Sitting here in tears, just cuddling my 3 month dd who has been screaming moat of the day...

[Sistermoondance]

I feel like a terrible mum today :(

Dd has been moaning crying or screaming since about 10.30.. Has only stopped for a few feeds and bizarrely she was fine for about 10 mins after one feed where she was smiling and playing.

I feel as though I must be awful for not being able to help her. She doesn't seem windy, have been changing nappy frequently, offering boob every hour or so, no temperature. Don't think she is ill as no snot etc and was fine for a little while. Can only think she is over tired because I didn't get a chance to take her out in her pram where she will often settle... Although she has had three short naps. First time I desperately wanted her to sleep so let her snooze on me but she woke crying. So next time I put her in her cot, ditto. I can't win and don't know what to do :(

of course you're not a terrible mum
sometimes tiny ones just cry, and there's nothing to be done for them
do you have a dp coming home any time soon to give you a break?

Is she teething? My ds1 got like that when teething.

I would (only when all else had failed) give him a half dose of calpol.

You are not a bad mum. Sometimes baby just cry.

ur not terrible, you're just tired!

happens to the best of us, don't beat urself up, try to get a rest later

do you have a baby sling?i found just keeping baby in mine all the time when she was fretful worked a treat.plus,you can get on with whatever you need to do,hands free

Aw, poor you. Honestly we ALL have days like that. Nothing you have done or are not doing.

You're definitely not a terrible mum. I had days like that with both of mine and it's awful. Just do whatever makes you feel both comfortable (cuddle on sofa with TV and chocolate?). I sometimes used to go and have a bath with them because they both love baths so it would briefly calm them down. Tbh, there's not much you can do though. Hope you get a rest soon.

Thanks.... Dh got in about 6pm and took her and she calmed down. So although I know it isn't rational I feel as though she must have just been fed up of me or that I wasn't doing what she wanted :-(

I am not sure if she is teething... She could be as very dribbley and chewing her hand. But no sign of teeth and she doesn't want to chew on anything else.. No temp or red cheeks....

I take some comfort that although I say cuddling her and crying and at one point put her in her cot and just sat next to her, I managed to not shout or scream at her or leave the room. Although perhaps I should have left the room and got myself a cuppa since she would have been fine for 5 mins in the cot. I am calmer now but feel my confidence is at an all time low :(

Could well be teething then - DD was dribbly and chewing everything in sight months before her teeth broke through.

Please don't feel low - you should be proud of the fact that you've managed to stay calm and stay with her and she'll have taken SO much comfort from that :) (I've often had to go and take 5 when DD is up in arms about something!)

Do rest assured you are not a terrible Mum and it isn't your fault or that DD is fed up of you. It's just one of those things that happens with little babies sometimes. Do you have a lot of Mum friends in RL? It always made me feel better to know that others struggle in exactly the same way. You can find that out on here too of course!
I definitely had days like that with DS sometimes (still do at 15 months!). I would second the baby sling/carrier suggestion - that always settled DS when he was miserable. She might be a bit poorly (no temp I know) or have a cold coming on. It probably isn't teething from what you've said but you never know, or overtiredness, or existential angst (!)... you can carry on guessing but just know that it's not your fault and it will stop - probably very soon. Hope this helps :)

yy dribbly and chewing does sound like teething - and Fliss is right, that can happen ages before you see any sign of the actual tooth breaking through. NOT your fault at all.

Do leave her safely in her cot if you ever feel so stressed you just can't cope. Far better for you to take a quick breather than to break down.

Maybe might be worth trying some bonjela tomorrow? (Do check it's still OK to give to babies, though, ds is 7 so I may be a bit out of touch.)

Teething goes on for ages, without all the symptoms. Or it could be wind...it is sometimes very tricky to get that last bit of wind up! You're obviously a great mum, or you wouldn't care so much. Chin up.

We all have days like this! You're doing brilliantly. I remember the sleep deprivation being something shocking at three months, it makes it hard to think straight and appreciate how well you are doing.
Have you ever seen a book by Naomi Stadlen called What Mothers Do? I found it really helped my confidence.
Hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

Thanks everyone. So if I have another day like this tomorrow and it could be teething, should I try giving her some calpol? Maybe give her and hour or two then try it? Or not?

I am a bit worried, my back is absolutely killing me now and I have taken one 200mg ibroprofen the last few nights which barely helps but just takes the edge off enough to sleep for a few hours. Like now, dd is sleeping but I am awake and in pain.

My dh wondered if this could be causing the screaming - although I usually express and chuck the milk in the early hours... He has also been saying again the we should try formula because maybe she isn't feeding enough or not getting everything she needs from my milk. I suppose maybe she isn't getting enough calcium as my diet is fairly low in calcium... I don't drink much milk- buy do try and have a fromage frais and have calcium enriched rice milk and often have a mocha coffee. I have cheese most days too. However my gut instinct is that bfing should be better- and there is always frozen milk in the fridge.

I have ordered the book :) and hope it does help because I just feel so teary still... Prob not helped by the agony of my back!

Human breast milk is a complete food. There is no difference in the quality of breastmilk produced by women with very inadequate diets (third world, for example) and those with plenty. So don't worry about yours 'not being enough' or 'not enough calcium' - it can't happen.

It is possible that something in your diet is passing into the milk and causing her some distress, but I tend to think that's a very overrated fear and unlikely to be the case.

Ibuprofen is considered safe to take while breastfeeding. Express and dump if you want, but the NHS considers that it's fine. It certainly can't cause the screaming - even if it did go through and have an effect, the effect would be akin to that on you; i.e., pain relief/muscle relaxant. Not screaming.

So, long story short, it sounds like your supply is absolutely adequate, it can't be 'insufficiently nutritious', and it won't be the ibuprofen. For some reason men tend to panic about breastmilk vs formula when babies cry, probably because they can't see quantities. Mine did, and my supply was always fine too.

I think your baby is just having a difficult few days. Babies do. It's no comfort, probably, and it's incredibly hard to recognise it as a phase when it's your first...but if you can accept that, and keep doing what you're doing, then you're doing an astounding job.

3 months is definitely a difficult time - the tiredness has all mounted up and you feel things should be getting easier, but the baby keeps changing!

Whenever my baby cried for no obvious reason I assumed she was in pain - that helped me to stop thinking irrational thoughts like "she just doesn't like me" and focus on her and soothing her. Be strong! (as you are being!)

Definitely chin up, you're doing brilliantly :)

It's possible that's she in some kind of pain, just because you can't see an outward sign of illness doesn't mean it's not there (ear infection for eg).
Try her with some calpol if she's like it again, a small dose won't do any harm and will have no effect if she isn't in pain.
If she is, and it works, then think how much better you'll all feel.

Keep going with the feeding, you are doing so well :)

Hope today is a good day. My DD was like this at this age for a couple of months. Going out in car helped me, listening to some music, baby slept. Health visitor said any coping strategy that works for the mum is a good one and i liked this because it got us out, baby was happy in her car seat. I also joined a baby massage class which helped DD and me!

Good morning. Def try a spot of calpol if she is so grouchy today, and keep going with the bf without worrying about your diet or the ibuprofen- formula fed babies have days like this too.
I am really sorry to hear about your back. I used to find my DD more unsettled if I was ill or had bad news- how ironic was that! I'm sure she picked up the bad vibes. Are you seeing anyone about your back? Do you think it might be aggravated by the bf so changing position might help? (if you're in London I can recommend a fab osteopath- just PM me). Being in pain and having a distressed baby sounds no fun- my heart goes out to you.

Does getting out of the house help? As Muminmallorca said - I found that just pushing DS around in his pram really really helped. Going to a Mum and baby group where you can have a good moan to others and drink tea? This was a life saver for me - I really do think it completely changed my experience of the first few months just getting out of the house and chatting to other new Mums. Somehow it makes it all so much easier.

Don't worry about taking ibuprofen, as others have said. You can take the full does too I'm pretty sure. Poor you - hope your back feels better soon.
See how calpol/bongela goes down with DD - and if she is really crying uncontrollably for a few days maybe call your doc to rule out an ear infection or other illness. I found teething salts quite good too. I do think that we thought DS was teething for a long time when he really wasn't (not until 9 months!), but that may not be the case for your DD.
Good luck and keep us posted - here to help :)

You are all so lovely :) well today she is still a bit grouchy and needy, but is also coughing and sneezing so she prob was feeling I'll yesterday :(

Which kind of scuppers the mum and baby group idea for a bit. I do have some people I see but haven't seen then for a week or two as they have been ill or one of their kids have been ill. I alsodo go to a lovely first time mum's grp once a week, but most of the babies there dont cry half as much as dd usually does! In fact really their is just one other baby who does and it will be either me or his mum pacing whilst the other mums smile sympathetically prob thinking thank god it isn't me! She is generally very 'sensitive' and 'communicative' lol

And the weather isn't helping... I don't like taking her out in the pram when raining :-( normally my hour or so sanity walk around lunchtime really does help, so because it is raining again and she is ill I don't know what to do! would it be a good or bad idea to take her out anyway if the rain stops even if it is damp?

Sooo glad I found mumsnet!!

I would absolutely take her out, just wrap her up warm. Do you have a carrier or sling? That would keep her nice and toasty, and also probably lull her to sleep.

Sorry she's a bit poorly, that probably is what the grumpiness was about.

You're doing a great job.

I second taking her out...fresh air is good for both of you. Calpol is great, really helps with the teething and any other aches and pains.

I hope today has been better...but please don't panic if not- we all have this horrid feeling that we're doing something wrong if they cry for more than a few minutes, but that's not the case. Sometimes babies cry, for days on end, and it's all a bit crap. I'm not saying that to depress you, but I know how guilty I felt with my first that I wasn't 'enjoying every magical moment'.

And if you're sending dh going to the shop for calpol, get chocolate for you too! Keep your energy up.

Calpol/bonjela and a loong walk with her in a sling, wrapped up cosy against you, that's what I spent hours doing with dd1 (who was a crier) when she was little, and it usually helps just to be outside in the fresh air.

If your back is bad, have you thought about trying a different type of sling? It's just that the Baby Bjorn I had with dd1 used to really hurt my back, as did carrying her around on my hip.

With dd2 and ds I used a Wilkinet sling and the difference was amazing it was so much more comfortable!

Yeah sounds like teething to me too, my ds, a great feeder wouldn't take the boob which really was his only comfort....so fustrating !!

Slings help as it kind of forces them to relax, the're warm and the movement distacts them. Just put your jacket over the baby if you're worried about the cold.

This is a really hard phase with the sleep deprivation.

Also don't worry about the calcium in your milk as the calcium will get leached from your body before the baby goes without !! So make sure you eat enough for your own health. Kale is a very good source of calcuim too if you're not fond of dairy.

Chin up chicken x

Sounds like teething, Definately give her some calpol, if we have a headache etc, we take something for it and don't just put up with being in pain, if she's teething it'll help soothe it, or it won't do any harm if she's not. A chilled teething ring is also good, and anbesol from the chemist to rub on her gums. I personally found bonjela not to be as good. I'm not sure calprofen is safe to use after 3 months too.

Also take her out for a drive, I know dd used to drop off in the car most of the time.