Please help - DS 20 weeks, I'm really struggling

[FlingonTheValiant]

I've also posted in feeding.

I've had huge problems feeding DS (EBF) from the start and spoke over and over again to GPs and HVs about him screaming when feeding etc. Two weeks ago I took him to a paediatric drop in and they diagnosed him straight away with reflux. They gave me medicine for him, and he doesn't scream as much, which is good, but that's about it.

He feeds hourly overnight, with a long stretch of two hours when he first goes down. He sometimes wakes more frequently than hourly (e.g. 3 times between 1.15 and 2.30 last night). He also feeds about two hourly during the day, although this goes up and down. This was something the paed thought would change with medicine.

And despite all that feeding he's still just clinging to the 9th percentile.

They were also worried that he only poos every 7-8 days, sometimes 10, but I think that might be OK.

He's also gassy and smelly, and the paed said he thinks he's dairy intolerant, but just told me to cut dairy out of my diet - I have a really low bone profile, so I'm not keen on doing this, but I'm trying and I'll look for some calcium replacements. I'm just worried by this vague diagnosis, with no tests to be sure, and no solid advice.

He'll only nap if he's held, and won't stay asleep if I lie down with him. And he doesn't sleep for long.

Oh, and he seems to be teething, and has turned from being smiling and happy the rest of the time into a grizzling, crying baby.

I'm just completely exhausted, I feel totally inadequate when it comes to feeding him, and I don't even get the smiles and giggles anymore.

On top of that (I feel awful saying this) when he isn't feeding or sleeping I now just want to put him down and leave him to it, at least for a little bit, so I get a break, but I can't even do that as he cries after a couple of minutes. So now I feel guilty about the growing feeling of resentment I have towards my lovely DS, and I find it hard to play with him or just be with him.

I don't know what to do to make it all better.

DD had reflux, as a result she slept in her bouncer chair for the first 5 months of her life. It was the only place she could sleep longer than an hour. That, infacol and infant gaviscon got us through the first 6 months. You have my sympathies, reflux babies are HARD

DS has reflux and when I was at a similar stage I almost cracked.

First of all please consider a dummy. It will help with the reflux - when he feeds, acid will be coming up his throat. So he'll feed and feed and feed for comfort. So after a feed, keep him upright, wind by rubbing not patting (wind hurts too) and give a dummy at the same time.

Keep anything around his waist loose. Nappies - don't fix them tightly. The vest top will help keep it closed. Don't put him in trousers - all in ones or dungarees. The pressure on his tummy makes things worse.

Also he might be overtired which makes it worse. So stick him in a sling for naps in the day. Watch for tired signs which are easy to miss and try not to let him stay awake for more than 60-90 mins.

Put him to bed early and use white noise to help soothe him. We found 6.30pm was bedtime - which meant feeding after a very very short routine by 6.

Consider lying him on his left hand side with left arm stretched out to stop him rolling on his front. Also put the head end of the cot higher - you can buy cot blocks.

Also watch carefully for reaction to formula. The cows milk, if he's dairy intolerant, will make things worse.

Another thing to consider is whether you have an overactive letdown which can result in reflux symptoms. So does your milk shoot out when you express? That makes it hard for baby to feed without gulping down air, giving tummy problems etc.

If so, try using one boob per feed. If you do already then switch boobs every other feed - it slows your milk down and makes it easier for baby.

Also feed with his head higher than his bum as makes it easier to get the milk down. Try leaning back and having his head more on top so the milk has to go up.

I remember that stage - and it is just a stage, even though it feels like it will last forever. Honestly, it gets so so much easier as they get older.

Try Cranial Osteopathy even if it isn't your thing. I was very anti it but it worked wonders for my family.

PS: I found DC1 didn't like me eating too many fruit/veg and cutting down made a bit difference to comfort levels.