18 month old son upstairs crying, what shall I do ?

[OnEdge]

There is nothing wrong as far as I know. He does this every night. He wants me to cuddle him. Its driving us mad. He has had a bottle of milk, and now I think he wants another one, shall I give him a bottle, a cuddle, leave him ? Controlled crying ? I just dont know and feel rotten hearing him. It is every night though, I need some time to rest in the evening, they are spent up and down the stairs and

When I do cuddle him, he stops immediately, but I cant cuddle him all night. It sounds so sad. I want to comfort him, but I cant just sit cuddling him all night, I'm fucked !

I have to say, I would try (actually, I would get DH to try) GENTLE controlled crying. I know people don't like it, but it has saved my sanity. Really sad at the time, but well worth it in the end.

Hi Edgey, I really don't know what to suggest but it sounds very much like you've had enough! How does he react to your DP going up there? Do you really think he's hungry?

As in, go in and pat him and soothe him, stay for only a minute, leave. Go back 5 mins later, just pat, 10 mins later, 15 mins later etc. increasing. I'd always pat though, I think they say not to but that winds DD up more. Now, if she wakes, a gentle pat for a couple of minutes usually works.

What about letting him sleep on the sofa in the evening = no running up and down stairs in the evening.

Then take him upstairs to your bed, cosleeping will let him be close to you and still let you sleep.

Whatever you decide to do, things will get better.

Also, when did he go to bed? Has he only just woken up or only just gone down? What's his routine?

Has he always done this? OR is there a 'cause' ikywim.

Does he go to sleep ok at the beginning of the night and then wake later?

Need to know a lot more before we can help, but i feel for you as been there myself.

If he's waking habitually for milk, you need to try and reduce the intake, swap for water, and gradually avoid altogether - this will help him sleep through.

We do what babieseverywhere said.

DP is asleep, he is fucked too because he has been doing the night shift with the 5 month old baby all week to give me a break. I can't ask him to wake up. It is all so confusing. I have a 3 year old DD too, but she is away tonight. My son is a bit of a softy and has just hit the terrible twos. He seems to live on bottles of fekkin milk at the moment. I tried to wean him off them and after 3 days of misery for the whole family I gave in. It isn't the milk he is addicted to, its the sucking because I have tried giving him milk in every different type of child's drinking vessel available and it has to be a bottle. BUT....after the sucking, comes the wind. The belly ache wakes him up about an hour after. So I pick him up and after about 10 minutes of misery and wailing he belches and then relaxes and eventually goes back to sleep.

We are in a catch 22 situation here and I can't think how to deal with it.

Have just given him a bottle of milk and he is happily having his fix now.

I honestly think if you meet your child's needs they will be good sleepers in their own time.

I just think that at 18 months, he is still very much a baby. It is so much easier to go with the flow like jellybeans and I do.

Never understood why CC or CIO or strict routines are favoured parenting methods over the more child led approach.

My last post x-posted with yours.

Have you tried bunging a bottle of water in with him at night to self feed.

It also might be worth reposting in the bottle/breast feeding forum and see if anyone can recommend a less windy bottle.

bear with me if I state the obvious, you sound really nacked so I am going to have a go anyway
It is not good to let 18 years old cry for to long
You can have him cry, comfort him, than live the room, let him cry for only a fe minutes than go back to him...It works but you have to be extremely calm and constant
what time does he eat his supper?
what time bottle and do you put him to bed?
Has he got a regular routine? maybe bath with dad while you rest/prepar bottle
Keep the room fresh
Do you have a nice carousel night light? Some soft music?
Do you read him bedtime stories? (anything to distract him a bit)
If you think he has had enough food, try filling his bibe with camomille tea
Some children cannot go to sleep without kicking a right fuss (I have one) and it is really trying, they need regular routine and starting getting ready to bed earlier than easier children

He loves going to bed, and asks to go at around 6.30 every night, He goes off to sleep happily enough, but has to have a bottle of milk.

Then about 3 hours in, he wakes up because he has belly ache - burps then goes back to sleep, but he really needs this FUCKING bottle.

I have really really tried to wean him off the bottle but it was 3 days of hell and for everyone's sake i just had to give it to him. He was teething at the time and I felt cruel denying him of his comfort when he had 4 molars cutting. He moped about the house whimpering for it. My Mum said FFS give it to him so I did and we all breathed a sigh of relief. I am normally very determined and strong willed but he beat me. I have done controlled crying successfully with him when he was about 12 months and was just waking up, but his is different.

Also, if any of you are good at this, my baby is waking up twice in the night for a feed. I am sleeping upstairs because we noticed that when I was away, she slept through, but she has gone back to her old ways apparently.

upstairs = attic bedroom thingy

I don't think sleep is the problem imvho-I think it's the milk/bottle-because that's what you seem to be saying. Do you think if he didn't have that habit he'd sleep?I think at that age he could get dairy from other sources.

If so I'd go to war on bottles and do distract distract in the day and lots of cuddles/staying with him at night.Patting worked for me too.

No offence to posters who suggested it, but is sleeping on a sofa in a room that's got lights on (I presume) good quality sleep?

I'm not against cosleeping-I did a tiny bit myself, but I only know 3 families who do it with older than babies and that very small sample of parents are perpetually knackered!Obviously that could be just those people though!

I would go to a crying child-it would upset me too much not to. Sorry that you're in this situation.

Cross posts-I think you need to try again don't you?

The whole thing is fucked up really. He won't eat easily, he is fussy, sometimes he wolfs it down and others he is rally picky. He wont eat off a spoon so has to have hand held food. I think this is a consequence of BLW. He can't eat cottage pie for example, but a cornish pasty goes straight down the hatch. The bed time routine is a bit strange but it works. I bath them (and baby) at about 3 pm, and they get into night clothes, ( i know its strange ) then we come down stairs and play and dance and read stories, and at around 4.30 we have a main meal such as pasta or even pancakes etc. Then they play with their Dad for an hour or two and at 6 ish we aim for bed. They watch Toy Story together then its lights out and they usually both go off to sleep no problem. The reason that I do it all so early is that if I put them to bed at 7/8pm, the would dick about for so long faffing that they don't get to sleep until 9-11. I f we do it all early, they actually sleep at around 7. Also, we could no longer stand bathing and bedding them after supper when we were both ready to drop. I do the hard work late afternoon.

Is it fucked up ?? It feels it, but its how I manage.

I reckon that it is the bottle that is the problem. I want him to stop because it will damage his teeth if we aren't careful. I know it sounds dramatic, but it is like a druggie having a fix, He lies back with it in pure bliss.

The thought of him stopping that bottle is filling me with dread.

I had my DD sleeping in with me until couple of weeks ago. She had to go back into her own room because the baby was waking her up and making her tired and grumpy the next day. I like co sleeping. My son would fall out of bed and be all over the place, I would rather he was in his cot bed until he is less like Charlie Chaplin.

Pick a good time to stop bottle (not ill, or new teeth etc.) and ride it out. It shouldn't take more than 3-4 days.

as LLPS said, stop the bottle, especially stop the milk
TV is not really a good idea before bedtime, he could even be waking up for nightmare who knows.
Teething does make them more uncomfortable when laying flat, put him onto 2 pillows maybe?
6.30 would have never worked with my dc either...far too early but good for you! I wish

What happens if you give the bottle with plain water in it? If he won't have that, try diluting the milk with a little more water every night (plain water in a bottle won't harm his teeth and if you can get him used to that he will get bored with bottle in his own time).

DD is 17mo and still has a bedtime & nap bottle. She would also wake wanting more milk but we now just give her a little bit of water in it (she seems only to let it go when it's empty so we just put an oz or two in).

I tend to go in and pat/shush/lay her back down. If it's escalating I pick DD up, give her a tiny bit of water in a bottle and when it's finished we pop her straight back in the cot (awake or asleep). Lots of patting, shushing and we keep having to lay her back down. Only if it escalates again do we repeat with a tiny bit of water. Things have improved as DD sometimes will settle with just the shush/pat. This is totally our choice as it's what seems to be working for our family.

As DD is teething, we're keeping the bottle and my plan is to put less and less in it, finally getting rid of it all together.

Good luck :)

I wonder if he is actually hungry? His meal is a long time before bed. Can you give them a little 'supper' while the Toy Story watching is going on?

DS went through a bad phase at around this age, we used to take turns to sit in his room with him while he fell asleep. It was a nightmare while it lasted, but now he goes to bed really happily and sleeps right through for 12-13 hours a night, every night, even when we go away.