How do I change round my parenting style to give DD, 2, confidence...DH says I've made her scared of everything. Feel dreadful

[MissCatherineMiddleton]

Hello I've namechanged because I feel so ashamed.
DD has always been a quiet child but is turning two and very clingy (not helped by recent birth of DS 2 months ago which I had put it down to). She goes to a CM three days a week. other dys at home.
Anyway she is not a very adventurous child when it comes to either climbing around or mixing with other children - but has always been like that even before DS. This came to head on Saturday when DH said I had mollycoddled her and she was scared of her own shadow as a result.
The dreadful thing is I realise he's right. I am shy myself and do worry too much about stuffand have obv transmitted this to her. I feel dreadful and so ashamed. I don't know if it is too late to try to counter this, but what can I do? how do i make her more sociable and adventurous? i take her to the park and to rhyme time but that doesn't get her more sociable.
Feel so bad I can't tell you.

It sounds like you are very honest about your parenting which is great as so many people don't really think about how they parent or lie to themselves. She certainly is lucky to have a mum who is so keen to get it right.

I would not expect you to be aware of giving an impression really but I suppose you will by how you react to situations, maybe more what you don't do than what you do.

I have worked really hard at trying to give all my children lots of confidence and a strong sense of what is acceptable for them in their lives as it was always such a struggle for me and I was held back for years by myself!!! But I have overcome my demons.

With your level of insight and attitude I am sure you will achieve whatever you want to for your family

I'm shy, very much introvert, don't mind my own company one bit. My OH can be very confident though does have 'hermit' like tendencies sometimes.

My DD of 2.5 is completely the opposite of me. She is extremely confident, bossy, physically daring, sociable, sometimes destructive and aggressive etc. And it appears she'll be stunningly beautiful, I'm fairly plain. Sometimes its hard because we're so different, we clash alot. At least you can understand and empathise with your daughter, don't beat yourself up, you haven't made her like that, its just who she is. Don't make a big deal of it and it won't become one, just accept it.

you sound like a very responsive, nurturting and instinctive mother to me

I won't comment on whether your dh is a twat or not, but I do think he is wrong

your dd is fine IMO - the phase she is going through is absolutely consistent with her age and the fact that she has a new baby sibling - wearing, but totally healthy - keep doing exactly what you are doing and she will thrive:)

Your DH is not a T**t just cos he has an opinion, me and DH disagree about DS sometimes but I never think he is this because of it pls ignore these post - guess what parents disagree because A) youve been rboug htup differently and B) your are male/female

This is a bit nature v nurture, you can give your DD ops to develop confidence but cant force it, what is confidence anyway - if you think about it we are all confident in different ways/areas of our life its part of what makes us individuals and humans, as it forms part of our identity.

If the DH comments bother you put the ball back in his courrt and ask hime what he would suggest to develop confidence. If its help DH has occasionally said i HAVE ds 'SOFT' but not in a 'stop doing abc' sort of way.

Content of comment: try different things with DD
Motivation behinf comment: challenge DH

It's not the difference of opinion that makes the dh sound so unappealing. It's the nonsense he's spouted.

Miss CM - Don't beat yourself up - You realise you have a problem and have admitted you are overprotective etc. If you are aware then thats a plus.
Seek out proper advice on how to help your child gain confidence and ways to move forward
Your child MAY be naturally shy as others have said but you can still learn how to help her.

Its no good your DH 'blaming' you ! He should be helping you not pointing the finger.

My first ds was and still is the most sociable, outgoing, smiley child you could ever meet. Always trying new things and happy to talk and play with anyone. Then my twin ds's came along and were the complete opposite. They only wanted me and were so clingy it was unbearable. But as they got older they grew out of it. I sent them to Pre school when they were 3, which was torture but I had to give myself a break. They are now almost 7 and are no different from any other child. As already mentioned, 2 is a difficult age, children are so independant in some ways and not so in other ways. You as a parent can only do your best. If she's naturally going to be shy that's the way she'll be. We all want our dc to be confident in themselves but it just doesn't always work out that way. Carry on as you are, she'll be fine. But make sure you show your dh these posts!

rather than throwing her in the deep end with lots of other kids - try and build her confidence through giving her lots of positive attention when alone with you/with others. Take time to play her games with her and have lots of fun together. having fun together is so very very important. This will lift her spirits and make her feel more up beat. she will then feel in a good frame of mind and more confident to socialize with others.