how much choice do you let your very young dc have over what they wear? and working through the PINK phase...

[CharlotteBronteSaurus]

dd1 is nearly 4. recently i have been having battles to get her to wear anything other than a very select few items in her wardrobe. she approves of pink, basically, and little else.
we were out shopping the other day, and i suggested a few items, all of which were pooh-poohed. she wanted this, which i think is pretty gopping. so we didn't buy anything.
so what's the easiest way to work through this? i fear i am sounding a bit controlling, but i am concerned that this will be an ongoing thing, and we'll have the battle eventually when she wants to wear miniskirts and heels at 9 ....

There is nothing wrong with that dress!

I think you are going to need to let go of the control a bit. It's important for little kids to start to have control over some things including clothes. I have no idea why you don't like that dress and your little girl must have been very upset that you wouldn't get it for her just because YOU didn't like it.

What is that saying to her? That her taste and opinion count for nothing!

She isn't a little fashion accessory for you to dress up she is her own person with her own likes and taste. Yes we all have to draw the line somewhere but I think you need to rethink yours.

" your little girl must have been very upset that you wouldn't get it for her just because YOU didn't like it "

um, no. we couldn't find something we agreed on, so we left it for a bit. no fallings out.

and even if she had been very upset, are you really saying I should be held to ransom, in a shop, by a 4 year old?

superv1xen, I think the mums who reply to a thread like this with the retort, "who is the parent here?" are the mums of children who don't care what they wear. You have no idea how tiresome it is to have the same battle, EVERY day, with a 3 year old who very much knows her own mind.

I am a parent, not a pushover, but as a parent, I have decided this is not a battle I want to have every single morning. It's not that important to me. My little girl, is the opposite to the OP's daughter in that she is a tomboy. She only wants to wear trousers and t-shirts. Not dresses. Not skirts. Not blouses. Not leggings. I no longer buy the unacceptable items because I'm wasting my money. I'll insist on a dress for important occasions when it's appropriate to dress up: weddings, party, important lunch out etc. Otherwise my daughter chooses from her wardrobe. I do the "it's in the wash" trick too to encourage her to wear some of her less favourite items.

CharlotteBrontesauraus, I don't give my daughter free reign in clothes shops. I choose the stuff and give her a power of veto: If when I show it her she doesn't like it, then I take it back because otherwise I'm wasting my money. So, she has a choice within my limits. That dress from JL really isn't a bad choice though IMO, it's just not what you'd choose.

superv1xen, I think the mums who reply to a thread like this with the retort, "who is the parent here?" are the mums of children who don't care what they wear. You have no idea how tiresome it is to have the same battle, EVERY day, with a 3 year old who very much knows her own mind.

yeah you are right. my kids don't care what they wear. because i have never given them a choice to begin with (not saying you have btw, just saying i haven't )

my kids do know their own mind, but they also know who is boss, and that is me, the parent.

I didn't realise it had to be one or the other. At the moment dd doesnt give a toss what she wears but if she starts caring then I'm not going to declare myself a failure as a parent.

I just only have in my dcs drawers clothes that I dont mind and then they choose from them everyday - they arent going to be able to choose something in the shops when out and about (I dont take them clothes shopping and most of their clothes are hand me downs anyway) and indeed they have never expressed an interest at all when out and about.

I dont have much pink in the house at all as it makes my teeth itch - the JL dress isnt that bad though.

Actually when I say they take no interest that isnt strictly true - ds takes a great interest in dressing me for a rare night out.

I'm in the midst of a pink phase with DD (3) too. I'm not crazy about it, but am gritting my teeth and hoping she'll grow out of it.

I think that my purpose as her mother is to teach her to be independent and self-confident. I'm not shirking my responsibility as a parent; I make all the important decisions on things like meals, bedtimes, brushing teeth, etc. But allowing her to choose her own clothes gives her just a little bit of control of her own life and makes her happy. And at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter if she wears a pink dress or jeans and a t-shirt...

She is only 3, so I limit her choices to things that are appropriate (otherwise she'd wear nothing but the hideous, ruffled flamenco dress her granny brought her from Spain) and use the laundry to make sure she wears less popular items.

Also, I don't take her shopping with me - I'm way too lazy! I try to choose things that she will like, but that don't set my teeth on edge. When she gets older, if she starts demanding inappropriate items (such as miniskirts and high heels at 9) then she's going to get a firm 'no', but I don't see the harm in letting her choose her own clothes within the bounds of reason.

DS has some lovely tops that people have given him that he just WON'T wear. Like others on this thread, I don't think it is worth a full on screaming tantrum when he already has enough of those (eg teeth cleaning). But it is a real shame that some of these lovely jumpers aren't getting worn.. how do I get round this?

I am really fussy with girls clothes, i'll let my ds wear almost anything (which is mostly hand me downs atm) but that dress really wasn't that bad. Wouldn't pick it myself but if my dd (2.5) wanted to wear it I wouldn't object. I do what others on here do and get the clothes when she's not around and then let her pick from what she's got. Her favourite is a hello kitty dress in khaki green from h and m, so girly but not too pink! I don't mind a bit of pink but try to break it up with other colours, like tights or a different colour top or cardi. Luckily my dd isn't too fussy, maybe she just likes what i but her cos she's like me I have to try and not let her look too much of a mini-me, got her a coat like mine and she wears silk scarves as belts etc bit hippyish really but I would never let her wear anything slutty!