how much choice do you let your very young dc have over what they wear? and working through the PINK phase...

[CharlotteBronteSaurus]

dd1 is nearly 4. recently i have been having battles to get her to wear anything other than a very select few items in her wardrobe. she approves of pink, basically, and little else.
we were out shopping the other day, and i suggested a few items, all of which were pooh-poohed. she wanted this, which i think is pretty gopping. so we didn't buy anything.
so what's the easiest way to work through this? i fear i am sounding a bit controlling, but i am concerned that this will be an ongoing thing, and we'll have the battle eventually when she wants to wear miniskirts and heels at 9 ....

Charlotte, I can empathise.

my dd2 has little say in what clothes I buy her - if we are out and she sees something she likes, and it's not too expensive/hideous/she needs it anyway, then she might get a choice.

overall, I buy what I think she will like. sometimes htis works, soemtimes it doesn't.

that's where my laundry trick comes in.

she can choose what she wants ot wear form ehr wardrobe. and I don't buy anything that is known to be a problem for her (she has some sensory issues too, so eg I would never buy her a polo neck as she cannot tolerate it).

but shunning perfectly good clothes,because they are not her favourite colour? nope.

to avoid the argument, I stick to the "choose form wardrobe" rule. I don't care what she wears (as long as weather appropriate), so if it isn't there, she can't coose it.

so I (loosely) control what she wears - more ot ensure that some things actually get worn - by not putting it in her wardrobe.

I don't know what I did, so can't offer to replicate my feminist brainwashing techniques.
These days I try the opposite, rather desperately trying to get my older dds to brush their hair or show a teeny bit of interest in their appearance.... so they don't look totally skanky the whole time.

I loathe pink too but I would save my battles for the bigger things, imo. Let her dress/choose herself and draw the line only at inappropriateness. FWIW, I don't take my DD shopping for clothes - she chooses from what I buy her and there's no pink or frills in her wardrobe. But when DD gets older I know she will insist in shopping and choosing for herself. Oh well.

PS, I also didn't like the JL dress you linked to. Just personal choice.

My DD who is now 16 went through a pink wellies with everything phase, and I mean with everything. I once took her out of the house with just the wellies on as she refused to get dressed and only wanted to wear them :)

Dont sweat it, let her choose.

My DD never wears pink now and even comes to me for fashion advice. I do however, miss those days.

I can sympathise. I've definitely seen worse than the dress in the link but I also wouldn't particularly choose it for my DD.

I just don't take DD clothes shopping. I buy her clothes online or I buy them when I'm on my lunchbreak at work.

Luckily DD (3) doesn't seem that fussed. She says her favourite colours are pink and purple but she never complains about wearing other colours and she doesn't have much pink in her wardrobe.

It must be tough if your DD is refusing to wear the clothes in her wardrobe though.

who negotiates with a 4 year old?

i told my kids what to wear, and they vloody well wore it

Ha. DS has shown a marked preference for which clothes he wears since before he was walking. There would be tears and struggles if I tried to put him in certain items, and none if I used others. I do sometimes ask him, and other times just tell him - but if he really doesn't want to wear it, I make him choose something else. He's now 3.2. I'm probably making life difficult for myself but most of the clothes he has now he has no issue with wearing anyway, I can't remember the last time we had a refusal of day clothes (although we had a strong whinge about his pyjama top tonight - the one he wanted to wear was still damp from the wash so the alternative was Not Welcome - but he gave in - no choice!)

This may come under the heading of "battles I choose NOT to engage in" later... I don't know. I'll come back and check in a couple of years' time.

There is nothing wrong with pink. It is just another colour.

When we go clothes shopping I let DD choose what she wants. If it's unsuitable, impractical or offensive then I say no, but otherwise it's up to her.

She does pick things I don't like, and tends towards pink / red / purple, or clothes with characters she recognises on (Peppa Pig, Mickey Mouse).

But that's the sort of things I remember liking when I was 4 (my Womble tshirt was my all time favourite).

After an embarrassing incident when I had to take DS to a busy park wearing my pink and purple swimming hat and a pair of wraparound shades, I give very little choice!

I'll usually select two outfits worth of clothing appropriate for the weather and where we'll be going that day, and let them make the micro-choices between them.

Let your DD choose her daily outfit from the items in her wardrobe - tolerate the more bizarre combinations.

Don't take her shopping or let her choose what you buy - but do include some pink items because they will give her joy.

This way you get to avoid the worst pyscho-pink items, but she gets to choose how she dresses.

I just went with it, dd was head to toe pink for a while - it really didn't bother me. She had a lot of pink clothes because that's what people gave her - hand me downs and new. So she chose mostly.

Actually it bothered me less than those parents of tiny, baby dds who go on about their lack of pink clothes as a feminist issue. (not you OP) I'm afraid I very uncharitably do wish a strong willed pink loving 2-3yr old on them.

why do people let DC that young choose what they wear? who is in charge?? US - as parents, thats who!!

mine wear what i tell them too, have done since they were old enough to understand, as (probably as a result) don't mind what they wear. and i make sure they always look nice.

i meant and NOT as in that last sentence! grrrr

I let my DC choose because dressing yourself and choosing an appropriate outfit is a useful life skill .

For the way I do things, it's because they're only getting a choice of a couple of things I know I have already chosen, and I only have to do this once a week or so, the rest of the time they wear what they're told really.

I suppose I've done it this way so that when it gets to bigger things they don't get choices on, they don't feel impotent.

yeah thats fair enough doing it like that rizzo

I try to let them choose on clothes, mostly, because there are many other things that I insist on, and clothes are less vital to future health, education, happiness etc than brushing teeth, eating sensibly, going to bed at reasonable time, not living in front of TV, being polite and considerate to people, looking after their pets, doing the odd bit of homework, etc etc etc.

I would personally prefer it if they didn't live in disney pink princess outfits (and I've been luck on that), I'd prefer it if they didn't look constantly hedge-dragged-backwards-ish too (not so lucky there). but those are things I feel it's not vital to insist on.

Totally with Fennel on this. I would love my 9 year old to be more worried about brushing his teeth and doing his homework than what he wears and how he wears it.

With my youngest (nearly 1) I will do what I did with my oldest and hang up several outfits and let them choose which one they prefer to wear. Not sure I would go shopping with them at that age though, bad enough with my 9 year old!

I think that dress is lovely, my dds would love it. And nice and comfortable too.

Personally I would never, never take a 4 year old clothes shopping. My older two dds are 9 and 8 and I don't even take them much. I buy a couple of things for them to choose from and take back what they don't want.

Nothing wrong with pink - my older dds loved pink when they were younger. They outgrow it eventually!

My DD has been choosing her own clothes since she was 3 (now 6 and a half). This started as she went through a phase of not wanting to wear anything 'fitted' (ie straight up and down type t-shirts) - even now she prefers more trapeze/empire line tops & dresses and likes leggings or skirts over jeans.

We usually go shopping in spring and autumn for clothes and although I have the final veto on anything totally inappropriate it's very much a 50/50 process. If anything I tend to pick out more 'trendy' stuff than she does , but we tend to make a day of it and have a lovely time.

As a result we don't tend to have too much drama on a day to day basis as most of what's in her wardrobe she's chosen in the first place.

My 4 yo DS and 6yo DD both choose what clothes to wear. There are bigger battles to fight in my opinion. I DON'T take them clothes shopping though as on the odd occassion when I've tried it's been really hard work. They pick out completely unsuitable or expensive things that I simply can't buy and tantrums ensue. I buy their clothes with their preferences in mind and then let them choose day to day. So DS has a thing about fleece jogging bottoms and refuses to wear jeans. So I went and bought him the jogging bottoms I knew he would like and he wears them happily. I would never buy him jeans, much as I might like to. Same for DD, she only likes wearing dresses (and also has a thing for pink!) so I buy pink dresses that are in budget and right for the season but I know she'll happily wear.

If DTD 3.5 had her way then she would only wear her buzz lightyear suit, so this has become an evening treat if she has been good all day . I basically the next days clothes with a few variations in the drawer that she thinks is her wardrobe . She thinks she's 'choosing' which saves the whole you can't wear a swimming cossie in winter arguments

DTS is a typical boy and couldn't give two hoots, though he does have a penchant for headbands at the moment.

basically put

We were a house of pink until last year. They grow out of pink. In color for my DDs (7 & 8) is currently (light) green, and they have actually turned against pink.

Both girls still love glittery/sparkley stuff. Hope they will grow out of that too.

BTW - nothing wrong with that dress at all...