd was my second child by the way so expreience makes no difference.

What is PCOS toytown? (or does that fact that I don't know mean that I don't have it?)

The medicines don't seem to be working very well, I need to get more help there. Formula top ups are getting us some respite though.

If its any help the ranitidine did take a few days to work.
There are other medicines that help, now you've got a diagnosis go back to you gp and ask them to change the medicine, ranitidine was not the first drug we were given.
Tbh you have to keep on at them until they help you.

Polycystic ovary syndrome. I only ask because I had it and really struggled with my milk supply (all to do with hormones). But the reseach is new so my GP refused to give me the drug which may have helped. I had to give formula in the end but continued to BF as much as possible.

ranitidine helps. DS (now 2.5 and as stated by other posters one of the best eaters in his group - wolfed down meatballs and pasta today) has reflux from birth and got massively worse after gastro at five months - vomited daily and several times a day all over me.

But the reflux certainly takes the edge off it.

From experience DS improved once sitting up and eating solids. Unfortunately he was a veeeery late sitter but being upright seemed to help a lot.

It will get better you're not alone and i know it feels so worrying when paeds are relaxed about things. I had to go to appts on my own as DH ran out of leave and I'd be sobbing handing over a list of all the times he'd vomited to try to get them to take me seriously but I think they prefer to monitor things as children by and large do outgrow it. But that doesn't make it easier for you does it.

Can you ask a friend to come and hold your baby for a while? A friend did this for me and although I didn't rest as a should have it was such an amazing relief to not have to hold DS for an hour or two.

Sorry meant to say ranitidine took the edge off it, not relfux

He's been on the medicine for 3 weeks, Nojustice, it seemed to work to start with, but we're back to the beginning again. I'll have to go back I think.

Ah, no toytown, I don't have that. I'm not sure supply is the problem. I'm wondering if there's a quality issue though, as he is always hungry.

Thanks Doodle! Actually I ran away for a few hours yesterday and left him with DH, it was such a relief!

Thank you again, everyone!

You can do it flingon and you are probably much stronger than you think.

It really will pass. I remember feeling like i was going to be vomited on for an eternity but now looking back it seems much shorter as a time period.

Have you got a review booked with paeds?

And try to get outside. I was so scared of going out because of dealing with vomit but in the end its almost worse to be stuck inside. The walls of your house seem to amplify worries and stress when they're little.

But I really feel for you and am sending many happy thoughts to you.

Its funny now but i can remember sitting in the garden with dh at two in the morning howling because it was all so shit and i was so crap !
Back to the gp for you and dont leave till they help, cry if you have to (dont do this unless you're sure you will be able to stop in a decent amount of time, or you just look a bit mental, as i found out)

Word of caution - crying works better on male doctors!! They seem a bit more shocked by a distraught sleep deprived mother.

I found female doctors just told me to go away. Could just be my experience.

But I agree with Nojusticejustus in that it's worth showing them how it's affecting you, and if that means you end up crying over them then so be it. I certainly cried over my fair share of health professionals!! And persistence can be worth it.

Perhaps also mention that you're wondering if carrying on with bf is the right thing as they are really into encouraging bf so might perk up and pay a bit more attention.