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I'm thinking of writing an article about 4 month sleep regression - any suggestions?

32 replies

DitaVonCheese · 07/02/2011 20:57

I was thinking of writing an article about the four month sleep regression for our local NCT newsletter, as it's mainly read by new parents or parents-to-be and not many people seem to know about it, so I thought it would be helpful.

However, now I've actually sat down to write the damn thing, I can't think what else to say other than: there's a four month sleep regression. It's hell. Get through it however you can. It ends.

I can't seem to find anything particularly helpful or "official" on the web (even Kellymom isn't great). Has anyone got any links that would be helpful or suggestions as to what I could say or things that helped? (Does anything help?! It's when we started co-sleeping full time, that's about the extent of my coping strategies.)

Any muses out there? :) I am completely devoid of inspiration!

OP posts:
jmc112 · 07/02/2011 21:22

It might be worth asking on the sleep board - there will probably be several people going through it there!

I would say that sleep training techniques aren't really appropriate at this stage - two friends tried CC at about 4 months and basically it just failed.

Also, don't worry you are creating bad habits for the future. Do what works while it works - babies change all the time! If your baby wants feeding, feed her. It is honestly the quickest and happiest way for all concerned and you can change things later.

DitaVonCheese · 07/02/2011 21:46

Thanks - I did think about asking there but I thought everyone on that board is so tired that I should just leave them alone!

Great suggestions, thanks :)

OP posts:
Meita · 07/02/2011 23:26

Another important point IMO is that simply by knowing about it, you already feel better. Because you stop second-guessing everything you are doing (is DC not sleeping anymore because of this? because I did that? ...) and you stop beating yourself up - it's nothing you did or are doing wrong, it's just one of these things.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Roo83 · 08/02/2011 08:35

When does it stop?! My dd is still going through it and she's 5mnths now. Information on how long it's likely to last would be fab. I had an angel baby sleeping from 7pm-5am until she hit 16wks and has been all over the place ever since! Do you have any info as to why it happens? That would be interesting as it's easier to cope if you know why it's happening.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 08/02/2011 08:39

i was reading the nhs birth to five book the other day, and in that they refer to babies waking more from 4-6 months, and this not being an indication of readiness for weaning. i don't think a source was given for this tough.

EauRouge · 08/02/2011 08:46

I agree about stressing that this is not a sign of readiness for weaning and also pointing out that formula top-ups will not necessarily help BF babies to sleep better.

hairymelons · 08/02/2011 09:12

This has just happened with 16Wo DS2! Didn't notice it with DS1 cos he slept badly from the off. DS2 has gone from sleeping 8 hrs straight to waking every few hours throughout the night.
I thought it was a growth spurt at first but he's fine in the day and would normally be v unsettled if he's extra hungry.
I'm v glad to hear it's not just us though. I'm too lazy to do anything drastic about it anyway but is there a chance it will get better by itself?
Brilliant idea to write an article, will you post it?

Meita · 08/02/2011 09:48

oh yeah and do mention that if baby hasn't been sleeping through before 4 months, you might barely notice the 4months-sleep regression, because it will feel just like more of the same. I think I read that a quarter of babies don't sleep through before 4 months, particularly breastfed babies. A further quarter does sleep through for a while at/before 3 months, but stops sleeping through between 3 and 6 months. Could look up the source for that if you'd like.

AngelDog · 08/02/2011 22:42

Here, here, here and here. :)

Co-sleeping saved our sanity too.

Anecdotal evidence suggests most previously good sleepers go back to being good sleepers after the regression. Poorer sleepers may need help to un-learn the frequent waking habits.

IME being up for long periods in the night always goes away without intervention (as long as daytime naps are okay).

The source of all info on developmental spurts is called The Wonder Weeks; you can read a sample chapter by following the links from here.

And I agree with EauRouge. The NHS weaning leaflet says it's not necessarily a sign of readiness to start solids.

FWIW, the baby most affected by it that I know was exclusively FF.

HTH

LeninGrad · 08/02/2011 22:51

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AngelDog · 08/02/2011 22:54

The Bedtiming book describes them as 'sleep setbacks'.

Lenin, I remember your DS2 in the 13 month one and trembled - but it wasn't too bad here. Grin

LeninGrad · 08/02/2011 22:57

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CountBapula · 09/02/2011 11:27

AngelDog, can I ask something about your post?

"Poorer sleepers may need help to un-learn the frequent waking habits."

How can you tell whether your DC is still in the regression or out of it but waking out of habit? DS is 20wks tomorrow and his started bang on 15wks. On a good night he is doing one 3hr stretch plus some other scrappy bits (an hour here, two hours there). On a bad night he's waking pretty much hourly. I'm on the brink of collapse and it's extra hard work because he can't self settle and only feeds to sleep 50% of the time, so the rest of the time we have to rock him back to sleep, which is exhausting and usually involves a lot of crying (on both sides!).

DH and I are desperate to do some gentle sleep training (ie PU/PD) because DS's inability to fall asleep on his own is taking over our lives. But we've also heard that sleep training during regressions is doomed to failure. DS has always been a crap sleeper (though never as bad as this) so how do we know when to go for it?

Dita, sorry to hijack. In answer to your OP, one angle could be looking at why so few people know about this. I anticipated it because I'm on MN, but if I hadn't been, I would be in an even worse state now. Whenever we say to people (relatives, friends, health visitor, my masseuse who is also a midwife) that DS is going through the 4 month sleep regression, we just get blank looks in return, followed by a suggestion to try controlled crying (HV Hmm), baby rice (DH's colleagues) or formula (pretty much everyone). DH works on a baby mag, his colleagues are all mums and none of them have ever heard of it! Yet judging by MN and Ask Moxie etc, so many people are going through this.

Before I had a baby everyone told me the first 3 months were the hardest - get through that and you'll be fine. But the last 5 weeks have been the hardest so far. So why is there so little awareness of it? Why isn't there more support for people going through it? Why isn't it in the baby books (including the MN one IIRC)? Why don't health visitors know anything about it?

Sorry for epic post - writing after 3hrs' broken sleep :(

LeninGrad · 09/02/2011 12:15

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CountBapula · 09/02/2011 12:31

Thanks lenin, we are co-sleeping and bfing but he doesn't always feed to sleep so we still have to get up and rock him back to sleep at least once a night before we can put him back in bed.

Shock that you went through this working FT. I'm on mat leave and often find it hard to get through the day (he's a catnapper as well ...)

LeninGrad · 09/02/2011 12:58

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AngelDog · 09/02/2011 14:00

CountBapula, I could usually tell if my DS was waking through habit or regression things by the other sleep things that were going on. In a regression DS would only feed to sleep (not be rocked to sleep) and couldn't sleep in a pushchair. Once the regression was over, I could rock him for naps and the pushchair worked again.

DS also predictably wakes for 1.5 hours most nights during a sleep regression (except for the most recent 13 month one :)) That always goes away on its own (as long as naps are okay), so that's always been a signal for me that the regression is over.

The developmental spurt which causes the regression usually happens at around 19 weeks (from the LO's due date). So if you get to that point, it's worth a try with some gentle sleep encouragement.

I think there's so little awareness of sleep regressions and develompental spurts because it's really only developmental psychologists who know / understand about it. IME most HCPs don't really understand that much developmental psychology. Most HVs have a general nursing background, and spend most of their time on child protection / safeguarding issues so don't have time to research other fields. GPs often don't really know that much about babycare. I don't think midwives are trained to understand the ins & outs of life with older babies.

The Wonder Weeks (the first book to explain all the developmental spurts) was only written in 1992 (in Dutch - translations were later), and further research was only done in the 1990s, so it's a relatively new field. I don't think it's had time to enter the mainstream in the baby care. In the past, people would have wrongly put it down to insufficient milk / needing weaning etc.

IME, catnapping and overtiredness is often part of the problem. Babies who don't get enough daytime sleep will need more naps, so tend to go to bed later, or treat bedtime as if it's a nap. Insufficient naps mean that cortisol (stress hormone) levels are high, and the body produces adrenaline to counteract the cortisone - which has the effect of disturbing sleep further.

I would do anything and everything possible to get as good naps as you can - moving pram, moving sling, car, whatever. Don't worry about bad habits or putting him down in a cot.

If your DS is only napping for 30 mins at a time, it could be because he's overtired from being awake for too long between sleeps. Around 1.5 hours is a good rule of thumb at that age, although it tends to lengthen as the day goes on, so it might be an hour between waking & first nap, and 2 hours between last nap and bedtime. He'll need 3 naps a day, or 4 if they're only short. The earlier you can have bedtime, the better.

Short naps can be caused by developmental stuff too, so if none of the above helps, it may be a case of waiting it out till the developmental spurt is over. This was the case for DS at one point. More again from Moxie [http://www.askmoxie.org/2007/03/qa_babies_takin.html here]] (the comments are worth reading IMO).

Other coping strategies might be to go to bed when DS does, eat lots of takeaways / ready meals, use cleansing wipes for a quick wash instead of a shower, get your DH to make sandwiches for you to eat the next day. We found it better with DH sleeping in the spare room because then there was only one grumpy & sleep deprived person in the house, and he had more energy to keep us afloat in terms of food, washing etc.

I sympathise though - DS was a 40 minute napper for months and months and it was immensely frustrating. We had a terrible time with naps when he was a bit younger, and I spent so much time out with the pram that I would regularly not manage to get any lunch till about 4pm (having missed breakfast completely). But it was worth it to get some benefit at night.

If you're desperate, you could try some sort of gentle sleep training. It's not necessarily doomed to failure in a regression, just less likely to be successful, partly because babies' brains are too busy to learn a new skill, partly because even babies who can self-settle wake lots during a regression. If overtiredness is the problem, self-settling won't help much either.

I personally wouldn't use PUPD at bedtime because my DS is a baby who increases tension by crying (if you're interested, there's more from AskMoxie on tension increasers vs tension decreasers). But I did have success in helping him stay asleep by using it when he woke (after feeding to sleep at bedtime). There's an explanation of what I did here (DS was 7 months then).

The Baby Whisperer recommends trying shush / pat or the Pantley Pull-Off techniques first and keeping PUPD as a last resort because it involves a lot of crying. IME tension releasers get more wound up by PUPD and find it harder to sleep.

It does get better. At that age I worried lots that DS couldn't self-settle. At 13 months he still can't. I reckon he'd learn it pretty easily with just a little bit of help, but we both enjoy the feeding / rocking too much to want to be bothered. Blush He sleeps pretty soundly once he's off, and is a really reliable napper nowadays.

HTH - apologies for another essay!

AngelDog · 09/02/2011 14:02

Oops, a dodgy link - Moxie on short naps here (and there's more here) too.

porcupine11 · 09/02/2011 14:05

I know people have already said this but co-sleeping really gets us through sleep regressions. And the best book about that is Three in a Bed by Deborah Jackson, a great comfort read when I'm going through a tricky patch. Of course co-sleeping is only relevant if you're breastfeeding or you'd still presumably have to get up to heat a bottle, but maybe co-sleeping with cartons of formula drunk at room temperature for formula-feeding mums to get the benefits too? The key is not waking up YOUR body by getting out of bed. I feel miles better in the morning as long as I haven't stood up during the night, my body thinks it has slept through and my heart rate has not risen.

LeninGrad · 09/02/2011 14:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CountBapula · 09/02/2011 16:53

AngelDog, thanks, all v interesting. DS is a classic 'high needs' (in the Dr Sears sense) baby. Extremely wakeful, easily overstimulated, very nosey. (If I had a pound for every time someone had said, "Ooh, he's so alert, isn't he?" I'd ... well, I'd have enough for another session of cranial osteopathy Hmm)

We're very conscious of the overtiredness thing. If he gets overtired he screams and screams, so he has 3-4 naps a day. He can now manage 1hr 45 mins awake before going wired and bonkers - for ages it was 1hr 15, which nearly killed us off. He doesn't always fall asleep in the pram and gets v screamy and frustrated if he can't; even if he can he usually only manages 45 mins. Always falls asleep in sling but that can take a while - have to keep moving and must be outdoors on main roads (for traffic noise Hmm). He is the only baby I have heard of who cannot sleep in the car Hmm Hmm So I usually just get him to nap in his bed at home - swaddle, white noise on, rock/pat/shh (standing up, mind - sitting down not acceptable) then put down. He used to do about an hour or so like that; lately it's been 45 mins exactly; yesterday and today (what fresh hell is this!) it's been 30 mins! Have once or twice managed to resettle between sleep cycles and he's gone on to sleep for another hour or more but it rarely works. That last Moxie link is v reassuring on that front (I love her blog).

At around 10 weeks we introduced a bedtime routine and after doing that for a week or so he would sleep reliably through the evening - from 7pm to 11pm, sometimes later. It was great. For me, the first sign of the regression was that he started waking during the evening, and being much harder to settle at bedtime (it had been quite easy before). We've kept doing it but seems a bit futile when he wakes after an hour and a half or whatever.

The version of PU/PD you describe is essentially how we settle him for all sleeps. Pre-regression, I could rock until sleepy then put him down and shh/pat/sing until he fell asleep in cot (including one memorable evening - Boxing Day IIRC - when he went down with eyes wide open, I sang Hush Little Baby about fifty times and he fell asleep). No chance of that now.

The saving grace has been that he will now feed to sleep after the first one or two night wakings. He had stopped doing this at about 9 weeks, which was a real PITA. He won't feed to sleep for bedtime or naps, though, and by early morning he needs to be rocked as well.

He is definitely a tension increaser but he does seem to be comforted by being picked up, which is why I thought PU/PD might be worth a try. I am sure CC would be a disaster with him (I know he is too young anyway).

All good fun, eh? Dita, sorry to ramble, know this isn't a support thread as such but maybe there's some material here for your article. I'm glad someone is raising awareness of this. Happy to be a case study if you need one.

LeninGrad · 09/02/2011 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CountBapula · 09/02/2011 18:44

Thanks Lenin - will definitely check out that site. Would be great to have just one afternoon's break!

He is hard work but the flip side of his intensity is that he is mostly a very happy little chap with a huge grin which he flashes at every opportunity Grin

DitaVonCheese · 09/02/2011 20:38

Thanks all, this is fab stuff - hairy will try to post it :)

OP posts:
DitaVonCheese · 28/02/2011 00:07

Apologies in advance for the mammoth post - this is my first draft article. Any comments gratefully accepted - I used to be quite good at stringing sentences together, but my brain seems to be mush these days

Thank you again for all the fab info above - really interesting read - and apologies that I've had to cut quite a lot of it out Blush Perhaps I should stick this thread in the further reading section?! :)

"Help ? my four month old won?t sleep!
Most parents of new babies will have had plenty of experience of sleep deprivation and growth spurts in the first few months of their babies? lives, but by around three months many will find that they are settling down into more predictable routines and more consistent sleep patterns (although a quarter still won?t be sleeping for five hours or more at a time). Then at around four months, it all goes horribly, horribly wrong ? if you spend any time on parenting internet forums then you will come across hundreds of parents of 16-20 week old babies all tearing their hair out because their little one is suddenly waking up a dozen times a night. My own experience was far worse than having a newborn had been: my daughter went from a not exactly peaceful two hours of sleep at a time to waking up every 45 minutes ? how I missed my two hour stretches of sleep then! ? and it seemed to go on forever. Many parents, often backed up by well-meaning relatives and health visitors, assume that it must be hunger which is disturbing their children and try weaning in desperation, but very few find that it makes any difference. What on earth is going on?
*Why is this happening ? and why does no one seem to know about it?
It isn?t hunger that is stopping your four month old from sleeping, but a series of massive developmental changes that are taking place in his brain. Your baby is starting to be able to reach and grasp objects ? with the whole world literally within his grasp, who can sleep?! He may be thinking about moving or rolling. He has also learned that certain actions cause certain reactions and is now able, to some extent, to predict what is going to happen next in his world ? an immensely exciting development for him.
According to developmental psychologists, the four month mark is also a key transitional stage in the relationship between you and your baby, as your baby starts to become aware that you and he are different people. This in turn creates a deeper, stronger relationship between you, as he starts to relate to you as an individual rather than part of himself as he?d previously believed. For more information on this developmental stage, please see the links at the end of this article.
At the moment, the majority of the research in this area lies within the remit of developmental psychologists rather than the health care professionals most new parents tend to come into contact with. In the absence of information about this developmental stage, many parents assume that hunger must be the cause and decide that it must be time to wean their baby onto solid food.
*How long does it last?
As the four month sleep regression is a developmental stage rather than just a growth spurt, it can go on considerably longer than the growth spurts you may have experienced/suffered through up to now ? anything to 4-6 weeks or beyond. The most important thing to remember is that it will end, and the good news is that it will probably improve without you needing to do anything particular about it.
*How can I cope
Many mums, especially if they are breastfeeding, find that bed-sharing co-sleeping is the best way of coping at this time, as many babies can be soothed back to sleep by nursing while meaning that the mum doesn?t have to get up, or even wake up properly a lot of the time; from my personal experience, this was when we moved to co-sleeping full time. Do research safe co-sleeping guidelines if you plan to do this; Deborah Jackson?s Three in a Bed is an excellent and very reassuring resource on co-sleeping.
Most parents find that sleep training methods are not appropriate at this time and make little difference to their babies? sleep.
If whatever routine you already had in place was working for you, then you may as well keep doing it; alternatively, if you want to tweak it then this may be a good time ? neither is likely to make much difference, but at least you can experiment while knowing that things are unlikely to get much worse!
Here mums share their tips for getting through this difficult stage:
?Don't worry you are creating bad habits for the future. Do what works while it works ? babies change all the time! If your baby wants feeding, feed her. It is honestly the quickest and happiest way for all concerned and you can change things later.?
?Another important point in my opinion is that simply by knowing about it, you already feel better. Because you stop second-guessing everything you are doing (is he not sleeping anymore because of this? because I did that? ...) and you stop beating yourself up ? it's nothing you did or are doing wrong, it's just one of these things.?
?Go to bed when they do, take a laptop or phone to access the internet in between snoozes. Co-sleep for definite for me.?
?I only stayed sane and functional in a full-time job by sometimes going to bed when he did and always co-sleeping and bfing. It is getting better now but I don't want to pretend that hasn't taken a very long time.?
?In my experience, catnapping and overtiredness is often part of the problem. Babies who don't get enough daytime sleep will need more naps, so tend to go to bed later, or treat bedtime as if it's a nap. Insufficient naps mean that cortisol (stress hormone) levels are high, and the body produces adrenaline to counteract the cortisone ? which has the effect of disturbing sleep further. I would do anything and everything possible to get as good naps as you can - moving pram, moving sling, car, whatever. Don't worry about bad habits or putting him down in a cot.?
?Go to bed when your baby does, eat lots of takeaways/ready meals, use cleansing wipes for a quick wash instead of a shower, get your partner to make sandwiches for you to eat the next day. We found it better with my partner sleeping in the spare room because then there was only one grumpy and sleep deprived person in the house, and he had more energy to keep us afloat in terms of food, washing etc.?
?If you're desperate, you could try some sort of gentle sleep training. It's not necessarily doomed to failure in a regression, just less likely to be successful, partly because babies' brains are too busy to learn a new skill, partly because even babies who can self-settle wake lots during a regression. If overtiredness is the problem, self-settling won't help much either.?
?I know people have already said this but co-sleeping really gets us through sleep regressions. The key is not waking up YOUR body by getting out of bed. I feel miles better in the morning as long as I haven't stood up during the night, my body thinks it has slept through and my heart rate has not risen.?
?Get a break, however you can, think about paying someone just for a few hours a week in your house so you can at least switch off. Plan this for sooner rather than later. The earlier you find someone you like and rely on the sooner you'll be able to extend it early evenings or weekends or whatever so you can actually go out for a break.?
?I'd say don't mistake it for a sign of weaning, because shovelling baby rice down them isn't going to solve anything. Co-sleep for your sanity. If you are lucky enough for them to nap during the day, nap with them. Stock up on wine and chocolate. Make sure your partner helps out in some way, with either feeding or settling. Try and go with the flow, I think I've been stressing about lack of naps too much. It will end ... eventually (I keep telling myself this ? four weeks in and no sign of improvement yet!).?
?If you notice your baby has 4 month sleep regression you're one of the lucky ones. At least that means they have slept through at some point in the first four months.?
*Further reading
www.nhs.uk/conditions/Babies-weaning/Pages/Introduction.aspx
www.askmoxie.org/2006/02/qa_what_are_sle.html
www.askmoxie.org/2009/03/a-reminder-about-sleep-regressions.html
bedtiming.typepad.com/bed-timing/2009/05/4-months-part-i-so-hard-and-so-normal.html
bedtiming.typepad.com/bed-timing/2009/05/4-months-old-part-ii-the-love-affair-takes-off.html"

OP posts: